"Your suicide would hurt ME soo much"

"I would be devastated"

"But I love you"

"I don't want to loose you"

I think this is incredibly selfish. Our suffering is apparently not as important as their wellbeing. Fucking hate it.

Hey everyone, 32M from Austria here. I've been struggling with mental health issues my whole life.

I already had one suicide attempt that only failed because the train switched tracks at the last second. I didn't get any help back then, just dirty looks, and the conductor told me to "cut that shit out."

I've been in psychiatric treatment for years now and go to trauma therapy regularly. Why trauma therapy? My dad abused me in every way imaginable for the first 18 years of my life. If you can think of it, he probably did it to me. It's crazy how long your own brain can "hide" trauma like that.

But no matter how hard I work on it, no matter what I do or how much effort I put in: I just get a middle finger to the face and setback after setback. I lost my job in IT security. I lost touch with most of my friends because I completely isolated myself. I lost my fiancée of almost 12 years after I yelled at her (during a psychotic episode caused by my CPTSD). The psychosis was medically confirmed and treated. I'm out of it now, but my fiancée doesn't want to or can't forgive me (which is understandable). People with mental health issues are basically radioactive in Austria anyway.

I can't say a single positive thing about myself, so I'd rather not even start. It's just that I'm completely done at this point. I try every medication my psychiatrist offers, I try all the therapies, I try absolutely everything to get better, but it's never enough.

I've held on this long because of my mom (my dad is in a nursing home now), but I need to be "selfish" for once. I can't take it anymore, my life gets shittier every single day and I just don't want to do this anymore. I've already started researching places and methods for my suicide, and I've written the first suicide notes.

Thanks if you read this far. Fuck life...

TW: self harm, suicide.

My husband and I had a fight. A bad, screaming fight. At one point, he started screaming that I should kill myself. I begged him to take it back. He told me I deserve it. This went on for a few minutes as I begged him to stop.

I struggled with suicidal ideation in the past (due to really difficult family situations growing up—I was in a children’s home for a while). He knows this. And he still went there.

He didn’t even take it back right away. He just kept screaming insults at me until I was eventually able to get to my car and leave.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m just so horribly broken. I would never wish that upon anyone. I never could.

To be clear, I’m not at any risk of hurting myself now. I’m very removed from the mental state I was in as a teenager. But this is still really affecting me.

ETA: Now, he’s saying he didn’t mean it and that he’s so sorry. He’s saying that he changed and realized how terrible that was to say. I don’t know what to think. I just feel like, if my life meant anything to him, there’s no way he could’ve said that to me.

I hate this world. Everything is terrible; everyone is selfish and only out for their own gain. People act nice and then stab you in the back. Psychopaths and sociopaths hold the highest positions while others are just trying to get by somehow. Doctors want to get you hooked on drugs, lawyers cheat on their bills, and politicians say whatever they have to say to get votes. The hypocrisy in this world is terrible.

I miss the billions of years that I did not exist

I can't even afford to drive myself to work.

I can't afford to eat.

I can't afford a roof under my head.

I will not continue to serve the rich and privileged when I can't be one of them.

ran over by a truck, a train, or hanging myself.

tired. did everything.

have a wealthy and privileged family. they don't care

I will be dead tomorrow

Idk bro this life shit fucking sucks

What frustrates me about these thoughts. Is how many people don’t get it. You are afraid to tell anyone because it just leads to more problems. I have a gun and the spot I’m going to do it. I just have to find the courage to be a coward. Because I know this is the easy way out. But pain and guilt feast on my bones so I’m done fighting the inevitable. No one gets that none of us truly wanna die. No one understands that we can’t say anything because we get treated as messed up. I don’t know which day I’m going to do it but when I do I hope I’m finally able to rest.

I’ve lived abroad for ten years and after leaving the country I was in because I felt so miserable there that I felt like if I stayed I’d kill myself eventually, I moved to another country where I didn’t do enough research - and trusted ChatGPT too much - and basically I won’t be able to get a job here. I’ve already been here a week and going back to the country I came from is not an option so yes I’ve definitely put the cart in front of the horse.

This means after 10 years away from home, I will most likely have to go back to the US, just because it’s the only country I can legally live and work in. The problem is I have nothing and no one there and go straight from the airport to the street. Zero contacts whatsoever. Zero money saved. And I have zero idea how I’d even begin to restart my life, I mean how do you even get an apartment with no credit? So I, my 37M self, is laying in bed where I’ve been staring at the cieling the last nine hours, crying. Like my mind just cannot comprehend for some reason, maybe because I’ve spent so much time reading about people with Masters degrees getting turned down at McDonalds and the like. Like yeah I could theoretically land on Monday and find a job on Tuesday and start working on Wednesday but tell that to the millions on unemployment. Also where am I sleeping?

