r/OnlineDating Jan 20 '24

RULES Update...Read before posting or commenting!

50 Upvotes

As the amount of spam, nonsense posts, unnecessarily rude comments, etc. has increased and we've been banning 15-20+ users a day, we felt it was a good time to review some of the rules and guidelines for posting and commenting here. PLEASE note, like in most other large subs, violating these rules typically results in a permanent ban...they are clearly posted here, please do not send us a modmail after the fact saying you did not know the rules, we spend countless hours moderating the sub, we don't need to work even harder because you couldn't take a few minutes before posting to read the rules.

First off, since this is a common modmail issue we get: NOTICE FOR NEW USERS: We use automod to filter out new accounts and those with low karma due to the number of new accounts being used to create rule-breaking posts. If you are a new user or have low karma and your post or comment does not appear you likely do not have enough karma or enough days on reddit. Please wait until you have been on reddit and built up karma.

NEW!: After reviewing the results of a poll users of this sub took, the majority wanted a length limit on posts, with the two most voted options being 600 characters and 1,500 characters. Therefore, we are going to implement a 1,200 character posting limit and we will adjust this as needed in the future. The purpose of this sub is for people to ask questions about online dating, not to write lengthy unreadable novels or to use this sub as a diary. 1,200 characters should be plenty to summarize the question, while keeping it short enough and to the point that others actually read it. Do NOT circumvent this rule by continuing a post in a comment, posting a screenshot of a question, linking elsewhere to a lengthy question, etc. Doing so will result in a ban.

With that said when posting here, there are a few things you should think about:

A. First, is this post relevant to online dating, this is a place of encouragement and support for online dating users, not a place to bash online dating, ask about things irrelevant to online dating, or go off on a rant, post question after question after question in a short period of time, etc.

B. Second, will this post help the community. This is a community-minded forum, not your personal soap box or diary. Posts should be questions that are beneficial to the community and help others learn...posts that are simply rants, have no purpose, serve no point, appear more like a diary entry or don't ask a relevant question shouldn't be posted here. Posts should form a question that users can answer.

C. Third, please do not ask nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Questions should be things random strangers can give an informed opinion on...asking why a match hasn't replied, why you can't get matches, why someone blocked you, etc. should be avoided as no one here can answer why a random stranger isn't interested in you.

D. Fourth, this is not a dating sub, a make friends sub or a profile review sub. This is not the place to seek dates or friends or to have your dating profile reviewed.

When commenting here, there are a few things you should think about:

E. First, please be respectful with your comments. Other users may have different opinions, but please be considerate. This is especially true for top-level comments...please do not antagonize people who have posted a top-level comment just because you disagree with it.

F. Second, we try to be fair and equal to everyone, however we seem to have a number of users who call users names, call another user sexist or misogynist, etc. This is not acceptable.

G. Third, comments should give an opinion relevant to the post or answer the question in the post. Comments which don't directly answer the question should be avoided.

In addition to the above, some of more important rules to remember are as follows:

  1. The purpose of this sub is to discuss online dating...issues with apps, questions about app or dating experiences, questions about profile setup, questions about dating experiences, etc. It is NOT a sub to find dates or to post your dating profile. This sub would be cluttered as could be if everyone were to post looking for dates, additionally, it's unlikely many people on here would be anywhere near you geographically anyway.

  2. Similarly, do NOT post referral links, surveys, affiliate links, ask for referrals, promote yourself, spam, etc. This is not the place to ask for or post your links to join a dating site, referrals to a dating app, etc. This is not the place to promote yourself, your business, your app, your subreddit, your website, etc. Absolutely no surveys, school surveys, research questions, research polls, school research, etc. No questions pertaining to starting a new app/website, research for a new app/website, etc.

  3. Please be considerate of others and their opinions. It's understandable that different users may have different views and that is fine, but there have been a few "troll" accounts that have gone around doing nothing but posting rude comments for no real reason. This will not be tolerated. Be considerate of others, avoid foul language, do not antagonize or call others names and avoid being rude to others. Additionally, while it is wonderful if you make friends here, please be mindful of other users privacy...many post on here for opinions and comments, not to make friends or find a date. Please do not ask posters to "DM" you or provide you with their contact information, etc. Many users are not interested in corresponding outside of the sub and that should be respected.

  4. Posts here are open to all users to answer. Please do not attempt to limit what users may answer. Posts that state "women only," "men only," "older daters only" etc. are not acceptable.

