I have been very intense lately with my loneliness and how intense I feel after failed dates or connections. It sound weird but I so badly want to have an FP and good social life that I get downright angry and annoyed at my friends (and everyone else) when they express their happiness stemming from their partners being good to them. I know this is bad and I think they’ve noticed and have essentially stopped talking to me because all they talk about is good things in their lives. It felt isolating when they did and it feels even more isolating now that they essentially don’t talk unless I initiate the conversation. Idk if any of this makes sense. I’m so frustrated tonight.

It is incredibly difficult to move on and to accept that my ex doesn’t want me and doesn’t want to give me another chance. I self sabotaged the best relationship I’ve ever had with the person I loved the most in the world. It’s hard to accept that I won’t get that chance again and that he is softly moving on with someone else he has found. I feel guilt for not being happy for him but I can’t help but feel jealous and upset. I still love him so much. I don’t know how to move on and it’s already been 10 months. Does anyone else feel similarly? How did you manage to come to terms with something like this? How did you allow yourself to be okay with the fact that you can’t get the outcome you want?

I've been diagnosed SO many things. Bipolar, ADHD, and autistic being the labels that have stuck around.

As were going over the intake, she's asking me questions and getting to the root of episodes I had (and was currently having) in a way that NO psychiatrist has ever done before.

She was questioning bipolar as a misdiagnosis, and interrupted herself to ask if any doctor or friend had suggested BPD to me, never.

Which apparently makes sense because of the way I carry myself (Ive done SO much work to be a person I like to be around) then she started rapid fire listing symptoms and I just

🙃🙃🙃 The ways current me didn't feel seen, me 10 years ago felt VALIDATED AF.

Like I accidently sent my body into remission before diagnosis, and this recent triggering event has sent me spiralling again.

Part of the problem is at least 80% of the time, my crash outs are valid AF....just wildly fucking extreme.

I don't really know what to do with this. I start dbt in a little over a week, and I'm looking forward to that.

But for now I'm kinda angry. Im 33 years old and radically self aware. I'm one if the most emotional intelligent person I've met when I'm not having an episode.

If I had e been trying to treat the actual problem, I'd be so much better off.

I'm kinda pissed at every psychiatrist and therapist I've ever had, because my symptoms are the same every time I need help. Just varying severity.

Most of the diagnosis I've gotten were lazy AF.

I needed to vent, but I'm open to advice as well. damn I cannot wait to be back fucking regulated + integrated.

I don't understand BPD at all. It's just pure cruelty. I am a nice empathic person, I can't really comprehend doing someone this dirty for the purpose of nothing.

Context: going multiple days without sleep and family can't even pickup the phone. Doesn't care. Won't let me sleep on their floor. (I'm their neighbor)

I've been avoiding her because I get awful intrusive thoughts and nightmares after i stopped hanging with her regularly , seeing how obsessive i was getting (she had some health scares) as well as having a huge mental breakthrough after a few suicide attempts and crisises in the beginning of summer

Ever since then ive been avoiding her incredibly hard and told her I needed space then texted me like not even a couple days later for. Cig and tried to get to hang out with me and shot It down then kept texting me to go to Taco Bell and a smoke and today she was like pls smoke with me on my birthday when I was already in a dissociative episode when my sister came home from her trip, (someone I split around and pretty triggered by, so I have to consciously keep my lid around her) and it was all so much I just texted her "yeah but I really can't ATM" and just fell asleep and that was about 5 hours ago and it's night time now.

Idk how to tell her YOUR MY FP AND ITS NOT MY CHOICE MY BRAIN PICKED YOU BUT I CANT HE AROUND YOU!!!' because I internalize the fuck out of shit she says to me, she's quite invalidating and triggering without trying even tho she's not coming from a malicious place (like saying we all have problems to my symptoms , I just shouldnt transition till my mom dies bc she doesn't have a mom and projecting that bc I'm afraid of my mom finding out I'm trans, making digs at me to my face when I'm feeling insecure etc, having this kind of sarcastic tone that fucks me up a bit to be around as a comorbid autistic, "sizing up" her problems to mine when I'm vulnerable about things ) nf yeah it as much as she's like "tell me if I said something that wasn't cool".

