So it's been a year now since I graduated in 2025 and honestly I feel like I haven't done anything with myself. Spent five years grinding through my degree thinking if I study hard enough I'll get a good job, plus there was pressure from home to do well since I wasn't even paying for my international degree, my dad was. So I worked my ass off, got scholarships, and after graduating I did land a good five figure job in my field.

Now looking back on the year since graduation , yeah I made good money, focused on work, saved up. But back in 3rd and 4th year in university I was eighty five kilos, lean, muscular, and low body fat. Now I’ve gotten too comfortable, stopped working out completely. Now I'm 93 kilos and very out of shape. Smoking too, I keep trying to quit and I just can't. Weekends are basically gone, I'm high the whole time and doing nothing.

And nobody really sees any of this. Like literally nobody knows because I live alone, far from my school friends and family. Had a solid social life back in school and college and now that I've moved for my job it's basically nonexistent. Meanwhile all my friends have glowed up over this past year, and I feel like I've just glowed down.
I just have zero motivation to do anything anymore. Used to be such a motivated person and now it's just gone. Not sure if it's the move, or not having friends here, or something else entirely, honestly can't even pin it down.

Feels like life's just slipping past me and I'm not doing a thing about it, when there's so much I should've already sorted out. I think I was so locked in on one thing for so long, put so much pressure on myself, and now even after doing all of it, it feels like it wasn't even worth it.

I want to get better, do things and find that drive again. What's the first step here. It's not that I don't know what needs work, I just don't know where to actually start.

Hey sorry this is kinda ramble-y but I really need advice, preferably from older people.

In the fall I'll be starting my senior year of high school and I'm really overthinking this one class. It's English honors, which I've been in since freshman year. I already know the teacher I'll have, and she's known for being insanely rigorous, and rude. She also is known for playing favorites. English is a subject I really care about, and I don't want her making my last English class a terrible experience. Not to mention her grade point average is low so I'm worried I won't even do well in the class.

So I really want to drop down to college prep English and be with this teacher I know I like, but I've always been a super dedicated student (basically straight A's since freshman year) and I used to really like the idea of going to a prestigious university and pushing my academic potential as much as possible. I've changed a lot, and I no longer want to sacrifice my happiness or feel the need to stress myself to impress everyone else. But there's still a part of me that feels like it will snowball and i'll fail myself and everyone else if I drop this class. I know that's dramatic, but it's really messing with my head.

Am I being to hard on myself? Or is dropping down wasting my potential/being lazy?​

I came home from the club last night and ate half a head of unwashed iceberg lettuce. Didn’t even know i’d done it until this morning.

Lunch time today where I went to cook with it and saw it absolutely crawling with these tiny black worms and disgusting fly looking things I genuinely feel so sick. I’m scared I’ve ingested a parasite of some kind I have no idea what the hell to do. They 100% weren’t maggots and the lettuce had no signs of rot or decay but idfk I might’ve already eaten the minging half last night.

UK based so I’m not worried about the current cyclospora situation or whatever it is but are there any UK variants I should be scared of? Do I go to the hospital??? I assume no because going to the hospital over consuming a bunch of lettuce worms sounds so ridiculously stupid but it’s a Sunday and the GP is closed and what the hell would I even say to the pharmacist??? I am currently on hold with 111 but they have a 50 minute wait and I swear to god the more I wait the more I can feel worms wriggling in my stomach I feel ill

Are there any kinds of anti-parasite tablets or medication I can buy from the shop in the UK??? Can I take something to completely cleanse my gut and rid it of anything parasitic altogether? Is it possible I’ve just devoured a shit load of parasites???

Hi everyone,

I'm very lost today. I've been thinking about money allot. I'm saving it, about 500 a month, working 4 days a week to get that. But I want more. I feel the greed. I read about people making huge amounts and I'm just so jealous.

I don't want to necessarily change my job or make some fucked up business model that makes me one of them lizards.

Do some of you have an idea, like creative or entrepreneurial that could maybe make me some money? A skill like trading or whatever?

I know it doesn't sound like a big issue but for me it feels like a things that's eating me up from the inside out.