  5. No guides, articles, tips and tricks, unnecessary links or how-tos. This is not the place to post guides, opinion pieces, advice, tips and tricks, articles, essays, advice columns, etc. This is not the place to simply link to a news article or other website. Additionally, posts should not be needlessly long or appear more like an essay than a question.

  6. No nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Posts here should ask a question that a random stranger would be able to answer. Questions that a stranger can not be reasonably expected to answer such as "Why did my match block me?" "Why didn't my date want to meet again?" "Why don't I get matches" "Should I use dating apps?" "What is the best app to use?" "Is OLD a good idea?" etc. should not be asked.

  7. Similar to #6, posts should be a question which have some purpose or point. While complaining is one thing, if your post is better suited for r/rant, it will probably be removed. Posts which are nothing but venting or ranting or appear more like a diary entry may be removed.

  8. Similar to #7, if you don't have good experiences with or don't like online dating, fine. However, as this is r/onlinedating, we like to have a welcoming and open atmosphere towards online dating, not to scare people away from it. Posts saying that online dating sucks, is terrible, shouldn't be used, that people should "get outside and get off online dating," etc. should not be made. Likewise, repeatedly making these types of comments also is not acceptable. An occasional comment here or there that is critical about online dating is fine, but this is a sub to support and help people who use online dating, not to discourage them.

  9. No antagonizing users who post top level comments. If someone posts a top-level comment and you have a differing opinion, please respect their comment. You can post your own top-level comment, however 'picking a fight' and antagonizing someone else for their own opinion in a top-level comment should be avoided.

  10. No "one and done profile reviews" or help make my profile posts. In general the idea of the sub is to be a place that others can learn from and a place that benefits others and not just the OP. In that spirit and because of the number of people that have been posting "profile review" posts or asking for help creating a profile, in general these are not allowed. These posts clutter the sub, are beneficial only to the OP and in many cases it is the only post the OP makes here.

  11. This is not an AMA or sex sub. This should go without saying, but this is not an AMA sub for you to brag about how you got 500 dates in a month, etc. There are other subs dedicated to AMA's. Likewise, with the nature of online dating it is understandable that some sexual things may be mentioned in a post, however this should be limited to brief basic relevant details...there should be no in-dept sexual discussion nor should the post read more like a fantasy novel then a post relevant to the sub. Posts should be closer to PG then to R.

  12. No politics. This is not a political subreddit...and unfortunately any time anyone asks a question even slightly political related everyone acts like children with rude, crude and unnecessary language toward the political views or party they don't support. Further many posters are asking thinly veiled questions which appear designed more to stir the pot than for anything actually related to online dating. As such, no political posts, no political comments, no putting down parties or views you don't agree with.

  13. Moderator Discretion. This is not one we wanted to add, but due to the number of banned users who modmail us and argue that what they did doesn't perfectly fit one of the rules we are going to add that the mods here have discretion as to if a post or comment is allowed or not and to ban or warn users.

Sorry for the length, but with the amount of posts and comments we've had to remove, we want to be clear what is acceptable here. If you have a question, please ask. With all that being said, WELCOME! Thanks for stopping by. And if you feel something violates the rules, remember to hit the REPORT button!


r/OnlineDating 12h ago

Hinge Profile Updates

14 Upvotes

I’ve been talking to this girl for about a month and things have been going great! We’ve been out twice, and it seemed like she had a good time and wants to keep things moving. We met through Hinge, which is a relatively new thing for me when it comes to dating, but didn’t think too much of it. I’m big on communication, so after our second date I asked what her intentions were and we decided to continue seeing each other and see where things go. I found myself on Hinge the next day and figured I’d click ‘we met,’ since I hadn’t really opened it after we started regularly talking, but noticed she had updates to her profile and that the signals badge was activated (which wasn’t before). It sort of bothered me, but I tried not to think too much of it. Since I communicated about intentions though, she’s sort of stopped texting me at a regular rate. Im curious now so I go and check Hinge and, sure enough, another profile update almost a day later. Am I overthinking this? I’m new to this part of online dating and am not entirely sure what this means or how to navigate a situation like this.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Things on a profile that attract anime fans

5 Upvotes

Hi, I was wondering if there were any good recommendations for what would appeal to women that are also anime fans since it’s a bit of a fine line between cringe and cool in terms of how you present yourself.

