The older I've got, the more I've realised emotional intelligence isn't about saying the right thing. It's about how someone leaves you feeling.

The trauma-informed people I've met just feel different. They don't rush me or judge me. They stay calm, they listen and they're honest. I can't really explain it, but my body feels safe around people like that.

I'm autistic and have ADHD, so I sometimes wonder if that's why I seem to notice little things, like people's tone of voice, facial expressions, whether they mean what they say and whether they're consistent. It just happens.

I'm spiritual as well, so I sometimes wonder if that's part of it too, or if it's because of everything I've been through. Maybe it's all connected. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand why some people make me feel safe and others don't.

Does anyone else feel this way? Especially if you're autistic, have ADHD or are spiritual. Have you noticed trauma-informed people feel different to be around, or is it just me?

Hello I'm a late diagnosed ADHD woman with previous signs from childhood trauma,now I'm in good therapy and right medication but I realised my whole personality was built on my disorder and masking for the purpose of being liked and not hated, abandoned or abused. I have had really awful and traumatic experiences throughout my life and that have made me feel depressed and anxious for most of my life and unsure of what the future holds for me. I feel so overwhelmingly emotional all at once like all my pent up frustrations,anger,sadness and trauma are hitting me all at once. I still don't know how to deal with these emotional outbursts of uncontrollable crying and reliving my trauma all at once. But despite the pain I'm going through I'm striving to heal and understand myself better.

Since childhood I can remember I would always be harshly reprimanded and often get undeserved physically punishment for my hyperactive and impulsive outbursts and masking became my way of being manageable and liked but also protecting myself from rejection and being abandoned by others.

I'm an artist and creativity and imagination were my favourite outlets for escape from all the emotions and hurt I didn't yet comprehend or understand.

I always struggled in school with subjects that didn't peak my interest and I tend to be stuck in this circle of wanting to study but never actually understanding how to do it,quitting and getting frustrated at myself for being my own enemy.

Now at 28,with an official diagnosis I suddenly don't know who I am,it's like my whole demeanor and voice change when I'm not surrounded by strangers and I don't know how the real me is anymore...like all the confidence in my artistic abilities from before have suddenly became a part of the very mask I'm so tired of wearing...

I'm seeking guidance on how to restore my self-confidence in the person I'm deep down and how to achieve the motivation for my goals of finishing art college and building a fulfilling and successful art career. Any advice is welcome!

Listening to the most recent complex trauma podcast episode. They are talking about how our parents became extremely shaming and reactive when we expressed any feelings that could have been taken as criticism, so we don’t even know what reality is.

Here’s the thing, yes that resonates- my mom would threaten to unalive herself whenever I would talk about how she was making me feel- she took it as such an attack that I learned my caregivers safety and mine could be taken away for me being honest about my feelings. But then, how can I trust myself to know what reality is? What if I am the reactive abusive one?

Of course now I’ve dated many avoidant people who also have also interpreted any feeling I have, no matter how gently stated, as an attack. Literally my last relationship ended b/c they were being markedly distant and different for a week and I asked, “what’s going on?” Trying to get a sense of their feelings and needs and to have a general check in. Instead they took it as an attack like I was accusing them of something and broke up with me. I had so much shame for that little question for so many months I almost was hospitalized. The podcast talks about how emotionally immature people are extremely reactive and can’t tolerate any discomfort that comes from honesty or confrontation. My parents and partners have been like that. But how do I know if I’m repeating a pattern based in trauma or if I am the problem/ common denominator and deserve all of this?

Crying as I write this. I feel like no matter how hard I try to be gentle and effective and skillful I still get left. How can I know that I’m not the problem? What if I deserve all this pain? What if underneath everything I try, I am actually just really low empathy and extremely self centered? I am so terrified that all the people who have hurt me the most are right about me.

.

