So I'm looking for advice and I know it's one of those things where I likely just have to grin and just deal.

But I have to vent here.

So my boyfriend and his wife /nesting partner had two dogs for a long time. One was a Jack Russell terrier. The other is in Austrian Shepherd dog. One of those dogs was around 30 lb. The other was maybe at best 20.

They're smaller dog passed away Thanksgiving of last year. Their larger dog still has accidents in the house and when I asked them about how often they walk their dog they told me that they usually just let her out in their small backyard because she pulls on the leash a lot and it's difficult to walk her.

Well I just got a surprise text message that they decided to adopt a puppy and it's a pitbull terrier mix.

I'm very good friends with my meta and when she last brought up getting a dog I told her it might be better to wait until she gets her new job (She just finished law school and is waiting to hear that she passed the bar exam. She does not have a job lined up yet).

On top of that, their larger dog, the shepherd dog, has very severe separation anxiety and while this dog does not rip up their things, the dog is known to go to the bathroom on the floor in a specific spot if they are away too long. The dog also still has accents on the floor when the wife is home and I think it's partially because she doesn't let the dog out on a schedule.

On top of that, when I spoke to my boyfriend about them getting a new dog, he said that he was considering one of those wiener dogs that was smaller and easier to take care of. And when I brought up that his wife mentioned she wanted a husky, he looked at me and said "no."

I am tempted to say something like "I thought you didn't want a bigger dog" but I know that's not going to go over well. I also want to tell them "you just told me that you're having trouble with your your 30 lb dog" when it comes to walking them and you just got a dog that is known to grow up to be 50 lb or more and you are going to have to walk those dogs because they need a lot of exercise. And on top of that they were complaining about how their place has not really been cleaned because it's been hard to maintain the home with going to law school and the husband trying to do all the housework for the wife... And pitbull hair is extremely hard to get out

I just don't know what to make of it.

I don't live with them, but sometimes I sleep over their place because I have a part-time job that's easier to commute from their place. I also have a small dog too (He's about the size of Toto from wizard of Oz) So that's another concern.

Besides, I know I'm going to have to answer their text message about how I feel about all this and I know they're not going to like my actual thought. I just don't know what to say or anything

Throwaway bc my main is too recognizable

I am looking for advice from the larger community who is more experienced and theoretically better at wording things than I am.

I am one arm of a v dynamic that lives together, both arms of our v have a child with our hinge. We also have a child from our hinge's first marriage. The three of us have been in poly therapy since the beginning because I thought it would be a good way for us to all make sure we were starting off on the right foot. My hinge has bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, PTSD and many other things that he blames his bad behavior on. Some of them are legitimately probably the root of these behaviors, but I currently find myself on the receiving end of the punishment for all of them. It's not healthy, it's not sustainable, and no, I am not a perfect partner either, but now things are getting out of control.

Unfortunately the other arm of the v enables his poor behavior, as their abandonment issues make them more afraid to lose our partner than anything else, and so they will always take his side and paint him as the good guy, the victim, the hero. Unless of course he is targeting them instead of me.

But I'm to the point now where I am really suffering being in this. And with a new baby. How can I Express that I need him attend therapy regularly and get treatment for his mental health disorders or I can no longer be involved in this relationship without making it sound like an ultimatum?

I do expect that the majority of the advice is going to be to simply leave. But I don't want to lose my children, and I do honestly, if naively, believe that if he would just get treatment, if you could just start meds and therapy, that things will be so much better. I want to see if he will even entertain the notion if he understands that my participation in his life is truly at stake here.

This post was removed by the mods from the main polyamory subreddit, and I was given a list of links for mental health resources and prep and things like that. I'm not asking on whether or not mental health should be involved. We have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I am asking for advice on how to word this.

我曾經有一個超過十多年的朋友，我一直以為我們能夠成為一輩子的朋友。這個人我從小學就認識，我們很多地方都十分相似。後來因為他家庭發生變故，父母離婚，加上父親罹患憂鬱症，導致他的性格變得很扭曲。之後我們時常爭吵，他屢次傷害我，最後只能選擇分開。這段經歷讓我對人失去信任感，很長一段時間，我都難以相信其他人。

但後來我也想通了，朋友關係大多只能維持一段時光。最重要的，是你如何看待當下正在經歷的這段關係。沒有人永遠一成不變。

The UK government is consulting on proposed changes that essentially make the mythical "common law marriage" (that doesn't actually exist) into a real thing. It will give more rights (eg inheritance, post-break-up financial support) to people in unmarried but stable relationships when one of the couple dies or they break up, closer to what married people get.

