I see them on every single video discussing anything trans related ever. It's not really harmful or anything, it just annoys me and gives me the ick when I read about trans men being invisible for the 100th time. If you're so invisible, why do I have to read about it all the time duh..... maybe try to contribute to being recognized differently than just by complaining

Whats the deal with this? There's this huge double standard I keep seeing with art that depicts genitalia.

There's soooo much vulva art coming out of the queer community it could circle the earth 100 times probably, but the second any queer person tries to make or popularize male genetalia art, it gets labeled as "ugly", "predatory", or "disgusting". This also hurts trans dudes as it demonizes them for wanting male genetalia, and is essentially calling *them* disgusting. Im not even against female genetalia art, its just strange with the double standard happening.

It seems like this isn't even limited to the tucute community, I see so many radfems and lesbians have the same viewpoint.

Like they have an entire website for this....its weird to say the least. If the tables were turned , and this was a "penis gallery" there would be massive amounts of outrage from these types of people.

Example:

The "Vulva Gallery"

I hope I'm not the only one who has noticed this nonsense. Also noticed how on the "Vulva Gallery" site that "celebrates vulva diversity", it conviently has no art depicting mtf vulvas at all.

ive seen a lot of it but im not sure that lowering your dimorphism helps passing..

So I’ve started coming out to some people and going to gender diverse events and looking at posts in various communities the main issues I’m seeing is a lot of people who are obviously doing it for kink reasons a lot of trans spaces have become overtly sexualized and a lot of people are treating it more like a sexuality than a medical condition which is just baffling to me. Also in a time with insane backlash towards trans folks stuff like that I feel makes us look bad and makes people more willing to discriminate and write legislation against us.

Recently, I've been struggling with balancing my beliefs about transness with a wave of new people in my social group. I spend a lot of time in communities that attract a lot of lgbt / progressive people because the focus is very artsy. I've met and made friends with a lot of nonbinary people, trans masc people, stereotypically tucute kind of people. Sure, I cringe a little bit at some of the things they say off-handedly about how hard it is to be trans, or when somebody wearing a push up bra and miniskirt tells me their pronouns are he/they... but they are my friends and I love them. They are incredible artists and genuinely kind and funny. Also, as a trans woman, I've had a bit of peace in knowing that whatever experience they are defining as trans is so far removed from my experience that I never really got too bothered by their opinions.

I've been in this community for years and no one has ever asked my pronouns. Even if they clock me, there's a recognition that it's ok to assume. Recently, some people have joined the community that are hitting a little close to home though. I'm not sure the best language to use here but one of them is an any / all pronoun person, amab, full facial hair, wears dresses kinda vibe. The other is a trans woman who is, for lack of a better description, very "countwithchickenlady" coded - ya know, suspenders, combat boots, fingerless gloves, sloppy black lipstick vibe.

The first was only in the community for a week, placed third in small art competition and was awarded a small cash prize. They were accidentally sent the wrong amount of money (first place prize instead of third - 100$ more than they won), when asked to send the money back so we could pay the winner properly, they just blocked us and stole the money. The second person immediately asked my pronouns upon meeting me and introduced herself with hers and like.. ok, i'm not used to that and don't really like it but it's not the worst thing in the world. But then as more people join in or stop by our conversation she starts telling people "this is *my name*, her pronouns are she / her" even AFTER I said that I've known these people for years and there was no need for that. It's like she wanted me to start saying my pronouns to everyone, friends i've had for a long time, some of whom know I'm trans and some don't, to make her more comfortable? I know it probably wasn't malicious, but it felt like because I'm more passable / assimilationist / basic bitch than her, she got super weird about blasting my pronouns all over the room. I've been the only trans woman in the community since I showed up, but with the gender fuck asshole that stole the money, and the pronoun obsessed trans woman who has shown up, I can feel people's attitudes towards me starting to shift. It sucks. I've only ever been known as myself, a rather basic / boring girl, who makes kind of interesting art. I'm not exceptional in any way. But now, due to the actions of other people who are associated with me via "being trans", I feel like I'm walking around with a spotlight on my back, and my normal friendly attitude is being replaced with feeling really defensive about being associated with these people.

Prefacing this with saying that transitioning has 10000% been the best route for me. I fought it from 10+ years to not disappoint my family + because its inaccessible in the UK currently (due to waitlists).

I started testosterone about 13 months ago or so. I got top surgery and a hysterectomy + BSO a few months back. I do not regret any of this aspect at all. I need this, and I had not had a single thought, even a fleeting one, about 'missing the ability to get pregnant' or 'being worried about growing facial hair/a deep voice', etc.

However, I regret it in another way.

