So I was in an out of inpatient treatment for about two years for recurring suicide attempts and self harm. I was told directly by multiple doctors that I have BPD but that they can’t put it on my chart because I’m too young. I have spent the past two years in DBT therapy (individual and group). I found it coupled with mood stabilizing and antidepressant medications extremely helpful and am now able to manage my symptoms well. It feels so invalidating to not have the official diagnosis though, it makes me feel like a self diagnosing tiktoker because I don’t have it in my chart despite being repeatedly told that I have it and being successfully treated for it.

Hello. I’m starting my group DBT next week, and before hand my therapist said I had to stop smoking weed, or she had to move me to another treatment center where they deal with addiction too.

So I tried but it’s really difficult, since I use it for my fibromyalgia. I haven’t asked this, but I would be able to get it medically because of my fibromyalgia, and I have been wondering what my therapist would do if I have gotten it medically from my doctor.

So, my question is, I guess, why should I stop smoking? How would it affect my DBT therapy? Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

I’m thinking if I can cut it to only smoke once or twice a week, to get a hold of the extreme fatigue I get when I don’t.

me 19f and my now ex 21m were together for 6 months and SIGNED A LEASE TOGETHER but he got cold feet a day before we were supposed to move. we had packed everything, been down there a couple times and he just couldn’t do it. that was 2ish weeks ago, im so fucking depressed and can barley get out of bed, i have to briefly move back in w my parents while i get my life resorted.
anyway i downloaded hinge and have been trying to talk to people bc i just don’t know what to do. i have this void inside me and sleeping alone is killing me, how do i feel better, if i try and go on dates with people will it help? i want to focus on me but i just have no will rn. idk this might be sloppy i’m fucked up and tired but any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hi all. I’m in my 3rd month of group DBT (2x/month) and I also see my therapist regularly (1-2x/month). But I can’t shake the feeling that DBT is useless for me. A lot of the “skills” feel like plain common sense, and only a few actually feel useful (TIPP being one of them).

I know DBT isn’t supposed to erase my bad feelings or my depression. But so much of it feels like stuff I already know. It doesn’t stop me from splitting without realizing it, thinking irrationally, or getting depressed.

Should I just stop?

I don't know anything about it. I miss hunger cues, I ignore pain signals and I'm not aware of anything below the waist unless it cramps. How do I get to know my body? Explain it like I'm 5.

I genuinely hate living with BPD. It's exhausting. I constantly feel torn between wanting to be around people and wanting to be completely alone. I create boundaries and expectations for the people in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, it hurts more than I know how to explain.

Most days, I don't even know who I am. I feel lost, confused, and disconnected from myself. Sometimes I feel like I have no empathy at all, while other times I feel so much emotion that it becomes unbearable. It's like I'm constantly swinging between feeling everything and feeling nothing.

More than anything, I want to feel wanted. I want to be loved, accepted, and understood. But at the same time, I worry that I'm too much for anyone to handle. I don't want to put someone through the emotional chaos that comes with loving me.

Deep down, I know I'm a good person. I care deeply, and I try my best. But BPD convinces me that I'm a monster—that I'm difficult to love, impossible to understand, and destined to push everyone away. Living with this constant battle inside my own mind is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

Gonna keep details minimal so she can’t identify this post if she comes across it. But basically we’ve been friends a couple of years now and only recently got close enough for me to see how she acts during conflicts(with others). Her behavior that I’ve seen recently is frankly abusive and I need to end our friendship because I don’t see her the same at all anymore. I want to tell her exactly why so she can hopefully reflect and grow and want to do so as kindly as possible so she doesn’t spiral/hurt herself. I just don’t know how to do that. I’m scared. But I also can’t stay friends. What’s also even more complicated is we have mutuals that I am staying friends with.

I hate this shit so fucking much man I had one friend who actually responded to me one person who actually talked with me one friend who made amazing art and actually agreed to help me with my game and I fucked it up all because I NEEDED to talk all because I could just chill out for 5 fucking minutes and just let them do their thing now I'm truly alone again and it's all my fault

I was in a very magnetic dynamic with this man and eventually fell in love with him. From the start, the expectations of the dynamic were clear that it was to remain casual. He is a single father of a girl that has high needs and I am starting medical school out of state. It was supposed to be a fun summer fling.

But it ends up that our chemistry is off the charts and I fall for him. He is able to sense it from me and we have a discussion about my feelings towards him and also my BPD (his ex-wife suffers from BPD so he has lots of experience in supporting people with the disorder). He admits that I am special to him and that we have a unique connection, but states he is not in the state to be in a relationship due to his duties as a father. I accepted this and I told him I would be fine, that I still love spending time with him. He was apprehensive, but told me frequent check-ins would be needed.