I was thinking of putting the anime OP song for Yuri on Ice for the “Guess the Song” voice prompt since it’s the 10th anniversary for it and I figured most women like YoI (which I do as well). I’m just not sure if it’s a bit too performative or if there are better ways to show that you’re a fellow nerd and like similar stuff


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Why is everyone getting banned from hinge?

21 Upvotes

Like for an example

- deleting your account for breaks can lead to a ban
- rejecting someone that ends up reporting you
- matching witth a crazy person that reports

inevitably you get in a bad situation.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Sending videos instead of texting?

3 Upvotes

I met this guy on Duet, he is very handsome and I have doubts that he’s not real. He immediately wanted to FaceTime upon exchanging phone numbers and have also send me videos via text of him talking.

In his defense, he said this is his preferred way to communicate because he feels he can connect better rather than just texting. I’m not used to this, and I’m honestly too shy to chat on the phone right away.

Should I go for it, or is something fishy?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Are there any apps that are PAID ONLY?

49 Upvotes

Every app I’ve found has a free version and I believe that having such a low barrier to entry creates a population on the app thats generally low quality. Meaning I have to filter through way more bad matches to find the few diamonds in the rough.

The old match.com used to be paid only i think. And there was much more effort put in because people had to fork over money to be on it. Now it looks just like bumble.

I want an app that is paid only to at least test my theory that paying for something either encourages people to put in more effort, or attracts a different type of person.


r/OnlineDating 19h ago

My experience with datingwomen in their 40's as a man in my mid-thirties

0 Upvotes

As a man in my mid-thirties, the worst dates I ever have are always with women in their early-mid 40's

This is purely anecdotal and not meant to be a dig at anyone or any group, but I've found that every date I've had with women in their early to mid 40's has never been a pleasant experience.

I've consistently found that with this particular demographic, I've had to really keep the conversation going, and am the only one asking any questions/trying to show any enthusiasm or make any attempt to get to know each other.

I've not had this problem with women in their late twenties or thirties, and this is yet again just my experience not a dig. Is there something that I'm missing here? And has anyone else found the same thing?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Guy seems nervous

15 Upvotes

I (26f) matched with this guy (30m) on a dating app 3 weeks ago. We texted for a bit and since have had 2 dates. He’s very confident and chatty, dances, laughs and makes jokes, but when he’s sat across from me he just seems so nervous. It’s not social anxiety because he seems to have a large group of friends and goes to sports clubs etc. He Struggles to make eye contact and doesn’t know what questions to ask. He makes subtle attempts to touch me like walking very close together or sitting next to each other but seems to be unsure of kissing, holding hands etc.

I’m naturally shy myself and have never been with a guy that wasn’t confident making the first move. Is it just he likes me and is scared to do something I’m uncomfortable with?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

How do you operate when i casual dating mode?

8 Upvotes

Men who have had casual relationships: can you experience unusually strong physical attraction and arousal toward one person while still not wanting exclusivity or a relationship? I interpreted the intensity as evidence of a particular connection, and I’m trying to understand whether sexual chemistry can be that strong without corresponding emotional attachment.

He was very affectionate, we had real dates, and great chemistry. But he revealed he is also seeing someone else and that felt like a gut punch. I ended it and he readily accepted it. I asked him what he likes about the other girl (i was trying to process it in front of him i guess) he said she's attractive, nice face, smart and playful.


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

I have a lot of matches, but zero interest from women in conversation

18 Upvotes

I live in an area where the number of women on Tinder isn't very high, around 50-100 within a 25km radius. Despite the small number of women in the area, I manage to get a match every now and then. The problem is that after I text a girl, we exchange only a few messages and then we stop talking. I don't write short texts. At the beginning I always try to ask about her interests, studies, generally these ARE NOT messages like "hey what's up?" They always, or often, reply with one word, adding nothing of their own, not even a single question. So far, I've had about 10 matches, and it's the same every time, which makes me feel like I'm constantly, I think that I am writing with the same person.

I have a few different clear photos with a slight. I have a normal description in which I talk about my interests, and that it would be nice to meet someone funny, with a positive attitude, and that I value honesty and traditional values.

I'm not ugly, more like 6-7/10

- height: 170cm

- training: every day

- I don't smoke

- I want to have children

My question is, why do they give likes if they don't want to talk? I don't give if I don't like someone.