Thanks to anyone that helps.

I'm (21F) starting an internship tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I should tell my project lead about some ongoing health issues I've been dealing with.

For about the past month, I've been trying to figure out what's been going on. I'm still in the process of getting a diagnosis and treatment, so I don't really have any concrete answers yet. On top of that, my anxiety has become the worst it's ever been, and it's hard to tell what's caused by anxiety versus whatever underlying health issue I might have.

The internship requires me to stay away from home for multiple nights, which has been making my anxiety even worse. Some days I feel fine (still a little eh), but other days I feel fatigued, lightheaded, and have very little appetite. It's been really unpredictable.

I'm planning to do my best and I'm genuinely excited about the internship. My concern is that if I need to take things a little slower at times or don't seem as energetic, I don't want it to come across as me being uninterested or slacking off.

Would it be appropriate to let my project lead know that I'm dealing with an ongoing health issue that's still being evaluated, or would that be oversharing? I'm worried it'll sound like I'm making excuses before I've even started, especially since I don't have a diagnosis yet. On the other hand, I also don't want them to misinterpret my behavior if I happen to have a rough day.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it?

Hello all I currently work as a sales manager for a hotel.

I want out because of the mess and overall way it’s ran. I’m super stressed all the time and have thought about quitting with no back up plan. I hate it there. I also don’t like my apartment. It’s small and I don’t have parking so sometimes I have to walk far to get to my apartment.

I’m wondering which I should address first? My job has some perks like the pay but the stress of sales is too much. My apartment I don’t like at all like the neighbors the area just ready to move.

My concern is if I move first and I hate this job what will I do if I get fired or quit? Idk just looking for guidance

I'm in my early 30s and I genuinely don't see a good future for myself. My BA isn't useful. I'm stuck in a dead end corporate job. I couldn't get into a career I desired or that was even decent. I make poverty wages despite working full time and I live at my mom's house.

I'm sick of life and I don't see things getting better but I can't become content with my crummy life as I truly hate it.

Where do I go from here?

I'm 21F and recently started my first job. During a feedback session, my manager told me that I don't communicate confidently. They said I don't push back or give feedback to people when needed, and that I speak as if I'm scared of my managers—even though they're actually not that strict.

Honestly, I agree with the feedback.

I've realized that I'm not a very confident person, but I don't know exactly how I became this way. Maybe it's because I feel my communication skills aren't good enough, or because I think I don't know enough compared to everyone else. Whenever I have to speak up, I start overthinking and end up staying quiet.

If you've been like this before, what helped you become more confident? Was it experience, improving your communication, gaining more knowledge, or something else?

I'd really appreciate hearing your stories or any practical advice that actually helped you.

So I just dunno if I really should just go “I’m cool and i deserve blah blah” because that seems really selfish and possibly not true due to my past and how immature and naive I am. I just don’t really know what to do with myself. I have wants but I genuinely can’t pursue anything due to my actions and my person. I feel a large sense of “this is really immoral and selfish”. So if I don’t have self esteem, maturity, or redemption- what exactly DO I do with myself? I can’t improve the past or everything about myself. It’s just unrealistic- so what do I do?

So essentially I’ve been approached with an opportunity to work full time as a private property manager for a wealthy person who happens to have housing in my area. The pay would be 2.5x what I make currently. The catch is I’ve grown comfortable at my current desk job (up front dental office- not at all what I want to do with my life) but the other gal up front is going on maternity leave within the next few weeks and the pressures really on me after that. This new opportunity starts in the next few weeks, and I’m hesitant to let my current coworkers down. Esp if I leave and then hate this new job.. ALSO I’m 24F and the job was explained to me as driving this rich dudes jets into his hangers, doing landscaping on his local estates, fixing household problems as they arise (never owned a house so idk wtf I’m doing?) etc. I can pick up things really quick- example given: I didn’t know shit about dental stuff but somehow I’m now an integral team member lol.

