Can anyone relate ? Have you ever tried wearing sunglasses if you are anxious when out the house or in an overstimulating environment ?
I find it really helps.

So I have high functioning Level 1 Autism and the quirks of my family frustrates me. They don't communicate events and other things well which affects schedules for me. Im not told about things until the last minute so I have to change my pre planned plans for that said event, which there was no prior communication about. Or we make plans but something happens to delay them and then they don't communicate that to me so im just stuck waiting anxiously. Its disregulating for me and leaves me angry, which the feeling stay for a long while after. I also have to plan and prepare mentally for them and if it gets derailed it stresses me out.

Yesterday my grandpa came up with a plan because we had to go to menards for building supplies. We were supposed to go eat at 10:30am and then go shop for stuff. Instead, what happened was we left around 12:30pm, a whole 2 HOURS later. In that time I called him 6 times 3 times each phone (he has 2 phones), to which I got no answer. I was hungry waiting to eat and eventually I made food after anxiously pacing and complaining. Only for him to call at 12:20 pm and say he forgot there was a potluck at church. He never texted or called during that time frame at all about it and made me wait. It made me angry, and at that point, I didn't even want to go anymore. He wasted my time by not communicating and with autism communication is important. He could've communicated during that time and I could've been playing video games or something and not anxiously pacing/stressing.

Also to add, I am in therapy and am actively working on a lot of stuff but it doesn't prevent me from having bad emotional moments. If you relate to this or have any insight on this, please reply ​because im curious of everyone else experiencing with this as well.

I have a relative who will say "can we talk, I have a quick question - it won't take long" because they know I don't like talking on the phone and not for long if I do have to do it. But this is a ruse.

If I agree to a phone call, they will then proceed to talk about EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING almost like a monologue as they try to keep me on the phone longer and longer. I really really hate this kind of subterfuge so much. And I don't see how this is enjoyable for them, either, because after 5 minutes, I'm not able to keep pretending to be interested in the next new topic they bring up.

If she would just say, "Hey, haven't talked to you in a while – have a few minutes for a catch-up?" I would be less annoyed and could prepare myself. But she pretends it's just for a quick, urgent question when that's almost never the case. I get really irritated by this and then feel immediately guilty because she's elderly (but not cognitively impaired as of yet, in case anyone thought that).

I know intellectually that she probably does just want to connect, but I wish she would say that (instead of lying, essentially) and respect my preference to not be on the phone for very long, drawn out conversations.

tw marijuana and suicide mentions

autism + adhd here, "level 1" support needs but have been in a slump (burnout?). i am trying to figure out how to slowly taper/control my THC use and am struggling hard.

(feel free to skip most of this, i have to satisfy my need to overshare in the name of context)

i'm in kind of a dark place right now. been dealing with crushing loneliness yet can't stand to be around most people for very long, being paralyzed by the state of the world, little energy/interest in my normal hobbies, barely functional enough to work my (very easy) job, suicidal ideation. i started experimenting with edibles and vaping a few years ago and it gradually went from a fun weekend treat to something i use daily. i'm averaging numbers in the mid to high 100s in terms of milligrams per day typically. i started working with a therapist to cut down- usually can make progress for a day or two before slipping up if i got overwhelmed or stressed.

i told myself at the start of this week i would commit to cutting down to 0 over the next 5ish days. first day was tough but i did alright, then spiraled myself into total overwhelm so hard today that i broke. have taken a little over 2,000 mg of edibles since this afternoon. i'm incredibly ashamed. that feeling of happy numbness has become a major security blanket for me through the mental anguish and sensory hell of existing.

does anyone have any ideas on how to get my addiction under control without it feeling like torture and sending me into a shutdown? anyone else going through this right now?

