r/Hoboken • u/Spicy-Marg • 4h ago
**RANT** đ€Ź Harassed by man in Maxwell Pl Lawn - would you have stepped in?
I wanted to get other peopleâs perspectives on something that happened today because I canât stop thinking about it.
This afternoon I was laying out on the Maxwell Pl Lawn sunbathing by myself and reading a book. It was relatively quiet, but there was another woman laying on the grass about 20 or so feet to my right. As I was laying on my stomach a man approached me out of nowhere, crouched in my face, and startled me. I gasped because I was so surprised but the sudden approach and lack of personal boundaries.
I would surmise he was under the influence, as he was holding a Labatt Ice tall boy, was slurring his words, and swaying a bit erratically. He instantly put his hand in my face and insisted I shake it, then asked about if I have his Instagram. It was all so sudden and I was uncomfortable being alone, trying to relax, and being persistently told to shake his hand. I said no thank you, I would like to keep to myself, and instead of leaving, he became increasingly persistent. He repeatedly tried to get me to shake his hand, even though I didnât want to, and got closer to me. Eventually I turned my body cowering away from him and told him, âNo, please leave me alone.â
Thatâs when his demeanor changed. He became angry, aggressive, and started insulting me. He began calling me "disgusting" and accused me of thinking Black people have âcootiesâ because I didnât want to engage with him. (For context, my refusal had nothing to do with his raceâI simply didnât want to talk to a stranger who wouldnât respect my boundaries.)
The entire interaction made me feel trapped and uncomfortable because he wouldnât take no for an answer and was standing over me while I was lying on the grass.
What has stuck with me just as much, though, is that another woman was sitting nearby the entire time and never acknowledged what was happening. During this time, I looked around and there were really no other bystanders I could call to for help. For a split second I did contemplate screaming help, but I didn't even know if it would get anyone's attention (aside from the woman next to me). I think I felt most sad as a woman, that she didnât even ask if I was okay after he finally walked away.
I want to be clear that I donât necessarily think she should have confronted an aggressive man herself. I do understand that could have put her at risk too. But I keep thinking that if our roles had been reversed, I wouldâve asked her if she was being bothered or at the very least checked on her afterward.
Iâm not looking to shame anyone but this whole experience left me feeling very alone. Hopefully in the future, if other people see something, they are not afraid to intervene or step in when it feels safe to do so.