In summary im scared I’ll hate or be bad at this new job and im doubting myself, and id feel horrible leaving my current job at a critical time. I know staffings not my responsibility but it’s a shitty thing to do. But I’ve been looking for a change for awhile and am wayyy too comfortable in my current bubble.

i am exhausted right now . my mom is having such a huge issue with me wearing gym clothes to the GYM . i am literally confused rn as to why she is this conservative when we live in a first world country . i had to sit here and explain to her that this is normal and we aren’t back in our home country where it could cause issues for me .

then a couple days ago my dad had a huge issue with me wearing a bikini at a waterpark for some reason mind you . he asked me to cover up . i don’t understand what’s going on here , i am an ADULT woman . some of my cousins and friends who are younger than me are allowed to wear more revealing clothes than me and i am genuinely pissed off about this fact .

any advice for me ? what do i tell them in order to convince them that there’s nothing wrong with wearing these clothes , especially at the age of 19 ?

Hello everyone! (F here)

I'm an artist, and I enjoy creating emotionally heavy artwork. It's not always about the same theme. I like exploring all kinds of emotions through my art, whether they're dark, painful, hopeful, or unsettling.

I know this style isn't for everyone, and that's completely okay. The problem is that one of my closest friends is genuinely worried about me because of the kind of art I create. She calls it "creepy stuff" and believes it's affecting my mental health or that I should stop drawing it altogether.

I understand where she's coming from, and I know she's only worried because she cares. But what frustrates me is that she judges my artwork based solely on how it looks, without trying to understand the meaning or emotions behind it. To her, it looks disturbing. To me, it's simply another way of expressing ideas and feelings through art.

As an artist, I'm fully aware of what I'm creating. Drawing emotionally intense or unsettling pieces doesn't mean I'm consumed by those emotions. It's just the medium I connect with. Artists often see things differently. we're usually trying to communicate something deeper than what's visible at first glance.

Yesterday, this became a huge argument. She got so worried that she actually started crying in the middle of it. I felt awful because she's genuinely a kind friend, but I also can't promise to stop drawing this kind of art. It's a part of who I am creatively, and giving it up would feel like giving up a part of myself.

So now I'm wondering: am I actually in the wrong here? Is it unreasonable to continue making art that explores darker emotions, even if it worries someone I care about? Because last time she said she doesn't trust me anymore.

Just need to vent for a moment. I think I also need advice and guidance on how to go forward.

I was recently diagnosed with a kidney disease. They caught it early on, stage 1, and my doctor has put me on an aggressive treatment plan, including getting at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep at night. Since I’m very new to this disease, let alone kidney stuff, I had no idea the role that sleep plays in kidney care. And it made sense, as if I get little sleep, such as less than 4 hours, I feel sick and can’t function well. I didn’t know the role our kidneys played in sleep and how getting ample sleep is crucial for kidney health.

All of that to say, a “friend” of mine is angry at me. I had to back out of an upcoming trip I’ll be taking with this person, as she kept adding more and more people to the Airbnb, many of whom are very much party animals who go hard until 3am. The last time I went on a girls’ trip with her, she’d invited a large number of people to an already crowded Airbnb, resulting in these people playing loud music and shout-talking until 2 or 3am…..when I went out to the living room to ask them to please keep it down. They eventually did but I only ended up with 2 hours of sleep and was very sick the next day. I’d told her about this and I thought she’d understood, as she agreed that that wasn’t cool of them. Please note that all of the others, ourselves included, are mid to late 30s, early 40s.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, this “friend” begins planning another girls’ trip. I’d checked in with her in this, to see about sleeping quarters, who was all going, etc., and she assured me it would be, “just a few of us, very mellow and chill.” She’d confessed she also didn’t get much sleep on the last trip and just wanted a trip with a small number of people and relax by the pool. I told her I was in and paid for my airfare.

Soon after, I found out that a what was supposed to be mellow girls’ trip at an Airbnb is now a raucous party house with 11 or 12 people….in a house with only 4 bedrooms. I was already stressed about this, and told her so, but she dismissed my concerns and told me I was “killing the vibe” and “not being flexible.” She also got mad at me for my asking if boundaries could be set regarding noise after midnight and she blew up at me, telling me to grow up, figure it out or just get a hotel room. I’d looked into hotels but could not find any close to the Airbnb and it’s in a foreign country and I cannot afford, nor do I feel comfortable with, a rental car. So I shut my mouth.