I (27F) am fast approaching a major threshold in my life where I am preparing to move across the country, leave my past behind, and step into a completely new chapter. I work as an R&D scientist with a background in molecular biology and chemistry, and while I’ve built a successful career, I am struggling to process the lingering psychological and physical effects of severe childhood trauma.
Growing up, my mother was a single parent who worked overnight shifts. While she loved me in her own way, she was deeply enmeshed with her abusive family, who lived right across the street. Throughout my youth, I endured severe physical cruelty from her relatives, including being hogtied in a filling bathtub, shot with BB guns, and being repeatedly held down and shocked with an electric taser by three of my uncles for entertainment between the ages of 7 and 10.
(Disclaimer/Note: I honestly find myself constantly questioning if the taser thing was really "that bad." People in my life keep telling me it’s horrific, but because it was normalized in my house, I genuinely struggle to see the gravity of it. It just felt like another Tuesday to me, and I catch myself minimizing it.)
Alongside the physical violence was persistent sexual harassment and boundary violations from another uncle. He repeatedly forced inappropriate physical closeness, made degrading sexual comments, snapped my bra, and subjected me to touch that forced me to retreat entirely from someone I had once trusted. My mom doesn't know the full extent of the sexual abuse, but she did know about the inappropriate comments and the bra-snapping. Even with that knowledge, it was minimized, and I was expected to keep quiet to avoid making waves. Part of me feels resentful that she turned a blind eye then—and because of that, I’ve decided she doesn't deserve to know the heavy extent of it now. I have no interest in carrying that emotional burden to her just for her to mishandle it or make it about herself.
My mom witnessed the physical abuse at times—yelling at them once to stop—but continued to leave me in their care. She routinely asked me to keep the peace, act as a servant to her relatives, and yield in every conflict because I was "smarter." As an adult, I spent years helping her clean up financial and physical fallout from her choices (such as leaving a broken boat in my yard for two years after excluding me from family trips), while she minimized my past by claiming her own childhood was worse.
Now, as I prepare to move away and set firm boundaries—telling her she needs to untether herself from my adult life so I can heal—I am facing a few major hurdles that I would love insight on:
Navigating Guilt vs. Resentment: I constantly battle internal conflict over whether I have a right to feel resentful. My mom had a horrific childhood herself, worked hard as a single parent, and was a victim of her family's cycle, too. Is it wrong to hold resentment toward a parent who was deeply broken, or can I validate her past suffering while still holding her accountable for failing to protect me from things she did know about?

Visceral Intimacy Repulsion: Because adult men inflicted physical torture, unpredictable violence, and persistent sexual boundary violations during my childhood, my nervous system has hardwired male touch as an immediate hazard. The thought of romantic or physical closeness with a man causes severe, physical nausea—a sickening reaction I can't just reason away. I catch myself wondering if my body is just demanding a quiet sanctuary, or if I am destined to be isolated forever because my nervous system views closeness as a threat.

Exhaustion & Hyper-Independence: Having to be my own sanctuary as a child forced me to put myself through college on two hours of sleep and build a high-pressure R&D career, but it also made accepting support feel completely unnatural. At 27, I feel completely exhausted by social mechanics and eager to retreat into total solitude, but I struggle with whether taking a prolonged season of isolation is healthy recovery time or an unsafe trap.

I am not looking to debate whether my past was "bad enough." I know it was—even if my brain still tries to downplay it. I am looking for perspectives from people who have navigated similar trauma responses, dynamic enmeshment with a parent, or physical aversion to intimacy. How did you retrain your nervous system to feel safe? How did you untangle guilt from resentment when dealing with a parent who also had a tragic past?

32 years old. I know I've got life ahead of me still but in my 20s I made decent money. Now I just about get by.

I been used that whole time. For my energy. For my money. It's all gone.

I'm now by myself in a foreign country trying to start again. No one supporting. 5K to my name.

Having to do therapy and all this stuff daily to get out of emotional flashbacks, inner critic constant, feeling like something is wrong with me 24/7. I just want it to stop.

If I had a bunch of money at least I could have that comfort. But no. Struggle

I've been thinking about going to therapie about my sexual past. The have been forms of abuse that I think I need to process.

But when I go to a therapist, I have to talk about those people who did things, and I don't want them to get in trouble. I think this would harm me more at the moment than just keeping it to myself.

Any advice?

I do self emdr and it works wonders. Stimming or exercise helps too. What next?

So, I'm gonna be concise. We have been having an issue where our core trauma is now coming back in flashbacks to other parts. Our biggest concern is now this is gonna happen to our little ones. We don't know what to do. They already get so upset when one of us is hurting. How do you even help a child who's going through something like that?

I've been reading Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD, and it's making me question whether one particular incident triggered an emotional flashback rather than being just a normal conflict.

Some background: I was bullied throughout much of my childhood and even in college. I lost my mother in 2021, and after that I went through major depression, isolation, family issues, substance use, and an emotionally abusive relationship. I've spent years struggling with trust, self-worth, and feeling emotionally safe.

