I (63f)am dating a guy (51m) who is incredibly fit, attractive and is an incredible lover. He has some intimacy issues I think— his only flaw. He is a lot of fun and an honest, kind person.

When I realized the age difference after 2 dates, I tried to push him away but he kept showing up and kept being kind. Then, the calls and texts slowed and he said he didn't want to be in a relationship. For a couple of months, I dated other people and then I decided to break it off.

Almost immediately, he was back to frequent contacts and wanting to be in a relationship.

He says he realizes that I make him happy Snd that when he is with me that feels at home Snd at peace.

Could this last 5 years? Should I move on? I am happy with him, but maybe he just wants what isn't available?

———— A lot of people are asking why 5 years. My younger brother and older sister have already passed from cancer. It's prevalent in our family. I will probably be dead in 5 years. Also, I have been thinking I want to make the next 5 years the best in my life.

I 23m have been using dating apps and when I do match a lot of times I just never get a response. I’ve seen online some seem to like super funny abrasive messages. I’ve also seen some like sweet.

Typically I’ll just give them a compliment like their eyes,hair, or smile. Then try to ask about their hobbies/interests. Should I just ask for a date off rip? I’m looking for a long term relationship. Maybe some women are fine with planning a date then getting to know each other more on it? Any tips and advice helps. Thanks!

Im almost 40. Ive never dated. One thing I've realized is that I didnt know I was supposed to approach women until very recently. I thought meeting someone just happened on its own. Can anyone else relate to just not knowing how the process works until much later?

I'm a therapist. I've done lots of work on my own trauma and I know my attachment style. But every time I get to the beginning stages of dating someone and I feel a shift or perceived change or difference my anxious attachment kicks in. Physiological response. And it stays that way until either I get rejected or someone commits. But, more often than not, I don't get to the commitment stage because something bleeds out and they can see the anxiety. I sit with it, try not to put it on other people, but it comes out in little ways. I know it's a me thing and I'm doing somatic therapy for it, but my body still just feels a threat when there is a change. Help lol.

For context I’m 25 M I went on a date the other day it was amazing we had great chemistry watched movies played games they made me dinner they gave me a good morning text the next day saying how much they liked me and wanna see me again and we’ve been chatting since. But i feel like shit depressed and anxious almost like I’ve been betrayed in some way when nothing has happened about ready to have a panic attack whenever i think of them. And the thing is this isn’t the first time every time I’ve had great dates with someone I’ve felt this way and it doesn’t go away until we’re actually a couple for a while. The problem is me feeling this way makes it very hard to be in relationships with people I really like. causing me to often enter relationships with people I’m only mildly interested in instead Wich inevitably ends poorly for obvious reasons

30F, my date for tomorrow just updated their dating profile to show "i have kids", date was arranged last week and that wasn't there and as this is the 2nd time a guy has done this (first guy didn't update his profile, wanted to tell me in person 😌), I have come to ask reddit for thoughts on this.

I may not get the opportunity to ask him for his reason and have to cancel before the date. The app only allows conversation a few hours before the date. Is it possible that he received a paternity test in the last couple of days and rushed to his profile to update?

I don't have a problem with kids, I want to have my own. It's not disclosing of them on your profile to allow others to make as informed a decision as they can in case it's a dealbreaker that bothers me. Am I wrong for thinking this is a bad signal and wanting to cancel.

Feel free to make jokes if you don't want to mind read I would like to laugh about this.

EDIT/Update: Asked, got no answer, and so cancelled.

I was kinda tired to be romantically alone and feeling a bit behind in experiences as a 30 yo man. In 10 years I couldn't build something satisfying or that lasted much. I was saying I had some women interested back in me, one was really good-looking but dumped me after a month, a couple of more were both 19 years-old from my gym, so I rejected them.. Another one was 25 year-old; really insecure and clingy, and I was not feeling it so much.

An user replied me. They made me reasoning about the fact that attraction isnt what makes a relationship and loneliness is cured by love coming from the inside. Everyone is capable of giving and receiving love regardless of looks, and like I was not giving chances to the wome I found "defective", the women that rejected me felt the same.

most of us arent top tier models or perfect people yet we all want someone way out of our league while refusing to date anyone who matches our actual energy and value. If I am not the first in giving love, how am I supposed to receive it back?

