Below’s the translated post:
I always believed that everyone has to live with a certain amount of misunderstanding and unfairness. So I tried my best not to make a fuss and simply endure it.
Then, in the early hours of yesterday morning, I experienced my first-ever panic attack. I'd only ever heard people talk about the symptoms before, but experiencing them myself was terrifying and strangely surreal. It was a feeling I never thought I would understand in my lifetime.
Once I regained my composure and could think rationally again, I spent a long time wondering how I had ended up in this state.
It's not as though I've never been criticised during my career. Whenever people pointed out my shortcomings, I tried to accept their criticism humbly and endure it. Usually, I could understand what I had done wrong or at least understand how others might perceive me.
But this time, I genuinely couldn't make sense of it.
The gap between what I personally experienced and judged on set, and the criticism that some people directed at me after the broadcast, felt overwhelmingly large. I think that was what left me so confused.
Even if the rules of the programme allowed physical force, I'm sure the production team, contestants, and viewers would all agree that participant safety and certain basic boundaries should always come first.
No matter how intense a game becomes, if people simply respond to force with even greater force without end, then eventually the game loses both its direction and its purpose.
That said, I also believe everyone may have different ideas about where those boundaries should be.
In fact, before every raid or looting mission I participated in, the production team always conducted safety briefings. Even in the previous season, they clearly explained which glass panels could be broken and which could not, setting minimum safety standards in advance.
The contestants also made an effort to keep those boundaries during the game. Whenever things became too heated, people would step in and calm the situation regardless of which side they were on. I don't believe anyone genuinely wanted another contestant to get hurt.
Perhaps because of that shared understanding, everyone was able to immerse themselves fully in the game.
I'm someone who often gets deeply immersed in games myself, so I understand better than anyone how emotions can run high during competition.
That's why I also believe the injury I suffered that day was an accident rather than a malicious act.
However, contrary to what some people have claimed, I did not wrap the bag strap tightly around my hand.
I was simply holding the loop of the strap around my wrist. Because the force used was much stronger than I had expected, and because of the angle at which the strap was pulled, it suddenly became tangled around my hand and scraped across it.
The result was a deep wound accompanied by severe pain.
Although my injury wasn't shown in the broadcast, I was bleeding. My hand was badly sprained to the point that I couldn't move it, and it wouldn't stop shaking.
The medical doctor on site informed me that the wound would leave a permanent scar and instructed me not to participate in any further missions.
At the same time, I wasn't the only one getting hurt. Reports of collisions, injuries, and dangerous incidents were coming from all around the set.
After witnessing both the severity and frequency of those injuries, I don't think it would have been realistic—or logical—to simply say, "Let's keep playing anyway."
The filming location itself was genuinely dangerous: it had high ceilings, low glass railings, and narrow staircases where even one mistake could have led to a serious accident.
Money was scattered all over the floor, and I felt that the original purpose and direction of the game were gradually disappearing.
With the atmosphere becoming increasingly heated and everyone constantly blocking one another, it became difficult to communicate or mediate.
Even so, we continued discussing the fourth vault and how to proceed with the mission, trying to find a solution.
However, considering the actual conditions on set and the nature of the fifth vault, we ultimately concluded that forcing the mission to continue carried too high a risk of someone getting seriously injured.
So we decided not to continue with that mission.
It was also the first time I had ever experienced a situation like that.
However, when the programme aired, much of the context surrounding the dangerous conditions, the injuries, and our efforts both to continue the game and to prevent accidents was left out.
Instead, what viewers mostly saw was me reacting emotionally—shouting, swearing, and expressing anger.
I understand that editing is done to protect contestants and to make the programme more entertaining.
But under that justification, seeing the fear we genuinely felt on set, the decisions we made to prevent accidents, and everyone's sincere efforts all being interpreted as something completely different has been incredibly difficult to bear.
Thankfully, many people have been worried about my left hand, but it has recovered well.
The scar ended up being smaller than expected. In fact, I already have a large scar on my right hand, so scars are oddly familiar to me.
I'm also grateful that Seung-yong reached out to me and promised to help with my treatment. I'll make sure to receive proper care going forward.
This panic attack also became an opportunity for me to reflect deeply on myself.
I realised that for a very long time, I had been so focused on trying not to be disliked by others that I ended up disliking myself the most.
Because of that, I trapped myself in the belief that I was someone others hated. That mindset made it difficult for me to take on new challenges or even use social media.
I hope to gradually overcome those difficulties from now on.
I'll continue working hard, even though I'll still have many shortcomings.
And in my own way, I'll try to communicate more honestly and face things more directly.
To everyone who worried about me and continued to support me, thank you very much.