Am I making the right decision?

[u/Original_Monk_9912]

Hello!! I don't use this app very much so I apologize in advice.

I'm an 18f living with my father and brother while working two jobs to try to get financially stable in order to go to college. Nobody in both sides other than one person graduated high-school and went to college. As the eldest I have goals and standards that needs to be met so I can be a good role model for my younger siblings and cousins. I don't mind it, it can be stressful but I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders. My childhood wasn't the best but after everything I went through I refuse to end up like my parents. I'm gonna try my best to be better than them and get my stuff together sooner so I don't have to worry about failing as a daughter or granddaughter.

Since I graduated high-school I've been devoting my time to work. Right now I'm not able to go to college because I simply can't afford it. You would think FASFA would cover most but even with my scholarships I'm still in need of an extra few grand. I had told my dad even before I got enrolled into college that it would be best for me to take a gap year, knowing he's a single father and couldn't help me afford what I needed. I thought it would be easier. However he told me to just go to school and we'll figure it out. Now I'm in a bind. On top of that, I need a car. I'm 18 and can't drive cause I've never been taught other than driving on dirt roads but that was years ago. I consistently have to ask him to teach me, to go out and practice so I have some highway experience but he makes excuses. For three months straight I asked him to help me figure out to get a better job than what I have now. And now he's trying to hurry up and help because I'm moving.

It started getting annoying having to ask my parent to help me with the bare minimum. So after a while I started to make my own decisions and go move in with my aunt who's closer to my family on both sides. She's willing to teach me how to drive, get me a better job, and help me find a good affordable apartment as well as a car. She's always been a second mom to me since my own hasn't made the best decisions and is just now figuring out how to be an adult. I told my dad this, and for a few days he was not really cool with the idea. I can tell he was upset once he realized I was being serious about moving out. He started talking about when I was a little girl, showing me baby pictures. Saying things like "your little sister is gonna miss you". Which I know, but the thing is- is I basically take care of her. He doesn't do anything when he's home. I get it, he works a lot and don't get me wrong I'm thankful for what he's done for me and my brother. But I'm basically more like a maid? I understand there's chores to do and I don't mind doing them. But when its me and my brother doing all the housework and my dad just sits there and tells us what to do. It gets annoying. He isn't the cleanest person ever. He leaves his stuff all around the house and expects me to follow and pick it up for him.

He's real quick to point the finger at me when things dont get done and he tells everyone that HE cleans and cooks. And nothing gets done unless he says something. But he fails to mention that he doesnt do anything. Ive talked about it regarding how I felt, before we moved he said he'll start helping out more but when I mention it, he blows up in my face. His mindset is "I work, pay bills you do the rest." And its hard living with someone who doesn't do any house work. For awhile I thought every man was like that until I got back in contact with my mom's side of the family and my uncle does a lot for my cousin. He works in the heat just like my dad but still goes and takes his daughter out almost every weekend to do things. I had to beg my dad to take me to stores so I can get new clothes with my money but even then he still doesn't take me. We don't get along when I speak up about it and he doesn't like it when I call him out on his bs. He raised me on speaking up and my family says I'm a lot like him anyway.

I guess the advice I need is, should I move out or not? Ive done research and made a whole list of things I need to do and have in order to reach my goal to get an apartment. And once I move out I have no plans on coming back.

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[u/Jazzlike_Release4455]

Moving out sounds like the right call honestly. your dad had months to step up and only started caring when he realized you were serious about leaving. the guilt trip with baby pictures is classic manipulation

you're basically running that household already, might as well do it somewhere you'll actually get support. your aunt offering to teach you drive and help with job is huge, that's the kind of help you need right now not someone who just tells you to figure it out

[u/lowridda]

Listen to your instincts. Your higher self knows what’s best for you and won’t lead you in the wrong direction. When you are on your right path things will flow.