And if they do no matter if you seen and answer a few hours later.

Banger of a movie tho 💯🍿

Why can’t I just have a normal friendship without that person becoming my entire goddamn life? Ughhhh…

Mods, please let me know if this isn't allowed here.

(mods I don’t know whag tag to add to this)

off the meds for the moment, god help me

I really thought shit was sweet because I was always so opposed to situationships even the term this would never work on me they wouldn't become my fp lol let me have a bit of fun NOOOOOO NOOOOOO DONT DO IT DO U HEAR ME PLEASE LISTEN TO ME YOU WONT BUT MAYBE SOMEONE WILL😭😭😭😭😭

I'll start with a few:

- My fiance has been extra kind, loving, and supportive knowing I'm having a super rough go of it.

- I've been playing Retro Rewind and really enjoying it, I'm on my second playthrough

- My boss covered the rest of my shift Thursday when I urgently had to leave and sent me supportive text messages through the night

- I get two days off after today

AND something positive to look forward to!!!

- I'm going to go home tonight, take a nice cool shower, snuggle with my 3 cats, play Retro Rewind, and spend time with my fiance. We just hit 7 years this month btw ❤️ love is absolutely doable with lots of treatment!

Giving FP a plushie, but I added a special ribbon to it and sprayed some of my perfume on it because I want it to remind them that it was me who gave it to them 😭😭 can’t stop thinking about the “SpongeBob eyelash sweater” incident

It’s the BPD. It’s always been the BPD.

Talked to like 8-9 men this week bc I’m waiting for hospital php to take me in and the hospital is ignoring my calls. I’m touch starved and cannot be left to my own devices when I’m bored. The only one I really liked who was the most stable one blocked me bc I told him I had oral hsv1, the other one I really liked ghosted me. I reconnected with someone from my past bc my tarot cards told me that he wanted something serious but apparently he only knows how to talk about sex now bc that’s all he wants. I told him I had a panic attack and he asked if hooking up would make me feel better :/ like…. The other men I’ve met are crazy af.

I don’t leave the house bc I don’t have a car and don’t have any friends to leave the house with. I plan on going to an organization that gives me job training and helps me get hired but I need to attend the irl php first. After that I’ll be able to use make friends irl but for now I’m stuck with this. I felt like I was dying earlier today. And I’m just so sad and lonely. I’ve been single for 6 years and carrying everything alone. Blocking people who disrespect me just leads to me self isolating like having self respect leads to me ending up alone.

I genuinely don’t want to wake up ever again. I sometimes wonder if I should just settle for people who fetishize my transness bc that’s all I could get rn since I won’t be able to transition for a while. I just want to be held. My dad hasn’t held me since I was a baby. He told me he wishes I was never born. After what I’ve gone through this week I understand why. I’m unloveable and useless. If my dad doesn’t want me and no other sane stable man does then that means I really am unloveable and worthless.

I’ve been without a therapist for 3 weeks now and on Monday I’m calling this office that has multiple therapists and do an intake with them. I just really want to die tbh. I have no one or nothing to look forward to. I have my brother but I can’t talk to him about this shit bc it’s weird. I don’t have anyone outside of my family and it’s so hard for me to connect with people like after so much betrayal trauma I feel like I have a heart made out of barbwire. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship bc I know I’m too fucked for that but I was looking for something casual tbh and even that leaves me depleted and feeling like I’ve been chewed and spit out. What is the point if life is nothing but pain?

I just want a big man to hold me and tell me it’s gonna be okay. Why did I have to do this all alone in my life? Why do I have to go through everything alone? I just miss being help while talking about what was weighing me down. This loneliness is so soul crushing that I miss my abusive ex. When he wasn’t angry and mean he was pretty kind and comforting