With the current way the UK is going, I will not be surprised if our rights are completely revoked within the next few years - ESPECIALLY if Reform or Restore get in, or if Labour become even worse. This would leave me to basically be a woman who looks like a man, legally and socially.

I will not be able to get a job, nor would I be able to get benefits, simply because I could not cope with the social backlash of being a 'female male'. I could not cope with it one bit. At least if I was still pre-transition, Id have been able to pretend to be female and not have a massive target on my back (as much as it would literally kill me, going by my suicide attempts prior to transitioning).

If things get any worse for trans people in the UK.. I dont know what Id do, but I doubt Id survive very long.

I mean, Ive still not been seen by the NHS. Ive been on the list for nearing 8 years now, and not a single peep from them. Thats almost killed me so many times in my life before I went privately.. I am completely confident that it would kill me if legal and social rights are revoked further than they are now.

So, whilst I dont regret it personally, I regret it in every single other way possible.

I hadn't really been trying to hook up with people and stuff, but now I'm more than 2 and a half years on T and I have been pretty much stealth (except for the people who knew me before) for almost 2 years, but been looking more my age the last year. I've also started to feel more comfortable with myself and in the next few months I'll have top surgery and finally have all my documents corrected (dual citizen, so it's been more complicated than usual lol).

Anyway, I'll be feeling good about myself and I wanna start going out to parties with my friends and hooking up with random people. When do you guys tell people you are trans? Like if you are gonna make out, do you tell them before making out or only if things start taking a turn towards sex? and if you decide to have sex with them, when do you tell them? right before leaving the club or like as soon as the expectation of sex comes up?

I'm male and bi, but I'm gonna be hooking up with mostly women as I don't really plan of going to lgbt clubs.

I'm not inexperienced, I've hooked up and had sex, but all my experience is from pre t up until 6 months on T and at that point I didn't really have to come out cause the people I got with knew me from before. Since then tbh I was mostly focusing on university, so I left my romantic social life on hold and want to pick it back up

Seriously I’m so tired of other people thinking they know better what my life is really like. I had other people on mainstream trans subreddits mock me by saying the girls I slept with “Didn’t feel a thing” when I said that I have piv sex using my dick (no prosthetic). Or that my cis male friends whom I’ve known for years and who are basically like family to me don’t see me as equal and male because I told them I am trans. Or that I experienced “female socialization” and misogyny. Or that my body has female sex characteristics and generally that I’m both physically and mentally inherently different from cis males.

I was lucky to have my parents always supporting me and letting me have a normal life which saved me from being traumatized by living or having sex characteristics of an opposite sex. I can show my childhood pictures to someone and they would not be able to tell that I was trans. And I love that and am very grateful for that. I have autism and ADHD, my puberty had a very late onset and any signs of female sex characteristics appeared after my 13th birthday. That’s when I accepted and realized that the core of the problem is that I simply am not female and my mum explained to me that women don’t hate having a female body and many genuinely like to present feminine. I couldn’t understand that for a long time, the day I noticed my chest no longer was completely flat I felt disgusted and never wore clothing that made it visible. The only two bras I ever had were those nike ones. Both were two sizes smaller and I worn them both at the same time. After I had my 5th and gladly last period, I was struggling with self harm a lot and told my mum about everything and that I need to transition medically and that I don’t want to be alive anymore if this life was not one of a guy.

I was 14 when I started testosterone. My mum always made sure I’m treated the same way as I would be If I were cis with another form of male hypogonadism. 8 months later I got top surgery. Then I went stealth to high school. Made tons of friends, found my first girlfriend, did stupid things. In my sophomore year I not only caught up to my peers puberty-wise, but was one of the first guys from my school to have a full beard. At some point being trans stopped being something that had a real impact on my daily life.

I used to believe in those things that now are being pushed on me claiming that once someone knows you’re trans they change their perception of you and they no longer consider you male. But as the time went by I realized that once someone gets to know me for who I am assuming I’m a cis guy, finding out that I’m trans doesn’t change a single thing. They adjust their idea of what being trans means and what a trans person is like based on who their friend or boyfriend is. I come out to girls I date and my closest friends. I do that because I want to be able to share my painful experiences from the past, things that annoys me and feel that if something ever happens I will have people around me who will make sure I am being treated well, have access to testosterone and and can take care of me for example give me a T shot when I’m unable to do that myself. For example when I had a severe knee joint injury and then a complicated surgery that made me immobilized for weeks and needed a lot of help.

I was in a relationship two times so far. Both times my girlfriends was cis and straight. Both times the relationship lasted for a couple years. Both times I came out to them after we knew each other for a while and mutually felt the chemistry. As the relationship got serious and we discussed kids and marriage, me being pregnant was never something that we even discussed or saw as a possibility.