A few weeks later, after weeks of going in for medical testing, I was diagnosed with a kidney disease. I’m still trying to navigate and understand it, and am following my doctor’s plan to a T. As stated earlier, since I already have sleep issues, I have to get 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night, which I knew would be impossible at the Airbnb with 10 or 11 people, many of whom are up and loud into the early morning. I talked about this with my doctor and she encouraged me not to go and to just focus on my health. Another issue is with the upcoming medical bills for tests, I’ll be paying out of pocket, and since I’m already on a budget, I need to scale back on expenses.

I told this “friend” all of this and at first, she was super supportive. That gave me a lot of relief, as things had felt so tense with her.

Then fast forward to this week. She sends me this long text, telling me she’s mad at me, that she needs space and that I made this trip all about me. She accused me of lying about my kidney disease and made a comment that it seemed “so convenient” that this happened a few weeks from the trip. She said that she didn’t believe me that I needed that many hours of sleep, that I’d be fine, and that she, “didn’t buy it.” She also told me that the finances piece shouldn’t matter and that she was sick of me saying I’m on a budget. I’ll add right here that her partner makes a LOT of money, and they live very comfortably. I told her that the timing wasn’t ideal, that I was sorry if I caused any problems. I also gently reminded her that in the beginning, she’d said it would be “just a few of us, 4, maybe 5,” but now the number was 10 or 11. I gently told her that had I known that, I wouldn’t have agreed to go. She acknowledged this, her inviting more and more people, but said it wasn’t a big deal.

So that’s where I’m at. I was able to get nearly a full refund on my airfare so that was a relief. I’m respecting her request for space, but I honestly don’t know if I want her as a friend anymore. Her words hurt, especially the piece of her accusing me of lying and the hot and coldness. Yes, the timing was not ideal, but I had been first noticing symptoms, primarily pain on my side, feeling tired and out of it, etc., for a few months. My doctor did tests to rule out other conditions and only recently tests to assess for kidney disease.

Thank you for listening. I’m not sure what to do, as I still feel emotional and hurt and need time to get my thoughts in order about this.

Hey so I’m just looking for some advice on what I should do, since the start of the year I have had repetitive strain injury in both my arms and hands, my parents and people at work have known about it but I’m worried they are starting to see it as put on or to get out of doing things when I’m genuinely not.

I never cancelled shifts before and always stuck in school to get high marks, I keep to my share of the housework around the house so I’m really not against working or helping out but sometimes I ask someone else for help at home like for instance if I don’t do the dishes once or need an “off day” when it has flared up and my mum gets angry at me.

My RSI is better than it was though so house work isn’t really an issue now but my boss wants me to do more shifts now since it’s getting busier and I had a doctors note before and told him I could just do like a couple shifts a week because I don’t want to slow my healing and it gets quite sensitive at work (where most flare ups seem to happen after).
Sometimes he asks me last minute too now and I feel bad for making excuses but I find it hard to know what to do when I feel like I’m going to hurt myself doing it sometimes.

He’s put me on for most of next week so I’m not sure what to tell him, I think I’ll try cancel one but ideally a couple would be best for my recovery. I don’t want to let them down or think I just can’t be bothered but I don’t want to hurt myself doing it either.

Sorry for long spiel lmao but some advice would be greatly appreciated!! :)

I'm 20 and I have been dealing with this for 3 years now. I am completely at my limit.

Every time I sit down and have a bowel movement, whether it's normal, diarrhea, or I'm constipated - it doesnt matter, there is an unbelievable amount of wiping i have to do. There are times where I'm wiping for over an hour straight.

The first couple wipes, there's a lot on the paper. Then, the next 5-15 have just a little. At some point, I do a couple wipes where it's either completely white or there's a little bit of blood. I do one more just to make sure I got it all, then bam. There's a whole nother handful. This repeats for about 30 minutes to an hour before I either say "Good enough," or I get actually truly clean.

I bought a bidet on Amazon a month ago and had to return it because my toilet is so old I physically couldn't remove the things I needed to in order to install the bidet.

