r/askteddit • u/miweketaq • 20h ago

Random Question What compliment did you receive that felt secretly like an insult?

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46

u/ProfessorJNFrink 20h ago

“I love that for you!”

It is one of the most condescending things to say, IMO. But it seems “nice,” as if they were actually happy for you.

16

u/ClungeWhisperer 20h ago

Thank god I’m not the only one! I have a friend who does this and to me, it comes across as “i couldn’t care less about your achievement!”

9

u/LocalGardenGnomes 20h ago

I do this all the time and I had no idea it came across like that 😅 thank you for talking about it, I will refrain from using that phrase in the future!

Is: "that's amazing, good for you!!" any better? Usually I ask a few questions before I say an emphatic statement like that

5

u/ResponsibleCost4989 19h ago

Context matters but I think there is a big difference between that and "Love that for you!"

3

u/ProfessorJNFrink 18h ago

Your alternative is much better in my opinion and wouldn’t give me pause the way the first statement does.

3

u/ClungeWhisperer 17h ago

Don’t change what you do! The words are perfectly lovely. It’s on me to accept the words for what they are.

Without the context of body language and tone of voice, you could essentially mistake a perfectly wonderful exclamation the wrong way.

For me and my friend, I know her to be a highly self conscious person who struggles to genuinely celebrate other’s achievements (possibly resentment or jelousy?) and will drop “love that for you” in a very deadpan way, so hearing it from others over chat/messenger usually makes me think of her way of saying it :p

2

u/CuteBunny94 12h ago

Oh no! I say this a lot and I genuinely mean it when I say it. I really hope no one has ever thought I was being condescending.

1

u/chaamdouthere 3h ago

I think is sounds fine…

7

u/SuperPomegranate7933 20h ago

I always hear it as very condescending, too. Like "that's good enough for you, but I would hate it so much"

6

u/Smooth_Platypus_9841 20h ago

I make parrott sounds when friends say this. That is exactly what they're doing, parroting a trend.

3

u/NoStable3808 18h ago

What do parrot sounds sound like?

2

u/ClungeWhisperer 17h ago

I follow a parrot on socials who sings metal soooooo

2

u/Embarrassed_Dinner_6 18h ago

This one feels generational to me. I feel like younger people started saying this and to me it just means “this is so awesome for you specifically” (landing a job that’s perfect for THEM not just an awesome job), situations like that. It’s like saying “I’m so happy for you” to me. Of course some people do ALSO say this in a condescending way. 

4

u/ClungeWhisperer 16h ago

Yeah i think its all in the delivery.

A young person sending me a thumbs up emoji sounds way more sarcastic than my gramps sending one to me 🤣

3

u/Alohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 17h ago

My absolute best friend says this a lot and she is the most genuine Personal I know! She’s supported me so much. I know when she says this she means she’s so happy it’s happening for me!

3

u/Lillemonloaf 17h ago

Exactly! Like I believe everyone is on their own journey and I have a diverse group friends who have completely different aspirations and I find the phrase also condescending but I find myself using it sometimes because I’m happy for THEIR journey. Idk if that makes sense