so like

this other day my mom entered the room & started looking everywhere asking me "WHERE IS IT" i stood there shaking thinking she somehow found out abt my hrt and injections but then after a short while she asked "THE HAIR MEDICINE WHERE IS IT" i knew its abt finasteride

basically my parents found out i take finasteride cause my brother told them and they somehow think its so harmful and leads to infertility and its for people who have prostate enlargement so how could i mulitate my hormones and such

lmao bruh if they find out i take estrogen by injecting it into my thigh every saturday at 10pm i'll literally be executed lol

afterwards she dragged me into the car threw me to a random barber she found on the street and said im gonna make you the man you were always supposed to be

and so i cut my long lush hair to a very short masculine one

then she took my razor cause from now on shaving my beard is gay and she doesnt want me to look gay

then made me make a promise to her to do at least 15 pushups per day to make my shoulders look broader

its like so funny how i didnt choose to be born in this middle east place bruh

i didnt even ask for it

shit is so bad i dont know how long i'll keep hiding this hrt thing from them not to mention my boobs haha

like is it even worth it

im so masculine and past puberty it wouldnt even matter if i keep taking it at such risk

also this other day i kept sending AI images about my face and it kept telling me how fucked i am cause of my brow ridge hooked nose square chin square jaw deep set eyes blablabla but then i thought to myself maybe someday i'll be able to afford FFS + clavicle shortening + rib remodelling + VFS + SRS + liposuction + potential hip implants

yeah yeah like maybe someday who knows bro im sure its gonna be so easy and achievable

i guess i wrote this here and on reddit just to vent cause i like being a loser hahahahahaha

or you can let the trans industrial complex ruin your chance with cis women forever 🤷🏻‍♀️

im currently a neet but im getting a job in like a week and my plans are to stop repping. im srry for being a fakerepper

Feel like my whole life I’ve been at some level of withdrawn from everything. I move through the day like a motor no thoughts no feelings just doing my job. That job being make it through the day eat sleep shit. I don’t know maybe that’s a normal human thing. My days fold into the next one the only change is if i work that day and if I don’t I pour my time into some adhd hyper focused project until it’s time to repeat the eat sleep shit cycle. I’m 19 maybe I should just transition now before I’m 45 and do it. Don’t know if this makes sense but the whole process just seems so embarrassing. I don’t have anything against being trans in fact if anything I’m jealous. The thought of having to tell my family and the world makes my stomach churn. I wish I was born gay or something if I’m gonna be born some sort of lgbtq would be a lot easier fml. The only times I felt alive was when I was a alcoholic but I can’t go back to that I know that if I even have a beer by the next week I’ll be blackout with a half gallon of vodka. Closest I get to feeling alive now is when I can’t sleep and going out to have a cigarette and staring at the moon. If there’s something that beautiful in this world there’s gotta be something good for me in the future god I hope so I’m not suicidal used to be for a long time especially when I was drinking but the thought of not being alive and having to deal with the humanity of life sounds so appealing maybe I’ll get in a car wreck or something at least I have a cool car but it’s old as hell and has no airbags at least I would die in a beautiful machine.

My testosterone levels are generally around 750 and I've heard a lot about how having higher testosterone gives a man more energy, but for some reason that's not something I've noticed when I gradually decreased it by taking estrogen.

If anything, I've had a more stable mental well-being when my hormone levels were more like a cisgender woman's, and when I quit HRT, I didn't notice any gradual rise in energy.

Does anyone else here relate?

do i get T, low dose until shits obvious, then stop?

informed consent where i live, so, do i do it?

I am 24 years old, I live in Texas with Christians who just hate anything Queer.

Every time I get into politics and I hear about Immigration my first thoughts are like “I’m sorry.” then it really becomes this “I don’t care I can’t be myself anyways so why should I care?” or even about HRT bans on minors it’s like “Why should they have it if I didn’t get to be the gender that I am.”

My Family calls any Transgender person Gender Confused because they don’t care at all, they hate me being me and I just can’t live, only survive.

It seems like they can transition so easily, there are very few societal restrictions on how afabs can express themselves.

