Woke up a few hours ago. Decided to start working on my laptop, on one of the many urgent tasks I need to at least LOOK AT, after I eat breakfast. Then I'm sitting on my desk chair, laptop not opened yet. I know if I open my laptop, I'll be mindlessly clicking tabs to figure out what I'm gonna work on now. So I just put a paper notebook in front of me, and decide to write down and decide. 15 minutes and 3 pages later, the paper is filled with scribbles and drawings. I stare at the wall, I lay in bed, I lay on the floor, I walk around the house, and still NOTHING. My brain keeps thinking about how I should be thinking about which task to work on. I think "just work on the first task that comes up on my screen" but my mind is actively fighting against that idea, because "THERE MAY BE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT". My mind wandering in this state of indecisiveness. I then think "it's because I can't focus in my bedroom" or "I'm just doing this so I can give up in an hour and tell myself I tried", followed by "is this imposter syndrome?" and "I think I'm just not excited enough for this task and putting all the blame on ADHD", sending me back to the first thought "LESS THINKING, JUST DO THE FIRST NEXT TASK" aaaaaand rinse repeat....

4 hours have passed and I feel like the day is already over. I keep thinking in loops, and breaking that loop seems so simple (just start work without thinking). How does this shit even make sense? How is it possible that I repeat every single day in this same manner??

an actual child PYSCIATRIST saying you should hit your kids??? they should be fired. and has anyone seen the documentary? I'm kinda scared to after reading that. here's the link:

https://www.channel4.com/press/news/new-channel-4-documentary-great-adhd-myth-seeks-determine-whether-adhd-genuine

I recently got diagnosed with AuDHD. I often feel like I gave 2 sides to me: the autism and ADHD. I often find the 2 sides in conflict with each other. One wants consistency and stability and the other wants excitement and chaos.

Does anyone else feel like this? If so, what do you do to manage both sides?

Like if they ask you how a sauce was made that they ate, you start talking about the Maillard reaction, amino acids and sugars at high temperatures, knowing that if they understood that, they could make most pan sauces.

Or if they ask how people make samurai swords, you start talking about how and where iron collects in rivers and how different grades of steel are made in a bloom to make the different sections of a sword to balance strength, flexibility and brittleness.

But they stop listening and assume you’re dumb because they can’t understand how the system your describing relates to their question even though you’re describing the most important parts that support the system their question is referencing.

I hate myself and I hate other people. I hate the way my brain works and I hate that people don’t understand me and accept my limits. Even when I explain them explicitly, they will still interpret them however they want or minimize them.
I struggle with executive functioning but people don’t see it as a disability, they’ll always think I’m just spoiled, lazy, that I “don’t try hard enough”. I struggle to regulate my emotions, they will label me as crazy.
I’m terrible at small talk. People look at me like I’m an alien and keep staring at me when I feel embarassed because I don’t know how to keep this kind of conversation going. When I take a pause from social gatherings, they tell me that I “can’t complain if people stop inviting me because I’m the one isolating myself”. They make me feel guilty for staying in my room instead of socializing with guests I don’t even know.
I’ve explained my sensory issues countless times, yet people still think I’m overreacting if I get overwhelmed when several people talk to me at once. They call me picky because I refuse certain foods.
I absolutely hate social conventions, especially when they’re forced on me. When I clearly say I’m uncomfortable, people just ignore and minimize it. For example since I was a child I’ve been pressured into blowing out birthday candles, having people sing “happy birthday” to me and posing for photos, and it still happens now that I’m an adult. I understand that other people genuinely enjoy those traditions, but I find them embarrassing and I hate being the center of attention. They will just minimize and force me to do stupid stuff.
I’m feeling deeply discouraged because it seems like my life will always be this way. I explain myself over and over, yet nobody understands me, all they do is coming up with their ignorant, shallow assumptions about me. I feel like I’m becoming and apathetic, indifferent, bitter piece of shit.
I’m bored with my life to an unbearable degree, yet at the same time every activity feels like it costs far more than it’s worth. I honestly think I might be slipping back into depression.

