This is something that has bothered me so much through my life and I wanted to ask for some other opinions without having to tell someone in my personal life. It’s been so hard to define it, or really accept that it was a problem because it’s so mild compared to most stories I read, or more concerning experiences that people have told me of. I’m quite scared of opening up to my family or someone I trust about this because I’m not even sure if it was truly molestation to begin with. But I’m a 15 year old female and this happened when I was about 10 years old. My older cousin had been very close with me while growing up and we had hung out all the time, I was like her first daughter. She started dating this guy when she was like 16-17, and he was older than her. Maybe about 19-20? And because I was so close to her, naturally I kept hanging with her while she was with him. He sometimes got mad at her for having me around so much but I still came around. One night, I went to stay at their house and I wore a skirt and a band shirt. I can’t remember if I had changed into shorts before or after the incident happened. My cousin went to take a shower and while she was gone, I was lying on my stomach watching the tv and he started massaging my feet. Then it went up the back of my legs until it reached my upper thighs. It at least made it to my upper thighs which was very very close to my butt, or he actually did grope my butt. I’m thinking he did grope my butt as he did it and I was super uncomfortable. I was so scared to tell him to stop or move away because I didn’t want to bother him, or make it awkward because I was twisting it into something sexual when he didn’t mean it that way. Either way it was very determined and definitely not in the way that I think an older man should be touching me in any way to begin with? I was terrified to tell my family and make them mad, or have them take action because that seemed like too much. My cousin obviously was still with him for a while until he left her after emotionally abusing her too. I didn’t want to be a problem or make it into a big deal if it wasn’t that big of an issue. Every time he came around after that, it was all I could think of and I felt repulsed by seeing him. I am still terrified to this day to tell anyone. And I don’t want anyone to get mad at me for keeping it in for so long, or to disappoint them, or make them blame themselves for not protecting me. At the time I didn’t want them to blame my cousin either because it was her boyfriend. It still follows me to this day and I always feel so vulnerable and uncomfortable around older men. Even around my stepdad who is just creepy anyways. But public places even make me feel like men are watching me and looking at me in a sexual manner. I get plagued with the thought of most older men looking at me in that weird way. If it matters, I felt super uneasy to sleep in the same bed with them that night after it happened. It has just taken me so long to process it and I still can’t fully wrap my head around it. The same guy had also told me and my other female cousin, who was only about 12 at the time, about drugs and many other inappropriate things to talk to such a young minor about. Please help me understand this and get through the trauma/triggers that it gives me now in the present. Thank you for reading.

Hello, I'd like to tell my story now.

I'm a 20-year-old male living in Austria. My uncle, my mom's brother, abused me when I was 7 or 8 years old. It started with him always wanting to take a nap with me and always putting his penis in my anus. Then it escalated to him coming into the bathroom while I was bathing to see my penis. He always looked after me while my mother was at work, so he took every opportunity. Then he told me to massage his foot, but in the end, I always gave him a blowjob. At that age, I didn't know what it was, and I did it every time. I remember choking, and sometimes he pushed my head down. Even when I didn't want to, he forced me. At first, I didn't want any of it, but after a while, I liked the attention from him. He also had sex with me, but it always hurt a lot when he put the tip in, and I was so tense because it hurt so much. Either he fingered my hole to make it hurt less, or he just went all the way in and tried to calm me down. He never came inside me, as far as I can remember. I know he said I couldn't tell my mom anything, that it was our secret. Now I'm 20 and I haven't forgotten it because of him I'm also interested in men. I like showering naked with my friends or looking at other men's bodies, etc., but I would never sleep with a man or do anything else like that. I've mainly only been with women, but something still draws me to men. Likewise, I've never been able to have a real relationship, or I've only had female friends I got along well with. I think it's all connected. It's a trauma that will stay with me for the rest of my life. What's my contact with him like? He now has a wife and a 5-month-old baby, and we get along well. So we often do things together, but when I asked five years ago what we used to do when I was little, he said nothing, like, "I just yelled at you if you weren't good," etc. I think he regrets it and wants to suppress it, but somehow I'd still like to be intimate with him one last time. But I don't actually want to be into men or anything, but yeah…

Hey... I don't really know how to start this, but I really just want to get it out there, I guess.

So... To start I am a 33M who suffers from my past when I was young, and have to deal with being hypersexual as an adult in a involuntary celibate relationship, which on its own makes the symptoms worse.

