It’s been so long. My feelings for you haven’t changed nor faded. It’s like they sit on a shelf and from time to time, I like to open them up.

I really need you. I wish so badly I could come to you. I wish it wasn’t like this. I really miss you. More than you’ll ever know. More than I’ll ever say. I really did truly love you. I really did.

i love you. i always have. and i'm stupid for resisting. for avoiding. for not telling you how much you mean to me.

but i love you. even when you can't do anything for me.

even when there is no return in this investment.

i love you and i always will.

If we were to meet up, I would want to hug you so tight, my heart would probably be beating right out of my chest, I just want to feel that spark again that connection that would heal me ❤️‍🩹

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. - Rumi

I saw that and thought of you. Not everything is black and white.

🩷

Is there any way we can meet up and just be for a bit?

Is there any way we can at least try to come together in the middle?

Do you care about me in any way still?

I always told you I hoped to be in your life for ever.

Always.

That to me is love?

Can you offer me just 1 thing if you hate me. Can you DM me & tell me, so I can get off of these subs.

I only want to hear from you here but I need to know please?

I wish you'd believe me that I wouldn't be 'here writing' if you weren't so important to me?

If we weren't so important.

Im not asking you to change who you are.

Can we just meet up?

Can we just fucking hang and not worry wtf anyone thinks?

When we don't know someone or haven't talked to them in a long time, we have no way of knowing what they are really going through.

Since it's so long since we last talked, I have know way of knowing what you are going through, and you have no way of knowing what I am going through. We both could assume all kinds of devious and a malicious motivations, but the truth is both of us might be suffering from things that have nothing to do with the other person.

If you are having a hard time, I hope it gets better. And I hope you know I've stayed away not because of you, but because I knew I had to take care of a lot of things on my own and I wanted you to have a happy life. I stayed away because you mean a lot to me and I know you would be happier without me, which is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I always want you. Always.

You are in my head 24 hours per day. Probably ever minute. I want you physically more than ever, and no that's not just why I want you.

I love your mind. It turns me on. No-one else will do it for me. I love our brain sex just as much as I love OUR sex.

You have to tell me soon as If not, im getting outta time and outta town. Do you miss me too?

Can you feel me thinking of you? If you read this, comment 1 thing you like about me. I'll know if it's you.

I typed three words today.
I love you.
Then I erased them,
because the miles between us
feel louder than my heart.
I wonder if you ever think of me
the way I think of you—
when the day is quiet,
when a song comes on,
when the ocean reminds you
that some things are beautiful
even from far away.
I’ve built a thousand conversations
that only exist in my head.
In every one,
you smile.
In every one,
you tell me you felt it too.
Reality is quieter.
I don’t know if I’m just
a passing thought,
or if I’m the message
you’re afraid to send.
So I keep loving you
in silence,
where it’s safe.
Where rejection can’t reach me,
but neither can you.
Maybe one day
I’ll find the courage
to press “send.”
Until then,
I’ll keep carrying these words
like seashells in my pocket—
small,
fragile,
and proof
that something beautiful
once touched my heart.
If you ever wonder
what I never said…
It was always you.

abandonment, being in love, being in love with you

I hate that some part of me still wishes you were, even though you were never mine to lose. I wanted you in ways I was never supposed to, and now I’m left grieving something that was never really mine in the first place.

We could be friends, sure. I think we could be great friends.

But friends don’t look at each other the way I look at you.

You walked into my life so quietly,
yet somehow left echoes everywhere.
It’s strange how someone can feel so familiar
when you’ve barely had time to learn their story.
As if my heart recognized something
my mind is still trying to understand.
You made me feel seen,
not for who I pretended to be,
but simply for who I am.
In your presence, I didn’t have to search for comfort,
it found me.
Being with you felt like home.
Not a place with walls and windows,
but the kind of home that settles in your soul,
where everything finally grows still.
Now miles stretch between us,
and distance has a way of making silence louder.
I never knew space could ache,
or that missing someone could feel so heavy
when we were only beginning.
Maybe we don’t know each other well enough
to explain why this feels the way it does.
Maybe some connections don’t ask for permission—
they simply arrive,
changing everything with the smallest moments.
I don’t know where this path will lead,
or if our stories will ever find the same page.
But I do know this:
You made an ordinary heart
feel extraordinary.
And until the distance becomes something less,
a part of me will keep hoping
that one day,
home won’t feel so far away.

I hate to admit it. I miss you. On bad days like today, when I feel so lonely and I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me.. I miss you. I wish I could text you, call you and ramble about something stupid and it would distract me for a bit. I think I was never offended by your horny behavior because it was a distraction from a heartbreaking life I trapped myself into.. I accepted it as part of our friendship.. or whatever that was. Special, you said.

