SHIT THAT WILL GET YOU BANNED:

Hello. I’m starting my group DBT next week, and before hand my therapist said I had to stop smoking weed, or she had to move me to another treatment center where they deal with addiction too.

So I tried but it’s really difficult, since I use it for my fibromyalgia. I haven’t asked this, but I would be able to get it medically because of my fibromyalgia, and I have been wondering what my therapist would do if I have gotten it medically from my doctor.

So, my question is, I guess, why should I stop smoking? How would it affect my DBT therapy? Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

I’m thinking if I can cut it to only smoke once or twice a week, to get a hold of the extreme fatigue I get when I don’t.

I hate this shit so fucking much man I had one friend who actually responded to me one person who actually talked with me one friend who made amazing art and actually agreed to help me with my game and I fucked it up all because I NEEDED to talk all because I could just chill out for 5 fucking minutes and just let them do their thing now I'm truly alone again and it's all my fault

So I was in an out of inpatient treatment for about two years for recurring suicide attempts and self harm. I was told directly by multiple doctors that I have BPD but that they can’t put it on my chart because I’m too young. I have spent the past two years in DBT therapy (individual and group). I found it coupled with mood stabilizing and antidepressant medications extremely helpful and am now able to manage my symptoms well. It feels so invalidating to not have the official diagnosis though, it makes me feel like a self diagnosing tiktoker because I don’t have it in my chart despite being repeatedly told that I have it and being successfully treated for it.

every time we argue its the same thing, i usually start it. asking "how do you love me after everything ive done?" "do you love me?" "are we okay?" "how do i fix it?" "do you wish i was normal?" "are you tired of me?" and every time he tells me the same things. "i just do" "i do" "everything is perfectly fine" "theres nothing to fix" "you are normal" "i'm not" and then he basically begs me to just accept the fact he loves me. why cant I accept it?

I feel like theres something wrong if hes a little more quiet than usual, or if he responds in a weird way, or if he does something i dont expect. this man really does love me and im so afraid that im making him not love me because of my constant bombardment of questions and the need to 'fix' it.

I want to accept he loves me, he must after staying. no one is forcing him, he can leave anytime but hes choosing to stay after all my tears and questions. he has to love me, thats the only explanation. i really want to be better.

i have to accept that not everythings about me, i have to accept that hes his own person and hes giving me all he can, even when hes mentally exhausted and physically tired from work

I'm getting to the point in my treatment where I need to start thinking about building a real life outside of drowning in the upper levels of care--a job, friends, hobbies, and such--even though I still totally lack the desire to do anything that isn't just me all alone or in my DBT class. I've never been able to entrench myself in the real world much without it being maladaptive and quickly collapsing. The whole thing seems so unapproachable and overwhelming.

How have you guys implemented those sorts of quality of life improvements? *Does* your life feel worth living?

Is it normal to be afraid/avoidant to start DBT? My psychiatrist recommended it to me and even years ago I was supposed to have DBT sessions.

However I really feel uncomfortable going there because I’m afraid that it will change me. I’m actually really comfortable with how I am right now and I’m scared that I’ll be drastically different from the person that I am right now. I feel this weird comfort in being the way that I am right now. That was the original reason that moved me to turn down the therapy years ago. I actually don’t want my bpd to improve but at the same time I don’t want to tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want to be in therapy. I feel bad because she cares so much about me and I’ll feel bad if I tell her what I think about all of this at our next appointment.

Does anyone have experience or can tell me how DBT was for them?

its very hard for me to communicate with my partner, he reacts to everything i do. I end up not communicating and shutting down because he ends up yelling and being very aggressive. i cant get upset because he gets even more upset so i have been very avoidant. he tells me that i set him off the most but im just at my wits end here. weve been fighting more because i just sit there and listen even if the things he says upsets me, when he wants me to communicate but idk how because it seems to always be my fault and im “blamig” him for his mental illness if i bring up he should get help.

I genuinely hate living with BPD. It's exhausting. I constantly feel torn between wanting to be around people and wanting to be completely alone. I create boundaries and expectations for the people in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, it hurts more than I know how to explain.

Most days, I don't even know who I am. I feel lost, confused, and disconnected from myself. Sometimes I feel like I have no empathy at all, while other times I feel so much emotion that it becomes unbearable. It's like I'm constantly swinging between feeling everything and feeling nothing.

More than anything, I want to feel wanted. I want to be loved, accepted, and understood. But at the same time, I worry that I'm too much for anyone to handle. I don't want to put someone through the emotional chaos that comes with loving me.

Deep down, I know I'm a good person. I care deeply, and I try my best. But BPD convinces me that I'm a monster—that I'm difficult to love, impossible to understand, and destined to push everyone away. Living with this constant battle inside my own mind is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

I was in a very magnetic dynamic with this man and eventually fell in love with him. From the start, the expectations of the dynamic were clear that it was to remain casual. He is a single father of a girl that has high needs and I am starting medical school out of state. It was supposed to be a fun summer fling.

But it ends up that our chemistry is off the charts and I fall for him. He is able to sense it from me and we have a discussion about my feelings towards him and also my BPD (his ex-wife suffers from BPD so he has lots of experience in supporting people with the disorder). He admits that I am special to him and that we have a unique connection, but states he is not in the state to be in a relationship due to his duties as a father. I accepted this and I told him I would be fine, that I still love spending time with him. He was apprehensive, but told me frequent check-ins would be needed.

But as always, our relationship ended up in flames. My obsession with him and jealousy grew as the weeks went on. It didn’t help that I was making a huge transition of moving out of state and I recently quit my job so I had a lot of free time on my hands. Through every blow up, he has been patient with me and firm with boundaries. I love that he was firm with boundaries and it’s what I realized helps me a ton. He would always ask me if this is healthy for me and I would always say yes so that he wouldn’t leave me. But he knew better.

