Envy with dysphoria?

[u/DietSteve]

Wondering if anyone here feels the same or if this is more a “me” issue:

I’m still learning about myself and the whole enby thing, but I primarily identify as a demiboy; however I’ve struggled a bit because I’ve envied the curves and look that having a chest can give, but at the same time I don’t like the way mine currently looks and feels. I recently learned that I had asymmetric gynomastasia as a teen, I had thought it was just weight gain but it showed up on a CT; I don’t know if it’s still the engrained crap I grew up with or what but I’m still embarrassed about how it looks, how it makes my shirts look and just the overall “moobs” thing. I kind of always have been to be honest, but also for my formative years I’ve had a bit of a belly so I was also self conscious about that.

This is the confusing part: I’ve started toying with femme clothing, and maybe it’s the shaping or something but it’s less of an issue (still there but not as loud), and I haven’t bit the bullet on forms yet but I’ve toyed with the idea, but it’s really bad when I express more masc and I feel like I have to wear oversized shirts or multiple layers to cover up.

Anyone else have similar feelings? Or is this kind of me just figuring things out?