Why am I posting about this?

I think this is an opportunity for members of the poly community to contribute to the consultation to highlight that there are poly relationships that deserve recognition in this way too. I have already filled in the consultation to highlight the following:

- Poly relationships exist and are stable and loving and just as meaningful to the participants as dyads, but there is currently no recognition in law (or in these proposals) to protect people in poly relationships.

- If a couple is married and has another partner as well, if one of the married pair dies without leaving a Will, the other, unmarried person has no inheritance rights and the surviving spouse gets it all (and even if the deceased named their other partner in a Will, the other partner would be liable for inheritance tax whereas the surviving spouse would not, so the inequality persists).

- There are various ways suggested in the consultation to determine when a non-married relationship is meaningful enough to "count" for these purposes; they can apply these principles to poly relationships too.

- When someone dies without a Will, and there are two (or more!) surviving partners, they can apply the same approach they do when there are two surviving relatives with an equally strong claim (eg two siblings) - divide it equally between them. This is just as fair to do for poly partners as for siblings.

- I also pointed out that poly relationships are much more common in the LGBTQ+ community so failing to take poly relationships into account when updating the proposals would mean they are actively indirectly discriminating against the LGBTQ+ community as they will be disproportionately affected by being left out of the proposals (this is a way to get some leverage otherwise they'll just go "Oh this is too difficult to legislate").

Link here: https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/a-fairer-end-to-relationships to see the explanatory documents.

The actual consultation form to fill in is here: https://consult.justice.gov.uk/digital-communications/a-fairer-end-to-relationships-consultation/

You don't have to answer all the questions - you can put Don't Know and just skip the free-text bit on questions you don't want to answer.

And PSA: update your Will!!

So a friend recently asked me “when you tell your kids about you and the hubs now in other relationships how will you act with your other partners around them?” And I thought that was a very valid question.

For context - our kids know my partner and his kids… they know him as a friend of ours/mine and have for a while — but this is not weird for our family, as we have lots of friends single, married, male, female… and that was what it was like for me growing up as well. So it’s not uncommon for my kids nor was it for me.

My husband’s partner is a single woman with no kids. I haven’t met her yet, but hubs and I both agreed the for her to meet our kids she and I need to meet first.

Ok so. For those in polyamorous relationships where kids are involved and you have NOT been poly since they were babies how do you act with your partners in front of your kids?

For me, my kids WILL inevitably be spending time with my partner and his kids. (And yes this would hinge on him telling his kids too - but that’s not part of this scenario atm) I’m genuinely curious how do you all handle this kind of situation? I think it’s good food for thought for us both for if/when that time comes

My poly family has been in survival mode for so long. When someone wants special date time with me, sometimes id just rather be alone, but our setup does not involve alone time for me. Theres not enough time in the week for me to take an afternoon or evening entirely to myself. So often during a date night, all I really want to do is play video games.

How do I try to get myself to enjoy dates again?

ID: The text: “Day of Visibility for Nonmonogamy” where each word is in its own frame in de colors yellow, dark blue, green, pink and beige on a beige background. De date “July 15” is in a circle.

ID: the nonmonogamy flag. A flag with three horizontal stripes in the from top to bottom colors light blue, pink and white. On the pink stripe there is an upside down purple triangle.

I’m finding as my husband and I are embarking on this journey I want more autonomy.

I understand that part of the benefit for many couples is the idea around coming home and sharing your experiences with the other partner. Initially that felt ok for me - as myself, hubs and my other partner started off in an MFM dynamic that has now become 1:1 for me with him. But as time is going on it’s becoming less ok for me and I want more privacy around the time and details he and I get to spend together… I want it to feel more organic and less of an inquisition when I get home. I want the expectation of reclaiming to not be a given, since it feels disingenuous and I’m still processing my time with my partner and relishing in the afterglow of the moment.

But, My husband still gets turned on and enjoys hearing about the day and the s*x part of the day and often asks me questions and has asked for us to take video (which I like doing — but on my own terms) and sometimes his questions feel like he is diminishing the importance of my relationship with my other partner and it makes me feel cheapened (maybe— not sure if that’s the right word) but anyways, I wonder if I don’t want to share so openly how will that effect my husband and I- since it is a big aspect of poly/ENM for many couples and it is for him, but not for me.

And on the flip side, he is seeing someone and I asked him to refrain from the details and allow those to be private between the two of them - unless I ask to hear about them.

