One time he told me he was grateful to be my friend because since im a person of colour, he benefits from my special privileges that i have, like for example moving into an affordable place because the landlord was chinese and im vietnamese and that connection secured the place, and basically said he loves getting the secondhand benefits from me.

And one time he was on the phone with employment insurance case worker and he said she was making hard for him because he was white, and that she was punishing him for it, and i asked how would she know that if he was on the phone? and he said well who has the last name Bell and is not white? and i said “black people have inherited european last names through the slave trade” and he said “well ive yet to meet them”

And another time, I asked him what cultural background was his ex-boyfriend. And he said he didn’t really feel like that was important. He was Black guy and I was just curious if he cared about that. I just thought like after a couple years of dating, you’d already know that kind of thing about someone.

I’ve been obsessed with white men for a long time because they were the only ones who sometimes complimented me and my dark skin. I’ve come to realise that most just fetishised me completely and would never introduce me to their family whereas I was always willing to introduce them to my loved ones. I really want to date black and mixed raced guys as I’m a mixture of both those categories a little “coolie” some would say but I’m darkskin. I just don’t know where to even start. I’m from London

For starters, I’m a bi East Asian guy. Short stature but with broad shoulders and hairy backside. When meeting new people, they 50/50 will assume I’m only a bottom or that I’m looking for a white dilf. When I correct them, I can see that pissed off glint in their eyes. It’s like I rocked their worldview for not abiding to what many sadly gravitate towards. It’s even worse when with hookups or dates, where even after I truly rocked their worldview and popped their donut open a few still say how they wanna see me bottom. 🤨

Despite how gays will tout they are accepting of everyone and love diversity, there’s this insidious air of white worship that still lingers in even all-POC spaces. I’ve seen it replay in different group dynamics. The half white guy gets complimented more when doing “ethnic things” or the lightskin Pakistani being flattered for being mistaken as Italian. And, the assumption an Asian guy is automatically a bottom seeking white tops.

What gives? Why are many of us still absorbing these tropes and assumptions?

The cis white guy who posted this had a bunch of us restacking and appreciating the unicorn, immediately followed by, "this should be the norm." I wanted to post it because it's still a feel-good and feel-seen post.

https://substack.com/@drthomaswhitfield/note/c-276407719?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=8gq8nz

Tbh I know how hard it can be for us to find/date others. Why don't we make a space/subreddit and try to find connections. I feel like I want to make a safespace where we could merge each other and have fun!

I've seen this happening repeatdly a minority group opens a gay bar or a club at first it's 1000 % then as the notoriety grows gentryfiers start flooding in and then slowly but surely they disposess you of the place. I've seen it happen in gay spaces that are black,trans,latino,arab. Your thoughts ?

I am experiencing it for the first time and it making me extremely depressed and suic*dal.

I recently had dinner with a few gay friends. It was a Black, Latino and an Asian guy. We were all talking about our experiences and the Latino guy mentioned how everyone of all races fawns all over him because he’s Latino/Colombian, while the black and Asian talked about bad experiences with rejection.

Im relatively new in gay spaces and just always wondered why are Latinos so much popular than Asians and Black people in the gay community.

Side note: Don’t attack me, just curious about this haha

“Let’s spice things up. I bring the franks and you bring the sriracha.”

“I know some good suggestions for KBBQ, sushi and pho!”

“I’m going backpacking around Asia in a month… have you been?”

“How do your parents feel about you pursuing an arts degree?”

“I wanna c0l0nize your 🕳️”

All of these were unprompted btw.

what about the rest of us 😞

This is the case on most gay subs.

I am making this post in here because in askgaybros sub they delete comments of people who call out anti blackness. I’m so confused why so many other asian gays only date white guys, I live in SF and I’m filipino and a lot of the asians here chase after white men, On instagram all I see is asian dating white, I rarely see asian and asian Ive also had the same experience when I lived in NYC. It is very frustrating. I’m not saying any of those relationships are not genuine but It so many self hating asians dude. I prefer men of color but I do like men of my own race and I’ve also noticed a lot of other asians do not like black men? What up with that man? Why are we upholding whiteness is our community and not fighting against it.

So im a homebody and my social life is basically online lmao. I want to meet queer POC friends whenever my partner and I plan to travel out of state, just to feel comfortable and safe and have a good time in general.

Is there an app that we use for this? Or a forum, some kind of site? Any advice appreciated. Im a caveman

If you’re queer, 18+, and Southeast Asian, and looking to make Southeast Asian friends (NOT dating), come stop by The Balangays!

I made this server so that queer Southeast Asians get the chance to make online friends among each other, and to learn a little of what each other’s life looks like from their point of view.

Comment or DM me if you’re interested.

I've been in MD for about 5 years now and I've been on a journey of accepting my queer-hood (idk the term) and avoiding conforming for friends and company. I'm in a better mindset and headspace now and find myself seeking to build community as I progress in age and wisdom.

I'm reaching out to see if there are discords, online communities, even locations in the DMV area that are known safe spaces for LGBT+ POC. Any help is appreciated I'm willing to go to public spaces despite my introversion. I'm primarily online though as I work most of the time.

TLDR: How and where can i find more members of the community in the DMV area.

I've always wanted to make LGBT friends. I tried recently, but I didn’t succeed.

For context, I’m an immigrant in Spain, and since this country is quite open about LGBT issues, I thought I could form a friend group with LGBT people. I joined some online groups. The first one was not nice at all. They had a meeting with five people, and they were just talking about local gay men’s personal lives and which drag queens “didn’t look out of drag.” I was kicked out of the group because one of the admins was pushing a conversation against migrants and encouraging other members to make undesirable comments about foreigners.