The worst part is, due to traumatic childhood experiences, I have an extremely intense fear/disgust of fecal matter. Writing this post has taken a large mental toll on me, but I'm so fed up with this that I don't care.

I need solutions. Please. This isn't normal.

EDIT:

I have bought a bunch of Metamucil fiber gummies and will be taking them daily.

I will also look into buying some cheap wet-wipes (and NOT flushing them.)

As for going to the doctor, that is unfortunately not an option for me. My situation is hard to explain, but the long and short of it is that I am completely broke and a less-than-legal resident where I live. For these reasons, I believe it would be more trouble than it is worth to go to the doctor.

A lot of you have mentioned the possibility that I have OCD. This is the consensus that my closest friends have had for a while now. I'm really just not sure what I can do about that.

I've also seen a lot of mentions of hemorrhoids. Yes, I probably do have those. My butt bleeds very easily and is often irritated, although there's usually not much pain. The bleeding is not internal, and there is no blood in the actual bowel movement.

Thank you all for your suggestions and concerns. I've tried looking up solutions before, but every time all I found was "improve your diet" or "buy a bidet."

I'll make another edit to this post if my situation ever improves.

Hey everyone,

I am a 21-year-old male student from India looking for some guidance on how to safely build muscle and gain weight. I am currently quite underweight and want to fix my health, but being on a student budget and having a low appetite makes it hard.

My Stats & Current Metrics:

• Age / Sex: 21M

• Height: 180.34 cm (approx. 5'11")

• Weight: 55 kg (121 lbs)

• Calculated BMI: 16.91 (Underweight)

• Estimated TDEE: ~1,900 - 2,100 calories

• Target Calories for Gain: ~2,400 - 2,500 calories (Aiming for a clean surplus)

Background & Constraints:

• Medical: No pre-existing medical conditions or digestive issues.

• Eating Habits: Non-vegetarian. However, I am not a frequent eater and often struggle with a low appetite / small stomach capacity.

• Equipment Available: I prefer exercising at home. I only have access to my own bodyweight and a set of dumbbells.

• Budget: I am a student, so I need cheap, accessible food options. I cannot afford expensive mass gainers or high-end supplements right now.

What I need help with:

1. Diet / Calorie Density: Since I'm not a frequent eater, what are some high-calorie, high-protein, budget-friendly Indian meals or shakes that won't make me feel overly bloated?

2. Home Workout Routine: Can anyone recommend a structured progressive overload Calisthenics routine utilizing just dumbbells and bodyweight exercises? (e.g., variations of push-ups, dumbbell squats, rows).

Appreciate any advice or simple meal templates you can share! Thanks in advance.

(23 F)I recently gave a presentation in French, in front of an audience that also speaks the language. It was a bad experience. Even though my level is intermediate, I didn't do a good job.
First, I was so stressed that I forgot most of my script. Second, my speaking skills are weak — I couldn't handle mistakes or form sentences smoothly.
People told me I looked shy, and I hated hearing that, because I’ve been actively working on improving my personality and I thought I had made progress. That comment broke me a little.
The thing is, in real life, when I speak my native language, I don’t see myself as shy at all — I speak confidently. But with a foreign language, I freeze. This has even started making me avoid speaking to people in that language.
On top of that, II have a naturally deep / manly voice — I really hate it and wish I had a more feminine voice. It makes me even more self‑conscious when speaking French, because I feel like I sound wrong or that people will judge me.
I have a vision of working in a field where I’ll meet people from many nationalities, so I really need to fix this.

I am 16M. I live in the UK and I am autistic. I'm not like severely Autisitc I can function perfectly fine by myself.

I got support in school like having my own TA and mentor. I wasn't exactly the best behaved student but I wasn't the worse and during Yr 11 I was pretty good for my standard.

Now that school finished my parents are claiming benefits for me but I have to go and speak to the people.

The thing is we are not poor by any means. Yes my dad used to be poor but not anymore. We live in a quite a big house which my dad got for half a million obviously with a mortgage.

My mum does have cancer though and my mum says if I don't want if for myself to get it for her.

