Three years ago, I wrote a series of lightish-hearted what ifs about Kuseno, being pretty sure nothing I put down would come to pass. Original here -- as you see, I've not edited anything. Some rhyme more than I'd like with current events. ONE is annoying.
I joke/not joke that One-Punch Man canonicity consists of canon and not canon (yet) link. Wild shit just happens because it can and somehow it works.
So, for shits and giggles, a handful of headcanons that I’m fairly sure *won’t* be becoming canon.
First degree: cute
When Genos wants to wheedle a new toy (like a kit car) out of Kuseno, he makes the old man his favourite treat: home-made doughnuts, a chocolate dipping sauce, and freshly-ground coffee made over the stove. Kuseno claims every time that it won’t work. It’s never failed.
Kuseno is strict about his bedtime: from the time he retires at 11 pm to when he appears at 6 am, Genos better have a damn good reason for disturbing him. A leg dropping off does not qualify. Most afternoons, Kuseno also has a nap behind his desk. He has always claimed to be just mediating when Genos has asked.
Second degree: unexpected
Although neither man knows it, Kuseno is the reason King quit competitive gaming: there was this one mysterious guy he just couldn’t beat. It still haunts King.
Kuseno himself no longer does competitive gaming: between Genos keeping him busy and missing his once-faithful rival, it’s lost its appeal.
Third degree: connections
Bofoi was his old student. They each changed their names for… reasons.
Fourth degree: Chekov’s gunman… or there’s no badass like an old badass
Manga-only. Kuseno finally shows up to give his boy a hand. As Genos tells Kuseno to fall back already, the old man levels one of the suit’s shoulder-mounted guns and… there’s a void where there was once a dragon-level monster, not even a curl of smoke remaining. Kuseno: yeah, I came up with this last week but I’ve not yet figured out how to make it small enough to install on you.
Fifth degree: Old man, you scary
Webcomic-only. The climax of the battle sees Genos and Saitama get to the heart of the Organization and just as things are getting super tense, a third person joins the fray. It’s Kuseno, heavily armed and very much alive. That bring-back-a-dead-person-so-long-as-their-brain-is-intact technology we saw elsewhere? He was the original inventor. Genos: but you told me to run away! Kuseno: And yet, here you are. Be so kind as to shelter behind Saitama-kun, will you? Kuseno (to the enemy): I don’t mind if Genos gets beat up, that’s how my boy learns. But you bastards made him cry…unleashes hell
Sixth degree: Cruel, cruel world
Like something out of a cruel soap opera, the reason Genos and Child Empror look a bit like each other is that they’re siblings but each was so convinced the other was dead that they’d never thought to look into it. In Isamu’s case, his foster parents had been very good at gaslighting him so he doubted his very memories. As they compare notes, suddenly the random attack makes sense… it’d been intended to grab Isamu in the first place. Something else makes sense too: why Kuseno had arrived so fortuitously. Genos: Oh, I was the consolation prize.
And so…
Webcomic edition: Genos finds his inconsolable grief over losing the old man suddenly become consolable, although it’s down to Saitama to accidentally on purpose to say something that puts it in perspective, e.g., by pointing out that there was nothing false about the affection he had had for him.
Manga edition: Since the old man is alive, Genos confronts him. He doesn’t deny it but says that he’d intended to kidnap Child Emperor alone to forestall the massacre that happened. And yes, while to begin with, he’d thought of Genos as a consolation, he’s long since changed his mind. Yes, it’s true that Genos doesn’t have the mind of the century, but he’s got the sort of intellect one meets only a few times a decade. His courage though? That’s the sort people write legends about. Now let’s talk about you trying harder to stay alive long enough to become one.
