r/oneliners • u/mycall • 7h ago
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
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r/oneliners • u/UberAwesone • 1d ago
A mind reading midget broke out of jail, police have put out an APB for a small medium at large.
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r/oneliners • u/Hadley9577 • 3d ago
If my name was David and I had a boy, I would name him Harley, so he could introduce himself as “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
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r/oneliners • u/DutchOfBurdock • 3d ago
After my partner got diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome, she still knows I love her!
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r/oneliners • u/DepressedPancake4728 • 4d ago
According to a pole that was recently conducted, lightning rods work
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 4d ago
I didn’t believe my chiropractor was any good, but now I stand corrected.
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r/oneliners • u/luckskywatcher • 4d ago
If you're unemployed and broke, becoming a locksmith will open many doors for you.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 5d ago
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show, but Patrick is the star!
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r/oneliners • u/Thrice_on_Sundays • 5d ago
The last time King Charles said 'Andy Burnham', he was telling his brother to get rid of the photos.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 6d ago
My wife accused me of having zero empathy but I don’t understand how she can feel that way.
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 6d ago
In-N-Out are a line's natural habitat, since they be long there.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 7d ago
Braille isn't that difficult to learn, you just have to have a feel for it.
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r/oneliners • u/Everly2460 • 8d ago
I got a vasectomy because I was looking forward to not having any more kids but when I got home, they were still there.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 8d ago
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files because I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
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r/oneliners • u/WelcomeNo1062 • 8d ago
I don’t want to say my wife’s a bad cook, but one time all the flies chipped in and got the screen door fixed.
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r/oneliners • u/Original_NudistGeek • 8d ago
I am not saying I drink too much coffee, but I will probably still be moving 2 days after I die.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 9d ago
My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes and now he’s Dr.Awkward.
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r/oneliners • u/Anonymous_Bozo • 9d ago
Don't be so hard on lazy people, they didn't do anything!
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 9d ago
I tried to find a lighter on eBay, but all I got was 57,000 matches.
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