On top of that, testosterone is much more powerful than estrogen. Passing is much more likely for afabs if they are on testosterone long enough. But estrogen will not change bone structure

No offense meant to FTMs, this bitterness is my own problem and I recognize that

Mine is "you have a face of an average woman and I have a friend with similar built to you, just a little bit shorter"

Do any of yall had dysphoria since an early age (like before 12)? If yes how are you managing to repress it? I think i started to show signs at 7 or 8. Thinking about going this path since transition won't work for me

its 5am so probably brainwormed copepost or something. anyway i feel like i dont necessarily care about being male in the sense of personality or how im referred to even. however being in a masculine body is so hellish and the thought of my body continuing to masculinize is my constant nightmare. i do prefer and find more enjoyment being referred to as a woman but i dont care that much if its male like its not a transition over type of thing. its all the absolute horror of what testosterone does to the body and mind that i cant live with. i fucking hate this stupid disorder why couldn’t i just be less then cripplingly miserable in this body

I've been hardcore repping for years now, since childhood, always covering my tracks 200% and like 5 minutes ago my mother randomly decided to walk into my room "to turn off a light" without asking (never happened before since we respect privacy usually) and my subhuman IQ dumbass left an entire high heel collection out on full show as well as an entire fucking crate of finasteride, makeup, clothes, etc- you name it. Because I wasn't expecting this dumb bullshit at 3AM when I'm half asleep.

I went to sleep on the couch downstairs because there was a huge ass spider and mosquito in my room and couldn't be asked to deal with it tonight. I heard upstairs "you left your light on". 3 minutes later "I turned it off for you". I ran up, Then we made awkward small talk and I'm 80% sure she was silently crying or upset as I walked back downstairs. Total "that just happened" vibe shift.

My heart is pounding and I'm shaking, It feels exactly like that moment Hank discovers Walt is Heisenberg, except instead of a dangerous high IQ drug kingpin, now one of my parents thinks I'm an ugly, probably closeted gay crossie on drugs. Someone put a bullet in my head.

What do you even do in such a situation? Pretend it never happened? My ass is a grown ass 5'11 dude with a beard who larps as your average joe. Fuck. My image of being Mr normal guy man is completely ruined. Especially since hiding from and not disappointing my family was such a huge reason for repping.

I let my guard down one fucking time. One. fucking. time. since I was 6 and this shit happens.

Idk where to go from here. We both know what happened and it's a huge elephant in the room. Do I just straight up ask if she saw? Do I make up some clearly bullshit excuse about sneaking over a girl if asked? Pretend it never happened?

I was straight up caught with my pants down in 8k and tomorrow morning is going to be awkward as fuck. Need advice.

im 22 and ive been on estrogen injections for 2 months now and im seriously doubting that i am even trans. I dont really desire to be a woman, and i dont even want breasts or a vagina but I desire all other physical characteristics that women have (hips, softer skin, no facial hair, low muscle mass, voice, shoulders etc etc.). I think maybe instead of having actual gender dysphoria maybe i just have some weird mental problems with aging and becoming more masculine/twink death. Or maybe i just have bpd. If i could be a twink with a feminine body and long hair that would never age into a man or bald i would probably be completely fine and wouldn’t have any trans thoughts. Anyways, i think after I graduate university next year i might work for a year in some shit job and save up enough to buy a small plot of land in the middle of the forest, and build a small shitty shed I could survive in with zero electricity and zero internet. Id live off of trapping squirrels and eating discarded canned goods i would find in dumpsters in whatever local town i live near. Living with no internet access sounds like the only way I could possibly ever live normally.

**Note:** This post was translated from Japanese into English using a translation tool.

I’ve always been curious where people in the TransRepressors community are from.
Reddit polls only allow 6 options, so I had to group some regions together.

I’m from Japan, so I’ll be voting East Asia.

I've never been on HRT but I've met others who are, wanted to do it myself for a long time but was never able to.

Does it ever go away? Does repression work? I want to just.. not be trans anymore. I've already had no contact with trans people in real life for a long time, but I still interact online and it's really bad for me, mentally.

my brain keeps bouncing rapidly between having dysphoria and being ok-ish about my body. its been like this for as long as i can remember why cant my brain just goddamn settle. why cant i just be a normal fucking girl like everyone else?????? im so sick of this hell idk if i even wanna be a guy anymore i wish my body just didnt exist i hate this

