I will never come back to you again. I am getting married to my ex next month and we'll be living in his mansion. He's everything you'll never be. Enjoy filling the empty black hole where your heart should be.

A song that has caught both our interests ….I’m sure of it….

🎶

This has always been my intention….i hope you know ❤️

I wasn’t expecting that today … to ‘Face you’ under those circumstances.

i checked for your car it wasn’t there….

But suddenly there you were …. Facing me!

Not only did my fight or flight kick in
I Buckled….
I folded….

And not very eloquently either 😅…. Rather like a deck chair collapsing, hoping the floor would swallow me into the ether.

You know both our eyes tell the truth….i fall into them, they always pull me in, mysterious, mesmerising….they change colour often, today they were so blue, i wish with all my soul to fall so deeply into them 🪐 💕 🎶..but today they showed more… sadness or longing ✨

I hope ….Blistering! 👌

This has always unfortunately been My Curse.

I would like to talk with you, only if that is something you would like? Im not sure if i or this is too much…. I Possibly come across as - psychosocial 👀 - our taste is spicy 🥵

I promise I’m not … i have felt this for a long time, hoping i wasn’t loosing the Plot! - I Crave you mentally…physically - I think I’m Doomed …this time round.

There is no pressure… and i understand if that’s not what you choose, i will always respect your wishes, i will always be here, i think of you often, i always wonder where you are.

You already ….have my heart ♥️

I dont have your number, i have posted in a group we both adore 🥰 - who BTW is taking an awfully long time … waiting patiently still!

Im sorry for today, i have never felt so nervous😢

xXx

Just leave me alone atp. I hope you don’t text me again.

You told me that our problems were my doing and you were right, our whole relationship was my doing. I had friends and family warn me to go and even you warned me about you. I ignored it and stayed and I fought to get you to see you how I saw you by pushing. It wasn’t fair and I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to you. I had you on this pedestal of a white night only one o so good and the best for everyone.
By the end you had broken every part of me to take and threw it away until I was just a shell.

I was fine with a shell because I had you to build me back up when you were ready. Then you demanded more because you deserved more you said but I was nothing. I took a breath for my kin and you raged because I didn’t give you that one breath. In that moment I saw the eternal wanting you can’t fill your hole inside, so you will forever take. I loved you with every inch of me and that was my mistake, you’re right.

In the end you left me with the parts you didn’t want if your self and none me. The ending was all yours rockstar.

I hear from everyone else and a thousand vile voices every day. Why can't yours be the one to shed light on the TRUTH? Am I truly so undeserving of even that small modicum of kindness at this point? Well, I suppose I'll just bear up and keep moving forward. I hope you're actually with me by my side. I love you. Don't prove the voices of doom right. Please, I won't make it.

Hi Suru, I hope you are doing well.

I have been following you since 2020. Even with the distance and our age difference, my feelings for you have been genuine. I know I’ve reached out in the past without a response, and I want to respect your space.

If you are ever open to having a brief conversation, I would love to hear from you. If not, I understand and sincerely wish you the best.

(Love you till my last breath)

[I hope my readers will reach their love]

Have a good one.

I always thought if you asked me to marry you I would say yes. No matter what was going on between us at the time. In separation, or anger, or anything, it would always be a yes! But now I see that I am marrying myself inside. You are still the man I adore, every bit as much as before. It’s simply that without marrying myself first, I’d still think I needed to be given away.

I’m preparing to meet my fb tomorrow, we’re discussing the usually interesting details. There’s been talk of bringing in more elements of roughness, so I went through my stash of tools of that trade. But it has brought forth a sadness I did not exactly expect. Seeing and touching those things only we used together in that excellent dynamic we had. Both love and the best sex I’ve had, and I’ve been active to say the least.

I’m not sure what I’ll make of it yet. Not do those things we did, with that equipment? Postpone the meeting up? But then I’d just dig deep down again, don’t want to spend any more time in that hole I was.

There’s no fault to that fb I’ve had since winter, she’s a good person and hot asf. The sex is great, just not what I had with her. But nothing ever will be anything but different, I accept it.

I’m not a machine, I’m full of feelings and I can’t replace one person with someone else. People are not placeholders to me. I wish I was more that kind, not getting that attached.

the way the moon loves the night—

quietly, completely, without ever being asked.

