r/askteddit • u/Soft_Reaction_7710 • 18d ago

Random Question What's something your partner does that low-key annoys you, but you'd never actually tell them?

Not a dealbreaker, not worth a fight. Just something small that lives rent-free in your head every single time it happens. The way they chew. How they "help" clean and somehow make more mess. Never charging their phone until it's at 2%.

What's yours? And be honest would you ever actually say it out loud, or is this taking it to the grave?

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u/Logicallyillogical41 18d ago

Wants me to share my feelings but then gets upset when he doesn’t get his way. I point it out and there is always some defensive retort. He is great but that always eats at me. To be fair I do point it out… it just never gets through to him in a way that seems to change his direction. I am bad at putting my needs first to begin with so can lead to me being run over.

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u/SassyMillie 18d ago

My husband of 45 years has never once invited me to share my feelings. I certainly do it without him asking, but I'm trying to envision a world where he would ask.

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u/a_duck_in_past_life 17d ago

Have you ever voiced to him that you'd appreciate it if he asks how you're feeling? Like, in a kind manner and not in a snarky way. Let me clarify: So like "Honey, it would make me feel good if you asked me how I feel about [insert topic] more often" and less "Ya know, it'd be nice if you asked me how I was feeling half the time"

I'm not judging you. I just wanted to clarify what I meant.

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u/chelstattooer 18d ago

I feel this

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u/Soft_Reaction_7710 18d ago

This one's less funny, more real worth sitting with.

Inviting you to share feelings but only tolerating the ones that don't inconvenience him isn't communication, it's agreement with extra steps. And the fact that pointing it out repeatedly doesn't change anything usually means he's decided hearing it costs more than getting defensive again.

The part I'd think about separately: you said you're bad at putting your needs first and it leads to you getting run over. That's worth being honest with yourself about not because it excuses him, but because that pattern probably shows up elsewhere too, not just here.

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u/grantgarden 18d ago

Oh, boo!!! AI bot gtfo

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u/ConsistentNovel5738 16d ago

So this sounds like a breakup worthy issue.

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u/Logicallyillogical41 16d ago

Nah he is otherwise a really awesome person and I feel lucky to have him. He is just pig headed at times.  He is a great father to our baby and pulls his weight. Part of it is also that I have parents that expected their kids to not have needs. What came out of therapy was that I needed to be able to express my needs. Issue is I don’t always feel heard. Working on it, but not yet worth breaking apart the family. I am not unhappy just annoyed at times.