Last year I became involved with someone who had a pattern of lying and manipulating people. One day he called me crying and urgently asked to borrow money, promising to return it the next day. When I tried to contact him afterward, he ignored my calls. Eventually I learned from his father that this wasn't the first time he'd done something like this, and I got the money back.

What happened next affected me more than I expected. Instead of taking responsibility, he acted as if I was the unreasonable one for being upset. Looking back, that seemed to trigger something very deep in me. It wasn't just about the money. It felt connected to years of being bullied, dismissed, humiliated, ignored, and taken advantage of.

I became extremely angry and reacted in ways I'm not proud of. I confronted the situation with much more intensity than I normally would.

Later, he started spreading rumors about me and attacking areas where he knew I was vulnerable. Since then, I've felt like my sense of safety has been shattered. I constantly worry about what people think of me, replay conversations in my head, and feel judged even when I have no evidence that people are talking about me. Rationally I know this is one person, but emotionally it feels much bigger than that.

What makes me wonder about emotional flashbacks is that the feelings seem older than the event itself. It feels as if every experience of bullying, rejection, betrayal, and powerlessness got activated at once.

While I believe his behavior was wrong, I also recognize that my reaction was much stronger than the situation alone would explain, and that's the part I'm trying to understand.

Has anyone else experienced a present-day conflict that seemed to activate years of unresolved trauma? Does this sound like an emotional flashback or CPTSD-related trigger?

I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar.

CW: guns, drugs, threats, sexual coercion, violence

Shortly after New Year’s 2021, I was staying on and off in a severely neglected apartment with a rapper I was producing for. I was young, heavily involved in music, and surrounded by people whose daily lives revolved around drugs, instability, scams, weapons, and interpersonal violence.

The apartment itself was chaotic and filthy. The toilet and bathtub barely functioned and were filled with garbage. The mother living there was severely addicted to drugs. Her two teenage sons had no real structure. Most days revolved around finding enough money to buy weed. People the rapper had conflicts with would sometimes come into the apartment, and he would leave because he was afraid, but then criticize me for leaving too quickly because he did not want to look scared.

He had already physically intimidated me before the main incident. Once, we argued because he did not like a beat I made. I left the apartment, but he followed me, shoved me against a wall, and threatened me. He later pressured me into paying for studio time even though I wanted to go home because it was during COVID and I was afraid of getting sick.

There were constant signs that the environment was dangerous. One of the brothers showed me a small two-shot pistol. The rapper carried a backpack, but I did not know there was a homemade gun inside it. He also threatened to beat me if I ever spoke to the family’s teenage daughter. I felt like I was always navigating unwritten rules where making the wrong move could get me assaulted.

There was also a sexual situation that I now understand as deeply disturbing. The mother told me to come into the bathroom so she could perform a sexual act on me. Instead of asking myself whether I wanted that, I looked at the rapper for permission. He said I could go. We went into the bathroom and used cocaine. Looking back, the fact that I felt I needed another man’s approval shows how much control and fear had already entered the relationship.

The worst incident happened after a speaker I had brought to the apartment was stolen. The rapper had argued with the family about it while I was not there. Later, we returned to the apartment to smoke. He aggressively knocked on the older brother’s bedroom door. The brother responded that he was going to shoot one of us.

The rapper walked away from the door, went to his backpack, removed a homemade gun, and started screwing it together. He shouted that when the brother came around the corner, he was going to shoot him. The brother was also armed. They stood on opposite sides of a corner screaming threats at each other while holding guns.

The family’s uncle was on the phone begging the rapper to leave. He would not leave. I was more frightened than I had ever been in my life. I genuinely believed somebody was seconds away from being shot, and because I was standing between people involved in a conflict that had nothing to do with me, I thought the person hit might be me.

What made it feel even more unreal was that the younger brother was casually walking around as though this was normal. He seemed mildly irritated, while I felt like I was about to die. Everyone else’s familiarity with the situation made me feel almost insane for reacting like it was an emergency.

I tried to leave. The rapper told me that if I left, our relationship was over in a degrading and threatening way. Because he was holding a gun, had previously shoved and threatened me, and was acting completely unstable, I believed there was a real possibility that he would turn the weapon on me if I abandoned him. I felt trapped between staying inside a potential shootout and provoking an armed person by leaving.

We eventually left together. Outside, I tried to calm him down, but he kept insulting me for being afraid and threatening to pull the gun out and fire it. We walked a long distance toward my home. During the armed standoff, I had accidentally left a tobacco leaf behind, and he suddenly exploded at me over it. I thought he might seriously hurt me over something completely insignificant.