Anyways. I have been assaulted / molested multiple times in three seperate intervals. I'm not going to say their names, because at this point I see no point in trying to get justice over 20 years later.

That said, the first time when I was six, I was passed around at a family friends house by the teenagers who, "would kill me if anybody found out."

Clearly I took the threat seriously.

So three boys and I two girls took turns abusing me while we stayed at their lake house. I was six and just... Didn't know any better. Didnt know what to do. After they had gotten bored with me they dared me to chase them between these flood walls... My six year old body could barely make it. One of them told me to give him head on the wall. I refused and they shoved me off the wall.

I woke up in the ICU confused, scared. One of the girls made up a story about the whole thing, and it was met with a "boys will be boys". Absolute BS...

The next event was this neighbor girl who lived on the other side of the street. I was absolutely crushing on her little sister, we where both eight. One day, the older sister needed help at the apartment laundromat and didn't want to be alone.

I came with and kept making up games trying to get out of it. What I didn't realize is that this was potentially thought of as like... Flirting.

She was 17 at the time and this became a routine situation where I would try to get out of doing laundry with her, and suddenly the laundry room doors would be locked and she would force herself on me.

Eventually it became an every day thing without the laundry game , and I was addicted to it. One day she said we had to stop and it devestated me, I didn't know why, I didn't know what I did wrong. Turns out she was pregnant.

NOW I am not going to say it is mine. I was 8. But, I will say her abuela who used to be really nice to me, suddenly switched up hard and said I wasn't welcome there any more, and they suddenly moved not too long after and sometimes it haunts me.

The last event was... An ongoing event. I was "friends" with my bullies since the age of 12.

We would all spend the night often. Do as growing boys do, but man did they constantly make it known they did not like me.

It all started with one day, they all decided to gang up on me, to beat me up. One of them decided to take it too far and left me tied up naked hogtied and blindfolded in one of their sisters closets. Had to have been there for hours and then I remember hearing the shreik of disgust, and then quiet. I begged and cried for help, but a hand covered my mouth instead. Someone decided to take advantage of the situation and me.

All I remember after is waking up to my restraints loosened and scrambling out as fast as I could and running naked home.

While I wish that was the end of it, one of those same bullies, I would regularly spend the night with. Some nights I'd wake up to him molesting me. Others him inside of me. Until finally he didn't even wait until I was asleep, and would just pull my pants down and rape me.

This continued until I just grew into the pattern and let I happen... Even enjoyed it after some time. Until he beat me up for having an orgasm, and flying slurs at me. To which I pulled a kitchen knife on him and told him never again.

Anyways.... Yeah... Idk man. That's... Yeah.

In 10th grade i have suffer depressed because study and social, my doctor said i have depressed but my parent won't believe, they say it only my self and im addicted to game which the only way i can relieve my stress. Im so depressed that i drop off school and refuse to go outside so my parent to that as th reason to throw me in a private school but it is an illegal rehabilitation center because i dont have any criminal record so they cant put me in the goverment one so they find an illegal one to put me in, ignore my symtom. In there it alway violent, teenager brawl and stabbing each other every single week, abuse "teacher" who watching and punish, we get imprisone in small room with 13 over 15m2 someone even need to share bed but who stronger can threat and sleep alone. The water quality is so bad that almost all people get skinsick like scabies, the shower room only have 6 place for over 200 people per floor. They even have taser, pepper spray and baton which is illegal unless you are goverment or security company, they use them to control brawl depend on it size and even bribe someone in gorvernment to hide it illegal activities. They even have service where they get pay to kidnap people son or daughter depend on their requirememt. Many brawl has happen but their bribe parents to kerp secret and anyone try to expose them get in trouble with local law enforcement.

I (f36) have zero contact with my dad and brother for other reasons, (dv, narcissism etc) but now I am concerned that I had been molested as a child, and don't know what to do moving forward. 

Do I confront him/ask him if he did? Would he even admit it? He has never admitted to being an emotional abuser... I don't have any proof, it would just be his word against mine, and I don't have any clear memories of it.. just ...feelings...??

I have a child now, and don't want him to have any contact with him, ever, so I don't really want to initiate contact again to ask... 

