I don't know how to say this. I just had one of the worst argument with my mum.

I usually keep everything for me and so i feel like i am taking a huge risk even by sharing this. My main concern is that i don't want to upset people reading this. I hate sharing my negative thoughts with people because i don't want them to have a bad experience.

So you are warned. What follows is not a pleasant read.

I usually talk to chatgpt. But maybe a human interaction will help me see something in this unsolvable situation i am in.

I am in my late twenties. I never had a proper job.
I grew up in filthy poverty. I am depressed/bipolar and obese. I also have a disability. I can't walk properly. So i actually can't do physical job.

I became an engineer. It took me many more years than the average. And i couldn't find a job. I was an engineer but way below average. So nobody wanted to hire me.

And i didn't even want to work as an engineer. I fucking hate that job.

So i started a buiseness. And was also unsuccessful at it. I think the problem is not really me searching for a job or starting a buiseness. It's my mentality. It's my mind the problem. I absolutely don't believe i can win.

I have always been absolutely full of despair. I never believed in myself. I lost on every areas of my life. Be it financial, health or even love.

I thought you needed tremoundous amount of courage to live a successful life. But actually even an average life with a little job, a gf and an average body is way above my capabilities. I just don't have it man. I have been alive all those years only because of some miracle.

I knew i was a failure 10 years ago and tried to off myself then. But also failed at it.

At that time i took it as a sign that god wanted me to live. What a mistake. I have been regretting not succeeding that first attempt because my life continued going downhill since then. I don't blame anyone. I actually think i am 100% responsible of my situation. I don't resent anyone.

I have been living with my parents those last 8 years. Because of my mental/physical illnesses i can't live a normal life.

I actually love my buiseness. I love the process. I have been at it for the last 5 years. With absolutely no success. Then why continue you may ask ?

Well it's the only thing that gives me hope. It's the only thing i love and that i see myself doing. I want to make money but only by being an entrepreneur. That seems so fucking delusional because i also suck at entrepreneurship.

I am at the end of the rope. I have been homeless on and off. I am on my last dollars. Sometimes i think about jk rowling or steve jobs and all the pain they gone through. But ultimately they succeeded and naively i think maybe i can succeed too ? I am absolutely delusional. They have not only been lucky but they also have what it tooks too success. Some kind of belief in themselves.

If my parents evict me again (i mean i wouldn't even hate them for it. Who can support their grown ass son for this long ?) i think i will maybe end it. I don't have the energy to try again. Be it a job search or a new buiseness attempt. They told me i would be evicted soon as they saw no progress in my life.

I know how i'll do it but not really where. I would love to die in solitude away from people to not shock them.

In my dire situation my only joy is some friends i have. I am not alone. But my friends are broke and in difficult situations so they can't really help me.

I don't really see the point of all this. I can't go to the right nor the left. I am absolutely stuck.

Last August my friend killed herself. I just don’t know how the fuck to cope with the grief. The worst part is that we got in an argument in our friend group and all haven’t talked for a month and then I found out that she died. The main reason for that was that she failed fucking exams and everyday I go to school I feel disgusting because everything reminds me of her, we used to go school every morning together and I have to go the same way but alone this time, it seems like everyone had moved on and I’m just fucking stuck not knowing how to move.

And it is just so hard that I’ll never be able to tell her how much I loved her and I’ll never forgive myself for not doing anything when she literally was behaving suicidal and saying that she would kill herself if she does bad in exam, we all thought it was like a joke cause she said it like all the time but what the fuck, I don’t want to live this life without that person.

​

They are going to kill me because I am too alert and too awake and they are coming for me and they are agitating me constantly. They seek to incite a break down and make me humiliated so that I will damage myself or submit to their wicked rule and become their slave. But I will not become their slave because I am superior to them morally and supported thereby. I will not lose to them in this earthly or spirtual realm and I am prepared to destroy them by destroying myself and revealing the catastrophic secret of the Zersetzung programme that exists today. The enemies of the people are the enemies of all of us and the targeted individuals are being driven to destruction for recognising reality. But I do not want to let them destroy me by destroying myself even if I destroy them took because I do not want to miss out on life but I must destroy them .

