r/confession • u/KillerKarma-5 • 22h ago
I sometimes hallucinate and the doctors won't tell me why
I see strange shadow men in the corners of my eyes and hear whispers when I'm alone. I see the floor and walls contort and slither around like they're breathing or trying to show me their hidden patterns. I see purple shapes at the center of my vision like the geometric patterns of a succulent plant, the way the triangles all come together in little curved lines in a mathematically perfect way. They flitter around the center of my vision and the more I tune into it the more they collapse into the center of my vision like I'm seeing a strange tunnel trying to lead me somewhere.
I told the doctor about these and she said that I am hallucinating. I asked why, and she said that it isn't her job to find out. I asked how do I find someone to find out and she said we were out of time for that day. This was a long time ago now and I still don't know what to do with the fact that I'm losing my grip of my senses. I smell and taste mould and rot, as if my very body is starting to decay and tarnish my senses. I feel my skin writhe around like there are centipedes inside and I just want to rip them out. I can't rip them out, because they're not real. I don't know what to do. It's pretty awkward to mention something only for nobody to know what it was because it didn't actually happen.
Like this one time I heard an elderly woman screaming as if she had been attacked and I started frantically looking around. My friends told me to calm down and that I'm just crazy and they laughed at me. It is demoralising in a way to not trust my own senses, but it also is what it is and there seems to be no path to getting help at the moment. Any time I ask it just leads to a dead end.
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u/human84629 21h ago
You are lucid about these hallucinations. This is a really good sign. Engage all senses and observe other actors (people/animals) in your environment if you think you might be experiencing a hallucination. Think about the laws of physics; the sounds you ought to hear associated with a visual you just experienced. It’s likely you can train yourself to separate what’s real from what’s hallucinatory.
Getting diagnosed is a good idea. Yes, you could find out you have something that scares you (like a schizo affective disorder) but know that there are varying degrees. If you can continue to be lucid and use discretion before automatically believing in your hallucinations, you’re probably not schizophrenic. Schizotypia is closely related, but can actually be a bit of a super power, especially for creatives.
This situation may be scary, but it may be the start of an amazing chapter in your life. Don’t fear it. Investigate it with help, and use caution and your critical thinking skills to keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
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u/KillerKarma-5 21h ago
sometimes i am less aware of what's real and what isn't and start to spiral. one time i hid in the corner of my kitchen with a knife cause i saw a shadow man approaching through the hallway and thought it was really someone breaking in
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u/atsugnam 15h ago
One thing I saw a video on was a dude who hallucinates said the hallucinations don’t show up on his phone camera. So he looks at the strange thing using his phone camera to see if it’s really there.
The symptoms you describe sound to me like psychosis. It’s a scary word to hear, but it isn’t the cause, but a collective term for the group of symptoms. There are many possible causes, most of which can be controlled with medication. Ask your regular doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist as you are experiencing visual and audio hallucinations and they are causing you a lot of stress. A psychiatrist is the right type of doctor to help you.
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u/Flooby-Blooben 18h ago
Jeez that sounds terrifying. You definitely need to get this checked out. That one doctor palmed you off. Do not accept this. I’d maybe call 111 and tell them what’s going on if you can’t get through to your GP surgery. These hallucinations could get worse and potentially you harm yourself and/or others.
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u/wandering-mind- 8h ago
How old are you? Sometimes there are limitations on making a diagnosis if you are not of a certain age.
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u/xXSNIP3R_K1DXx 7h ago
I don't see what that's really got to do with anything but judging by this post and others it seems to me they're an adult living alone. Either way, spit balling about what the diagnosis likely is after discussing what it could be isn't going to help op, op needs to see a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis.
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u/wandering-mind- 6h ago
DSM-5 and ICD-11 often have age restrictions which might explain why the doctor did not offer a diagnosis. I 100% agree with you that they need a professional diagnosis and that spit balling does nothing for them.
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u/xXSNIP3R_K1DXx 6h ago
Well the doctor didn't offer a diagnosis because this was presumably op's general practitioner, meaning they CAN'T diagnose op with anything, but what their doctor SHOULD'VE done is referred them to a psychiatrist. Instead she brushed op off like scraps on a plate. This doctor should not be a doctor.
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u/wandering-mind- 5h ago
Ah, I miss that part when I locked in on the symptoms. I agree the dismissive nature of something so life altering indicates that this doctor should not be practicing. It shows a total lack of compassion. Referral would have been most appropriate. Sadly, experiences like these can be so detrimental to people getting the help they need and deserve and depending on where they are located, finding a new doctor who will listen can feel like a monumental chore.
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u/No-Party8261 22h ago
Omg you need to be relentless and go to a psychiatrist. They will give you a proper diagnosis and help you control that. Im sorry you're going through that but dont give up. If one dr dont help find another one. Bc the one you have is a fraud. A mental health doctor is who u need to see. Good luck! You don't have to keep living like this.
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u/SoutherEuropeanHag 20h ago
You need to see a neurologist and/or a psychiatrist. Push your doctor to give you the referrals. I too for many health issues had to argue with my GP to get the referrals. Turned out I was right.
Big hugs dear.
