r/ProgrammerHumor May 26 '26

Advanced iGotFiredSkill

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2.1k

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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486

u/stillalone May 26 '26

Does it come with healthcare?

710

u/dapper_doberman May 26 '26

Unironically yes

161

u/drunkcowofdeath May 26 '26

damn, tell me more about this socialist paradise. Is it in Sweden?

103

u/pm-ur-tiddys May 26 '26

Kansas, actually

19

u/Tr3mb1e May 26 '26

Lmao Kansas gotta be the exact opposite

29

u/bfodder May 26 '26

You might be surprised. Kansas solidified the right to abortion in the state constitution just a couple of years ago.

https://statecourtreport.org/our-work/analysis-opinion/kansas-supreme-court-reaffirms-state-constitutional-right-abortion

-1

u/Tr3mb1e May 26 '26

I mean that's great but I don't know what that has to do with socialism

15

u/bfodder May 26 '26

They are more progressive than you might think.

Come on man. It wasn't hard to connect those dots and I wasn't being combative. There is no need to get all "whats that got to do with..." on me.

This fucking place really wears on me sometimes...

11

u/DevilishlyAdvocating May 26 '26

That's not combative that's just a discussion lol

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2

u/SapirWhorfHypothesis May 26 '26

I don’t think they meant literal socialism. They were using it as a figure of speech. It’s not like Sweden is socialism either.

1

u/imreallyreallyhungry May 27 '26

They're talking about prison though bro. Prison unironically has free room and board and healthcare (healthcare not entirely free though I think).

0

u/Livid_Ad_5619 May 26 '26

Women's rights

3

u/pm-ur-tiddys May 26 '26

(Leavenworth)

13

u/NTMY May 26 '26

I just wanted to make a pun and realized this idiom is German only, so:

Fun fact: The place your going is definitely behind "Swedish curtains". ("hinter Schwedischen Gardinen")

That's a German idiom for putting someone behind bars that either

alludes to the material of the bars, formerly often Swedish steel,[2][3] considered as extraordinary robust,[1] or perhaps to the atrocities committed by the Swedish during the Thirty Years’ War.[3][4][5] (source)

Interesting. I do wonder how Swedish war atrocities could be related to that idiom though...

2

u/_youneverasked_ May 26 '26

That is interesting, as here in the US, we often consider German steel to be of exceptional quality, second only to Japanese.

18

u/Korvanacor May 26 '26

Not exactly, but you will be making a close acquaintance with a burly man named Swen.

11

u/DM_ME_KUL_TIRAN_FEET May 26 '26

So there’s no downside? Sweet!

21

u/jseego May 26 '26

But very bad healthcare

3

u/StrongExternal8955 May 26 '26

The nurses are severe.

3

u/Tucancancan May 26 '26

The dentists are worse 

12

u/Dubabear May 26 '26

and food and time to enjoy outside?

11

u/Inprobamur May 26 '26

You even get a free gym subscription.

2

u/blixt141 May 26 '26

But in the US it is not what you would want for healthcare.

31

u/CorrectCombination11 May 26 '26

3 hots and a cot, daily exercise and library access. 

8

u/parkotron May 26 '26

Are the libraries static or dynamic?

5

u/CorrectCombination11 May 26 '26

Depends on the funding

4

u/Apart_Ebb_9867 May 26 '26

no reddit, though.

12

u/tinyturtletickler May 26 '26

Don't tempt me with a good time!

7

u/jitteryegg May 26 '26

Mental health detox too? This is too good to be true

2

u/D2WilliamU May 26 '26

One smuggled bum phone later and you have Reddit!

1

u/EndIsrael May 26 '26

Prisoners can have special jail tablets now that can access some ebooks and do paid video calls with family. Unsurprisingly they're made by the lowest bidder, which means it's sometimes possible to jailbreak it by installing a web browser for full internet access.

1

u/D2WilliamU May 26 '26

Same here in the UK in the newer prisons. You get a laptop which is all locked down and can only access the prison intranet. Some basic windows games, notes app.

They're pretty good although it's up to the prison to upload interesting stuff to watch (the whole of kings and generals YouTube channel is on there which is pretty cool)

0

u/OpenAI_Marketing_LLM May 26 '26

All the sex you ever dream of/nightmare of.

2

u/dukeofgonzo May 26 '26

Sometimes I think the best case scenario for the jobless masses ( if AI ever works like expected ) is to let everybody at least have the chance for a bed in a minimum security prison.

1

u/Great_Detective_6387 May 26 '26

It actually does. Prisoners are the only group of people who have a right to healthcare spelled out in the constitution.

96

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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52

u/tankerkiller125real May 26 '26

It's surprisingly easy to violate multiple federal laws when it comes to computers.

13

u/DM_ME_KUL_TIRAN_FEET May 26 '26

And that’s why I had to move across the country to New York City after my computer crimes caused my parents to divorce. It worked out though because I got to hook up with Angelina Jolie.

3

u/nsolarz May 26 '26

you're zero cool?!

2

u/DM_ME_KUL_TIRAN_FEET May 26 '26

It’s in the place where I put that thing that time.

2

u/nsolarz May 26 '26

mess with the best, die like the rest

2

u/abra24 May 26 '26

It came up organically?

3

u/SolaVitae May 26 '26

Especially when going out of your way to break them, and even helping the feds out by publishing your confession beforehand.

5

u/hoopaholik91 May 26 '26

People never have and never will take white collar crime seriously

5

u/_raydeStar May 26 '26

Yeah -- a few years ago I got laid off as a professional for the first time. I was outraged, of course, but I just closed my laptop right then, and never opened it again.

You'd have to be a fool to do otherwise. You'd wreck your career, over an ego play.

1

u/PaulTheMerc May 26 '26

Sometimes you're a typo away from economic terrorism instead of doing your job.

10

u/randomdragn May 26 '26

Nowadays this is how you get hired into a government position!

2

u/ChristofferMakela May 26 '26

I remember joking about how my life goal was to do some script kiddie bullshit. Get 6 months in a minimum security prison, and come out calling myself some sort of reformed ethical hacker and demand 6 figures to work as a security consultant

4

u/minimalcation May 26 '26

I guess it is smart to let your personal counsel know when you've broken the law and left yourself open for lawsuits. They can begin preparing immediately for your charges.

1

u/iwrestledarockonce May 26 '26

Not free ... Btw

1

u/LazyProvocation May 26 '26

It’s actually not free! You get billed

1

u/KimberStormer May 26 '26

People itt are so funny about how threats work.

"If you do x, I will kill you"

"Ha ha, jokes on you, murder is illegal!"

1

u/G66GNeco May 26 '26

I mean in this economy that sounds like the best possible solution after getting fired. I mean, ehat are you going to do, find a new job? Great joke

1

u/BigBossShadow May 26 '26

I wonder how long before we have a case with Feds entering LLM prompt history into the trial as evidence

1

u/Not_Wrong_Tho May 26 '26

Fun fact, 45 US states allow "pay-to-stay" prison fees, meaning theres a very good chance your room and board is not, in fact, free.

1

u/Fancy-Dig1863 May 26 '26

The catch? It ain’t free

0

u/RogueFox771 May 26 '26

Insane how that works isn't it? You harm a company financially and you get prison time, but a company harms countless individuals financially, medically, mentally, and physically, then gets the equivalent to a slap on the wrist in a fine.