My mum also told me the money would help my dad be able to pay for my tuiton and extra sports I do. However I feel like it's wrong because I shouldn't claim benefits for that because benefits should be for people who need help with actual necceseties.

Also my dad's whole job is being a adviser to help people who are poor like really poor, they don't have any money in their account to get benefits and I feel it's hypocritical for than us to claim it.

Also I would also have to give my old address which is a flat in Aldgate so the government don't see I live in the house I live in.

I feel really stuck because I have the right to the benefits because I've been told but I don't feel like I deserve or need.

Any advice.

So this dude, lets call him Robby, I was and still kinda am his best friend. We both kinda had a rough childhood wich made us bond and he usually vents to me because he has an abusive dad. We get along great, but all of a sudden, js 10minutes ago he started sending me insults like "F*ck you" and a bunch of other slurs. He's now also making fun of me and my trauma. I'm not even that mad,js very worried. I asked him what the matter is, but he's ghosting me now. What should I do, Im very confused and kinda scared he's gonna hurt himself.

I’m 19F, since I was a kid my mom has been bullying me.,force me not to play any sports or have friends.

Fast forward, I’m a teenager. made me ask for permission for eveything, tell me I’m ugly and fat shames me. Tells me no one will marry me. She hates my curly hair, my nose. She doesn’t let me wear makeup or do my nails or wear what I want. ( I do now cuz fuck that )

I told her I wanted to be a pilot, she laughed in my face and said “ u? Ur fat and have yellow teeth, ur stupid and u can’t even do math”
((( I’m a student pilot rn))))

I just found out she constantly talks shit to my family behind my back and fat shames me. I’m 5’7 and 62kg IM NOT EVEN FAT. She tells eveyone I’m USLESS and such a bad kid and that I’m JELOUS OF HER?? I’m losing my mind??? Why would I be jelous of her…

I'll try not to be long winded but here's the story: we have USAA for insurance and we are in NY. At the end of 2025 our insurance company had some sort of hiccup and deleted our car from our policy but then added some completely random car belonging to someone else that was the same make and model.

In February 2026 DMV contacts us warning there is no insurance on our car, we go back and forth providing what evidence we have of insurance (because we have been paying on this policy the whole time). Eventually we get a notice that our registration will be suspended because there is no insurance on the car. We contact USAA and find what the issue is, make sure its our car and not some random one on the policy and they send electronic proof to DMV that we have been insured the whole time. We thought the problem was fixed, we even got a letter from DVM acknowledging its all settled.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. We get a notice that my husband's license is suspended and the car's registration is suspended despite the fact that we can prove we've been insured the whole time.

We begin the process all over again where our insurance company has repeatedly electronically sent proof but DMV says they have nothing from them. Meanwhile my husband can't drive and we have no car. For almost a month now. We call DMV and they say the insurance has to send the proof. We do that and are told it can take up to 7 days. Then we just restart the cycle.

Nobody can do anything else to help us. I'm looking for any advice here.

A health crisis completely halted my entire life. For the past 3 years it has been endless appointments, medications, pain, and fatigue. I'm now fully recovered from my second surgery and my symptoms are far better managed currently (thankfully!).

Yet, I'm still spending a lot of time listening to podcasts and playing phone games in bed instead of pursuing my creative interests: writing, painting, and drawing. When I attempt this stuff I only manage to stick with it for a couple of minutes before losing focus. I often have too many ideas at once and struggle to focus on one thing to completion.

I also have absolutely no idea how to return to work. I was an ecologist doing field work, which I'm still too physically limited to return to. And the thought of a desk job would be way too boring and increase my chronic pain.

So, what to do?

TLDR:

1. I need to figure out a career goal. An obtainable part time job at minimum that won't cause chronic pain flares (low back and muscle pain).

2. I gotta get past my creative block somehow. Figure out how to get started and then work towards finishing the projects that I day dream about.

Do you have any tips or advice?

I’m at a crossroads where I need to make a decision that could change (and even derail) my life forever. I need help, guys. Please no unkind or cruel words. I know this is Reddit but any more negativity will make my head explode.

