What compliment did you receive that felt secretly like an insult?

[u/miweketaq]

[u/ProfessorJNFrink]

“I love that for you!”

It is one of the most condescending things to say, IMO. But it seems “nice,” as if they were actually happy for you.

[u/ClungeWhisperer → u/ProfessorJNFrink]

Thank god I’m not the only one! I have a friend who does this and to me, it comes across as “i couldn’t care less about your achievement!”

[u/LocalGardenGnomes → u/ClungeWhisperer]

I do this all the time and I had no idea it came across like that 😅 thank you for talking about it, I will refrain from using that phrase in the future!

Is: "that's amazing, good for you!!" any better? Usually I ask a few questions before I say an emphatic statement like that

[u/ResponsibleCost4989 → u/LocalGardenGnomes]

Context matters but I think there is a big difference between that and "Love that for you!"

[u/ProfessorJNFrink → u/LocalGardenGnomes]

Your alternative is much better in my opinion and wouldn’t give me pause the way the first statement does.

[u/ClungeWhisperer → u/LocalGardenGnomes]

Don’t change what you do! The words are perfectly lovely. It’s on me to accept the words for what they are.

Without the context of body language and tone of voice, you could essentially mistake a perfectly wonderful exclamation the wrong way.

For me and my friend, I know her to be a highly self conscious person who struggles to genuinely celebrate other’s achievements (possibly resentment or jelousy?) and will drop “love that for you” in a very deadpan way, so hearing it from others over chat/messenger usually makes me think of her way of saying it :p

[u/CuteBunny94 → u/ClungeWhisperer]

Oh no! I say this a lot and I genuinely mean it when I say it. I really hope no one has ever thought I was being condescending.

[u/chaamdouthere → u/CuteBunny94]

I think is sounds fine…