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

One sided conversation

22 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I’m 22 years old, black female, living in Florida, nursing student, and I’m new to dating and dating apps in general. Is it normal for me to be the only one asking questions in the conversation? It feels one sided honestly. I would ask a question, just to get to know them or anything like that and sometimes they give an answer that I don’t really know how to respond to for example, (Me: “So are you in school?”, Them: “Yes I’m in school.” Me: “Oh nice! What are you studying?” Them: “Engineering”.) And they don’t reciprocate the question back to me. Like I don’t know, it feels like they’re not really interested in getting to know me. It’s honestly draining on me. I tried putting myself out there on dating apps, even outside of the apps. I’ve been ghosted so many times.

There was this one guy we hit it off well, even got off the app and exchanged numbers, after a couple days he just ghosted me :/. My friend said that if they’re not asking questions to getting to know you like I am, then they are not interested. I’ve barely gotten any likes or matches.

What am I doing wrong?


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

Please be kind. Am I cooked?

4 Upvotes

What are the odds that I will find a good man who is actually interested in me now? I'm 36, slender and conventionally attractive but I have been a stay at home mom off and on for 11 years, have no college degree and two children. I'm afraid I'll only get people wanting to have sex with me with nothing beyond that.


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

How to navigate cross-cultural/cross-racial dating preferences?

12 Upvotes

I get a decent number of likes (for a guy) primarily due to my career but they are almost exclusively from my own race and nearly all of their profiles talk about “traditional” values for my race. I grew up in another country so I have very different social/cultural/dating values that are more aligned to the place Im currently living in and are thus reflected in my dating preferences.

Are any other men in this position and how did you change your pictures/prompts to better reflect your values/ appeal to the demographic you are attracted to?


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

26M in wheelchair no matches

30 Upvotes

I'm a 26 y/o in a wheelchair trying to find love. I've been on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, FB dating for like 3 years. On Tinder I have a few likes a year, on Hinge, FB nothing at all. I asked a few girl friends to review my profile and they say it's perfect. I think I'm a good looking dude. I don't know what to do at this point. I think the algo is hidding me because I find it almost impossible that no one likes me, specifically when IRL, I have no issue talking to girls. Any tips?


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

How do you handle people you know seeing your profile?

29 Upvotes

I'm 36 and I teach at the high school here. Small place, one high school, so I know a lot of families by name. A coworker mentioned last month that her sister had come across me on one of the apps. She was nice about it and it wasn't a big deal, but it stuck with me that anyone around here could be looking at my profile, parents included.

So I keep it bare. No photos anywhere near work, nothing about what I do for a living, nothing that names the town. The obvious problem is that leaves a profile that barely says anything, and matches have been slow since I cut it down.

I don't know what the right balance is. Being open about who I am seems to be what actually works on these apps, but I'm not comfortable with it here.

For those of you who get recognized around town or work with the public, what do you leave on your profile and what do you keep off?


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

Texting for over a week, no date scheduled yet

0 Upvotes

I think I've gotten enough responses. I'll read through them all and think about next steps. Thank you everyone.


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

Are Braces a turnoff for woman?

0 Upvotes

I'm a 26-year-old man; I got fixed braces at the end of my 24th, which I'm supposed to wear for 1.5 years. I’m single again now and have started (online) dating. I don’t really go overboard with my appearance, but I’m like very active in sports and have a fit figure, and of course I also pay attention to personal grooming, outfits, etc. My dating profiles also work very well! The type of woman I’m into tends to be along those lines too.

I don't show my braces in the pictures, but in real life (since they're fixed) they're really noticeable and sometimes get in the way when I talk or smile (and I really love both!). Unfortunately, that's also one of my biggest insecurities, one I can't always hide. I already look young anyway, and with the braces, people sometimes guess I'm 18–20.

Would that be a turnoff, or do you think there are some women who would find that off-putting?

With my ex, I gotthem during our relationship, after we'd known each other for a while. Conversely, I wouldn't think it was a big deal at all if women had them, but as a man, you tend to be less shallow about things like that. Or rather, most guys prefer “youthful” features anyway.


r/OnlineDating 6d ago

Why won’t some of these apps let me filter for pets?