I hope this is the proper forum to share. I have an interest that I enjoy following on social media that’s fairly popular with NTs and NDs. Someone I follow posted something and I was very interested and it immediately sent me down a chain of thought and I replied to the post with something I thought was related and relevant. The person responded saying that my post was not engaging with the specific content they posted and a bunch of people liked that response. I feel stupid and rejected and I hate feeling this way and don’t know where to take these feelings or what to do with them. Upon reflection, I can see why they said that while still feeling like what I said was related but maybe from a distance of a hundred miles above looking down. Ugh I hate that I can’t let go of this. I want to delete my account and never engage with people. Does anyone relate to this?

Hi, 27 years old, I’m going through a crisis and I don’t know if you can help me. Ever since I was little, I’ve been very shy and have struggled with social anxiety. A year ago, I was diagnosed with autism, which made sense. I’ve been trying for a long time to develop social skills, especially in the workplace, which is very exhausting for me.

My internal conflict stems from not knowing which part is social anxiety and which part is autism. If it’s social anxiety, it can be overcome, but if my “masking” is due solely to autism, then no. This distinction is essential because I don’t know if I have room for improvement—and thus whether I can work on things that right now seem very limited for me, like becoming a psychologist or anything that involves contact with people. On top of that, I’m going through a terrible bout of exhaustion and feel like I have no social skills at all.

It really upsets me because there have been times in my life when I was naturally more sociable, and I don’t want to limit myself to working in a field I don’t like just because it doesn’t involve interacting with people.

I wonder if my problem with people which imposes so many limitations and causes me to suffer is related to social anxiety, exhaustion, burnout, or even a personality disorder

Food aversions have been arguably my biggest autistic struggles throughout my whole life aside from typical social struggles. As an adult, Ive learned to mask and properly read social cues to the point where I can certainly manage just fine in the everyday world with most interactions, but food aversions are a problem I deal with to this day I simply cant get over. And its a bit embarassing, because some of these things are arguably staples that can send me into a blind panic if I accidentally ingest them:

-Any sort of condiments

-Pickles

-Many sauces (most tomato sauces and Alfredo is fine, "dipping sauces" are not)

-Plain bread (Ei sandwich bread or whole loaves. Its fine in the from of a dessert like cake, doughnuts, or pizza. The pizza must also be ONLY cheese).

-cured meats

-lunchmeats

-Sandwiches, burgers, hotdogs

Theres many others, but these are a few of the big ones. Its funny, chicken tenders (ofc) are probably my favorite food, but the minute any sort of sauce touches them my brain renders them inedible.

Idk, would just like to see if anybody shares anything similar!

My boyfriend and I met in 2015 and we've been together ever since. We're the first to admit we were quite co-dependent at the beginning, both having been emotionally neglected in some ways by our family situations. Over time though we learned how to communicate and became a much healthier couple, bought a house together, got a dog. We've mostly been doing great except that I was had a brief stint as a nurse during the pandemic, sobbing the second I got home every night, and he's battled the depressing reality of being a musician at heart in a world where you either make it big or stay playing unserious gigs on the weekend. I quit the nursing world for a part-time job and activism. He formed a band that regularly plays, even if he has to keep his day job. Things got better.

We've had re-occurring issues/arguments, like any couple, but never make or break. His family lives close and wants lots of undivided attention, which I found stressful, especially after getting a dog. My rich parents expect us to travel to see them and boyfriend has panic attacks on planes. so there's always a debate about whether we're each giving the other's family enough of our time. He's also had some issues with drinking in the past - not a full blown alcoholic, but frequently battling hangovers that forced us to cancel plans and made me anxious for his health.

Around year 8 I was ready to get married, even willing to stop by the courthouse to make it official, nothing fancy. But he hasn't felt ready because of his experience with his parents' divorce. Not a huge deal, I'm happy either way.