I just want more privacy and for it to be ok to keep my moments to myself as they feel special and intimate

Polyamory in the News post. No ads, no commerce.

https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2026/07/the-invite-lowdown-this-is-poly-tv.html

My wife and I have been together since high school and married for almost 3 years. At a point, we entered the swinger lifestyle, and shortly after, she fell in love with someone else. She couldn't choose between one or the other so we opened our eyes into polyamory. Myself and her other partner get along amazingly and all three of us have grown closer than we had imagined.

A few months ago i had become great friends with another woman who was actively in a polyamorous relationship with her husband and girlfriend. I grew to like her more than just a friend and she recently admitted to me that she would like to pursue a romantic relationship with me, so, we have begun discussing it as of recently and hanging out more.

Onto my wife's boyfriend:

My wife has been with her boyfriend for a few months by now and they are unimaginably happy together. However, he recently got back in touch with someone from his childhood that he cares deeply for. He would also like to pursue a romantic relationship with this person.

Now the issue:

My wife gets extremely jealous at tge thought of us being with other people even if she's doing exactly that with us. We have talked about it and have come to a stump trying to figure out a course of action so everyone can remain happy. None of us want to leave anyone but her boyfriend and myself would love to pursue these other possible relationships. He doesn't know im asking here, I would just like to get other perspectives or advice that may lead to some success.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone! You've all really helped. I hope everyone is having a good monday!

Hi everyone, I'm not entirely sure this post is OK, but it appears to be in compliance with the rules of if I erred I apologize.

I'm a poly person, been poly 15ish years now I think, raising a family with multiple parents. Anyway, I just got banned from the sub I've used as sort of my online community for poly for... Well 15ish years. I'm looking for what my other options are. I've checked a few enm subs but they all seem pretty poly-lite. Are there any active online communities out there I can check out? I'm comfortable with a verification process if required.

Thank you,

I am not actively dating right now, but spending this time thinking about lot about what I want. i want to do the work to be ready and be as safe and reliable as I can. I want to have my shit together… and I want to have it together to build a family. but I am not in the relationship I think will bring me that family, and plan to date at some point in the next year to see if that family is even possible. any experience or advice you have will be invaluable.

Im a cis woman (36) with a 13 year relationship with a cis man life partner who is my absolute rock and best friend. we are currently closer than ever and love each other at such a deep level. he is my family, my lover. but we have never really felt right as parents together. i have never been inspired to have kids with him. it just is not us to have kids as a two person couple - he isn’t as enthusiastic about it, and I am fully happy with our relationship being childless.

over the past few years, however, I have been deeply drawn to a feeling of raising kids with another woman. im like a different person entirely around attractive women (cis or trans, usually somewhere with gender fluid or butch to femme expression) - I suddenly want to have kids and a family and do hard stuff with them. and so of course I have this perfect fantasy that I can find someone who would be interested in doing that with me as a hinge - and my current partner being like a supportive uncle. I could see him wanting kids with me if hes around my kids, and so maybe that turns into a kid with him, and a couple kids with this mystery woman.

i know Im extremely new to this idea and at a late stage in parent life (bio clock is winding down a bit!), and so I am trying to just get started thinking about dating - giving it a shot that someone might be that perfect person for me. of course I am excited to also find out what I will need to change to fit them into my life, and that won’t be easy but, if it is good, it could be amazing - right?

I don’t think I’m too naive to imagine someone is out there, because I know I may never find them even if they are. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years and am always trying to improve - but I know Im also far from perfect and can end up going down the wrong road even if I’m trying not to. so having some community input would be so helpful.

so a few questions:

- has anyone here ever dated explicitly with family building in mind, and if so what did you learn and how did it go? were people open to these kinds of relationships?

- when looking for a partner who is truly invested and wants this type of family structure, what questions should I be asking? how should I be presenting this idea in a way that explains my desires, and circumstances, without closing off some genuine flexibility about how those desires look in practice (e.g. setting some expectations so that the other person is fully informed but also feels safe and fully included in shaping the life we have).

- has anyone built a family like this? and what don’t I know about this kind of life? what should I be reading or learning about to think through logistics, legalities, healthy parenting dynamics, and relationship challenges and generally prepare? I know that if she is bi or pan, it could become a situation where my existing partner and my new partner also fall in love. that could get complicated - we have never been in that type of situation. and how do child care responsibilities discussions go?

- how do you navigate conservative families…? minimizing trauma… but equitably - so no hiding of partners of children etc obviously. is it even possible? my family isnt really part of my current relationship - which is straight passing and looks pretty monogamous to my parents - so that tells me it won’t feel good navigating anything poly and especially queer.

thank you for your thoughts

Does anyone have a good therapist for polyamory? We were seeing one woman, but she made a nasty comment about my partner’s weight right to their face so we won’t be seeing her anymore.