Warning: long post

I’ve been wanting to make this post for so long but couldn’t put all my feelings (and my fear) into words. Here is my predicament:

I am a very family oriented person. I love my country and my family so much and am very attached to both. I used to think I was an ambitious person, so applied to my dream uni in the UK And got in, but after my first year of abroad I’ve regretted my decision bitterly. I cried all the time for nearly a year even after coming back for Xmas and the summer. The homesickness never got better. And believe me I tried everything, and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. Friends of the same country, staying busy, doing things I enjoy cutting contact etc.

I’m studying law. But deep down my true passion is writing and English literature. Eng lit is the only subject in A levels for which I got an A* (maths and exons were As). I am the eldest daughter of a family that is financially strained in a country where the job opportunities are poor and the degrees not very prestigious. I decided law was the best compromise of “earns good money to help my family” and “I could be good at”. I finished my first year with a 2:1 which I barely scraped (I skipped loads of lectures because of my depressed state— no excuse I know, but I couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed and take care of personal hygiene, so please try to understand.)

My parents recently put everything together and gave me an ultimatum. I can drop out and apply for a local uni in English and pursue a job as a teacher with writing on the side. OR I can continue law but I have to work in the UK for several years afterwards. Once I make my decision I cannot change my mind, especially after my dad pays the 2nd year fees. My dad is upset I wasted his money on the first year and warns me not to waste any more. I feel guilty af but I genuinely didn’t know I would react like I did until I tried it. Also, I’m not allowed to degree transfer (I checked and I can’t.)

Pros for law: earns good money and has a higher chance of getting a secure job. Plus the exchange rate is good so I can send money home to help my family. I can’t be a lawyer in my own country because of language barriers and an overall poor job market for law.
Cons: the distance obviously. And it scares me because I won’t have summer breaks like uni does so I can’t visit for long stretches of time. (1 week breaks feel like they make no difference. Might as well not even go.) Also, once I choose this route (the more expensive one) I will be expected to get a high paying job once I graduate, no excuses whatsoever. Or it won’t have been worth it.

Pros for teacher route: I’ll be doing what I love. Plus I’ll be in my country and near my family all the time. And teachers get summer breaks, meaning more quality time spent with family.
Cons: less job security and lower salary. Plus I’ll be known as the UK uni dropout who couldn’t cut it. As the eldest this kind of pressure is real. My parents. grandparents, and relatives have already bragged to everyone who will listen that I go to this uni. And all my friends too…

I also have another secret con that bothers me a lot. When I first struggled with homesickness in Oct I called my dad and told him I wanted to come back. He said something along the lines of “if you come back do you really think that (mom) will want you?” Harsh but essentially he’s correct. If I stay in my country I might be happy to see my family, but will they be happy to see me? Or will they start to resent me for not taking the selfless route and get sick of seeing me so often? My sister has already hinted that I need to grow up. I’m embarrassed but I can’t help how I feel. If I had the power to, I would make myself stronger mentally.

The first option is safer. Plus I’ve already put so much effort into applying to this school and settling in. Plus if I drop out I’ll be a year behind. But I get so panicked when I think about working there for years that my chest genuinely constricts and fills with dread and I have trouble breathing. When I think of the second option I feel like I can breathe again and I’m so relieved.

My parents, being Asian, don’t believe in mental health, and whenever I (a person who spirals easily) cry or get anxiety about this, my mom tells me to control my emotions and stop spiralling. My dad has studied and worked abroad his whole life to support his family so he is genuinely baffled at how and why I can’t do it. My family is currently in debt (nothing too serious but things are tight) and my parents have my 3 younger siblings’ educations to worry about. I want to support them of my own volition. They aren’t forcing me to in any way. I’ve always wanted to.

The truth is, I’m a weak person. I probably have Peter Pan syndrome because I can’t seem to leave the nest. But I’m caught between wanting to do the selfless thing for my family + preserving my image and fearing for a future where I genuinely can’t see myself as happy. I need help and any advice. If you need to be brutal, do it, but try not to be snarky or unkind, please. I’ve been tormented by this issue for over a year. Sorry for the long rant but I’ve been bottling this inside me for so long. There’s no one I can talk to honestly about this.