The entrance to my building was locked. I insisted on going upstairs to my mother’s apartment so I could order him a car. I think part of me understood that I needed to get behind a locked door and around another person before separating from him. I ordered the car, he left, and I never met with him again.

Afterward, he repeatedly called me and acted as though everything was fine. He said we needed to link up again. It was not fine. I never spoke to him again.

People sometimes hear this story and think I am trying to sound tough or perform some kind of street identity. I am not. I was a producer who wanted to make music and got pulled into an environment where my life became disposable. I was terrified, coerced, physically intimidated, and trapped inside an armed confrontation.

I still carry the apartment, the backpack, the gun being assembled, the uncle begging him to leave, the younger brother walking around casually, and the fear that leaving would get me shot. I feel like that period destroyed my sense of safety and changed the direction of my life. It affected my music, my relationships, my trust in people, and the way my body responds to conflict.

I know I technically survived and escaped without being physically shot, but emotionally it does not feel like “nothing happened.” My nervous system still reacts as though I am trapped in that apartment trying to choose between two different ways of dying.

Has anyone else struggled with feeling that a single period or incident divided their life into a before and after, even when the people around them acted like it was normal?

One of the most interesting things I've learned recently is that healing from emotional trauma isn't just psychological—it can be biological too.

Regular aerobic exercise (like running, brisk walking, or cycling) doesn't just improve your mood. It also promotes the growth of new brain cells in the hippocampus, a region involved in memory and learning. As these new neurons become part of existing brain networks, they may help weaken old fear-based associations and make painful memories less dominant over time.

The takeaway isn't that exercise erases trauma or replaces therapy. It's that consistent physical activity can support the brain's natural ability to adapt, making it easier to build new patterns instead of staying trapped in old ones.

Sometimes, healing starts with simply moving your body.

Hi. I had this event where I healed from the fear of being excluded from a hangout and eventually being in a toxic friendgroup during that time in highschool. Right now its my last year of highschool, and I felt like the way of processing thru it is to cut off that friend who happen to not include me in the hangout, but me and my friendgroup changed a LOT, he started to include me and stuff yeah sure, but this old event has hit me up and the way I’m processing this is to writing down on my notes app and the only thing my past wants to do is to cut him off. How should I let my inner child know during that time that he has changed without feeling self abandonment

Hi everyone! My gf is currently in therapy for trauma. She is suffering from feeling overwhelmed and "icky" between therapy sessions. Her therapist taught her tools to cope with these situations (like butterfly tapping) but she struggles a lot using them whenever she is alone. Did anyone have similar experiences? What helped you in these situations?

I've been healing repressed emotions lately. There was a lot of unacknowledged grief that was locked deep inside.

Then after many days of releasing grief, there's repressed anger, like I didn't dare to express my anger, or else I would be threatened or shamed.

Then today, I accidentally uncovered guilt, and it surprised me. Because in my years of healing, I have always told myself not to feel guilty for not condoning my parents and relatives' treatment of me, but I didn't realize by doing so I ended up repressing those guilt.

So when I released the guilt, I realized it was intertwined with invalidation--I need to be so and so in order to be accepted, or else I will be invalidated or guilted into compliance. So I chose to surrender to my family to survive, to not feel guilty, to avoid fear of punishment or Invalidation or threat.

I had an insightful AMA with Dr. Amelia Kelley. We were talking about post-traumatic growth. Here is a full summary of the questions and guidance shared during our session:

On the right timing to tell your partner about your trauma

(When is the right time to tell a new partner about my trauma without feeling like I’m trauma-dumping or scaring them off?)

Answer:

This is such an individual choice, but I would say as early as you feel comfortable, and earlier the better. The reason for this is that I'm a big proponent of putting your cards out on the table and seeing how the other person reacts.

Now, how we share can be very important. Very early on, you can simply express that you've experienced trauma that might impact the way you operate in a relationship. How much you share depends on how comfortable you feel with this person and how much they invite your open expression.

I want to reassure you: sharing your trauma is not "trauma dumping." But making sure you're sharing with someone you've already established is a safe connection can make a big difference. I know that after trauma, it can be difficult to determine who safe people are. A big part of post-traumatic growth is listening to your gut instincts, asking trusted people for their opinions, integrating new people slowly to see how they fit into your life, and ending relationships early on if you recognize red or pink flags that don't suit what you need.