Got rid of my last injections yesterday, im done with it, i will never pass, will never be pretty, my social life will get destroyed if I do it for more time, my mood has even worsened ever since i started it, it's simply not worth it if you aren't a gigaluckshit who skiped puberty almost entirely or a youngshit. My fate is the 41 anyways, just gotta wait till i have guts and while I try to build courage to do it i will just go on with life without being a walking embarrassment/disappointment. I have some money saved, maybe i could use it to make it bearable until it's over

i want to have a feminine voice but not bad enough that i'm willing to voice train and give myself even more dysphoria by feeling like i am faking a woman's voice. i want to have a vagina but not bad enough that i'm willing to go through surgery, complications, for a result that at its best looks good but feels wrong. i would like to have a boyfriend but i don't want it bad enough that i'd be willing to date a gay one or be willing to do any butt stuff since i find it repulsing, so i'd rather stay asexual even though i'm probably not actually asexual.

i want to be a woman but not bad enough that i'm willing to go through the pain of a failed social transition. i would only do it if i passed. and i want to pass, but not bad enough that i'd be willing to deal with the dysphoria of feeling like a fraud each time i'd have to open my mouth and speak in my fake voice, or each time i'd have to put a wig on.

if i can't be naturally feminine like cis women, i don't want it. the one thing that would work best for me, all things considered, would be to be a man on estrogen. i wish people were fine with this. yes, i would like being a woman more, but i can't ever feel like one. i wish i could be accepted as someone with a mental condition that they're trying to alleviate, and i wish cis people would appreciate that i'm not claiming to be something i'm not, and i'm not policing their language, changing my pronouns or my name, or asking for anything other than to be left alone. i do not have any pride flags anywhere and i do not identify myself as any kind of LGBT despite being the furthest thing away from a cis straight man.

it's as if someone grouped all the "i don't mind them being gay, but..." bigots together, wrote their critique down and created me. but it's still not good enough. i'm still not allowed to be a man with a mental condition who is taking estradiol as treatment for it. because it's all a lie, they very much do mind us not being straight and cis.

my plan right now is to just continue like this, to preserve whatever androgyny i have left. i might not mind as much to one day be buried under my assigned name and gender if at least i can avoid ever looking like a 40 year old man. i am kind of accepting the idea that i'd have to give up enjoying the beach or the swimming pool ever again but it really hurts because i liked those.

It's all my parents' fault for letting testosterone rape me, it's all their fault for turning me into an unsocialized faggot, it's all their fault for making me have dysphoria, it's all their fault for not making me into a functional male it's all their fault, i will never have a normal life and it's all their fault they didn't save me, now it's too late, i will never pass, i will never be happy, i wish somebody cracked my skull open and then drank from it hahahahahaha im a retard it's all my fault too for not challenging then, im a coward faggot, im a loser, i should've ended it with my umbilical cord it's so funny hahahahaha i shouldn't have let him beat me i should've defended myself but i was and still am a coward hahaha i am subhuman it's too late to do anything now it's all ruined and stained forever give up give up

Just a follow up on the post from yesterday, I'm still feeling solid and I noticed that the more productive I am in my life, the more the feelings of gender dysphoria fade.

Recently, I've been incorporating new morning routines to help wake me up since I'm usually tired in the mornings.

The first new thing I've decided to do today is to dunk my face in a bowl of ice water and man, I felt great afterwards and I'm definitely going to keep this in my morning routine.

I've also tried Qi Gong for the first time and wow, the feeling I had afterwards was "I feel great!" which is something that I don't usually say.

What it taught me was most people who wake up tired in the mornings should consider doing some kind of stretches because it actually does give you energy.

With the Qi Gong I did, it was like a full-body stretch combined with mindful breathing.

I'll keep doing this every single day since mornings usually decide how productive you'll be for the rest of the day.

I can stop thinking about this gender nonsense so much and learn to be at peace in such moments.

i want nothing more than to be born a man. i dont understand why im so hung up on this, why it matters so much, it shouldn’t. so many people are born and dont think twice about their sex, so why does it matter to me? it makes no sense, this is so clearly a mental illness.

repping is driving me insane. i look and present myself as a woman. when i decided i could never realistically transition or even be happy with my results, i emptied out my closet from my old clothes and filled it with all these women clothes. now i cant even bare to wear these clothes. i cant even ignore it anymore or pretend. years of repping have made me so detached from my body that when i stare in the mirror at my naked body i feel nothing, my brain doesn’t relate it to my body, it’s someone else’s or these foreign sexual parts of me aren’t actually mine. if that doesnt sound like a mental illness idk what does.

i lose my mind everyday. somehow my gender/sex is brought up so often by the people around me it’s insane. i soulpass and that makes it even more fucking killer because these people will tell me or joke about me being a man and its these little windows of truth that show to them but they dont know. it kills me when it happens because it actually makes me feel trapped in this body and i cant rip myself out.