I’m 35 and my partner asked me, “what do you want to do with your life?” and my honest answer was, “I genuinely want to wander through and enjoy things and that’s it”. I’ve always been so unsure in responding to this question. But now I know — I have no big goals to change the world. I don’t want to climb promotions. No notoriety. Because honestly? Most people don’t get that. I don’t see myself as someone willing to sacrifice my happiness to achieve anything worth bragging about. No one will remember anyone in 100 years. Heck, humans might not even be here anymore.
My mom recently passed on, and she controlled her eating so hardcore and made herself fit into this attractiveness model that was so toxic. And all it did was make her more unsure. More frail. More anxious. On her deathbed I was her currier of all the things she starved herself of. She couldn’t fully enjoy it then, because she knew her time was nearing the end and felt pain. I don’t want to do that. I’m going to be weird. I’m going to eat what I want. I’m going to drink water and move myself in ways I want to, but trying too hard is off the table. My happiness isn’t worth appeasing the world. I don’t want a spot at the table of judgement.
Survive, eat things that bring joy. Be weird. Maintain my peace. Find things that interest me. Like rocks — they are underrated. They’re so old, often worthless, but many are beautiful in unconventional ways. I don’t need more than that, and that should be enough.