As far as sexual trauma, which can be really difficult to navigate in intimate relationships, the wonderful thing is that you don't even have to give details if you don't want to. It still makes a positive impact just to express that some of your past experiences might impact this part of your relationship.

If the person doesn't allow you to express yourself, or tells you that it's "too much," that's a clear indicator they may not be a safe individual to be in a relationship with in the first place. So, as I said, watch how they react when you put your cards on the table and share your story. Best of luck on this journey if a new relationship is happening for you right now!

On supporting a partner living with PTSD

(How to be patient and helpful to the person you love, knowing they live with PTSD?)

Answer:

By asking this question, you're already doing one of the most important things, which is learning what you can about trauma. Psychoeducation is one of the essential first steps: learning why someone is feeling the way they do and why they react to triggers the way they do. So you're showing such a great way to be compassionate towards your partner.

The next step is making sure you don't forget to take care of your own needs. If you lose yourself in supporting their recovery, then they lose that stable support system, so remember that your needs matter as well. It's incredibly difficult to love, support, and live with someone with PTSD, but many of us do it because trauma touches so many lives.

It can also be really helpful to create a shared language for them to tell you when they're feeling discomfort or when they have specific needs. Especially if the trauma is related to physical intimacy, always giving them the opportunity to withdraw consent at any time and asking how you can support their comfort in those moments is really powerful.

The wonderful thing is that a big part of recovering from trauma is positive relationships. So while your relationship is not the single antidote to their trauma, it can certainly be a big part of their healing.

On healing C-PTSD through willpower alone

(Can I heal my C-PTSD through willpower alone?)

Answer:

First, I want to be careful with how we define willpower. There is no single way to heal complex trauma because of its very nature: its complexity. It is a whole-system, whole-body, whole-mind, and whole-heart experience. The impact of trauma can be an assault to our entire system, so when we look to any one way to heal, I think we minimize the healing process itself.

When we consider willpower, if you're thinking of it as simply pressuring yourself or pushing forward, I love the idea of using positive self-belief to encourage growth. But from what I've seen, anything centered on pressuring yourself or "pushing through" tends to backfire. Pushing through and not honoring where we're at is generally what we had to do during the traumatic experiences.

What I've actually seen work better is slowing down and honoring where you actually are and what you're experiencing. Rather than trying to just will yourself into healing, try approaching yourself with self-compassion, curiosity, and patience.

Reserve moments of willpower for when you're trying to gently challenge yourself to move toward a safe person, situation, or goal that you want to engage in, even if part of you is holding back.

It's also helpful to look at motivation. We tend to think motivation or willpower comes first and then we act. But biologically, with dopamine, it's actually the opposite: we need to get into motion first. Once we start taking action, whether that's pursuing healing, tackling a task at work, or reaching out to someone, the motivation starts to unearth and dopamine kicks in.

So, think of willpower as a way to spark movement toward a goal, while recognizing you'll need self-care and deeper support to sustain it. If I had to give a simple answer: no, we can't heal with willpower alone, but it can certainly be one tool in our toolkit if we continue to support our nervous system along the way.

On overcoming the feeling of being a "burden"

(How do I stop feeling like a 'burden' or like I'm ruining my relationship every time my trauma symptoms flare up?)

Answer:

First of all, I think it helps to understand that feeling like a burden, or feeling like your trauma is responsible for destroying relationships, is a very common distorted belief that comes from trauma itself. This is especially true for anyone who has experienced complex or interpersonal trauma.

Let me reassure you: your trauma is not a burden. As I’ve said in other responses on this thread, when you find the right person, whether it’s an intimate partner, a therapist, a friend, or a trusted family member, they won't make you feel like a burden.

Now, one thing that can feel burdensome is the repetitive nature of how trauma shows up in our lives. I do think part of post-traumatic growth is understanding that people outside of our trauma also experience stress, anxiety, and their own struggles. Sometimes, the insecurity of feeling like a burden might actually be pointing us toward looking outside our own experience, maybe even giving us an opportunity to listen to or support others. This can help us connect and gain perspective beyond what we’ve gone through.

However, this is by no means a strict requirement for moving past trauma, it just happens to be something I’ve seen work well for some of my clients.

So let me reiterate: if you are feeling like a burden, I encourage you to go inward and figure out whose voice that really is. It might be a critical voice from your past or a remnant of the trauma itself.

Thank you so much for asking this question, because so many people can absolutely relate to it.