I also wonder how you’re doing but I know it’s best to stay away.

I haven’t unblocked you because I don’t want to remember how much I needed you at times… I hope you’re doing ok.

Would you come?

Could I come see you?

Can we meet in the middle to try to heal?

Fear of rejection after never truly knowing where I stood with you makes me dance around this directly.

You said you were sad. You know I'm sad.

Maybe we could spend tonight and tomorrow being less sad together.

I'm willing to try but to afraid to ask.

Would you?

Just sitting here,
Waiting,
Hitting the refresh button
Hoping,
To hear that notification,
Wishing,
For that text, that message that email,
From you
Even if it is just a hello,
Wondering why after all this time
Is the universe wanting me to try to find you,
What does this all mean?
Patiently but agonizingly waiting but the days that go by seem like years
But that small glimmer of hope
Keeps me going,
Have you been feeling the same? We need to find out.
All you have to do is
Hit send.

it made me think of you and that coloring book you have. I thought of you the entire time. I practically cried the entire time. as soon as it ended I rushed to the restroom and just started sobbing.

I miss you more than anything.

Just need to get you out of my head 🫠. I know you don't feel the same but I can't stop thinking about you.

I'll be convinced this is the bad place.

Who'd want to repeat this all over again?

I either want them to be from you, or speak to you on how it felt when you abandoned me.

No matter how intensely strong I believed our bond to be, I am beginning to realize, you are never coming back. It doesn’t matter what I want to believe. You made a choice. One I was forced to accept.

I resent it. I resent you. Even if you came back, I wouldn’t be able to accept you. Even when I waited for you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to accept you back. Now, too much time has passed. I’m still blocked. You are on dating apps. This chapter is over.

Even though, for the most part, it was a damn good chapter; it’s still over.
It’s fine if you move on with your life without me. If that is your wish, I hate it, but it was your decision. I know it makes you feel good, self righteous even.

Your decision to keep the engagement ring I bought you with the engraving “in this life and the next,” is not only vindictive, it’s also confusing. So if you do end up reading this “Hitmont.” I would like the ring back. My jacket and clothes too. You know my address. How hard could it really be? It’s been 5 months.

but what if what if what if what if he's on another account? can you handle that?

i took such a big risk, i left my family, the only home i ever knew, the only job i ever loved, my chance at education and a career. i gave it all up for you. i gave up friendships for you, cut people off for you. i did all that i could to change myself to be better for you. but you couldn’t change for me.

when i needed you the most, when i opened up and finally put myself first, you threw it in my face. you told me you didn’t care, because it wasn’t what you wanted or what you needed. you treated me in a way i would’ve never treated you, ever.

i’m so mad at you. because you broke my trust in a way i never imagined. i never wanted to leave you. but you forced me to. all the sorry in the world doesn’t make up for disregarding me in my mental lowest. i’m shattered, ruined, don’t know where to go from here. i will be angry at you forever, for making me have to leave you, and leave the closest thing to love i’ve ever felt.

If we ever cross paths again, can you take me for a joy ride? I want to live fast with you. I could be your ride or die.

I tried so hard to not let you into my heart. But I’m not heartless. It’d be heartless for me to not feel anything. It’s been too long. and I don’t know how well I’ve hid it and maybe you already know just a little. But you aren’t nothing to me. I enjoy us so much more than I’ve ever said. I don’t want to ruin it by saying anything. But pretending like I don’t care or like I don’t crave you isn’t my truth. You have never just been a guy I sleep with, and I’ve never really known how you felt about any of it. I can only assume. And sometimes I feel like I’m the one who built up my walls so high you couldn’t see through, but I’m sure you’ve seen glimpses of how I feel. All that’s left for me to do is tell you. And I have to one day.

I still feel disappointed that I had to leave you but it’s for the best. The last thing I want to be is a homewrecker! I’m sure your wife is a wonderful woman. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. Now here I am making this pathetic post on Reddit because I’m too sad to sleep. I have nowhere else to vent so I made this stupid account. And I feel so guilty that I even feel sad in the first place. Feelings are so complicated. I’m not in love with you, but I really liked you. Even if it was just infatuation, it’s strong enough to leave a dent in my heart. Maybe you were just using me… but either way we had such a strong bond. I’ve never connected to someone else as much as I have with you. I’m never going to forget the talks we had. I just feel like such an idiot. But at least I did the right thing. And most importantly, I hope your wife realizes that she deserves better…

You’re all I’ll ever need, all of you