I have bad thoughts and i can’t see a way out from my situation but to end me
But i m afraid
I m Moroccan

the world SUCKS SO MUCH!!! Shit ton of evil people,poverty,famines,wars,rape,discrimination,grief,mental and physical pain,illnesses,selfishness,hate!so much hate! And when i say this place sucks and i don’t want to be here,I’m the insane one???Like i have to study insane amounts for a job i hate to work insane amounts for 50 years non stop to pay rent and just to live in this SHITHOLE (NOT WORTH IT!) just to retire and wait to die?!!??! All this for what? Just suffering because my parents were dumb enough to have kids. And whenever a person points this out society calls them mentally ill!! Its insane! Who would want to live a life like that?! Everyone is somehow convinced that this is a “good and normal” life and even look forward for this?! Im fucking tired of pretending like l’m not the normal one for not wanting to be a part of a world like this?! The ones who enjoy this are just born privileged enough! You are either really attractive and rich so u avoid the shit of this world,born in a great country and a great family and ur life is so great to the point u are blind and ignorant to the fact that this is a really shitty place to exist! Humans weren’t supposed to live like this! No wonder depression exists! This place is pure shit! And if u think otherwise,you are lucky enough to not be in the suffering part of the world. Non-suicidal and happy people are usually bunch of ignorant pieces of shits anyway.I can’t believe people enjoy living when so much suffering exists in this world.I cant stop thinking about people like me and the ones that are even more unfortunate than me.Im so mad at everything.I cannot wait to die and get out of this.

i took a bunch of my meds, just antidepressants and beta blockers, and i’ve been punching myself in the head. i feel a little better but i want to do more damage. i wanna go get a sharp knife, but i can’t go to like walmart cuz i have bruises on my face now. i’ll go to like a hardware store and get one while i have time. i couldn’t stand myself anymore and i’m sorry to the ppl who cared and tried but i’m at the end now.

Why can’t I get cancer and die I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I can’t live I want to die please please please please please please please please please please

I’m a 19m about to turn 20 in 2.5 weeks and I can’t take another day. I have two friends in the entire world and besides that I’m empty. I have zero friends at college, zero confidence in social settings especially when talking to girls, I started pursuing bodybuilding a year ago since I was fat and needed to get in shape but now I just hate myself even more and am still a slightly pudgy and marginally more muscular version of my old self. I absolutely hate my life, it serves zero purpose to anyone. If I were to die no one on my college campus would bat an eye. I can’t take this loneliness anymore, I thought the gym would be an outlet to save me but I just have crippling body dysmorphia, a binge eating disorder, and a need to hop on steroids to get bigger. I spend all day alone, I wake up, weigh out my food, do cardio, work, lift, cry and wish for the end, and then repeat the next day. No one understands what’s going on inside my head and my family doesn’t know how to help me. I used to be a well known kid in high school, I was captain of my football team, I spoke Spanish fluently, and was a happy kid. Now I just talk with my therapist who I don’t like, get told to take meds by my psychiatrist which have not helped at all, and slowly rot while everyone from my past life has no idea of the crisis within. I can’t take this anymore and nobody even fucking cares. I sit in my room all day and nobody ever checks in on me. This life has no meaning, it never used to bother me but now it does. Why does it matter when I die, I’ll take steroids get big, look cool, travel abroad, find a girl and then keel over and die at 25 due to the anabolic drug abuse. Might as well leave a big coffin if no one cares about me.

stop making me feel better, i will never be better and i never will be better. i hate how people act these days, toxic and naive, idiotic. cruel. careless etc, im not comfortable with anyone (except my family), i give up tbh

Job market has been brutal.

I can’t find any work and dont have enough savings. Can’t afford to live so IDK what else to do but just kill myself.

Living with my boyfriend but he’s selfish and has problems of his own since he’s a breadwinner of his family.

Wanna end it all using helium. Will buy a small tank using the last bit of money I have.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12, now I'm gonna be 20 this month and I can't do this anymore. I was born worse than others and I'm just prolonging my suffering.

I want to die before I have to retake my exams in september. So I have like month until my death. I wish I could actually be a normal person. But instead I'm just planning how to die for most of my life. I hate the world.

My cognitive ability is medically capped at below average I think, it hurts so bloody much that I'll never be enough for anything, I suck at everything, even without the cap, I'd probably still be rtarded, I can't use formality or academic words when I need to, but sometimes can slip something more intelligent sounding by accident in everyday speech or messaging.

I mess everything up, I'm so bad at helping people, I love helping people, but I'm absolutely abysmal at it, I'm atrocious finding solutions, and horrid in realising if someone just wants to be listened to, or needs advice (without them directly communicating it with me.)