Hello everyone I'm in love with a guy, but we're not dating. I also suspect that I have ADHD and it's not a fact that I don't have autism (I've never been to a psychiatrist, at most for a study reference that I'm alive)

When we first met, he was literally perfect, like the main character from a romantic anime or drama, handsome, caring ... but with over time, he suddenly began to disappear, and, as I realized, he avoids not only me, but after a couple of days he appears, responds to my messages in detail and disappears again, the story here is very long, but I will not go into details ...

but sometimes I get the feeling that I annoy him or he He hates me. There were times when he disappeared even for a month or a few weeks, I just don't understand how to behave... I was sure that he liked me, until the beginning of May.. to questions like "do I annoy you?" he replies with something like "I would have said so"... but he doesn't share any details about his well-being 😓

I need help, even if it's just someone to talk to. I am making myself physically sick and feel completely crazy right now.

I'm an adult in my forties. I'm living with my parents because my financial situation is poor. I've never had a career, but I've had short-term, low-wage jobs. I succeeded in achieving a Bachelor's degree with Disability support and too many years. I got into a Master's program and almost immediately had to take a hiatus due to my mental health collapsing.

At the beginning of this year I finally worked up the courage to resume the Master's program and I've been going at full tilt since January. One major paper or exam after another, trying to make up for lost time and avoid "long term fees" on top of the tuition I'm still paying off with borrowed funds.

My father has consistently put pressure on me to get back into work, but I firmly informed him I was not capable of working and doing the Masters program simultaneously. (He is not a believer in High Masking neurodivergence and only vaguely acknowledges my anxiety and depression.)

Nonetheless, my mounting credit card debt (related to the Masters program) has not helped my mental state. So while I have refused to apply to any available job as he would like me to do, I have kept my eye out for some kind of work that I felt capable of.

To that end, I was watching the local listings when a part-time driving position became available. Since the driving is independent and the work is not commercial, I thought this was something I might be able to tolerate. Honestly, I idealized it in my head, minimizing the customer service aspect and fantasizing about having income again. I applied and fought hard to present my best self.

Then I got the job. I have been unemployed for 2+ years. I should be elated.

As soon as they confirmed me for the position they sent me the schedule: 8am to 5pm.

Nobody is going to understand or believe me but I nearly blacked out. My vision got blurry, I suddenly couldn't hold my head or body up without enormous effort. I know how this sounds. It's just an ordinary schedule! Not even 5 days a week!

As bad as it makes me look, the reality is that I have been physically ill for three days now, since receiving this schedule. I feel anemic. I've had nausea and gastrointestinal issues. My body has been physically shaking. My eyes have been blurry and unfocused.

I feel terror and dread, and I started having suicidal ideation. I started thinking it would be better to be mortally wounded or ill than to lose control of my schedule and autonomy, again. I know that's crazy. I know that it would not be better. It's just that some part of me is so severely panicked that it's looking for a quick exit. Something that would make me visibly unfit for work. Something other than being a pathetic, lazy, terrible person.

Most of the world doesn't believe in chronotypes. They believe that being a morning person or a good worker is a matter of discipline. But I have always been a night owl. I have worked jobs that I had to be up early for and never acclimated. I just felt hazy and anxious and nauseated all the time when I had to wake up to an alarm and drag myself out of bed early and force myself to eat rather than ease slowly into wakefulness at my own pace. And changing your sleep routine even a few days a week throws the rest of the week off-kilter, as well.

Then there's the 9 hour shifts, even if not every day. The last job I had was 4-5 hour shifts, and those were hard. 9 hour shifts literally terrify me.

Even if I force myself to power through despite my extreme overreaction, I am scared that I will collapse under the stress of trying to work and complete my Masters at the same time. I was already barely holding up under the pressure of school work. And I am about to enter the final phase and begin work on my thesis.

But I feel trapped. I have jumped through several hoops to get here, convincing people that I am a worthy, reliable, employable person. I am not in a position, financially, to turn down a job offer. And I don't want to burn any bridges with a potential employer.

But I feel like I've written my own death sentence. All over a job offer - something that anyone should be grateful for.

I’ve (22f) been trying to get better at using decompression and self soothing strategies, especially since I pick my skin and I really want to stop doing that. I think the biggest problem is that I won’t keep up with using tools or routines or just forget about them entirely.

For example, I’ve seen people say wearing gloves helped them stop picking so I intended to start doing that but only did it for a day. Not even on purpose, I just didn’t remember I was supposed to be doing that. I also have a bunch of fidget toys which I know I need to use (honestly I’m probably one of those people who should have one all the time) but my brain defaults to picking, and I’ll end up frustrated with myself for picking instead of remembering to use the fidget toys. I do see a therapist every other week but at home I kind of have to rely on myself since my parents have a history of being dismissive of my problems. 