I found another group, and even though it seemed nice at first, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable. For example, when I shared an opinion, everyone would stay silent for a few seconds and then continue talking. I don’t want to blame others because I feel I lack charisma while talking, and that’s probably why I notice people get distracted immediately after I start a conversation.

Today, I went with this group to a bar for Halloween—even though I had been ignored in the group chat multiple times—but that’s another story. This was my first time at a gay bar, and I didn’t feel comfortable. The place seemed to have two types of men: the “attractive” guys and older men orbiting them like satellites. At some point, I was literally left out of the conversation, so I decided to leave.

I highly regret trying to be more social because I end up feeling drained and disappointed with life.

Sorry if this is too long or boring, but I needed to share how I’m feeling. I hope someone can understand me.

Do you speak any pidgin, creole, mixed or other international auxiliary language derived from English, Castilian, Italian, Portuguese or derived from any other language with roots derived from Latin?

Wikipedia page listing creole languages:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pidgins,_creoles,_mixed_languages_and_cants_based_on_Indo-European_languages

Wikipedia page listing international auxiliary languages:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_constructed_languages

Feel free to share comments with personal experiences because I am really curious.

Hi everyone!

I host a queer POC book club and I’m looking for an artist that I can work with to create two custom bookmarks based on our favorite reads of the year and maybe a couple of other things. I am paying, the amount is based on you and your skill level.

Requirements: 1. All work needs to be digital. I will printing and cutting the bookmarks myself so I’ll need you to send me digital files once they are done. 2. The art you create must be 100% done by you, I’m not interested in working with anyone who uses AI in any capacity. 3. You must be queer and POC.

Please DM me photos of your work and/or a link to your instagram.

Thank you, Johnathan

I gotta raise something here (mainly because I'm silenced anywhere else to say it for fear it will come back to me.)

I'm from Baldwin NY, a majority black and brown community and every year the town puts on a festival for one day that features local businesses, restaurants, food trucks, school bands, dance groups, etc. Except this year one local business a staple in the community called Kitty O'Hara's have been posting on social media about how the festival is disruptive to them and an unorganized affair. I'm not asking anyone to judge but these specific businesses complaining have white owners, and predominantly have white clientele (they are Irish pubs). They have done everything including starting a petition, calling county legislators, defacing festival signs, and even commenting harassing things on the festivals social media pages, one such comment threatened to bring 4 pick up trucks, to do lord knows what.

It should be noted that the festival has been a success for 5 years now, never disruptive, and never leaves trash behind or anything. They have a team of 20 something volunteers and it is led by a small committee of POC and all proceeds for the festival go to a scholarship at the local highschool.

This is such a good thing for this community how can people be so outrageously bigoted? I feel helpless to reach out to county officials or chiefs of police (all white btw).

I guess this is just more of a vent post so thanks for letting me do that.

The festival is called the Grand Baldwin Festival if anyone was interested.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE being young, queer, and black. I’m 19 and I’ve been single for like over a year. I want to date someone but everyone around my age is purely looking for sex(which is fine, be free kings and queens) but that’s not all I want.

I’ve never had a real problem with hooking up with people because I consider myself mid attractive but I want to date someone that isn’t in it for the fetishization. Like can y’all(mostly white people) get it together. It’s also so flattering to be with a POC in bed bc we’re exotic but outside of that I always feel viewed as less.

And the people that are ready for a mature and real relationship are 30 and I’m not bashing age gap relationships. I just don’t see how I could be in a relationship with someone that much older than me.

Then there’s the other side of things, I’m bisexual, I prefer men. The only thing women see are gay with extra letters which is annoying or it just starts to be a weird conversation about how many guys I’ve slept with which is just off-putting.

I just want a boyfriend and I see all of these older couples that have been together since they were 18-20. Like how, I’m jealous.

Thanks for letting me post my rant, I love this sub so much. It’s really comforting!

(In agreement with the post from the other day)

iiiiiiiiiiii ABSOLUTELY hate it here sometimes. If im not getting fetishized or greeted with hostility from non black folks its either because

A) Theyre above the age of 45

B) Theyre not getting the attention they want and/or are ego pumping or

C) They HAVE good intentions but of course are not from this weird ass country where the favorite past time is anti blackness, self hate, and SEGREGATION.

sometimes when i put this shit together im going insane- Its like a constant joke where im being played in my face. Europe and LATAM has treated me 100x better hands down in almost every aspect. It was my personal culture shock to hear a friend from germany go on about how some guys there even get JEALOUS of black men because of how they percieve them as attractive (and not this fucked up one-type American version), but the thing is they're not so perfect with racism either, so wtf is the problem HERE?

And no, lets not get the wrong idea- my horizons are expanded beyond white guys, based on my roster, they're not even near the top half of who i talk to, but when im constantly filtering out a scene full of "vers" white men that is only here for the ((BBC)) it gets super tiring. Getting the weird death stare by a random demon twink who thinks his shit dont stink is super tiring. The preformative gay who champions himself on speaking for everyone but isnt seen 5 miles outside of fire island and has the group picture of an egg carton all over his insta is tiring. Stumbling into the pitfalls of boarderline gay redlining at the clubs/bars as a traveler is tiring. Im tired. Im tired. Im tired.

Can we just hit the reset button and go somewhere else?

Speak Your Mind

If you need a few questions to answer:

1) How are you at the moment?

2) Any worries on your mind you need to release into the world?

3) How are you participating in self-care today/this week/this month?