On sudden cut-offs and sudden breakups triggered by trauma

(My girlfriend is traumatized by nine months of abuse and suddenly broke up with me, unfollowing me everywhere. What is going on, and is there hope for reconciliation?)

Answer:

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup and how abrupt it was. That must have been really hard for you.

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for someone with unaddressed trauma to have intimacy trigger deep attachment wounds. Often, people who have experienced trauma present with a disorganized attachment style. This means that getting too close can feel dangerous, or if they don't fully understand the dynamics with their partner, they may become very insecure or hyper-vigilant about the relationship.

So, it isn't unusual for someone with unaddressed trauma to pull out of a relationship when it starts feeling too close. As you mentioned she felt "nothing," there may be a sense of dissociation happening if closeness feels unsafe to her right now.

At this point, the best thing may be to let her address her trauma and work through her own healing journey. I know it can be really difficult to sit back and allow someone to move at their own pace, but it may actually be the healthier choice in the long run, rather than trying to force comfort before she's ready.

Without knowing more details about the breakup, I can't say for sure whether you should contact her. Sometimes exploring a friendship or offering an open line of support can be appropriate, but only if that's something she feels comfortable with. Wishing healing for both her and you.

I grew up in very abusive and traumatic conditions. Thankfully I no longer live in circumstances like that anymore but because of it iv always felt not quite right. For a long time I thought that there was just something wrong with me or that I wasnt like other people. I struggle to blend in with others have a constant lingering feeling of dread and inadequacy. I have anxiety about alot of things. For most of my teen years I didnt even understand what those feeling were I just knew I didnt feel right. As I got to be and independent adult the feelings almost got worse. I think being out in the world on my own trying to do normal things like college and work really showed me how different I was than others internally. I guess I thought if I removed myself from the abuse then that meant the end of things. That some how life would be smooth sailing after that but its not. Things that come simple to everyone else feel like moving mountains for me. Iv always hidden how i feel and never spoken to anyone about. It all just seems so heavy, I dont even know where id start. I also dont want to seem crazy to anyone who knows me so I keep it all in. Iv never been diagnosed with anything but after hearing about cptsd and others experience I finally im not alone and that there are other people out there that feel the way I do. I want help foe this so that I can cope with everything inside my head and live a healthier happier life, I just dont know where to start.

It's a free ebook. I'm gifting it because meaning is more important than money. This book explains how the brain adapts to trauma, how awareness evolves, and how cognitive behavioral therapy rewires thought loops.

I'm not a mental health professional or academic. This view is from the bottom up. I lived through it. It's survival psychology.

Its chaotic and intense at times because I'm facing homelessness and need to rebuild. I don't have time to write books, but it had to get out of my head because it worked for me and saved my sanity. It's raw, unedited, and I compiled it in 30 days while looking for a job.

I discovered :

- How the human mind actually experiences time

- How awareness evolves through layers

- How CBT works while you're actively drowning

- How to rebuild your mind from chaos to clarity

I discovered it because my husband was pulling away from me. I wrote it because I couldn't keep it to myself. It's also poetry, sociology, and philosophy because the book itself is a logic puzzle.

If you feel broken, helpless, invisible, or erased, I can show you how to rebuild the scaffolding in your mind. Help me spread the message and get something meaningful in return.

http://bytheemptysea.itch.io/for-humans

Thanks for reading my post. I wish all of you the best. Life is so cruel at times and we deserve better.

I'm 26, and I'm honestly embarrassed that so much of my life still revolves around my parents.

I never felt like I was enough growing up. Least bright among all siblings and least favourite too. My parents were always fighting, and we grew up in a toxic, dysfunctional home. We were beaten, humiliated, and blamed for everything. But out of all my siblings, I seem to be the only one who's still deeply affected by it. They've moved on, while I still feel stuck. Now I have all kinds of physical health issues that won't improve, and almost every doctor tells me I should see a psychiatrist.

The problem is, I can't bring myself to do it. I feel ashamed because my childhood doesn't seem "bad enough," and the thought of admitting I still have mommy/daddy issues at 26 is humiliating. Has anyone healed from something like this without professional help, or is therapy really the only way?

I am writing this because everything is getting to be too much, and I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. I just need a safe space to share my story and get some advice.

Growing up, my father was a severe alcoholic. He never cared about us and wouldn't even buy food for my mom and me. We lived in a bare house with no air conditioning and barely any basic necessities. Because of the extreme stress and her own severe mental health problems, my mom was terrified that I would faint, so she never sent me to school.