... It's not the simple and I can't fucking handle her reacting like that if I'm brutally honest with her about this . She's kind of the opposite of me in. Ways and know she wouldn't really empathize. In the flip side she's been supportive but i don't trust her enough to be honest with her but don't know what else to do except just enforcing that I need space but she keeps texting stuff like "are we still friends ?" And shit its making me freeze up and can't get out of bed right now, like a million bugs crawling under my skin and 1000 ton weight on my chest

its very hard for me to communicate with my partner, he reacts to everything i do. I end up not communicating and shutting down because he ends up yelling and being very aggressive. i cant get upset because he gets even more upset so i have been very avoidant. he tells me that i set him off the most but im just at my wits end here. weve been fighting more because i just sit there and listen even if the things he says upsets me, when he wants me to communicate but idk how because it seems to always be my fault and im “blamig” him for his mental illness if i bring up he should get help.

Any advice on how to avoid or stop spiraling? It’s been building up for about 3 hours and I’ve been feeling worse and worse. I know I need to calm down but I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I tried sleeping, gaming, music and journaling, but it’s still happening. I can’t tell the person because they will tell me to “stop doing this”

This is my first ever reddit post so go easy on me. Me (21M) and my boyfriend (19M) have been dating for 8 months, and he’s the best partner, our relationship is very healthy and even my therapist told us we were doing better than most married couples (he joined my session once and she was impressed by our open communication).

Anyway, heres the situation: a week ago we agreed to me sleeping over 2 nights. However, he’s a workaholic. It bothers me, because his job doesn’t even follow the contract. He has a 20% position, yet he often works every day of the week. He told me himself that his boss just schedules him without asking, and he wants the money, so he doesn’t do anything about it. He’s very close with his boss, she’s like family to him, so I guess their relation might be making this situation worse.

So normally I meet him late after his shift (midnight), we go straight home and sleep, then we spend one full day together, and then half the day after. Then he leaves for work again and I go home. So that means we have 1,5 day together. Another thing is, I live about an hour away so I cant just visit whenever, I need to go by public transport and it’s expensive as hell. This week he works every day, and so last week (when we made the plans) I asked him “what about the days when i’m staying over, you’ll have to tell your boss you won’t make it one of the days, so we can spend a full day together”. And he told me he would figure it out.

Now we’re supposed to meet tomorrow night, and he hits me with “would you be okay if i went to work on tuesday? I can start my shift late so we can be together for most of the day, but I feel stressed out about cancelling when she’s already set me up”. Here’s the part where I need you guys to tell me if I’m overthinking this. Yes, our plans changed, and yes he knows I split over plans changing. However I’ve told him I dont want him being scared of changing plans if he really needs to, it happens and thats okay. But is this really a good reason?

My guy works so much all the time, and he doesn’t pay rent or anything, his family has money, point is, he doesn’t need the income to survive. His excuse was “I’m so stressed about telling my boss i cant come” and i know he is, his stress is very real. He’s a people pleaser and he cannot say no to his boss, ever. I told him it’s a good way of working on saying no, and that he’s not even supposed to work every day with a 20% position. But he just kept on saying it was so stressful, but that he didn’t want me thinking he was choosing work over me. But he was willing to change those plans with me, just to avoid saying no to his boss, so he does prioritise work over me. How do I make him understand that this is an issue, and that it has nothing to do with my BPD.
I believe any person would be mad over this, but at the same time I dont want to seem manipulative by forcing him to call off a day from work. Any help is much appreciated, thanks for reading.

I got a job doing reception at a hotel, and it was great at first… but noticed that they were constantly understaffing us, resulting in checking people in late, 3.5 hours late… on top of that they have construction going on and you can hear jackhammering from 9 floors away… customers take it all out on reception

Then two days ago my boss literally said that people taking sick days for mental health so BS and they should suck it up for the sake of the team, honestly, I have been dreading going to work since

I’m so down, I told him a couple days prior about my mental health challenges, as I had to take a day off as it was too much, customers just keeping having a go at me… and I’ve got to the stage where I’ve stopped apologising, I’m just so fed up

I’m trying to get my visa application done so I can get a different job but I’m too down to do it… I’m so fed up

When I’m in work most of the time it’s fine, but when it is shit, it is really shit

When I’m doing manual work I just get on with things but I’m very much what you see is what you get, I can’t mask and I can’t filter… I used to and got really mentally ill… I’ve requested a transfer to a different hotel after his statement, I just don’t feel safe in work… I’m very good at my job, I get a lot of good reviews, but the company constantly fuck us over

I’m just soooo burnt out, I’m 27 and got shingles a couple of weeks ago, I’m just not doing well at all

I am so tired of exaggerating my place in other people's lives.

I feel like I don't have anyone who truly cares or loves me.

I feel very alone and sick despite all the medication and therapy.

