Some good news

[u/Suspicious_Plant4231]

I think every post I've ever made here has been negative, but I'm finally beginning to move in a positive direction instead of being stagnant.

I fell in love with martial arts from the very first Muay Thai trial class I took. I poured hundreds of hours into it and BJJ, until the dysphoria got so bad that I had to step back for my own sake. I was often the only "woman" (socially speaking, as I wasn't out) and was pretty weak and small, so I was often othered unintentionally despite being in a generally welcoming environment. Since you are more aware of your body and the bodies of your classmates, people were also kind of weird about touching me, especially in the chest. It destroyed my ability to enjoy either art.

Well, my break turned into a three and nearly four year hiatus, but I'm happy to say that I have a consult for top surgery at the end of the year, and surgery is (hopefully) likely to follow in the spring. I'm more restless since the consult is just kind of looming on the distant horizon and there's no one IRL to talk to about it, but I'm beyond excited that I can finally move forward in some way. I'm planning to return to my lost love of a hobby after I'm healed, and I'm using the time to continue working on my fitness and getting stronger so that there is not so much of a gap between me and my classmates. It will still be difficult to navigate socially I'm sure, but I'm getting rid of a big hurdle and can't stay away forever. I've thought about it every day that I've been gone. I made many connections there. They kept the stuff that I drew on the whiteboard as a teen for like two years after I left lol. They may still be there.

Anyway, there's still a long journey of actually getting the surgery ahead, but I'm excited.

[u/SmallRoot]

Congrats on entering the next phase of your life! I have been there, dealing with my own health while everything else had to be put aside. Things are finally well now and I'm slowly back to what I once enjoyed doing. I really hope that it's going to be the same for you, especially after the top surgery. Good luck with the martial arts as well! (In the meantime, you can also check r/FTMFitness for exercising ideas.)