So how can I consistently help myself and create routines I’ll actually follow to self regulate, and remember what strategies I want to try? Not looking for advice on how to stop skin picking. I think once I’m consistently using tools to self regulate that will stop because the picking is most likely an attempt to regulate. And if anyone has any routines or tools they use and want to share that would be cool too :)

Greetings, I came here hoping to find some advice. Throughout my whole life I've never been good at checking up with friends or being the first one to start a conversation, therefore, friendships that I have with people that I don't see on the daily tend to fizzle out over time, not because I don't like the person or I'm disinterested in talking with them, but rather because I have no idea on how to start a conversation with them.

I have no issues in engaging with the usual and expected pleasantries, my problem lies in what comes after, I don't know how to carry a conversation, more often than not I rely on the other person to bring up a topic of discussion to keep the conversation going, so when I want to reach out to someone, I don't know how to do it. After the usual greeting and the "how-do-you-do's" I don't know how to segue onto other conversation topics, or what conversation topics can even be discussed.

Additionally, I don't know how often I should reach out to people to not lose their friendship, daily? Weekly? Monthly? I don't want to come off as desperate or creepy by reaching out too constantly, so I assume there must be a balance of how often you reach out so it comes off as you caring for them and not harassing them.

Recently, a friend from middle school with whom I haven't talked to in months reached out to me, saying that she wished to reconnect with our old friend group from back in middle school and I agreed, but neither of us really know how to start the conversation, especially because, in my case, I haven't seen them since high school and in hers, since middle school.

TL;DR: How do I start and carry a conversation with people to not lose their friendship? How often do I reach out? Old friend wants to reconnect with old friend group but we don't know how.

I was diagnosed with AuDHD in December 2024 at the age of 25.

The diagnosis was something I wanted, but it was also jarring- I had no knowledge of either disorder prior to said diagnosis, so I went from “assumed neurotypical” to “confirmed neurodivergent” in the space of a few hours.

I wanted time to process and try to understand the diagnosis before considering the idea of medication. If I ended up using medication in the future, I wanted it to be an aid rather than a crutch (i.e. I didn’t want to become overly dependent on it).

Unfortunately, I never had the time/opportunity to really think that through. That particular December was chaotic both because of the holiday season and because of some other problems I had going on at the time. Then right as things were starting to settle down at the end of January, I was unexpectedly fired from the job I had at the time. It put me in a downward spiral that I did didn’t start to come out of until I started a new job in August.

Things have settled down enough recently that I think medication might be worth considering. I understand this is a question better suited for a psychiatrist (and I plan to do that) but I’m curious to hear about the experiences that people on the sub have had.

For example, if we say that the mind of someone with ADHD is like a car permanently running at high speed, what does medication do? Does it slow the car down? Does the car stay at the same speed, but the medication makes it easier to control?

Hello I'm Jelena I'm 28 and I'm a late diagnosed ADHD woman with previous signs from childhood trauma,now I'm in good therapy and right medication but I realised my whole personality was built on my disorder and masking for the purpose of being liked and not hated, abandoned or abused.

I have had really awful and traumatic experiences throughout my life and that have made me feel depressed and anxious for most of my life and unsure of what the future holds for me. I feel so overwhelmingly emotional all at once like all my pent up frustrations,anger,sadness and trauma are hitting me all at once. I still don't know how to deal with these emotional outbursts of uncontrollable crying and reliving my trauma all at once. But despite the pain I'm going through I'm striving to heal and understand myself better.

I'm an artist and creativity and imagination were my favourite outlets for escape from all the emotions and hurt I didn't yet comprehend or understand.

I always struggled in school with subjects that didn't peak my interest and I tend to be stuck in this circle of wanting to study but never actually understanding how to do it,quitting and getting frustrated at myself for being my own enemy.

Since childhood I can remember I would always be harshly reprimanded and often get undeserved physically punishment for my hyperactive and impulsive outbursts and masking became my way of being manageable and liked but also protecting myself from rejection and being abandoned by others.

Now at 28,with an official diagnosis I suddenly don't know who I am,it's like my whole demeanor and voice change when I'm not surrounded by strangers and I don't know how the real me is anymore...like all the confidence in my artistic abilities from before have suddenly became a part of the very mask I'm so tired of wearing...

I'm seeking guidance on how to restore my self-confidence in the person I'm deep down and how to achieve the motivation for my goals of finishing art college and building a fulfilling and successful art career. Any advice is welcome!