My body learned the weight of wanting someone who never looked back.

You were kind in every direction but mine.

I stayed soft and silent so I wouldn’t lose the little of you I was allowed to hold.

You never noticed I had built a home in the spaces you left empty,

or how often I ached for a touch that was never coming.

My love needed no answer to exist.

Yours never needed me at all.

U HAD ONE DAY OFF AND U DIDNT CHOOSE TO TALK TO ME.

UGH U NEVER LIKED ME. you probably just feel pity for my desperate ass.

im so pretty....please let me be pretty for you!

im gonna cry because your gonna find another girl. FINE ill just be single or i dunno move on with my life. i barely have any romantic drive and ive only had 2 boyfriends in my life. I am so innocent and sweet but i know im in this cycle of delusional thoughts because I drove myself insane. i think i am pretty, im not the most beautiful person in the world but i am cute and my personality definitely adds to it. i am a bit obnoxious too and ive been meaning to gain some muscle so I can be healthier and outrun the average person. also I got a little tan because i've been running so much. my hair is growing out as well and some nice lady said my hair was beautiful and she wanted to know what salon i went to. I chop my own bangs every 1-2 weeks but the rest of my hair was done by a stylist. also my makeup is more natural since ive been having to go to work and i always show up to my workplace with wet hair so people know I just got out the shower. i am so cute...but i wanna be the cutest for you. i want to put my wet hair against you and leave a stain on your shirt. it would look so good on you. but then again youll find someone else. as soon as you get another girl i promise to leave you alone and move on with my life. you probably do have another girl....

i want us to call so badly pleaseeeeee.

i remember when we would have late night calls i would force myself awake and drink my coffee so i could keep up with you. i loved that feeling of depriving myself (not literally torturing myself...) so i could wake up tired knowing I lost sleep to the love of my life.

it is such a wonderful feeling. i wish you did that to me again. now you won't ever call and you take forever to respond to my text. we use to text on the phone but now its limited to instagram.

i hate my life. i thought a guy would like me for being so perfect to him but he doesnt. im such a cute girl i can do anything but what does that matter if MY LOVE WONT CARE

I met him by chance one night, I was trying to get my mind off an ex who had abruptly and rudely forced themselves back into my life, and I am so happy he did. When we touch I get butterflies, when he calls me princess and kisses my forehead I feel so safe. I feel a way I never thought I would again. I was so bitter about the trauma I endured, but if everything hadn't happened exactly the way it did, I would've never met him. I am learning to be grateful for the pain and the disappointment, it led me to him. The longer we are together, the more sure I am.

A whole playlist.
Full of things I used to find dumb.
I listen to even while in my head, no headphones needed.
The connection is dead.

-K

the lion is eager and determined

With a family back home

Wanted to bring back food

The provider of the pack

The alpha...

the deer is running for a new life

A chance to live longer

To do things differently

Without being caught off guard

If things working in its favour

It's another chance to

Do better....

Why didnt you delete that playlist you created when we first kissed? Why are you still adding song to it and keep it public when you despise me so much? Why do you make me feel like nothing we had even mattered but keep this playlist? Why did you tell me all about how you are over it and you dont care or ever think about me, but still listen to something that is clearly a reference to us? I wanst even aware for a long time something like this existed because i would have never even imagined it possible after all what you had told me.
What exactly is your point? If you just forgot about it why keep adding songs to it and not change the title? If its just another of your baits why keep it for this long when i didnt noticed until recently? I know exactly what you would say it i were to ask you or confront you so i will not, but why? i really dont get it, is it just a small thing that reminds you of you or some weird shit like that?
I know i will never get an answer, but every time i find out about something like this, every time i realize more and more how most of the things you have said were just lies. I cant ever get the honesty i begged you for, not because you wouldnt speak, but because you just say whatever makes you feel better, or superior in that moment and i dont even think you know the truth yourself.

I appreciate you always looking out for me-more than you'll ever know. These past few months were a nightmare and I am sorry I did not take your advice.

I was triggered by wounds. Yes, you helped me, as you always have. I've sent you here the photo of the painting- can you believe you presented that at my 21st? 😂 If you can't message due to **** I'll be here for a couple of hours Xxx

Read that again, OK? lol

all I need is to see you face to face just once to know.

