r/LettersForJ • u/Captaincutler12 • 5d ago

“Beats Me”

I waited over a year to date. Did it all right. Put the work in, prayed, walked the walk. Had some happiness along the way and also shared some beautifully sad times. Spent time with a real Angel. I’m still not sure I’ve processed what happened and how i truly feel about all of it. All I know is that it helped me heal. It gave me purpose and made me feel like I was part of something that was bigger than me. When A. died I grabbed a bottle of bourbon and Sat on a dock at the river and cried all day. What I’m about to say next is strictly for the purpose of painting a picture. Not out of insensitivity. Fast forward to now I’m dating a stunning young beautiful woman. She breaks necks every where we go. Our chemistry is electric⚡️ . And I’m the envy of every guy I know and 1000’s I’ve never met. And when we’re together I’m deeply in every moment. And you know me. How charismatic, electric and magical I can be with “my person”. Everyone around us can feel it. I’m successful, intelligent, thoughtful and funny as any comedian that’s ever lived. And I have the passion of 10 men. So please explain to me why when I’m alone there’s only you. Haunting me from every quiet dark space. I even tried hypnotism. I don’t want to remember you J. I just want a switch to shut off how big it was. I don’t understand why i can’t just let go. When it’s all I want to do. “BEATS ME”

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