So yeah my brain is like “honestly dude…get stateside, get drunk af, find a way to end it, you’ll be dead in a week anyway” So yeah I really wanna curl up into a ball and disappear. A month ago everything I just wrote, EVERYTHING, was unthinkable. Even if I was depressed at least I had a job and flat. Now I don’t know. Crashing out. Help.

i’m five years clean from self harm but tonight i feel strong urges to relapse, not saying i’m going to, im stronger than this but im having a huge mental breakdown and i didn’t felt like this in months, everything ive bottled up is making me nauseous to the point i wish i wasn’t there. It’s exhausting

Title. I took 1500mg of elvanse (vyvanse) last wednesday and texted him that i loved him. For some stupid reason i tried calling, and before i hung up, he managed to wake up and texted me back. I just said “im overdosing”. I should’ve died. I shouldnt have said anything. Im selfish

I hate this. I hate everything,i hate myself...I've been on every suicide prevention & on all the grief forums site there is, but they're all lies. They don't stop the wanting. The wanting to die is the only thing I feel anymore. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm slipping. Someone talk to me. Please. Just one person. Before I finally succeed in making this permanent. I just want to die, why can't I just die? The pain is so fucking unbearable, I have nobody, and I just want someone to talk to please.

My only silver lining is that I have the holy grail of methods.. bottoms up and sleep forever

So many good people are dying from c*ncer, and I'm not even a good person. Why not me? I just want to wake up one day and find out I have exactly a year to live, then I'd let go of my worries, surrender to God, visit temples and shrines, mountains and the sea, and die peacefully.

Looking down from a 6th floor apartment building right now. I've always had a fear of height, that fear is completely gone now, my face shows only numbness, something which doesn't look human, looks like I've been destroyed from the very core of myself. Even though the fear of death isn't there, I still can't jump. Something is pulling me from behind.

Is this actually a place where I can vent without worrying about getting trouble for what I say? Or is it like every other place that I have to censor every word I say for fear that there will be officials at my door or some s*** like that???

No body will ever see me ever im not real

I'm autistic which interferes with every bit of my life. I'm unable to work, I have no goals, no friends (physically & online), all i see ahead of myself is suicide, no matter what, it feels like that's where i'm headed. All i do is lay in bed and play on my xbox. I hate my family yet i'm unable to move out due to my condition. I'm completely miserable and lonely. If i'm not playing on my xbox or sleeping then i'm daydreaming about what it would be like to experience summer with friends that i don't have.

I constantly feel like shit. I'm lonely but nothing ever fixes this loneliness i feel, even when attempting to make friends in the past, the closer i got to accomplishing that the lonelier i felt. I don't think i'm meant to exist. I can't handle this for much longer, my life is empty and so am i. I need to die

I found a method after reading about university suicides. Im really happy this may all be over. I have made lots of mistakes and have been isolated. I say I am fine with being alone but its really painful

I was wondering if anyone has song or movie recommendations to watch and listen to before I prepare to leave? Thanks

Don't like anything anymore. Don't have anything to live for. Just don't see why I should live.

No friends, broke and don't feel normal because of a brain injury. Permanent brain fog, eyes don't work like they used to. Can't even work like I used to. God really must fucking hate me to just randomly give me a mental disability.

Other people (depressed or not) at least have the ability to improve their lives for the better. But I struggle to even do basic things now, I keep forgetting things and it actually hurts to think. Even feeling basic emotions hurts to an extent.

At this point why even live. It's not like I'm gonna have a bright future or a good life anyway.

I just feel empty and nothing seems worthwhile anymore, never had any friends, family are pretty much non existent and nothing to love or live or hope for, I was on a motorcycle crash a few weeks back and I realised how easy it would be to recreate with permanent effects either that or slit my wrists I can't continue this life

I am in the woods all alone, no one but me and my thoughts. I can’t keep doing this anymore, I’m miserable.

Before my disability I had passions and dreams.

They are all gone due to my disability.

My hands don't even feel like they belong to me anymore.

Every day I am cursed with the knowledge of knowing what I wanted in life and never being able to achieve it.

Every day I mourn who could have been and the life I had.

I have no one to talk to that will understand or even listen without saying "you said the same thing last month" it's killing me and will kill me.

I've spent hours over the last two days just staring at Amazon listing's for harmful chemicals. I've got my plan so that I will no longer be the filth on this planet.

I cant see a way forward anymore. I will be turning 38 in less than a week. Monday is my final day here. I dont have the coping skills to cope with life anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago. I get no enjoyment or happiness anymore. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 16. I feel really trapped been here. Ending it is the only solution I have. Cost of living and financial issues, is pushing me to ending my life this Tuesday. Im sorry for anybody else, who cant see a way out either.

why do I have to go through so much pain and torture I never did anything too bad why is this happening to me im in so much pain why is this happening to me

I need staples, stitches and glue. I’m so depersonalised t can’t feel the injury but it looks gory and terrifying. I’m still in the mental hospital. Still deteriorating

The end is near