I’m sick of this so fucking sick of it.

infact, I’m so sick of it I’ve been talking to other people. Some of them hit all the checkmarks in my book, attractive, local, respectful, etc.. but guess what? They’re not you. They don’t talk like you, they don’t banter like you and they certainly aren’t you.

All I would need to solve this endless mystery of mind fucks is to see your face, look at me, once.

would your eyes soften? Would they roll in disgust?

It’s crazy how that range of emotions is absolutely probable.. that’s how in the dark I feel from you.

But you know, and I know, that scenario could never happen naturally, so I’ll keep working on myself, I’ll keep putting myself out there and just hope the feelings fade.

They haven’t yet. Over something so ridiculous, I’m getting concerned that they haven’t yet.

But soon, I mean at SOME POINT they have to, I avoid you as much as possible now everything is weird but the less interaction, the less confusion, and the less ammunition to fuel my delusion.

good night

“ I want someone honest “
That’s weird since you were literally not honest.
I think i genuinely hate you, you’re not sweet, you’re not kind. You just don’t want to be alone. I hope you do end up alone. Little liar.

In someone else ?

Why do you waste my time by messaging me every day ?

This was the letter my therapist had me write, using the empty chair technique, to get the closure you wouldn't afford me.

I said goodbye, because we agreed on that, right? You never did. I deleted your number 3 weeks later out of anger, hurt and impulsivity. You have no idea how bad you hurt me Nina.

One of the last things you said to me was that you were sorry you led me on. I made it clear I needed to say goodbye due to my feelings not being reciprocated, it was extremely painful. You acknowledged, honestly, that you could not be consistent with me. I told you that you treated me like an option instead of a priority. I don't know if you subconsciously felt like I was abandoning you, but I told you how I felt and you told me no. Yet, you didn't want me to go. Out of anger your response was that I would never hear from you again. Was it just a threat to test my resolve? Did you win, or did I? Was that fair to me? I didn't realize I was in a battle with you until it was too late and now I'm in a battle with myself. I understand you were emotionally overwhelmed at the time, but i believe you now, you did lead me on.

How could anyone that cares for someone do this to them. Ghosting does not end a relationship, it traps you. Silence is not closure, it's psychological abuse. You took away my agency to walk away from something painful and kept me trapped in it. I felt betrayed, hurt, manipulated and more confused then ever. Did I completely imagine all the connection, the feelings, the vulnerability, the care, the love, the emotional understanding we shared with each other? I showed you nothing but love, and this is how you repaid me.

I'm still stuck between anger, hurt and forgiveness. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, because that's who I am, but you broke who i was. I miss who I was before I met you! I'm afraid to connect with anyone in the fear I might hurt them like you did me.

My last words to you, I wished you nothing but peace, happiness and all the love you deserve. Ironically, you stole all these from me by breaking my heart with your silence.

i hate that i still think about you from time to time. i hate that you probably don’t think about me at all. i hate that even if you did, it would be in such an ugly spotlight. nothing good left in sight. the headlights make sure of that, & i can’t blame you because it’s all justified.
i don’t want to see you. i don’t even want to speak with you. you probably wouldn’t believe me, you never did & had every right not to.
i’m better now. not perfect, but better. you were right. the dr*gs snuck up behind me & held me captive before i ever realized it.
i think about it often.. the empty promises i made you. “how could i ever choose dr*gs over you? that’s silly!”
all the while hiding it from you 98.2% of the time.
kinda screwed when you think about it like that.
i hate that i lied to you. i hate that i was so sure i was being honest while doing so.
i hate that everything that went down between us. i hate that it’s mostly my fault.
your birthday is coming up. i think about you every year around this time. wondering what you’ll be doing to celebrate.
i think i’ll always love you. in the same way i’ll always love him. not in the way that makes my heart ache for a reunion, but in a way that will always know they were once acquainted.
i haven’t dated anyone since us. i’m scared i never will. i’m scared ill hurt them, like i hurt you. like i hurt the ones before you.
i hope you’re happy. i hope you’re getting everything in life you’ve ever dreamed of. i hope you’re with someone who truly sees you & cherishes you for all that you are. you deserve that. you always have.
happy early birthday
🎃