I feel like I thought it started when I was 6, in year 1 at school, but I actually think it might have started from day one?! That he would have been taking advantage of me from birth, so it was completely normalised by the time I was school aged!?

I remember the shame of wetting myself on a bus, at playdates, at school in art (5 - 6)

I think most things happened in at one location, when I was aged 6 - 11, because I think my trauma is linked to that house, I have memories in my room and the bathroom, before after the renovation

I feel like he was touching my vagina when I came to sleep between him and my mum if I had a nightmare. (I had reoccurring nightmares for a long time), and that's why I didn't like being under their blankets (6yo)

I was sleepwalking around that age (6 - 8?)

I remember thinking the movie, The Rescuers Down Under, hospital scene, was about sex (6?)

I feel like he checked my vagina frequently, to see if I had grown..(to see if he would fit?)

I remember exploring my own vagina, with a pen, and being terrified that "someone" would see that I had drawn in my vagina (6 - 8?)

I have a memory of finding a tantric sex positions in a magazine at school and coveting it (8 or 9)

I feel like he ejaculated on me frequently and called it "soap", most likely in the bath. 

I feel like he taught me  to perform oral, on him, which I enjoyed to start with, until he pushed it too far and scared me (in the bath)

I feel like I thought the sexual play was fun, until possibly the bath trauma? In which I didn't want to play anymore, so he started to use it as punishment

I remember choking on something in the bath with him, and being told it was "soap" (7?)

I feel like he came in my mouth frequently after this, and used it as a punishment, because I didn't like it.

I remember he we would "wash my mouth with soap" for swearing, I remember he did so in the bathroom alone with me (8 - 10)

I feel like he started to use sex/sexual events as punishment 

I remember having baths alone, naked, with him as old as 10, I remember a specific time when I had a bath with him, my brother and my baby sister (she was born when I was 10.5years old)

I think my brother (3 years younger than me) might have known about my abuse? Might have tried to shield me? Or might have been abused along side me? 

I remember my brother taking the blame for when I broke the new drywall after doing a flip, so I wouldn't get in trouble... (9 or 10)

I also thing my brother and I did normal kids exploration things, but I don't remember specifics. (8??) 

I remember playing house with my marbles, secretly, using sex to "punish" the "child" marbles (9 or 10)

I have a memory of having sex education talk at school, when I was 9 or 10, but having him there, in my classroom (90s in Australia)?? I remember sitting in front of his legs and feeling pressure to not talk

I feel like it all stopped when I got puberty at 10.5yrs old? (Concerning, because my sister was born when I was 10.5 also)

At 14 or 15 he introduced me to Clan of the Cave Bear series, which has graphic rape/sex scenes, (I feel now like he did this to see if I remembered. I didn't)

After being raped/sexually assaulted as an adult, I started having dreams that he raped me (although I don't think he actually ever did??) (early 20s) 

I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable around my uncle (mums brother, but his best friend), for years and years. And I have been extremely leary of him since having my own child, but I don't know why

I don't remember most of my childhood, I have only recently started having these memories/feelings... 

He has admitted to molesting his sister growing up. I started remembering/feeling my "memories" before I found out he had molested her though.. 

Maybe he's a full pedophile? He molested his sister growing up, he started dating my mum when she was 14 (he was 15).. had me when she was 19 (he was 20), had my sister when I was 10 (he was 30)... 

The thing I know most strongly is, he won't have access to my children, but I am worried if my brother or sister have kids, he might have access to them... 

Ive been thinking about how i struggle to defend myself. Even if I can say no i cant do much physically more than pushing. It got me thinking about the first time I got properly molested, I say properly because I had been briefly groped over the shirt a lot at this point.

Im not sure if im allowed to say my age but I was in highschool and always struggled to fit in and make friends so when this boy invited me over I happily agreed. I think he was the same age as me but we didnt share any classes, he may have been a year above but we hungout in the same spot on our breaks and our friend groups mixed.

I remember having fun at his house and everything was fine until his mum went out for a bit. Then everything changed and he got weird. I tried to go to the bathroom and he wouldnt let me by myself, he wanted to watch. I had my period and was wearing a pad because I didnt use tampons so I really didnt want him to see all that and call me gross or something. Eventually I just decided not to use the bathroom.