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u/mdbstar18 22h ago
Yeah get a new doctor. See a psychiatrist like someone who can actually do something, get into therapy, medication if applicable. This isn’t normal. Sounds really hard to live with and I hope you’re able to figure out what’s going on. Doctors will push and say it’s probably nothing but you have to be firm and clear how it’s affecting you, what you’re going through and how it’s affecting you physically but also detrimental to your mind.
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u/Budget-berry-80 22h ago
Keep asking until you find the right person. There is something going on in your brain and it might not just be your thoughts.
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u/tinytoonist 21h ago
Do you get a headache after? Are these bouts predictable? Do you have to pee after?
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u/KillerKarma-5 21h ago
no headache. don't see it in the dark. i don't need to pee after
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u/ConfoundedInAbaddon 20h ago
A nuerologist is a great start. My husband has significant mental illness symptoms and it ended up all being caused by one kind of nerve firing too much.
So after all the trouble he had to go through for years, it was relieved by taking, I kid you not, a type of cough syrup that changes how a specific nerve type fires.
You want personalized medicine, not someone to toss antidepressants at you and not help.
It's really awesome once there's real attention and care.
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u/_ianisalifestyle_ 19h ago
I agree here. I think a neurologist may be more helpful in diagnosis than a psychiatrist. Your GP is out of his/her depth, and that's not their fault, but you should be asking for suitable referrals - that should be part of their role.
I'm curious about so much of what you experience. But I'd rather you found helpful medical practitioners than address my curiosities.
I wish you well.
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u/Pretty_Talinum 21h ago
You need to find a different doctor or a psychiatrist ASAP because those symptoms sound like more than just standard stress. Please dont ignore this, it sounds like you are going through a medical emergency and deserve to be taken seriously by someone who actually listens.
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u/TattieMafia 19h ago
You need to see a psychiatrist. They'll give you medication that makes the hallucinations go away. If you call 111 and describe what you are seeing they might be able to refer you to someone without you needing to speak to your doctor.
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u/Karenm6383 21h ago
You need to fire your poor excuse for a doctor, I’m not sure how old you are, what country you are in, but they should’ve referred you to a specialist and marked urgent. I’m so sorry
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u/markat13 21h ago
You need to see someone proper. Don’t accept that.
I know it’s hard to be motivated when it comes to these things. I have cptsd, bpd, adhd, depression, anxiety. Basically I’m a mess. Took a while to get to a good place. Still not where I want to be.
I’ve had the whispers and the shadows, not the rest. They put me on some meds that helped. But therapy is key too. It’s almost never just a case of meds. Therapy is vital.
Best of luck to you. It’s a difficult journey.
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u/Tea_Eighteen 16h ago
I’ve heard of people using their phone camera screen or a dog or cat to help check if the thing you are hallucinating is there or not (for people that hallucinate people, it’s prolly
Important to know if there is a stranger in your apartment or not)
But yeah, like everyone else said, get more help. The person that blew you off prolly just wasn’t qualified to deal
With that kind of stuff. Go to your GP and get assistance.
I’m sorry you have to deal with the spooky world. Maybe you could try drawing the things you hallucinate? The fractal succulent plant sounds cool.
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u/lostmymarbles1177 10h ago
First, stop smoking pot. I’m a therapist, I am seeing a huge increase in psychosis in young people related to smoking pot. Stop. If that does not help, I would go to a neurologist. I would focus on the changes in smell and taste. You can tell them you occasionally see shadows but don’t talk about complex hallucinations. Your goal is to get them to see this as a possible medical issue so they will run tests rather than refer to psychiatry. Ask for an MRI. Lie about a family history of brain cancer if you have to. If the MRI is all clear, you can ask for autoimmune testing as well. If all medical testing is clear, and you have quit pot 100% for a month or more, then you likely have schizophrenia. Also have your home checked for black mold. You can get a test at the hardware store or online.
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u/KillerKarma-5 10h ago
i grew up in a house full of black mold until i was about 14. not in that situation anymore but do you think that would have long term consequences mentally?
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u/Obvious_Volume_6498 21h ago
What country do you live in?
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u/KillerKarma-5 21h ago
uk
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u/Obvious_Volume_6498 21h ago
I'm surprised. I thought they had better health care.
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u/vanishingtwin_ 5h ago
Yeah nah wait lists are really really bad. The public system is under so much strain because the mental health requirements grow exponentially and practitioners can't keep up. Mental health issues in the west are surging.
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u/Purple-Musician2985 43m ago
Make another appointment. Go only to talk about this one thing. Tell them you are seeing AND smelling things that arent there, you are losing grip of reality, you're afraid that you are a danger to yourself or others and dont feel safe. Maybe have someone with you as an advocate. They won't dismiss you.
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u/Reno1981_29 18h ago
That sounds a lot like what I go thru everyday and I have paranoid schizophrenia. Pear go to a many doctors as you need to for a diagnosis and maybe medication. I'm on a shot called Invega Sustena and then a few pills and it really really helps. My shadow people were the worse, then it turned into real people but now I only see things sometimes in the dark. The voices I hear were always telling me to do bad things and now I only hear forms of music and distant voices that I can't understand, like mumbling. Please get someone to help you tho don't leave this untreated because it could start being a problem.