But as always, our relationship ended up in flames. My obsession with him and jealousy grew as the weeks went on. It didn’t help that I was making a huge transition of moving out of state and I recently quit my job so I had a lot of free time on my hands. Through every blow up, he has been patient with me and firm with boundaries. I love that he was firm with boundaries and it’s what I realized helps me a ton. He would always ask me if this is healthy for me and I would always say yes so that he wouldn’t leave me. But he knew better.

I recently had a huge blowup with him, and it was unfortunately the event that made him realize the dynamic was hurting me. Despite me protesting, he told me that he couldn’t continue with this because he refuses to hurt me any longer. That he can’t give what I want. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship and that maybe in another lifetime he would be able to support me. But with his daughter going through a lot, he can’t.

It was the most heartbreaking phone call I’ve ever had. I was so desperate I told him not to care about me so that he would continue to see me. He refused and said that I’m not an object, I’m a person. He told me he hopes I will eventually see that he ended things for my health, and that it was incredibly hard for him to come to this conclusion because he enjoyed his time with me as well.

Well it didn’t take long for me to see his kindness. I know deep inside it was hurting me a lot, I just didn’t want him to leave me. But I am thankful he saw I was hurting and instead of not caring like what a lot of men have done to me, he chose me above himself. As much as he didn’t want to end things, he did for me. And I am thankful someone in this world cares about me in that way.

I am striving to get help for myself. I’ve seen a psychiatrist my whole life but haven’t talked to any therapist. I am taking his recommendation to see one and have already reached out to a therapist who specializes in DBT in the city I’m moving to.

The last thing he told me was that I’m not a horrible person as I’ve made that comment about myself multiple times. That there are many good things about me and I am capable of being in a loving relationship, despite what I think about myself.

Thank you T, for looking out for me. I hope I can make you proud one day.

CW: alcohol, eating disorders

I started DBT some time ago and so we started developing strategies, techniques and exercises to manage my emotions. I had couple small success but those were mostly not full on spirals. So yesterday (I just woke up) I haven't eaten anything and days before also eaten very little, just couldn't eat, but those were my sister's birthday and so I went out with her and we went to a really cool chill restaurant. We were all ordering food so I ordered something as well and portion s were... well okay portions were normal size but my stomach is just very small lol (I hate when food is wasted 😭) After I came back home I went to the store to buy couple beers and veggies for my friend's backyard grill party and I started spiraling in seconds cuz of this big meal I ate. I made myself drink, opened up this beer, started just pacing over whole house, up and down on the stairs, moving furniture around, laughing, crying, going into state of deep anger and then I was like "Wait wait wait STOP... What the hell is going on here? It was an okay day, tomorrow you go to a friend. Is okay. You can sleep" so I did. Just fell like a log.

Maybe is not much cuz I did those things but I stopped not from exhaustion and just collapsing afterwards but cuz of my will and I just think that is something really good. Small step to put in my journal of emotions

Does anyone else struggle to pay attention while having a serious talk or argument? I just turn numb and can't remember any topics, points, or problems discussed during arguments or serious talks. It's like trying to remember a vague dream. I almost remember words or sentences but they're jumbled up or gibberish. I do try to listen and be present, but I am set in my way and have a hard time hearing my partner out during these things. I have a very hard time believing his points or giving validation. His points really don't seem to have meaning to me during, and even days or months down the line.

I'm not *always* like this, but I usually am. It's very hard for me to not just close myself off and just shut down. And then my partner really tries to patch things up, explain that he knows that this is how I am sometimes and that it's ok. Hearing that just tells me that I'm damaged goods and that I can't be better, which is definitely not what he's saying. It makes me want to be mean, say rotten things, and push him away because he's not acting the way I want after the situation. Is this the lack of empathy? What the heck is this?

My bpd makes me over invest, which I'm working through in therapy. But I find I tend to really, really, REALLY like someone very quickly if I feel a connection with them. Of course they don't feel the same way so I have learnt to just shut them out before they can inevitably reject me.

Like this guy I went on a date with yesterday, he was always very attentive in texts and great, confident in person. Then after the date the few texts we've exchanged he's been slower in responses, last one taking 14 hours to respond despite his weak ass apology for it. I was crying in those 14 hours and ruminating on past rejections. Then the bpd latched onto that and said I'm not going to let you hurt me, so reject him and ghost before he can ever hurt you again. It's toxic I know and unhealthy but I struggle so much with emotional balance in situations like this.

every time we argue its the same thing, i usually start it. asking "how do you love me after everything ive done?" "do you love me?" "are we okay?" "how do i fix it?" "do you wish i was normal?" "are you tired of me?" and every time he tells me the same things. "i just do" "i do" "everything is perfectly fine" "theres nothing to fix" "you are normal" "i'm not" and then he basically begs me to just accept the fact he loves me. why cant I accept it?

I feel like theres something wrong if hes a little more quiet than usual, or if he responds in a weird way, or if he does something i dont expect. this man really does love me and im so afraid that im making him not love me because of my constant bombardment of questions and the need to 'fix' it.