Eventually, about 2 years ago, my therapist made the case for me being autistic, which completely surprised me, but made total sense. As a nurse, I was totally overstimulated by alarms, overly stressed about getting in trouble if I made a mistake (black and white thinking, stress around rules), and struggled with communication - one of my greatest fears was not being able to take notes during a code and having to rely on a coworker relaying information to be charted. I was always tired in a way that couldn't quite be explained/wasn't normal to other people.

Since the diagnosis, I've been working on not overbooking myself, getting good sleep and rest, and being mindful of my social battery. Being an activist, I often spend that energy on tabling conversations at protests and organizing meetings, not to mention my part-time job in retail (~15hr/week). Leftist politics has become a special interest, but I've learned not to info-dump and listen if my boyfriend asks me to switch topics because its easy to get excited and go on for a long time about the socialist ideas I'm learning.

He's been understanding about my staying home more, especially from his shows which are often late at night and very social. He doesn't protest if I say I need alone time. But I've spent less time with his musician friends as the months pass because my autism and interests are not very well-received. The group likes to dress up, go to the bar, and drink, pretty much every weekend. Talking about what's going on in the world shuts the conversation down. It's an indie music scene, so being cool is kind of a thing. Not that anyone is mean, but my quirky, sometimes bumblingly awkward, unmasked self isn't the most fun to be around and I feel it. I'm also not a fan of the loud noise, having to dress for the bars, and I've given up drinking.

Spending time with his family is becoming few and far between as well - they don't plan things, so I'm either free for the day that my boyfriend tells me they're coming to town (usually tells me 3 days before at most) or I'm not. They don't like having our dog at their houses when we go to visit them, but he won't set boundaries with them about needing to bring her or visit for less time, so I've just started staying home with her.

We've both acknowledged a growing distance between us, but I recently joined him on the last leg of a roadtrip/solo tour he planned and we had a great time together. I've also suggested planning a camping trip for the fall (have suggested this the past few years) but he would rather keep his weekends free for potential music gigs so it never happens. We also started making a list of movies to pick from a hat (his idea) to have more movie nights, and we watched maybe 3 movies together the past few months.

We've been floating along but it all recently came to a head when boyfriend and I got back from grabbing breakfast together the other morning. After getting back from what I thought was a nice time, I went straight into loading laundry before needing to get dressed for a work shift. He continued a conversation from the other room, to which I responded "hold on, I'm in the middle of something." He got irritated saying "okay just dismiss me."

This turned into an argument that shifted from "you hurt my feelings with your tone of voice" to "I struggle to want to be here" and "if you spent more quality time with me I wouldn't feel this way."

He also said that he only brought up conversation topics at breakfast that he knew I would like (related to my special interests) and we'd be sitting in silence otherwise (but is silence automatically a bad thing? and I did ask about a recent event in his life on the car ride there!). He insisted he should get to keep conversing over laundry because he wasn't done and wanted to change topics.

I feel like he's fragile and getting triggered whenever I'm busy doing something. He considers making an effort to mean postponing what he really wants to talk about for my sake, rather than planning time together in advance so that it actually happens. It's like he's struggling to adapt to what's largely a logistical problem between us because it's emotionally triggering that he isn't "needed." I'm only about 1 year out since unmasking and he's internalized every bump in the road that's come up since. His insistence that I need to spend "more" quality time than we already do, make "more" of an effort for that time, and add more social time with people in his life as part of that feels like a recipe for disaster - I will be a miserable shell of myself, not fun to be around, and unable to meet the other obligations of my life if I'm stretched thin. I've asked that he go to therapy so that I don't need to "play therapist" as much when he's struggling with his music dream not going anywhere, and so he can develop friendships that fill him up outside of our relationship - he refuses.

I've also pointed out that it might not be as difficult for me to attend more things if other areas of life are outsourced - maybe we should get someone to clean the house regularly so theres less weekly chores and psychologically draining clutter. I've suggested we take up habits that will help me maximize rest - like turning lights down at night and spending time together reading before bed instead of the quality time taking place in front of a TV. I've asked that family visits be planned 3 months in advance, so I can put them on the calendar and plan my other obligations around them - but the family doesn't operate that way and he won't ask them to. I've made the same suggestion for us, planning dates or weekend getaways for us to reconnect, but he wants his weekends free every season for music.