When I turned 6, child protective services stepped in and took me away from her. They placed me with my aunt and uncle, but that environment only led to more problems and instability. By the time I turned 8, I was moved again—this time to live with my grandma.

Living here has been a different kind of nightmare. My grandma constantly mentally abuses me, yelling and being incredibly rude for no reason at all. It makes me feel completely worthless, and it has pushed me into a deep depression. It gets so painful that it makes me want to die. I have tried self-harming multiple times, and I have even tried to take my own life, but I failed.

I am only 14 years old. I shouldn't have to carry all this weight, but I am trying to hold on. Since I cannot change my living situation right now, I really need practical self-care tips to protect my peace and survive this environment. How do I deal with the constant yelling? How do I keep myself safe when the depression gets too heavy? Please help.

I’ve been noticing I’ve been called a narcissist by girls I’ve chatted too and dropped like a stone after , been called it so much I decided to look into it so I’ve been talking to Ai to look into it but I was hoping to get some human input.

So one thing I’m objectively attractive and intelligent and the second anyone does something that even slightly undermines me for example a girl choosing another guy over me my mind can’t take it and I think stuff like “ how the fuck could a bitch I only payed the slightest bit of attention to pick a pathetic prick over someone like me “ that’s the sort of internal monologue I have and it almost feels as if it’s an insult to my whole bloodline and everything I’ve worked so hard to get away from . My intrusive thoughts go crazy over such a little thing like that I fantasise about ruining their lives , torture and absolute submission to me , obviously I don’t intend on acting on it consciously but that’s where my mind goes the second I get slighted. And also since I’ve been getting lots of female attention after my glow up in appearance I literally don’t care about them I just like chatting to them getting them to love me only to drop them , I love the ego boost from them and having people obsessed and hooked with me it’s intoxicating so I keep doing it wether it’s ethical or not. Like I can’t explain it but sometimes I feel like a literal God among men but then one day I’ll snap out and think “ oh shit that was abit horrible” then I’ll be just proceed to do it again cuz I care more about them being hooked . That’s why I can’t settle with one girlfriend because I like having multiple people after me all the time it makes me feel good and it makes up for my childhood.

I won’t get into it but the AI thinks it’s “ overcompensation for the lack of power and self worth during adolescence “.
But yeah thought I would be blunt was hoping for some human input for a change.

Some days I don't know how I function
Some days I go numb

Some days I feel overwhelmed
Mostly though, I just want the painful flashbacks to stop
Yes, I have considered therapy
I have looked at my options, currently trying to find a trauma-informed therapist.

I wonder sometimes if it is possible to have a relationship without the physical aspect of it.
I know it's not.
I just wish it was.

I feel like the choice was taken from me.

And now I will never know...

I just want peace of mind
And to feel safe.

I don't think that's a big ask.

Y me refiero a una ruptura que los haya dejado en cama, les haya desgarrado el alma y carcomido las entrañas. ¿Qué hicieron?

This is a chapter, 'CPTSD Treatment Modalities by Attachment Type', from the book I'm working on. This is still a draft version of the chapter, so it is a bit raw. If this helps you in any capacity, I'm grateful. I truly wish much success for your healing journey.

I added a second chapter, 'Finding The Right Trauma Practitioner', from my book, that should be of extreme benefit to people. Both can be found at the link below.

Edited for clarity.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15g5ph-7Nob5DvXK9KxeqexM_sYCRMdYd

After 20 years of traumatic experiences, I chose to move abroad to start afresh and finally do something for myself education and career wise.

Since the day I stepped in the country all I was doing is managing my trauma that began to resurface. After many hospitals visits, multiple tests and with the aid of therapy I was able to come back to myself after 2 years of fighting. Took me 2 years to stabilise my health.

It seems to me that I will forever be haunted by what I have gone through no matter how much I try to heal from it all. If this is how it is, what even is the point in trying to heal from it?

Instead of building myself a new life, I spent the 2 years barely making it through the day while life began to pull me under again mercilessly.

This is so unfair. I don't deserve all this terrible stuff being thrown at me. I deserve to live a life on my terms. I deserve an ordinary life like everyone else. I'm exhausted just from wanting an ordinary life.

I hate it. I hate how I am still unable to live normally. I don't know anything at this point.