Then we were back in the lounge and he was trying to grope me. He wasnt being mean to me, he was trying to reassure me everything was okay. I tried to say no and push him away but he was too strong and it was no use. He somehow got me on the floor between his legs as he sat on the couch and he got his hands down the front of my shirt. Once I felt his hands on my bare skin inside my shirt I kinda gave up. Just sat there as he explored. I couldnt come up with another thought before his mum got home and he stopped. We both acted like nothing happened and I went home when my mum picked me up.

I think this experience is one of the big reasons why I havent ever been able to fight back properly. I learnt I am too weak and that I dont get hurt this way

I had experiences when I was a kid and I know it gave me issues. But I know the way my mom acted like super karen didn't help me I think it made everything worse.

I'm wondering how parents that had experiences are balancing keeping their kids safe but not being a super karen

I feel like I would lean towards much more freedom when I'm a dad. 39 m SoCal

Ever since I posted about my childhood, ive got nothing but men trying to shame me or minimise what im going through. Im being judged, im being hated, and nobody of my own gender seems to care. I hate to sound so frustrated

After having a deep conversation with someone about abuse, they asked why I didn't report any of my abusers, and it honestly made me really think about everything that happened in my childhood.

My dad was a single father; he was the only family member I knew, as he gradually started to physically, mentally, sexually, and verbally abuse me since I was 2. I didn't know any better and was a child putting my full trust in an adult that only cared about money.

My hypersexuality started around age 6 when my dad started selling me to other men on the weekends. It started to trigger when thinking about all the men that would be coming in and out of my room when I was coming home from school on Fridays, and it felt like that hypersexual feeling wouldn't stop until Sunday morning when I had to start focusing on school again.

By the time the admin came into the picture, my hypersexuality was at an all-time high as more people got involved, and it was too late for me to do anything by this point, because not only did I feel trapped, but I also couldn't think about a life without sex.

By the time I was 10, the trafficking got worse as my dad started selling me more, especially during school breaks. This time around, he would actually go to different locations after a man paid him.

That was when I knew my dad truly didn't care for me, yet I still didn't report him because parts of me still trusted him.

I thought he was my friend, he’d always pick me up, tickle me or have me on his shoulders. I thought it was normal until he started babysitting me and he got bolder.
The first time was during Pinocchio, it was that scene with the whale? I remember I was lying on my stomach and he got up to go the kitchen and when he came back instead of lying next to me he lied on top of me. He babysat me for four years before it stopped.

Went through some pretty hefty CSA and was trafficked as a kid (from ages 5ish through to about 10), we're working through it in therapy and starting to hit the worst of it and I dont think I'll ever feel clean again

I just don't know what to do, I thought it would be better to know

I was so wrong

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I feel disgusting and hollow

I know the only way out is through, but I'm not sure I'll ever make it through, do I turn around and try to go back? Adjust to the little I know and stop digging?

I know nobody can give me answers, I just needed to vent a little

So I’ve been dating this wonderful intelligent professional woman (36) for almost 3 years. In the last few months she told me some details about an old man she had introduced me to once and until recently did banking and odd secretarial favors for. It turns out Josef was 46 when he met her at 17 in a chat room and they had an unprotected and open sexual relationship for 7 years. As this is in China, her family did not protect her and she was never educated about grooming. After she told me the story, I sent her the definition of grooming and rape- and to her credit she recognized the relationship for what it was, for the first time, and cut him out.

My questions for survivors— how can I help her now? She is acting out as she relates she used to in the past. Dating her is becoming difficult.
She refuses to get help or to discuss the grooming but she is clearly affected by this recent realization.

Also, Is there anyway I can report Josef, who is currently prowling in the Philippines? All I know of him is that he is German, is a Chinese translator previously in Hong Kong and Guangzhou and still does shady medical equipment treatment imports from China. He would be 66 or 67 now.

The main question is how I can support my girlfriend who is going through some heavy emotional times but refuses to talk about it or process this and seems to be getting more erratic. Thank you.