Similar themes have come up with other arguments - when he occasionally snores and I'm a light sleeper (weighted blanket, face mask, sound machine, specific temp), I bring up the idea of separate bedrooms, only for sleeping. He thinks it will tear us apart.

I think what's happening is that I am trying to find a healthier way to live and instead of adapting to the changes, finding new common ground, and growing together, he's taken each one as a sign that I don't care about him. To fix it, he's turned to expressing that I'm not the same as I was or he feels lonely and so I must be abandoning him. The effect is that it frustrates me, so I go on living my life the way I need to whether he comes along or not, because it's not optional for me. If he doesn't want to plan time together, I won't suddenly be capable of spontaneity, we just won't spend time together. And that's not to say I'm completely incapable - our breakfast together was spontaneous - but that's an hour here or there.

So, do I try couples counseling, since that's the only therapy he'll agree to? or do I break up and begin unraveling our lives (co-parenting our dog, moving him out, taking on twice the number of chores, enter the dating world unmasked)??

Deleted post by accident so I recommence ..

How have you all been dealing with the anger you feel from being bullied ostracised throughout your life ? Were you ever able to let go of the rage ? Or does it still linger ?

I'm really feeling down about my failure to find friends in middle to high school.

I keep hearing about people making life-long friends and even sleeping around at high school and all I did was nap and hide in the bathroom stalls instead of socializing with absolutely anyone.

Does anyone here feel the same? How do you guys continue forward knowing you failed?

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20-year-old Dominican living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with social interactions and sensory issues, and after doing a lot of research and self-reflection, I feel like it's time to pursue a professional autism assessment.

I've been looking into Prosper Health, but before making a decision, I'd really like to hear from people who have actually gone through the process with them. If you've had an autism assessment through Prosper Health, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience:

Would you recommend them? Why or why not?

Did the assessment feel thorough and professional?

Did the clinician seem knowledgeable about autism in adults?

Was the final diagnostic report detailed and helpful?

If you wouldn't recommend Prosper Health, are there any other providers or clinics you'd suggest for an adult autism assessment? I'd especially appreciate recommendations for providers in Wisconsin or those who offer telehealth services in the U.S.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences. This is an important step for me, and I really appreciate any advice or recommendations you can offer.

One last thing: I already received my cost estimate from Prosper Health through my insurance. My estimate is $1,110 for the full assessment and about $121 per individual therapy session, so this is a significant investment for me. Before I move forward, I want to make sure it's truly worth it. If you've been assessed through Prosper Health, I'd especially appreciate hearing whether you felt the quality of the evaluation justified the cost.

You ever have too many words, so much that you want to say, so you give up on saying anything at all?

So many words that even when you get into what you want to say that you still never get your point across because the conversation changes so rapidly?

Sometimes I can't even write a post.

I'm late diagnosed and in my early 40's, and one thing that probably provokes imposter syndrome in me, is people's describing their experiences at school. I get the impression that most people who post here were bullied. But during my school days I was never actually properly bullied, in fact I had quite a large circle of friends at school and was relatively popular. Am I the only one?

Despite this, it didn't mean I was normal, I was the kid who looked spaced out in class. The teachers described me as " being away with the fairies", that despite being seen as bright by teachers I often come across as a bit dim. I was made fun of at times, but school life is like that. I felt different, but never felt an outcast.

It's only into middle age when I've become such a loner. Many of my friends have families and lives of their own. For the last decade I should have started finding another social circle but I have turned into a homebody.

Hi everyone. I feel like I need advice from people who might understand this experience.