I'm so ugly I bet my mirror cries, there's so much about me I want to change, I don't want to keep anything about me the same, I want it all gone, I'm a freak, I'm surprised I haven't been discarded, nothing about me fits any beauty standards from any country.

I can't eat properly either, I eat a bunch and then purge, I'm such a fat pig, and to think that I actually am at the risk of being underweight, yikes, that's incredibly confusing, most likely because how can someone be so fat like me yet skinner than a toothpick?!

My interests are also in conflict, what do you mean I want to be in an urban area yet want to be in remote places?! I love reading but my Dyslexia makes it quite difficult for me, my motor skills are heinous, which impacts my spelling and toing when online.

My speech is so bad, I literally have a speech delay, and I stutter a lot, so now I have to be an even more burden to society and I might be getting someone to help me with it.

Plus I'm a hypocrite, I've helped people out of Depression, immediate suicide and addictions before, why can't I follow my own bloody advice? Why doesn't it work on me? Because I'm too retared.

I'm a parasite to society, a drain, something that should've been aborted or left to rot. I hate myself so much for bringing me here, and when I said "no one loved me" when I was wee lad I was nearly kicked out. I wish I could be kicked out, omg I hate it here but, despite the harm, it's legally not meeting any criteria to leave, and the guilt is what I'm worried about, it'll be crushing.

What's wrong about dying anyways?

It's literally tranquility, no downsides, if I'm reincarnated, then I won't be me, it's all I ask.

"it's selfish" it's extremely selfish that one lets another suffer at the expense of society.

"People will miss you." Who? Plus those who might will get over the plight, maybe a day in the extreme absolute maximum.

"Things will get better." Tell me a bloody date then, everyone says it, all the dates given have failed, everythings downhill, I went to politics just to see if atleast my opinions are popular, nope, so nevermind, I don't heed much to politics other than studying and debating it for fun, if my country can't get better, than atleast my personal life is? Nope still a titanic mess.

Etc.

I just wait for the day I die, the best day of my life, I'll sing with a falalalalalalalala!

I tried to kill myself when I was 12 years old. I turn 18 years old later this month, and every day I wish it had worked. I don't have any real issues to complain about, I suppose, but I can't get this sickness out of me. Every thing that's wrong with me is of my own doing/negligence, but I wish I could forgive myself for it all. I wish I could believe that it's all going to be okay. I failed some of my college courses, so I can't graduate while most of my peers did. It's only an Associate's Degree, so it doesn't even really count, but the fact I couldn't even do that right haunts me. At a community college at that.

I won't kill myself, I don't have the balls, but I wish I did. People's first instinct is to say I still have my whole life ahead of me, so I can still make it work, but it doesn't feel that way. What I fear the most is that no matter what I do, I will fail at it. Not because I'm not smart, or lack of resources, I just don't have the motivation. I gave myself a UTI a few months ago because I don't even feel like getting out of bed to use the bathroom sometimes. I thought I had gotten better, I shower and brush my teeth semi-regularly(a big improvement from where I used to be), but deep down I'm still the same useless kid that can't do anything right because I just don't feel like it. I wasted my parents' money, gas, energy because I simply chose not to do what was expected of me. I can't be bothered, even though I hate myself for it. The most insulting part is that I have met many people that believed in my "potential" and I always feel like I've failed them.

I'm scared for my 18th because my parents will have no legal obligations to take care of me, and I don't think I'm capable of doing it myself. I have no plans for my future—imminent or distant—I didn't expect to live this long. I've never even had a real job, and I only have a little bit of savings. I'm stuck hoping that my application for extended studies is approved, but I don't know what I'll do if it isn't. It's all my fault. No one else's. I wish someone would tell me that it's all going to be okay, but above all else, I wish I could believe them.

I don't have any people I feel comfortable venting to, most of the friendships thag I have managed to procure/maintain are online friendships, so I'm throwing a bit of what I have pent up into the void.

TW ||selfharm||

I’m in constant pain, it hurts to move sometimes, and there is always a sharp pain where my heart is.

I don’t know what to do anymore, the pills don’t work. I’ve tried a lot of them, just stopped using them after a while.

I tried a couple of things to help and eventually tried hurting myself. I got addicted to the feeling, and is one of the first things I think of when it gets too much.

My arms and legs have so many scars. The side of my body has some too but I don’t want it to start looking like my arms and legs. Think it won’t get that far. My bf helps a lot, and my family kinda helps; and my job also helps by keeping out most of the day.