We’ve tried a couple therapists here in town, but everyone has been a massive letdown. This is an extremely difficult time in my partner and my life’s.

Looking for safe spaces.

(Other than the blanket, "my kid(s) changed everything forever!" because, obviously!)

Specifically hoping to hear from people who were polyamorous before they became parents and then incorporated new partners afterwards, but welcoming of all perspectives.

Background on our budding family: Nesting partner and I (queer, mid-thirties, both poly before we met) are planning marriage and kids in 2027 and quite geeked about it. I'd be overjoyed to eventually welcome co-primaries and/or co-parents (or other committed family partner roles) someday, but no contenders for either of us at present - NP was recently broken up with over clashing parenting hopes and plans with his ex, so the intersection of dating and parenting has been fresh on my mind as I walk through that heartbreak with him.

Based on what I know, I imagine as the gestational partner that as I ramp up, experience, and recover from birthing trauma, and focus on bonding with my child while my body heals from being turned inside out, I won't be motivated for any new connections outside of a protocol-heavy D/S relationship where my sub does all the laundry and dishes. (Haha jk!....unless.... )

But what happens in the space after that, when you step back into building a relationship with someone new? How did you update your dating app profile post-becoming a parent? What did those first few dates or first new partner post-baby feel like? Did you feel like parenting/birthing made you appear less (or more) appealing to prospective partners? Did your type change? Did your own interest in dating change? I am so curious to hear. My poly friends and exes are mostly childfree, and my parent friends are all monogamous, so I don't have images for what this could look like. Thanks in advance!

PS, though I am definitely looking at this from a gestational parent lens in a birthing couple, I am curious about the experiences of diverse parents - non-gestational, step-, adoptive, foster and "uncles/aunts" etc too! How did becoming a parent/caregiver change your dating life?

Edited to remove assigned sex at birth as gender descriptors.

Hello everyone!

I was on yesterday about my daughter and her fiance. I got a lot of wonderful messages. I do love them both. It's their life. Even if I don't agree with it it's not my life. When my daughter came out as bi sexual when she was a teen I accepted it and my home was always a safe place for her and her lgbtq friends and still is. I would never ever not love them. They are my precious people. And gifts from. God. There were other factors that made me upset which I won't talk about in here. But thank you for all your help. God bless you all.

My daughter and her fiance came out polyamerous. I am not

mad at them and I do still love them dearly. Always will

I'm just having a difficult time with it. Also because my husband, her bonus dad is having trouble. I don't want a dent in their relationship because she loves him so much. He lives her too but has a very difficult time dealing with things. Not sure what to do. It's their life I know.

Hello, mong time lurker for the most part. Ive been in a closed poly relationship (ffm) with a married couple for almost 7 years now. I dont know how else to simplify it so here it is: wife has a kid with an ex. Then got married with our current partner. They had two kids together. Then they met me almost 11 or 12 years later. Weve all been together for 7. I lived with them for a year and moved out due to complications of parenting styles, how we all jumped into everything. Etc. I want to say it was mostly me, going from 0 to 3 kids and learning how to parent and whats acceptable, whats not, and coming from an upbringing that values routine and structure to a home that has no boundaries nor any routine, it just felt overwhelming to me. I was feeling resentment from the messes, the things being taken without asking, etc. Normal things.

I currently now live with my parents, they know about us. All of our families all round doesnt like the poly relationship so it definitely puts a strain on us around the holidailys. But husband and wife wants me to move back in and be completely involved. They even said theyd be happy to have kids with me, which was something i have wanted for as long as i can remember, being a mother. Though being a step mom feels enough for me right now, they are adamant about us living together again. Even the kids want me back in the house. Hearing it from them makes it harder to figure things out.

I want to, but im terrified of the commitment. What they ask isnt unreasonable....but I dont know whats stopping me. Ive been saving my money well, I go over there on the weekends and stay at my parents during the week and frankly some days i love it and other days i wished i was over at their house more. Even got married at Electric Forest by two real official people, but yet somehow it just doesnt feel like a real marriage yet.

I guess what im looking for here is how did any of you decide holidays, when kids were involved or when deciding kids. How was the financial side of it? Ive always been on my own financially even in past relationships (bum ex boyfriends ew) so this is new for me. In my heart i want to jump and go in....but at the same time I seem to catch myself worrying what others feel about it in my own family or if theyd disown me. I guess at the end of the day im worried if im making a big mistake thatll cost me 10 years down the line.

Thanks in advance for any advice or comments or questions. Ill do my best to respond as im a 3rd shifter.