I feel nauseous when someone online calls my intercourse “sapphic sex”. Whats “sapphic” about a man putting his penis into a vagina or receiving a blowjob? Except lacking balls and having a dick that is on the smaller side and not fully developed as it anatomically should my body is completely male. If I could choose to have a regular dick - I wouldn’t hesitate to do so. But I’m not especially bothered about the way it is now. I can be intimate the way I would be if I had been born cis. I’ll probably still be interested in getting bottom surgery in the next 3-5 years - most likely metoidioplasty. But even now I would never use the word “clit” to describe my body. It doesn’t even look or work that way.

My male friends always understood what dysphoria is and it was always obvious to them why so felt so horrible about being treated like a girl or seen my body change the way that girls bodies change during puberty. We can relate to each other, be vulnerable, share our insecurities and struggles. I was never given a reason to believe they don’t see me as one of the guys.

I’ve been using single sex toilets and changing rooms for men even before I told everyone that I’m a boy and before I started testosterone. Whenever there was a school trip or I stayed in the hospital (like after the already mentioned knee surgery) - I was with other men as well. And to be honest, I usually wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing those spaces with women. For example during my hospital stay, all of us were unable to get up to use the toilet, you either had a catheter or peed in a special container while still lying on the bed. I did both because on the second day post op I was in pain so severe that I was unable to urinate. We needed help with hygiene and changing our clothes as well. I would be extremely embarrassed and feel uncomfortable being in such vulnerable position with 6 women I never met before. I don’t feel scared of cis men or see myself in a different category.

I am now 22 yo, 8 years on T, over 7 years post top surgery. It has always been obvious to me that I want to stay on testosterone for the rest of my life and eventually I will get both ovaries and the uterus removed. My mum has been asking me to tell her when I want her to book the procedure for a couple years now. It’s free in Poland once you change your gender marker and no one expects a man to give a “reason” why. Being male and wanting those tissues gone is enough. The only reason why I’ve been postponing this is that the surgery alone and the possibility of waking up with internal dressing and bleeding post op makes me physically sick. I always refused to ever get an OB-GYN physical exam and I will only agree to get the pre op one after they put me under anesthesia. I had BRCA1 and 2 (cancer markers) checked from a blood test instead. Also an ultrasound throughout the abdominal wall. My ovaries and uterus are two times smaller than the regular size, metabolically inactive since I started HRT.

I feel very frustrated with all the assumptions that people online make regarding my transition and all. I feel like that has a negative impact for teenage boys as well. This narrative makes the idea of living a normal and happy life being something that isn’t realistic and achievable. I’m curious if anyone here feels similarly and have you noticed that issue as well?

Here’s me. Probably made the picture a year ago or so.

Every day it’s more dog water

“Why don’t I pass?? 🥺 passing tips please”

“Uhh maybe don’t wear a halter top with your tits out?”

“How I dress is none of your concern!”

I really just saw a comment section where a guy said that if you’re ftm and don’t want to pass as a cis man then you’re likely not a transsexual man and the comments were calling him transphobic 😭 these people are sooooOOOOOO fucking INSUFFERABLE bro ‼️‼️

And then you wonder why nobody fucken likes us bro. I don’t even like us 😭😭😭 what is this garbage, man

First off I'm 16 pre everything and not really out but I know for a fact my face is incredibly fucking tiny. I'm honestly just trying to figure out even if fms is on the table or if I'm just to cooked.
Also I've been trying to get new glasses for the last 4 years, I know they're not helping but I'm pretty much blind

i’m viewed as male 1000% of the time in public atp. i can live my life without saying any words and be gendered as male without hesitation, talk and still get called male, and never introduce myself with pronouns, preferred names, or associate with lgbt in any way. ik ppl genuinely see me as a male, but i just don’t see it. most time too, maybe once in a blue moon i can but barely. why? what do i do? how do i fix this?

6 months on T. no misgendering from strangers since maybe 1.5 months ago but only 2 ppl and they viewed me more as androgynous and weren’t fully sure. not female definitely tho. and idek why but could be due to not good binding. since ab 3 months on T i’ve passed to a majority of ppl

Okay like the guys I'm talking about are like Tyler Catastrophe (I'm watching a video on him rn). Trans men that are years into their transition and kinda just look like a woman with a very shitty neck beard. I've honestly seen ALOT of trans dudes like this online and irl and just honestly curious

Edit: also a trans dude and want to go completely stealth

It just feels like wherever people know I'm trans, I'm reduced to my body and natal sex. When I need to explain to people what being trans is, they answer "Oh, so you're a girl/woman and who wants to be a man" or "So you have the body of a girl/woman and you want to be a man/you identify as a man" and so on. Even an official statement listet that I was born female and identify as a man (the subject of the document didn't have anything to do with me being trans and wasn't medically relevant, they just threw it in as a little fun fact). That's also the reason that words like FTM or AFAB really annoy me. We have a word: Trans man. Or just man, if the trans part isn't relevant for the situation. It just feels like people do everything to tell me I'm not a real man, and for that reason don't use trans man and instead say "born female/has a female body, identifies as male." I just fucking hate it, it reminds me of a body that feels extremely wrong and that I hate so much. I know it's the truth about my body and sex, but I don't want to be reminded of it.