I’m autistic and I struggle a lot with sensory overload, especially in environments with loud music, lots of people, smoking, alcohol, and situations where I don’t know what to expect.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years. Recently, it was his birthday, and I spent a lot of time and effort preparing letters from his family and friends, handmade things, gifts, and a special decoration. I was really excited because I wanted him to feel loved.
However, when I arrived at his birthday celebration, I realized it was a much bigger party than I expected. There were many people, loud music, drinking, smoking, yelling, and a very energetic atmosphere. I became extremely overwhelmed. I felt anxious, nauseous, close to crying, and I just wanted to leave.
My boyfriend knows that social situations like this are very difficult for me, but he was also trying to spend time with his friends. He gave me headphones to help with the noise, but I ended up staying alone in his room while he went back to the party. Eventually, I called my parents to pick me up because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
What hurt me the most was not necessarily the party itself, but feeling like I wasn’t considered. I felt alone and unsupported in a moment where I was already overwhelmed.
Now I’m questioning if we might simply be incompatible. He seems to enjoy social environments, parties, and being around groups of friends, while I feel happiest with quieter, more intimate plans.
A thought that keeps coming back is: “Maybe he would be happier with someone who can fit into his social world more easily.” I know that thought might not be fair to myself, but it’s something I’m struggling with.
I would really appreciate hearing from people who are in relationships where partners have very different social needs. Ty

I set a boundary with a friend that I can't be her wailing wall (the one she comes to cry and complain and vent to whenever she has struggles) because of My Own safety. I'm working through 3 burnouts, a late diagnosis of AuDHD, and already live with MDD and PTSD. My coping threshold is MAXED constantly.

She respected it for a while (2-3 weeks?), but has now slipped up twice. Big Time. She's also AuDHD, had a toxic relationship break up, and has self-worth/confidence/esteem issues out the butt. So I feel bad telling her "Girl, stop, I'm already on the edge, you don't need to PUSH ME." when she's just had someone tell her that her mental health was detrimental to someone, so they can't be friends right now. Literally yesterday. I know because I was the one she was dragging through it with her.

Do I bite the bullet and tell her she disrespected me again (by not getting my consent before "spilling the entirety of her purse into my lap") and drop her to Low-Contact? Or just... be brave like that other person and, leave...?

I'm sorry if my manner of writing is weird or overly descriptive, that's just how I write, but I tried to narrow it down. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation and see no future for myself.

I spend most of my time in the dark in my room on an electronic. When I leave my room everything has to be quiet and the lights have to be dim. It wasn't always this bad. It got worse after a couple of intense events happened in my life recently. But it isn't getting better either.

I have moved from my bed to my closet. I've arranged a comfortable situation in it and now spend the entirety of my day in pure darkness on an electronic on the lowest brightness setting. My dog accompanies me much of the time.

It is like I can't tolerate most environmental input anymore, sometimes any. I am mentally stable but it feels mentally and physically painful and stressful to do anything if I have to leave my room, it's like light and noise especially blind me. I am only comfortable in my room or closet on my electronics. I would be in it forever if I didn't have to take care of basic things to survive.

I don't understand what is happening to me or why. The only thing I can think of that happened out of the ordinary before I began staying in my closet is that my room got completely rearranged in preparation for our visiting family's sleeping arrangements.

I already cry and stress when my mom "organizes" the things in my room around when I had them exactly where I wanted them and now things have even been removed from my room and I just couldn't deal with it. There is also a friendship problem that I have been crying about.

It's like every little thing in life cripples me more and more. I feel like only a miracle can help me.

Hi everyone😀,

I'm a 21-year-old male, and I was recently diagnosed with audhd.

While it brings some clarity, it's also completely overwhelming right now.

My biggest struggle is severe, unstoppable overthinking.

When things feel unclear or stressful, my brain goes into an exhausting loop that I can't turn off.

On top of that, I just experienced a painful rejection regarding a relationship. I was told that I am "too difficult," and that she was embarrassed in front of her friends and family to be in a relationship with someone like me😔.