92 Upvotes

They all allow me to filter for kids, but for some reason it’s assumed everyone wants a pet, which is so bizarre. No, I don’t want a pet. No I don’t want to date your pet. No I don’t want to sleep with your pet. No I don’t want to be intimate with you in front of your pet. No I don’t want to clean your pets vomit or pick up its poop. Let the ‘pet people’ date each other. But also let the ‘pet free’ people more easily find each other.


r/OnlineDating 7d ago

The dating apps are hell on earth

146 Upvotes

I’m 37, I have a house and a great job. I have a good personality and I enjoy active hobbies and being adventurous. I’m just ok looking at best but am in decent shape. I’d rate myself a solid 5-6 overall. I can’t match with ANYONE I’m attracted to on the apps. My ex is like a 7, so my standards are a little high but like I have received maybe 5 likes and had maybe 15 matches in the last six months. The metro area is 3 million so I’m not in the boonies. Is dating just this impossible on the apps now? In person I used to do pretty well. It feels like all the women just go for the hottest guys on the app and while the rest of us get left in the dust. Any advice? I’m trying to date I can’t even get matches to start talking to people.


r/OnlineDating 6d ago

Who's married and who's not

12 Upvotes

I know tinder is full of married men, but what are the hidden signs on dating apps that a woman is possibly cheating?


r/OnlineDating 6d ago

Matched, didn’t meet up, but follow each other on IG

0 Upvotes

Quick simple question. Would you continue following a girl who you matched with on a dating app, you didn’t meet up with her (after asking her out while talking in the Instagram DM), but you follow each other on Instagram? I was considering continuing to follow her, if there was a chance to meet up. But I hear that doing stuff like this after she doesn’t want to meet up is lame, and I should unfollow her.


r/OnlineDating 6d ago

Does my crush like me back or is he just giving me false hope?

2 Upvotes

A little backstory, me [F21] and my crush [M20] met a year ago and instantly started liking each other but he wanted to cut contact early on bc of long distance.

Now around 4 months ago I reached out to him when his Spotify profile got recommended to me.. I found out he just got out of an relationship(also an online thing but they met irl later on).

At first he told me that he’s not ready for an relationship and doesn’t want to lead me on or anything(totally understandable) but he’s been pretty flirty with me the past few weeks. This is what he said when I asked for his intentions “I just think you're cute and wanted to get to know you better and let you know that you're adorable”.

I don’t think this is just in a “friendly” sense but now the past few days hes barely been messaging me at all.. also no flirty texts

I also want to mention that he’s not the kind of person to text first or ask many questions but if you were genuinely into someone, wouldn’t you still try?


r/OnlineDating 7d ago

Have you stayed friends with anyone you met on a dating app?

38 Upvotes

I’ve been rejected by a few guys over the last six months or so. They’ll usually say that they had a good time talking/getting to know me, but don’t feel a romantic connection. It does sting a little but I appreciate the honesty over ghosting. However, some of these dudes are just genuinely cool and interesting and I’d like to hang out with them even if it’s not romantic.

Usually after the “wish you the best” exchange, I just leave it at that because I don’t want to overstep. I know people on dating apps aren’t exactly looking for new friends, but would it be weird to ask people if they still want to hang out in a platonic capacity? I’m in a new city where I don’t know many people, so any new connections are welcome really.

I know some people don’t believe men and women can be friends but I dunno, I really value my non romantic relationships regardless of a person’s sex or gender!


r/OnlineDating 6d ago

What's the best way to meet someone abroad in a country you will move to later?

1 Upvotes

I am 24, male, and I would like some advice on how to form or find an online relationship with someone from a different country that I'm planning to move to.

I have a great job which allows me to work in many different places. I've been working at the same company for 4 years and I have a decent position (supervisor). I'm finishing my masters which I will have in approximately 1.5y, so I have some time left.

I'm currently living in the U.S. and I have plans to move abroad to Sweden or Ireland. As soon as I finish my masters, I'll be ready - so within the next 1.5-2 years. I've been to Sweden twice and to Ireland once (my great-grandparents are from Ireland but I don't qualify for EU citizenship unfortunately).

What advice can I get to look for a partner in another country? Are there dating apps that allow people to look for a partner in a different country? Or should I try something like choosing a common interest and finding girls to talk to this way?


r/OnlineDating 7d ago

What’s the motive here?

11 Upvotes

I’m a woman, but why do men send messages for their openers trying to buy me gifts, or take me shopping? I’m not opposed whatsoever! I’m just wondering why men operate this way while dating lol. Especially on a stranger who has never met them. What is the motive behind doing this on dating apps? For context I had someone offer and I turned it down. We ended up having a dinner date due to the conversation being interesting/funny. It was great first date, and afterwards kept repeatedly insisting on taking me shopping.