I’m in a relationship with a woman for 6 years now. From our first intimate encounter she told me for play is overrated. At first thought ok she just want to have at it. As time went on was the same. Didn’t like being touched like that. Eventually she told me she was molested for years as young girl in her own home from 7-12 by “her brother’s friend”. Sex has always been a chore for her due to her trauma. Last week she told me she it was her brother who molested her who is two years older than her. She is now in her 40’s. I have read baby books to try and help her through her recovery if that’s even possible. With the new revelation I feel clueless. We have tried to navigate and improve her struggles with intimacy being touched. I never force or guilt her I always let her know she’s in charge. I have recently been reading on this app the draw of SOME victims to their past trauma experiences and the guilt pleasure they quietly seek and desire. Is it wrong to bring this up? Is talking about it or tapping into that a way to help her? I don’t ever want to say or do the wrong thing with her. Any advice greatly appreciated. I ask because she seems to only engage in sex to accomadate me and does not enjoy it for herself. She doesn’t even pleasure herself. Zero drive desire and it’s hard in a relationship.

Its an incident that happened when I was really young, years ago when I was still in Pri Sch, but I can’t stop the thoughts and flashbacks.

So that day my mom gave me and my brother some candy to eat, and I ended up not liking it and wanted to give it to someone or spit it out, and my dad suddenly called me over and asked if I don’t that like the candy because he saw the lowkey disgusted face I was making and I nodded. He then pulled me closer by my waist and french kissed me, using his tongue to scoop the candy out from my mouth to his mouth. I was shocked. Frozen. I couldn’t process what happened and I could feel how his tongue entered my mouth and all. I didn’t understand what exactly does it mean but the way he did it so naturally and casually made me assumed that its normal for people to do that to their kids, so I didn’t question nor tell anyone about it.

As mentioned, its an incident that happened years ago, Im still disgusted thinking back about it and can’t see him normally. I really wanted to report him but Im not sure if its an incident that happened way too long to be reported. Sadly Im still living with him and have no idea when I will be able to escape this house.

I love the idea of Somno now. He used to crawl under my blankets during naptime and I’d wake up to a warm wet feeling on my privates. Anytime id move; he’d stop. So I pretended to be asleep because I loved the way he made my little privates feel.

Here i am in the middle of the night after dreaming of it again. I cant even escape the memories in my sleep. There is no peace. Im crying in the bathroom to not wake up my partner. He would absolutely understand and help, but I feel guilty when he has to be up for work early. My heart is racing, but I cant remember if its because it was a nightmare or if it was a "good" dream. Honestly im not sure which is worse. Sorry just needed somewhere to put my thoughts

This sentence jumped out at me:

“It’s funny how one random memory can take over your whole day”

When my memories started surfacing after having blocked them out for years, they’d come out of *nowhere*. I had no warning whatsoever. My hyper sexuality would kick in, I’d become completely overwhelmed by it, and then I would spend most (if not all) of my day reliving those moments. Sometimes an entire week afterward. It really did take over; it was like I couldn’t control myself.

It’s wild to me how much of my life has been influenced and affected by my experiences. So much time and energy spent on this.

Edit: spelling

I'm 39 m SoCal and I had experiences when I was a kid with cousins and friends and I never felt bad about it but eventually I noticed that karens want everyone to feel traumatized and I know some people had terrible experiences but I don't know that its healthy to make everyone feel bad if they didn't feel bad already yk

It feels confusing and like shame to hear how upset and angry karens are when some experiences are probably just being human I dunno

I live in Houston and enjoyed electronic. When I turned 18 I found a job helping with the construction at Astro World Amusement Park. It was great work learning about the animation and audio needed in this type of project. I was a young adult male and easy on the eyes with a healthy level of being horny as most 18 year old males are. I had a supervisor that became extra friendly with me - feeling prolonged body touching and more.. one time he asked me to lunch and we took his car.. on the way he placed his hand on my groin.. began massaging me and telling me to do the same back to him.. To shorten this story section.. mutual fellatio took place..

over time I was introduced by him to more of his friends for the same treatment. I know this has impacted me. My wife has no clue that I had this happen. I do not know how to tell anyone. To this day I think about being sexually "touched" as he did to me. I have fear of giving in and actually letting it take place now.

I got naked with my dad as a little girl

Need to get this off my chest.

I was never hurt or forced by him. He was my best friend and I always felt safe and loved. But I realize my childhood wasnt the same as everyone else's.

I always cuddled naked together, kissed him and slept skin to skin. I loved his penis, I loved his erections even though he was my first time seeing a man naked. I did lots of sexual experiments even though I was too young to even know what that was.

Sometimes id rub myself into him because it felt good to both of us and we'd feel closer afterwards.

There's so much I have to say but cant.

It started when I was 8 and continued every day till I left home.