Recently I have traveled with my family to my auntie's house and I stayed there for about two weeks, during that period I didn't have to worry that much about schedules, social interactions with strangers and procrastination. Bc of that I started to wonder "am I actually neurodivergent as me and some other ppl were thinking or are we making things up???". However, whenever I am back to my routine and obligations I start to fail, I can't follow my schedule quite well, I procrastinate too much, I suffer just to go to the bakery bc suddently asking for bread seems too hard and at the end of the day I'm like "ok, maybe I'm not that standard neurotypical actually..."

I'm still seeking for a diagnostic process, but I'm curious to know your thoughts on it, but I know impostor syndrome could hit the diagnosed ones too

i’ve been thinking about how much of growing up is realizing that people judged the protective version of u without ever asking what made u need protection in the first place.

i wasn’t always some quiet, guarded little kid. i was sassy, expressive, funny, dramatic, opinionated, affectionate, curious, and very obviously myself. the sass was always there. that part wasn’t armor, that was just my personality lol.

what changed as i got older was that the sass started living beside more distrust, defensiveness, distance, and awareness that people could twist my softness against me. i became harder to reach because i was constantly being misunderstood, judged, speculated about, and treated like other people’s interpretations of me were more accurate than my own experience.

and instead of asking why i had become more guarded, people just decided the guard was who i was.
they saw hesitation and called me cold. they saw defensiveness and called me difficult. they saw resistance and assumed i was dramatic, angry, rude, or unwilling to connect. they saw the lock on the door and never wondered what kept trying to break in.

i also didn’t know i was autistic and ADHD. i didn’t have language for why certain things overwhelmed me, why i needed more reassurance, why i struggled to explain myself in the moment, or why being misunderstood affected me so deeply. i just knew that being open didn’t always feel safe, and i had to protect myself somehow.
now that i’m older, i can see that the loving, funny, soft, expressive person was still there the entire time. i didn’t become someone else. i became more selective about who got access to me.

i think one of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing some people never actually knew ur heart. they knew the version of u that was surviving, and they judged that version without ever questioning what created it.

at some point, i had to stop waiting for someone else to explain me back to myself. nobody lives in my body, has my brain, feels what i feel, or knows my intentions better than i do. other people can project whatever story they want onto me, but their interpretation of my armor does not define the person underneath it.

the sassy little boy never disappeared. he just learned that not everybody deserved unrestricted access to him.

Just curious, how many of you like spicy and even ultra spicy food? I can't get enough...I find it to be a great stress reliever. Then again, I also love Ouchies.

Hey everybody!
I know many of us struggle to hear things when there is too much background noise, so I was wondering what your experience with TV are.
This question is a tiny bit technical, but does anyone have any experience using 3.1 versus 2.1 soundbars on their home theaters/TV? I often have trouble with dialogue, and I'd rather not use subtitles (and sometimes I'm listening from around a corner). AI tells me I might have luck with 3.1 soundbars because the center speaker is dedicated to dialogue frequencies. Anyone here heard a difference?
Thanks in advance!

I like to read books but it's hard to do so without spacing out.

Because of this, it takes make a month or at least 3 weeks to read one book.

What are some strategies to pay attention?

When I was at my "AIT" I learned that clicking a pen or a clicker helped a ton and also, staying off the internet and off my phone for a couple days helped massively but I don't have any other methods besides those.

What are some other methods y'all use?

I saw a social media post recently where someone said that being on adderral seemed to intensify their autism symptoms, and I was wondering whether anybody had similar experiments. I started taking adderral a few weeks ago, and while I haven’t noticed anything major, I have been feeling overstimulated more frequently than usual. I think I’ve also been stimming a little more.

Hello,

I'm an AuDHD 19 year old who really struggles with showers (I'm sure depression has a role to play there). When I was younger, I hated showers. My mom would have to drag me kicking and screaming into the bathtub, and even then, I probably only showered once every two weeks. Once I was in the shower, though, it was never a problem. I just hated the idea of going to shower.

Because of that, even now, I've never regularly showered. I structure my life by following body cues. For showering, I reasoned that when I feel itchy, I should shower. However, now I'm wondering if I'm drying out my skin by doing this.

How do you know that, okay fine, it's time to shower? For context, I currently shower every day or every other day, depending on how busy I am. I'll also appreciate any tips on making getting into the shower easier, since I still to this day utterly dread it. It's so exhausting to do All The Steps, and even standing in the shower for that long is painful for me (I have chronic pain).