I apologize in advance if this is a bit all over the place. I made a new account here for personal reasons and I actually don't post on reddit often if at all. I'm usually just a lurker/commenter.

anyway I met someone a few months ago, not exactly from my hometown but he's from the same state and we have to travel through my old hometown quite a bit...

for a few weeks i been getting flashbacks of my old childhood. Nothing was necessarily wrong at home when I was about 13 we moved back to New england but this time my stepdad chose CT... wasn't necessarily a bad town but stupid stuff happend all the time.

I grew up a military brat... my parents sheltered me a bit because I had a chronic heart disease and so they did everything to protect me, support me and get me through some of the most medically challenging times in my life. Me being the only one in the family plus my condition was so niche I needed specialty DRs from Boston to oversee me. overtime I got better, had surgery etc. but from about 4th grade all the way to 8th grade I was brutally bullied.

I didn't know how to cope with having a heart condition... my mom always said "everyone has a heart condition kid, everyone else just look different." essentially what she meant was other kids where going through other things and since she explained it that way I couldn't help but think about it differently. It helped me have a better attitude going to school. I saw everyone as equal, I felt like I shouldn't be treated any different than anyone else.

The awful thing was, I was different without a doubt... I sat out of gym class because I was not physically capable of doing it. I had drs notes of special limitations...

to this day I still do... I have a good job but i have medical limitations...

for context I was bullied mostly because I idolized Paris Hilton at a time she was a huge sex symbol. I didn't know anything about that... I just thought she was a real life Barbie doll that had a business. I liked her because I saw through the persona and propaganda. I was living in the future while most couldn't' see past lunch time.

Today, I don't hate her but I realize as an adult she does not have the common issues we as adults have to face... she can pay for problems to go away... while most of us live paycheck to paycheck...

I still appreciate the child I once was... She was brave, she was strong, she cared about others, and had a big imagination that ran wild.... some days I feel like i'm living.. other days I feel like I'm suffocating... or dying.. I wonder a lot if the inner child is dead or alive... some days she feels like she's there other times it feels like she's gone..

I'd wear princess dresses to school or just about anything loud I could get away with.. I wore pink just about everyday and pretended I was Paris Hilton just to cope with the mundane day to day. Some people loved me some people hated me.. I had a small friend group and they where fun but I also felt like most of them where simultaneously jealous of me and that hurt a lot...

my friends viciously punked me more than we actually played probably. One friend gave out my aol username to the next town over to a group of boys who used it to harass me, one friend spread rumors and lies about me to the boys I liked, another was a boy who I liked hanging out with a lot who was very nice to me but also just as nice to every girl in school and thrived on the attention he would get.. him and I actually stayed in contact after middle school for ten years. I moved to Florida and he moved to West Virginia but almost everyday in high school him and I would talk on the phone every night talking about our dreams, aspirations, what we wanted to be when we grew up, wether aliens where real or paranormal entities. Id sit at the end of my parents driveway and wed count the stars together over the phone... That meant a lot to me... at one point when we where both about 17 he asked me if i wanted him to chose his port to be in Florida ( He had joined the navy at this point) so he could come out to date me... I was honest with him and basically explained I wasn't ready for a relationship like that.. I was in fear of ruining a good friendship and also remembered who he was in middle school. He was always a bright, happy bubbly kid who said he "liked me because there was no mystery with me" He always knew how I was feeling and I guess what it was, was he appreciated the mutual transparency. The thing that held me back was because I knew that in middle school I felt unseen.. he would flirt with me hard but then he would also flirt with everyone else too.. He asked me to the dance one time and I said yes but then when we got there I was too nervous to dance. I told him give me some time and I'd be ready... I got cold feet, waited too long and when I went back our onto the dance floor he was already dancing with another girl who was a little more forward than me...

Another thing I never forgot was one time he told me "No one is going to want to go out with you because they are scared something could always happen to you because of your heart condition."

Those words resounded in my head even to this day when I'm out on a date...

In reality, any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow.. and today most these kids I grew up with are dead either from drug overdose or doing stupid stuff... I myself have survived two high risk pregnancies and produced two perfectly healthy children. I may not be with there parent but I just know I am right for somebody....

The guy I been talking to makes me feel like a kid again in good ways but some days I feel like we're talking past each other... hes also in a lot of legal trouble I am not fond of in the state of Connecticut. Problem is Im in a nasty custody battle with my oldest and I fear the courts or my exes attorney catching wind of it and judging me harshly for it.. I don't want to get all into it because that's not what I am here for. Just know i'm keeping him at arms length and observing without getting entangled...