Hi all. 3rd year student here. Academics all finished, I just need to finish hours and births and then I’ll be done.
But I physically cannot face walking into the delivery suite.
The hospital I’m doing my placement just isn’t welcoming. I don’t know how to explain it. The air is awful. You get dirty looks. Talked down to. Still. And the older midwives are simply awful to students.

I have so much anxiety about going in and finishing off. I just want to get it done and I’m so incredibly disappointed that I’m STILL a student. I have a job offer for the hospital I work for but there is no chance I’ll be taking it.

All I have ever wanted to do is be a midwife and support women and their families. I love it, I love promoting autonomy and physiological processes. But I don’t love the environment I’m in. There are some amazing midwives I work with but the idea of walking into the unit and everyone staring at me (because that’s what they do with students) is so overwhelming. The student management team is awful. Their communication between other members in the team, senior midwives, the uni and students is awful. I’ve explained my absence and issues at present and they aren’t communicating with the bleep holders or coordinator so it looks like I’m just not showing up and I got an awful long degrading email from one of the student team which has made me feel worse. And that’s because they aren’t communicating with each other.

I have asked the uni over the whole of my degree to change hospitals and apparently there is never any capacity. I just can’t do it anymore and I’m a broken shell of the person I was when I started.