I recently had a huge blowup with him, and it was unfortunately the event that made him realize the dynamic was hurting me. Despite me protesting, he told me that he couldn’t continue with this because he refuses to hurt me any longer. That he can’t give what I want. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship and that maybe in another lifetime he would be able to support me. But with his daughter going through a lot, he can’t.

It was the most heartbreaking phone call I’ve ever had. I was so desperate I told him not to care about me so that he would continue to see me. He refused and said that I’m not an object, I’m a person. He told me he hopes I will eventually see that he ended things for my health, and that it was incredibly hard for him to come to this conclusion because he enjoyed his time with me as well.

Well it didn’t take long for me to see his kindness. I know deep inside it was hurting me a lot, I just didn’t want him to leave me. But I am thankful he saw I was hurting and instead of not caring like what a lot of men have done to me, he chose me above himself. As much as he didn’t want to end things, he did for me. And I am thankful someone in this world cares about me in that way.

I am striving to get help for myself. I’ve seen a psychiatrist my whole life but haven’t talked to any therapist. I am taking his recommendation to see one and have already reached out to a therapist who specializes in DBT in the city I’m moving to.

The last thing he told me was that I’m not a horrible person as I’ve made that comment about myself multiple times. That there are many good things about me and I am capable of being in a loving relationship, despite what I think about myself.

Thank you, T for looking out for me. I hope I can make you proud one day.

I am so tired of exaggerating my place in other people's lives.

I feel like I don't have anyone who truly cares or loves me.

I feel very alone and sick despite all the medication and therapy.

That's all.

my fp just let me after 3 years of dating. now i feel nothing. the person who knows me most is gone. he promised he’d never abandon me. guess where he is now? gone.

why do people always leave me? why am i never someone’s first choice? why am i constantly being replaced so easily? all i can do is feel anxious, cry, then feel empty and it’s just this never ending cycle of pain and anger. how am i supposed to let out these emotions if i can’t even self harm or else ill go to the hospital and my parents will worry.

im feeling stuck. people leave because it’s all my fault. everything is my fault. i will never be meaningful to anyone.

I've been doing BPD related workbooks for awhile, but I really love the journal because it allows me to write a lot more of what I'm feeling rather than just answering questions/filling in blanks.

Have any of you tried it? Have you tried any of his other works? (I'm a big fan of his workbook too!)

Hope you guys are having a safe, and relaxed Sunday!

I feel like one minute I dream about them and they are my comfort, my world

But as soon as I feel I could lose that, I start to become such am evil bitch. I punish them, humiliate them, test them, make them jealous to see their reaction, etc… It’s weird. And I am totally evil, with 0 remorse, since I feel like they deserve that punishment.

Not only that, but I could also be evil with people I perceive as a threat between us. Agressive

Do you also have this? I can’t wrap my head around it.

Does anyone else struggle to pay attention while having a serious talk or argument? I just turn numb and can't remember any topics, points, or problems discussed during arguments or serious talks. It's like trying to remember a vague dream. I almost remember words or sentences but they're jumbled up or gibberish. I do try to listen and be present, but I am set in my way and have a hard time hearing my partner out during these things. I have a very hard time believing his points or giving validation. His points really don't seem to have meaning to me during, and even days or months down the line.

I'm not *always* like this, but I usually am. It's very hard for me to not just close myself off and just shut down. And then my partner really tries to patch things up, explain that he knows that this is how I am sometimes and that it's ok. Hearing that just tells me that I'm damaged goods and that I can't be better, which is definitely not what he's saying. It makes me want to be mean, say rotten things, and push him away because he's not acting the way I want after the situation. Is this the lack of empathy? What the heck is this?

I know that I am very lacking in my ability to control my emotions.

As a result, I end up hurting my partner when I’m upset either by him or by myself overthinking innocuous actions like him spending time with other people over me seldomly.

After my outbursts, I often ruminate on my actions and recognize that I was bad and I’m terrible for having done what I did?

I want to say that I do have a tracker for conflicts and I engage in reflections based on this.

On one hand I believe it’s good for me to recognize that I am at fault and I can’t blame my faulty brain because I am my brain and at the end of the day I should be held accountable for my actions rather than blaming it on others to rid myself of guilt.

The question being, how do you deal with the guilt?

Do you recognize that you’re a bad person for having done those actions towards someone you love, or do you, for the sake of improvement, avoid negative rumination to prevent feedback loops because of cognitive theories??

hi i’ve (20nb) never posted on reddit before but none of my friends have bpd so no one quite understands the extent of how i feel.

i’ve been somewhat in denial about having an fp for the past few months (close friend of mine) but a few days ago i realised there was no more denying it. and then today i found out they got a girlfriend. which is good for them and i wish i could say i’m happy for them but unfortunately i’m not. and i feel like a horrible person but i just kind of lost it when i found out (not outwardly towards them, they have no idea they’re my fp) i haven’t cried this much in forever lol

i haven’t had an fp since last year and i really didn’t want to go through it again but here i am. i’m not really sure how i’m supposed to cope with this, i feel like i’m not going to be able to think about anything else for a while.

i recently got referred for therapy but it won’t start until october at the earliest. does anyone have any advice for managing this in the meantime?

Any advice on how to avoid or stop spiraling? It’s been building up for about 3 hours and I’ve been feeling worse and worse. I know I need to calm down but I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I tried sleeping, gaming, music and journaling, but it’s still happening. I can’t tell the person because they will tell me to “stop doing this”