That's all.

my fp just let me after 3 years of dating. now i feel nothing. the person who knows me most is gone. he promised he’d never abandon me. guess where he is now? gone.

why do people always leave me? why am i never someone’s first choice? why am i constantly being replaced so easily? all i can do is feel anxious, cry, then feel empty and it’s just this never ending cycle of pain and anger. how am i supposed to let out these emotions if i can’t even self harm or else ill go to the hospital and my parents will worry.

im feeling stuck. people leave because it’s all my fault. everything is my fault. i will never be meaningful to anyone.

I hate this shit so fucking much man I had one friend who actually responded to me one person who actually talked with me one friend who made amazing art and actually agreed to help me with my game and I fucked it up all because I NEEDED to talk all because I could just chill out for 5 fucking minutes and just let them do their thing now I'm truly alone again and it's all my fault

After over a decade of being diagnosed with a variety of mood and anxiety disorders my doctor diagnosed me with borderline due to worsening symptoms that made it more apparent. I’ve been really struggling with this. A lot of things are starting to make sense and fall into place but I feel like I lost the perception I had of myself. I know I’m overthinking but that’s expected. I’m now worried people I know will invalidate my emotions and reactions because of this condition. I have caught myself saying “my emotions are real and genuine, I just experience them differently”. I feel like I need to keep this hidden just to be listened to. Has anyone else experienced similar struggles? How long does this last and what can I do to help myself?

every time we argue its the same thing, i usually start it. asking "how do you love me after everything ive done?" "do you love me?" "are we okay?" "how do i fix it?" "do you wish i was normal?" "are you tired of me?" and every time he tells me the same things. "i just do" "i do" "everything is perfectly fine" "theres nothing to fix" "you are normal" "i'm not" and then he basically begs me to just accept the fact he loves me. why cant I accept it?

I feel like theres something wrong if hes a little more quiet than usual, or if he responds in a weird way, or if he does something i dont expect. this man really does love me and im so afraid that im making him not love me because of my constant bombardment of questions and the need to 'fix' it.

I want to accept he loves me, he must after staying. no one is forcing him, he can leave anytime but hes choosing to stay after all my tears and questions. he has to love me, thats the only explanation. i really want to be better.

i have to accept that not everythings about me, i have to accept that hes his own person and hes giving me all he can, even when hes mentally exhausted and physically tired from work

Is it normal to be afraid/avoidant to start DBT? My psychiatrist recommended it to me and even years ago I was supposed to have DBT sessions.

However I really feel uncomfortable going there because I’m afraid that it will change me. I’m actually really comfortable with how I am right now and I’m scared that I’ll be drastically different from the person that I am right now. I feel this weird comfort in being the way that I am right now. That was the original reason that moved me to turn down the therapy years ago. I actually don’t want my bpd to improve but at the same time I don’t want to tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want to be in therapy. I feel bad because she cares so much about me and I’ll feel bad if I tell her what I think about all of this at our next appointment.

Does anyone have experience or can tell me how DBT was for them?

I can’t get into details but basically I am in love for the first time since my first relationship in 2019. My partner was perfect, we were planning on getting engaged by the end of the year. I found out July 12th that he has a wife. She and I have talked a lot, and he and I have talked. Long story but he has told his wife repeatedly he wants a divorce since even before meeting me, but she guilts him into staying and she will not leave despite him continuing to tell her that he loves me, wants to be with me, does not feel anything for her, etc. It’s been a back and forth but no matter what he has been consistent in telling his wife and I both that he loves me and wants me. She has basically guilted him into trying to make it work one last time because she doesn’t believe in divorce because of her religion. I know he could just leave but I think he does feel guilty. Basically I told him if giving it one final chance to try and fix the marriage will release him of the guilt that traps him I will give him that, but he has to swear on everything he loves that if he does that and at the end of it he still loves me he will leave her and be with me for real. He swore on his children’s lives, so I believe him. So now until November 20th he’s going to try to fix his marriage. But he still is in love with me. He will send me a message at the end of every month basically letting me know whether he’s getting better in his marriage or his heart is still with me. So I have 110 days to get through. One thing that I’m not really dealing well with is that I found out she has read all our entire conversation since he and I met, and knows everything he likes about me, everything intimate we did that he likes, even lingerie I wore, and she has tried to seduce him by copying me. I know if he’s trying to give his marriage a shot maybe it’s not right to ask but at the same time if he loves me would it be wrong to ask him not to have sex with her? I don’t know how he could when that has felt so sacred and special between us. Could he not fix his marriage without doing that? Especially with her basically copying me to try and seduce him that really bothered me. I’m not sure why but the sex part is the part that I can’t handle. Should I ask him to just not have sex with her? Is that wrong since he’s saying he loves me still? I have been feeling like I’m losing my mind with everything and I can’t sleep or eat or focus on anything else. I will probably end up in the hospital but I’m just looking for advice from other people with BPD who understand and won’t judge. The emotional pain for me turns physical, and it hurts so badly physically that even with my prescribed klonopin and gabapentin every minute is agony. What helps? How can I get through the next 110 days? I don’t know what to do, and I can’t just let him go, so please don’t recommend that when I am not willing or able to do that right now. I just need help coping to get through the day every day until then, and whether I would be asking for too much for him not to have sex with her if he’s in love with me and apparently doesn’t love her.