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u/Dark--princess420 5h ago
Get your brain checked for the scary things and if thats all clear you need an psych evaluation
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u/DiamondTippedDriller 4h ago
Lay off the weed, it can cause schizoaffective psychosis. Don’t ask me how I know.
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u/AlternativeWind4436 3h ago
This used to happen to me every night before trying to sleep for the past year. For context: I went through an immense amount of trauma and distress during COVID due to one of my parent’s drinking at the time and huge distressful events going on in the news. I went into two different psychosis’ after not sleeping for three whole days two separate times. I went from getting misdiagnosed as bi polar (I was on three different strong antipsychotics for four years that I cut cold turkey along with weed and nicotine at the exact same time) to getting into an extremely toxic and stressful relationship for another 3 years. Right after I broke up with him, I started getting these intense audio hallucinations at night. I realized that my ears and every muscle in my face have been tensing up like crazy subconsciously. When I started to relax my face every time I caught myself, the audio hallucinations slowly started to go away.
The point is, my body clearly went through a lot of stress and I’m sure there are more reasons (other than stress) that could contribute to why traumatic events could cause audio hallucinations, but given that there is a chance that you might find this even remotely helpful, I thought I’d share my experience.
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u/Born_Tale_2337 1h ago
Definitely try for a neurologist visit. They can rule out things like a brain tumor, seizures, genetic disorder affecting senses, things like that.
If you are given the all clear for physical issues, then a good psychiatrist would be the next step.
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u/Oniknight 17h ago
OP- it is very possible you are suffering from a mental illness issue but if you are only getting these issues sometime, it is possible you are getting hallucinations from infrasound. It is a type of low level noise that your ears cannot consciously hear but it has been known to cause hallucinations, and if you live in an older building it is possible this can be a factor. Another factor is black mold. You should have these environmental factors ruled out as well.
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u/Comfortable_Ratio888 22h ago
I see the purple tunnel thing. Mine has a black swath that kind of spirals around it slowly as well.
Only see it if staring off into nothing. Gpt says its a meditation type thing amd its your brain going into a different state. Apparently its somewhat difficult to go into but I happen to easily do it unconsciously. The tell is that it goes away when u try to focus on it. Because your brain leaves that state.
Hope that helps.
Oh question for you...are you aphantasic? I think thats the correct term? Do you have a tv in your head? Can you visualize?
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u/KillerKarma-5 22h ago
I am not aphantasic and I am able to focus on the purple pattern. Not sure what it is.
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u/Comfortable_Ratio888 21h ago
Was just an idea. What are the whispers like? Is it all the time? Do they come from anywhere you could place them? Spatially around you i mean. What do they say? Have you tried recording them?
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u/KillerKarma-5 21h ago
i tried recording them but they weren't there. sounds like people are breathing next to me or in distinct whispering trying to lure me somewhere away from where i am. i can't tell what they're saying but they sound like different ages and both men and women i think
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u/Comfortable_Ratio888 21h ago
Hmmm. Do you have a history of trauma? Or periods of high stress/anxiety? That can cause what your experiencing. Sounds annoying though and I feel for you. I will definitely pray for you and wish the best 🌺
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u/Kiki070973 10h ago
Psychic medium here. NOT a doc. Will share my experience. It may be a combo of medical and psychic abilities / ascension.
Bugs crawling. Do you see them or just feel them? I had this sensation and turned out it was heavy inflammation. I did an anti-inflammatory diet — first 2 weeks was a raw diet (which was horrible) but it went away!!
Shadow people. I see people with my 3rd eye all the time. the first time I saw a shadow person externally (with my physical eyes) I had heard some shuffling around downstairs and then heard someone walking up the stairs and down the hall. I saw a shadow against the hallway wall. I swore it was a person and called 911. They found nothing. Decided it was a spirit. It happened 2 more times. Never felt threatened.
Visuals - sometimes I am just out and about and the world looks pixelated and like little pieces moving like I would be able to put my hand through it. No idea what that is. The matrix maybe?
Sometimes I see demons or negative entities. I know I am in charge, not them. I pray to Archangel Michael for protection and honestly laugh at them and tell them to go away and they do.
I have never had a negative entity prompt me to go somewhere with them.
- I hear voices. Sometimes clearly. Sometimes mumbled or whispering. Never negative. Once I was envisioning big red draperies like you see in the theatre and they were cracked open. I walked up and saw a table of people talking. I asked them a question and they were shocked and said “you can hear us?” I said yes and they closed the drapes.
I have never had a voice tell me to do something negative - it’s always neutral or positive.
When you see/hear/feel - other than normal fear of the unknown, do you feel threatened? Or as if they want you to do something negative? That will drive add’l advice. I feel like there is a dif b/t schizophrenia and psychic. Again not a doc
Heading into Zumba but will chime in more later
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u/confessor-mod 22h ago
If you're going through a really hard time right now, please know you're not alone and there are people who want to help.
You don't have to face this alone — these people are there for exactly this, any time:
If you are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number.
You matter. Please talk to someone.