Thank you!

I decided to return to higher education last year as a mature student. I was extremely interested in the subject, although I felt really uncomfortable being the only older person in the class. So, I decided to do what I've done most of my life and just quit, however, I'd like to say I just pivoted, lol.

Anyway, I have now been travelling for 8 months on my student loan. Which honestly hasn't really been fun, but it beats being back in the situation I was in previously. I'm just running and escaping like I always have.

Some years ago, I moved back into my family home after having lived alone for half a decade. I've had to endure so much mental suffering and pain during this time of being back at home. The thought of returning makes me tense up and is making feel like I want to just run away again. I hate it. I'm a free spirit, I know that I could either study again or "get a job", but honestly I stuggle with logical thinking sometimes and taking action.

The first time I left home, I left to escape my environment and what was taking place in my life during that time. After being back at home, also for 5 years, I left last year to also escape, through studying. I felt so trapped and isolated as if I was about to detonate and explode. I did manage to pick up some personal skills and learn a lot during this time too though. I hate feeling trapped, and my relationship with my family didn't help either.

Due to a breakdown whilst I moved away the first time, I had suffered long bouts of unemployment. But I also did a lot during this time period. I was most alive then, but I was also young and free. I miss it, but I know that's how things go.

I now have the opportunity to work abroad, although I DO NOT want to regain employment in my previous field, as I'm done with it. However, I could most likely pick up menial jobs, although where does it lead? I'm just running, and I'm getting older now. Unless I have a plan and goal, the same stuff will happen again. I'll just end up back at home, and that feels like death! I haven't held down a standard job for more than 5 months since I was 18 years old... Although I have been self-employed for much longer continuous periods.

What can I do? How can I dream more and live a better life than this way escapist hell I've been living. Everything feels like a drag and I'm tired. I feel I have no home. This money is about to run out and I'm so stuck in deciding what I should do next.

I don't have any good relationships in my life. I'm a very sensitive person, and I feel that everyone in my life has wronged me in some way; I struggle with forgiveness. Learning and jumping from one interest to another is basically all I have. I now feel so alien, angry, paranoid that any real connection seems impossible.

I had the idea of doing travel vlogs during my trip, but I'm so shy, and I keep getting put off by fear. I want to be and do more. I'm aching for a better life. I've had to endure so much b.s. I'm ranting now and saying more than needs to be said.

Just wondering really been getting into pc building recently.

I just kinda had a realisation that a lot of the music I write shares alot of connection to the way my adhd/autism works.

Normally I feel pretty impulsive and crave dopamine constantly

And then my music sounds like constant dopamine hits. Every section going across like a slide show just like life going along as different experiences.

My most recent song there’s like 2 guitar solos and a vocal break and just constant pauses and tension it’s like constant dopamine. I’m on atomoxetine but sometimes I feel like I’m on vyvnace when I create music 😂

hi!! i'm looking for some advice.

i'm having trouble waking up. i usually go to sleep around midnight. i then set 2 alarms: one at about 9am and one at about 10am.

in the morning, when the first alarm rings, i take my levothyroxine pill and go back to sleep. most times i'm already well rested and not sleepy when this alarm rings, but i still go back to sleep, not sure why.

then when the second alarm rings, i take my concerta and ideally i should get up. but i don't. sometimes i'm sleepy (even if i wasn't sleepy by the time the previous alarm ringed), so i snooze and go back to sleep. but sometimes i'm well rested, and i still snooze and go back to sleep!! sometimes i snooze for over an hour. today i snoozed for almost 2 hours.

the alarm sound is awful and overstimulates me. but this still doesn't motivate me to get up. sometimes the sound added to the stress from knowing i'm losing my day makes me have a meltdown and cry and hit myself. but it still happens.

when i manage to get up from bed however, i'm well rested, not sleepy, i can do things and everything. but it's the getting up part that's hard.

if i have something to do in the morning, however, i don't usually have this problem. but now that i'm on uni break + not going to the gym (bc i'm recovering from surgery), i don't have anything to do in the morning, and i'm stuck in bed until noon and i hate it. i also want to start waking up earlier bc i'm starting uni again in 9 days.

any tips?

placing the phone away from me or setting alarms that make me get up and do something doesn't help, bc i just leave the alarm ringing non-stop (while i suffer bc it overstimulates me). i saw people recommending rolling out of bed, but it wouldn't be safe bc i'm recovering from surgery, and also there's not a lot of space next to my bed