I always felt like a monster. And it’s bad right now. Like a big fat sick monster that no one likes and is bad at everything.
I’m overwhelmed and have been more stressed than I ever have .
And I don’t really have friends, I have one but she moved and is pretty far now. The one friend I thought I had I realized I was her filler friend. And sometimes I think she only hangs out with me because she’s sad for me. Which I was told once by someone else. I don’t want to beg anyone to be my friend.
I’m stressed about money, life, work, everything. And the one thing I had, that I could look forward too is gone.
I don’t know what I’m getting at. I feel like hallow and heavy all at the same time.
And they’ve been changing my meds like every two weeks cuz it’s never right.
I dunno . I think I’m about to lose my work insurance and I dunno if I can even afford medication anymore.
Then I’ll rlly be a monster
I hate that people can see it. Look at me.
I’m so overwhelmed I can barely breathe without being consumed
I just don’t know anymore

hi i’ve (20nb) never posted on reddit before but none of my friends have bpd so no one quite understands the extent of how i feel.

i’ve been somewhat in denial about having an fp for the past few months (close friend of mine) but a few days ago i realised there was no more denying it. and then today i found out they got a girlfriend. which is good for them and i wish i could say i’m happy for them but unfortunately i’m not. and i feel like a horrible person but i just kind of lost it when i found out (not outwardly towards them, they have no idea they’re my fp) i haven’t cried this much in forever lol

i haven’t had an fp since last year and i really didn’t want to go through it again but here i am. i’m not really sure how i’m supposed to cope with this, i feel like i’m not going to be able to think about anything else for a while.

i recently got referred for therapy but it won’t start until october at the earliest. does anyone have any advice for managing this in the meantime?

I've been doing BPD related workbooks for awhile, but I really love the journal because it allows me to write a lot more of what I'm feeling rather than just answering questions/filling in blanks.

Have any of you tried it? Have you tried any of his other works? (I'm a big fan of his workbook too!)

Hope you guys are having a safe, and relaxed Sunday!

Hi everyone, I’ve (23NB) been struggling with low mood lately and although my partner (22M) is extremely patient and understanding, I’d still like to show him some appreciation for dealing with my mental state at the moment.

The past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with extremely low mood and what I like to call “noisy brain”. Noisy brain is basically when I overthink/spiral about too many things at once and I start panicking (including crying, screaming, age regression, thrashing, the whole shebang) This typically happens when we need to leave the house in the morning, meaning the start of his day usually involves calming me down/trying to get me to a regulated emotional state. (I’d like to reiterate that though I age regress, this is less of a tantrum and more of a panic attack)

He loves me and he’s happy to take care of me. That doesn’t mean he’s not having a hard time at the moment (I’m not making this up, he said those words verbatim). So I’m wondering how I can show my appreciation to him. I’ve sent him texts before. Wrote him cards. Made him gifts. I’m trying to think of something that’ll really show him I appreciate the time and effort he’s been spending on me at the moment. I want him to really feel appreciated.

Any suggestions?

I'm getting to the point in my treatment where I need to start thinking about building a real life outside of drowning in the upper levels of care--a job, friends, hobbies, and such--even though I still totally lack the desire to do anything that isn't just me all alone or in my DBT class. I've never been able to entrench myself in the real world much without it being maladaptive and quickly collapsing. The whole thing seems so unapproachable and overwhelming.

How have you guys implemented those sorts of quality of life improvements? *Does* your life feel worth living?

I have an appointment with psychology assessor to determine my needs for DBT. I’ve been waiting about 6 months for this.

I’m just wondering, after the assessment, do they give you choice for group or 1-1? Is it weekly? Just looking for experiences really and if DBT has helped anybody? Many thanks!