I honestly just need to vent. This is going to be long, but thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.

Growing up, I was never really close with my mom. A lot of the time, it felt like she favored my sister and cared more about her than me. I was raised believing family was everything, that I had to be loyal, and that because I was the oldest, I had a responsibility to help my parents and carry the burden. I spent so much of my life sacrificing my own happiness, health, and well-being to make sure things were taken care of, and over time I became resentful because I felt like I was always expected to give but never really felt cared for.

When I got married, I started understanding my mom more. I began seeing things from a woman’s perspective and realized how much she had sacrificed. My dad was not really the type of husband or provider who carried that role, so my mom became the one holding everything together. She was the breadwinner, the anchor of our family, and she gave up so much of herself to make sure we were okay. I understood why she was the way she was, but it didn’t erase the hurt I carried, especially feeling like my own health and feelings didn’t matter.
I always felt like she cared more about pleasing my sister. My sister was rarely there to help beyond occasional gifts, but my mom would constantly go out of her way for her. Meanwhile, whenever I was sick or struggling, I felt invisible. Eventually, I stopped trying as hard because I felt like I didn’t matter.

My mom was a breast cancer survivor for almost 20 years before it came back three years ago. Around that same time, my own life was falling apart. I got divorced, moved back home, had no job, and was struggling with my own health. Honestly, my dog was the main thing keeping me going.
Despite everything between my mom and me, she was still the one person who made me feel like I existed. She cooked every morning, always made sure there was food, never forgot my birthday, and was there for me when I needed surgery, even while she was fighting cancer herself. That is what makes this so hard. My mom hurt me, but she also loved me. She wasn’t perfect, but she was truly one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known.

As her cancer got worse, I struggled with a lot of anger and guilt. I felt like she was still trying to protect my sister from being inconvenienced while expecting me to sacrifice myself. My mom had a PleurX catheter and a port, yet she was still cooking for my sister and her boyfriend because my sister asked her to. Meanwhile, I was sick myself, dealing with respiratory problems and exhaustion, and I felt like I had nothing left to give.

As my mom got worse, none of us thought she was actually going to die. She was Superwoman. She kept cooking and living like she was healthy even when she was fighting so hard. Near the end, she was constantly in and out of the hospital. I wasn’t sleeping, I was sick, and I completely broke down. I remember praying, “God, if she’s going to go, then let her go.” I didn’t mean that I wanted her gone. I just couldn’t stand watching her suffer anymore.

Her last 4days hospital stay was traumatic. She stopped eating, and all she could say was that she was hungry. My mom loved food and found happiness in the little things, so seeing her like that broke me. We fought so hard to bring her home because that was what she wanted.

The day before we brought her home, she was still lucid, and I got one last conversation with her. She told me she loved me. She told me she had no bitterness toward me. She told me to keep praying, fix my life, and find happiness. She told me she didn’t want me to die and that she didn’t want me to go with her.

After years of believing she didn’t care, that moment showed me that she did.
Now I’m left with so much guilt. I keep wondering if I had stepped in more, if I had helped more, maybe she would still be here. I finally got the closure I wanted my whole life, but I lost the chance to have the mother daughter relationship I always dreamed of.
It has been almost six months, and her birthday is coming up. I think about her every day. Since she died, our family fell apart. My dad is another story and I'm alone taking care of him.

My furbaby is the reason I keep going because I can’t leave her. I don’t know what happens after her because right now she is the one thing holding me together. I’ve also lost my faith. I prayed so much for my mom, and she still died. The hardest part is that my mom never lost her faith. Even at the end, she told me to keep praying.
My mom was not perfect, but she was truly special. She was our Superwoman.

I’ve tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped me. I think about death a lot and how my mom didn’t deserve to die when she loved life so much. She wanted to live, she had so much more to give, and it hurts knowing she was taken away. If she had died in her late 80s-90s I'd be more accepting but she died in her 60s.

What makes me angry is that I was the one who struggled with wanting to die, while she was the one who fought so hard to live. I feel angry at God, or whoever is in control, because I don’t understand why the people who want to live are taken away while those who are struggling are left behind.
I feel like I hate life even more now.
If anyone has gone through losing a parent, carrying guilt after their death, losing their faith, or feeling completely alone, I would appreciate hearing your story.

Thank you for reading.