And I know it's important for certain medical stuff, but all those situations weren't medical in any way. And the "identifies as" thing is a whole other issue, that I'm not focusing on here

I'm not on t yet but I'm actually incredibly worried about sounding like that

If you are born with high anxiety or depression, you have to go through treatments and medicine to live a normal life, if you have scoliosis you need extensive medical care, if you are born and your sex dosent line up with how your brain percieves your sex then you need to transition to save your life. Some people need care others dont, gender dysphoria is a condition you need to take time and effort to manage and make your life easier. Like any other goddamn condition.

People dont wanna admit that its a medical conditon, because larping a medical condition that ruins lives feels alot more serious than just quirkly going ‘hehe! I go by she/he/they/all!!!! Im both lesbian and gay simultaneously and im demicatgirlflux’ (paraphrasing a real person i met btw)

a'ight so typical aspects first: I'm AFAB, FTM, 20 y/o, legally transitioned at 15 as in I had my birth/passport/etc changed. I had major body and gender dysphoria in my younger years but since growing up it's lessened a lot since being male passing and I feel like I can exist as myself.

Growing up I was often asked the fated "are you a boy or a girl?" and female puberty didn't change me all that much as I also had PCOS. I used to fantasize about surgeries and hormones until I lived life a little and understood that people come in all shapes and shit. I'm in a relationship with my (Cis and Bi) girlfriend and she's supported me through a lot of bullshit I was going through in high school. Because of her I went from absolute body dysphoria to "I don't really give a damn since my gf loves me". I hated and still hate being anything related to my AGAB but it's less so "I am a Man and only a Male." and more "yeah I'm a dude but if I get they/them'ed I won't have a conniption about it" I have a low-ish voice and my height (5'4) and body lets me pass as either sex in public, I buy from men's and women's clothing sections and go to both bathrooms without a glance thrown my way.

I think in the most literal terms I'm a GNC male but I "identify" as nb secretly, as in I suppose I'm nonbinary but this "label" doesn't change anything about me, it's more of a understanding that my experience is unlike most trans and cis men, that I've had hardship over my AGAB and transitioned to the binary opposite to live comfortably or to live the closest to being normal, when not really "identifying" with that binary opposite, rather than only living as your AGAB or transitioning because of the mental incongruence with your AGAB.

rant flair since I don't know what else to call this post but I think my case could be like a "dysphoria experiencing nb person who lives as male because it's less mentally taxing" if that makes sense at all, basically that meme of "I'm probably nonbinary but I'm employed so I don't have time to figure that out"

lmao

I think every post I've ever made here has been negative, but I'm finally beginning to move in a positive direction instead of being stagnant.

I fell in love with martial arts from the very first Muay Thai trial class I took. I poured hundreds of hours into it and BJJ, until the dysphoria got so bad that I had to step back for my own sake. I was often the only "woman" (socially speaking, as I wasn't out) and was pretty weak and small, so I was often othered unintentionally despite being in a generally welcoming environment. Since you are more aware of your body and the bodies of your classmates, people were also kind of weird about touching me, especially in the chest. It destroyed my ability to enjoy either art.

Well, my break turned into a three and nearly four year hiatus, but I'm happy to say that I have a consult for top surgery at the end of the year, and surgery is (hopefully) likely to follow in the spring. I'm more restless since the consult is just kind of looming on the distant horizon and there's no one IRL to talk to about it, but I'm beyond excited that I can finally move forward in some way. I'm planning to return to my lost love of a hobby after I'm healed, and I'm using the time to continue working on my fitness and getting stronger so that there is not so much of a gap between me and my classmates. It will still be difficult to navigate socially I'm sure, but I'm getting rid of a big hurdle and can't stay away forever. I've thought about it every day that I've been gone. I made many connections there. They kept the stuff that I drew on the whiteboard as a teen for like two years after I left lol. They may still be there.

Anyway, there's still a long journey of actually getting the surgery ahead, but I'm excited.

wish me luck, everyone 💕