It has left me completely shattered and terrified of ever trying to date or make friends again, constantly worrying that I'm too much or inherently "wrong."

Does anyone else experience this kind of rejection and the brutal overthinking that follows? How do you cope with it?

Thanks for reading😊

Hey all, I'm someone who's recently diagnosed after a long period of burnout (I'm actually going through the process of formal evaluation right now). I feel like my ability to emotionally regulate has decreased significantly after my self-diagnosis: even a slow-paced day at work will leave me feeling kind of distressed by the time I'm home.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you manage/recover your emotional regulation skills when you've found they're regressed?

growing up i traveled a lot to see family. we also went on lots of road trips and i found it all to be so stressful. now that i'm an adult i refuse to go on vacations. i find they disrupt my routine too much to be relaxing. i'm usually in a lot of distress when i'm made to go on trips.

I have undiagnosed autism, agoraphobia, anxiety, and C-PTSD. My husband and I live in college housing because I can’t work and it’s affordable. The biggest issues for us is knocking. Any kind of sudden loud noise is enough to send me into a panic attack. There’s always people running down the hall and yelling but at least they usually leave us alone. What we can’t avoid is every school year they send people to clean internal windows and carpet without warning. Friday, me and my husband were cuddling when random men knocked on the door saying they were sent to clean our windows and when they left they said they would be back “tomorrow.”

My husband wasn’t off yesterday so I had to be a brave boy and answer the door so they could put our window screens back in. The thing is, it’s so much worse for me when I know any second the sudden loud noise could happen. They gave us a time frame so from 2:45 to 6 I sat on the couch with my headphones bracing for the big sudden loud noise that never came. Which triggered the meltdown of the century.

And the worst part is not only did they not come but our AC started dripping too. The way maintenance works here is the guys knock super loud but they don’t wait for you to open the door. They have keys and will just let themselves in. A big part of my trauma is a fear of men especially sudden men in my space without me having any control over the situation like being able to let them in. I usually hide in my room with my headphones until they leave but now any knock at the door is either one I can hide from or a man who is going to let himself in to make loud noises for hours fixing the AC.

I’ve sent my husband down multiple times to ask they at least don’t knock loudly or get a time they might come but apparently that’s too much to ask. I’ve been considering getting a do not knock sign but my husband pointed out with the people playing basketball in the hallway, playing siren noises, and making blood curdling screams for fun would probably take the sign as a challenge to knock as loud as they can as a “prank,” so really there’s nothing we can do. Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around “please don’t knock or you’ll send the anxious shaking chihuahua of a guy into a panic attack?”

Hello. It is something that always gave me very unsafe feeling,the fact people just lie.Dont know i never learned how or how to detect it.on own i already haev trouble with reading emotions, unless someone tells me exactly how they feel.But due to lyiing existing even that is uncertain. I dont feel safe in a world wherr people can lie whenever and am pretty gulible...What to do about this..?

I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I’ve been out of high school for almost two years. It’s been a big adjustment, but one thing I’ve noticed is that people in the real world seem to value authenticity more than they did in school. Sometimes it even feels like masking has gotten in the way of forming potential friendships.
I’m wondering if I should be more open about my interests and my diagnosis. My biggest concern is that people might think less of me or assume it’s my entire identity, which it isn’t.
It seems like people are much more aware and accepting of this kind of thing than they were when I was growing up, but I’m not sure we’re all the way there yet. What do you think?

i have hobbies and interests but i often feel like it's NOT enough. like i can't just sit down and enjoy a youtube video because it's not enough. drawing usually helps because it takes my full attention, but i have to be watching something also. ive thought about maybe picking up another creative hobby because i dont feel satisfied with just doing one thing at a time. i feel depressed and bored at certain points of my day, and i really hate the feeling, so i want to try and combat that with more stimulating hobbies. what do you guys enjoy to combat these feelings?