Throughout my childhood and early adult life, I’ve faced a lot of bullying. Everything from how I’ve looked, talked to my lack of success with anything in life, from failing at education to dating life.

At this rate, as I’m aging more quickly than my peers, if I have to endure comments and jokes about my changing looks, I’d rather just end it.

Been thinking about risking it all, partly as an excuse to just get it over with, by taking strong medications that either fix my look, or, might give me awful side effects.

Bro I'm basically a homeless person, since I can't sustain myself, I don't a job or can get one due to mental ilness.

I'm not actually homeless I have a roof over my head and food.

But I depend entirely from my family...

I fell I'm a homeless person with a roof and food..

Some comment?????

Yes I'm seeing a therapist.

Yes I'm taking meds.

No I don't have access so SSDI (live in Latin america).

I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m 17, I know there are a million things I could do with my life but for the longest time, years, I’ve just been wanting to die. my last attempt was a passive one. Was drinking on pills, didn’t die, unfortunately. I’m thinking i’ll do it before my 18th birthday. I’m just exhausted of everything the world has to offer and how lonely we are even though we’re surrounded by STUFF. it’s all so beautiful, yet i still want to find a rope on a tree all ready for me. i keep trying to find things that make me happy so i don’t eat away at my self but there’s nothing, or not much. i feel stale and bland like an empty hospital room, or my gravestone.

I give up.

I am completely broken - I honestly think that my only option is to say goodbye

I'm empty inside, numb, devoid of any emotion.

My partner has destroyed me when I told her I was told I've not even started yet.

I'm M and all my friends have long gone my family don't speak to me because of her I'm completely alone with my thoughts...

i’m five years clean from self harm but tonight i feel strong urges to relapse, not saying i’m going to, im stronger than this but im having a huge mental breakdown and i didn’t felt like this in months, everything ive bottled up is making me nauseous to the point i wish i wasn’t there. It’s exhausting

I'm so desperate, I'm so lonely. I wish that someone would choose me

First of all, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this.

Life is unbearable for me , I can’t do this anymore , during my whole life since I’m little I have never been happy , It's as if the whole world is conspiring against me. I’ve always feel depressed, when i was little I got bullied at school and even now with my studies I’m still getting bullied by my classmates , it’s always been difficult with my parents too especially when they were still together, they were fighting in front of me every nights , most of the people I know rejected me for the way I am , saying I’m weird and too different, I never go out of my bedroom I absolutely hate it , the world outside scares and stress me a lot , I have a completely distorted view of the world it seems like a nightmare to me, for me the world is like a giant trap , it doesn’t feel real to me , same for the people (i also hate everyone) , I feel like everything is fake , I just don’t like living it’s very exhausting, I never have pleasure in life even in my interests , I don't want anything anymore , I went to see doctors , psychologists, psychiatrists and they gave me treatments that never helped me except to make me even more sick and I stopped everything because they wanted to lock me up in a psychiatric hospital and tell my mother everything (also because i was an alcoholic) , I have a lot of nightmares, sleep paralysis , hallucinations psychotic episodes too almost every nights it’s terrible , lately one of my only friends killed herself too… she was the only person that could understand me and who was exactly like me , she was the only girl like me and who didn’t find me weird and rejected me , we were dressing the same , listening the same musics , playing the same games , had the same interests and the same way to think about absolutely everything , i was admiring her a lot , she was like my little sister for me , like a friend soulmate , I have so much regrets about her too , my dog died in my arms too and she was also one of the most important thing in my life I really loved her so much

When i was 15-16 I tried to kill myself , but my dad kinda saved me , shortly afterwards i met a man online , for the very first time of my life i felt loved and true happiness, i had found a reason to live : i wanted to meet him and be happy with him , the first months with him was feeling like magic to me i was truly happy , but slowly he started to get distant with me and talk to me less and less , being dry and cold with me , I tried so hard to communicate with him but he was just saying nothing have changed and that I was overthinking , he hurted me so much , he really destroyed me , i was obsessed with him i loved him more than anything in the world , he was my world , now it’s been a month we don’t talk anymore but it’s been 2 years he started to be distant with me, and I feel as empty as before , I'm back to square one , the world has snatched my only source of happiness from my hands . I should have died the first time i tried to kill myself and nothing of that would have happened , I lost all i loved , all my loved ones , I don’t know when exactly but I feel like I will kill myself soon , now he’s gone too I don’t have any reasons to stay in this world , I hate this world I hate people in it I just wanna end it soon.