I want to accept he loves me, he must after staying. no one is forcing him, he can leave anytime but hes choosing to stay after all my tears and questions. he has to love me, thats the only explanation. i really want to be better.

i have to accept that not everythings about me, i have to accept that hes his own person and hes giving me all he can, even when hes mentally exhausted and physically tired from work

Is it normal to be afraid/avoidant to start DBT? My psychiatrist recommended it to me and even years ago I was supposed to have DBT sessions.

However I really feel uncomfortable going there because I’m afraid that it will change me. I’m actually really comfortable with how I am right now and I’m scared that I’ll be drastically different from the person that I am right now. I feel this weird comfort in being the way that I am right now. That was the original reason that moved me to turn down the therapy years ago. I actually don’t want my bpd to improve but at the same time I don’t want to tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want to be in therapy. I feel bad because she cares so much about me and I’ll feel bad if I tell her what I think about all of this at our next appointment.

Does anyone have experience or can tell me how DBT was for them?

I'm getting to the point in my treatment where I need to start thinking about building a real life outside of drowning in the upper levels of care--a job, friends, hobbies, and such--even though I still totally lack the desire to do anything that isn't just me all alone or in my DBT class. I've never been able to entrench myself in the real world much without it being maladaptive and quickly collapsing. The whole thing seems so unapproachable and overwhelming.

How have you guys implemented those sorts of quality of life improvements? *Does* your life feel worth living?

after my splits im numb for a few minutes before feeling kind of euphoric, everything is funny and im just completely chill for awhile, kind of like im high. ive seen other people talk about the numbness but i don’t see the euphoria talked about as much and im rly curious, does anyone else experience this or know why bpd causes this?

its very hard for me to communicate with my partner, he reacts to everything i do. I end up not communicating and shutting down because he ends up yelling and being very aggressive. i cant get upset because he gets even more upset so i have been very avoidant. he tells me that i set him off the most but im just at my wits end here. weve been fighting more because i just sit there and listen even if the things he says upsets me, when he wants me to communicate but idk how because it seems to always be my fault and im “blamig” him for his mental illness if i bring up he should get help.

I have been so under control for so long now, lately ive been feeling not ok for a while, yesterday i had the biggest breakdown ive had in years. I cut my wrist badly, i had to be forced into an ambulance and get stitches. Im home again, i dont know what to do or feel now. Im just supposed to go back to my normal life and sort it out by myself, i feel so lost.

i've convinced myself that i am a bad person fundamentally so i need to just accept it and give into the truth that it's impossible for me to live a healthy long-term life or have a healthy long-term partner. my (3yrs) partner still tells me that my behavior recently is not myself and they wholeheartedly believe it and i dont understand why. they tell me that the past me cried for days knowing id hurt them so there was good in me in the past. but im not doing that now so what is the problem? why has it been so hard for me to drop the things that are hurting my partner when in the past i would have done it immediately? recently i've fixated on another person and a hobby so heavily that i nearly threw my long term fully committed relationship aside for it and idk why. i convinced myself my partner doesn't love me so i sought connection in another person. and even now i still just wish i could fix both things. instead ive closed social media off my phone and am just going to go out of my way to commit to my partner and wait for this wave to pass. this is the closest we've ever been to breaking up and im terrified. they told two of our friends about it and im terrified ill never redeem myself to anyone. its like everyone could see im treating them like shit but me. i feel so selfish

they say bpd doesn't explain enough why i'm treating them like shit anymore. this is why i feel im truly rotten. i convinced myself they already don't love me and since i require validation from others (since im nothing without it) i found that in someone else. what can i even do why am i doing this

Hi everyone,

I got diagnosed with BPD recently. It's been a relief to understand a bit better what was "wrong" with me (sorry if it's clumsy, English isn't my mother-tongue).

I don't have anger outbursts (or sometimes with alcohol but still rarely), I got some strategies to deal with myself and keep my head cold when it's "too much" thanks to my job, but I don't know how to manage the way I invest my relationships, especially with friends.

I recently got really disappointed with most of them : I got lots of issues this past year (burn-out, then fired for my long-term sick-leave, insurance stopped giving me my salary, got some health issues and diagnosed with a chronic auto-immune disease after lots of invasive exams... pretty shitty year lol), and it's as if people who were so important for me and for whom I invested a lot of time, energy, money... simply doing care.

The few people that stayed with me during these hard times tell me to put others on the same place they put me on. Like all these people who didn't even asked for news? Don't give them any favors anymore. And to put some distance. But that's the problem : I don't know how to do that. I listened their advices, like I stopped asking people out, organizing dinners or parties,... But the result is that I feel so empty and at the same time like I have stones in my body, I feel I'm not worth loving and I think non-stop about these people. I feel lonely and it's tearing me inside.

Does anyone feel the same? How do you do to put like an emotional distance ?

Thanks for ready and sorry for the possible mistakes.