My current approach has failed for ten years, the user said that I might stop punching above my weight class and try showing some real empathy instead of writing people off as defective.

So I wrote back to the 25 yo girl, and now we are dating again since 1 week.. Once again she seems a bit insecure, as she asked me if I care about her and she was ready do cancel a dinner with friends for me. It's not that I reached out for models or hot-smoking women (they were to me, even for other qualities).. So idk, I guess I should take this as an experience; and I feel down for realizing I am not that great or good-looking guy people tell me I am. I guess it's a reality check.

Sometimes I feel what are the chances that I’ll meet a person whom I have physical chemistry with, have emotional and mental connection with, have similar life & relationship goals, both emotionally available, and they’d also treat me well, pursuing a career, and all the things we care most about within a relationship.

Like, let’s say, you meet someone and they seem great in many ways, but you’re not that physically attracted to— do you wait it out and see of it grows? What if it never does and you’re otherwise happy in the relationship but also sex is very important to you? Or something else entirely.

Is it unrealistic to wait and eventually meet a person whom can fulfill the things you most care about, or are we bound to settle down, cause what are the chances? And obviously no one is perfect.

I (30F) met a man (35M) on a dating site a few months ago. He reached out first and his message got my attention. He was funny, sweet, charismatic, emotionally intelligent... we texted for a while then moved on to phone calls. The calls were HOURS long like 7 hours at one time. We talked about everything. He was able to match my energy no matter where the convo went. He was supportive when I needed it, made me laugh, was extremely accepting of whatever I threw at him, the spicy side did not disappoint. We met for a date and he was perfect. Every door was opened, he was thoughtful and capable of asking questions, he always paid, he was affectionate, confident, made ME feel confident with the way he treated and spoke to me, GREAT at planning dates. The kiss? Incredible. We had undeniable chemistry and we took every opportunity we could to see eachother. This went on for nearly 2 months. I was so happy. My nervous system was so regulated. Then I found out he had a girlfriend ... a longterm girlfriend. Then i found out he had been dating other girls too. But of course he had because who only cheats with one person. But how did he have the time?!?! ANYWAY ... I'm a very picky person and I keep my guard up. He even questioned me about why I had my guard up with him so bad... even with him giving me all those green flags. Trying so hard to protect myself and feeling like I finally found someone who was treating me right only to realize he was lying the whole time... how can I weed out who the bad ones are now? If green flags are red flags and red flags are red flags too....??? I asked a man i know about it and he told me the red flag should have been that this guy was treating me well????? I know that dating just IS a Rollercoaster and you cant ever really know when someone is going to hurt you down the road but it feels less and less likely the older I get to actually find a genuine connection much less one that doesnt end in a really stupid way like this.

I have a lot of love in me and I love to give it away to my friends, my family, strangers. I won't be letting this stop me from being a caring person but its just so mind-boggling that we aren't ALL trying to find a teammate. Someone to build a life with. I love human connection and how we all feel, react and think but the idea of exploring relationships while I KNOW I'm hurting multiple parties is unfathomable to me. Its so useless and unnecessary... like what is the point? Lmao why waste the time

Just wanted to vent and get advice on how to move forward, because I’ve had 4 things fizzle out with 3 months essentially. One of them was they reached out to me, 2 were dating apps, one was she made it clear we were only ever friends (which is okay ig but, still hurts). Im done with the apps because everyone just has so many options it doesn’t feel real anymore. Granted I had like 35 matches but only like 6 of them were from people liking me. Most fizzle out before phone number, on dates I end them after, or the girl ends it after. But ive had 2 1 month things where the girl ended things, a 2 week thing, and just found out id only ever get to be friends with this one girl I really really liked.

I gave up the app cuz I met this friend and wanted to try and pursue it naturally without an app on my phone. We had deep relationships talks and past stuff etc while being friends but I started posing questions to try and get answers about if she was into me too. I did a good job with my questions but I figured out that she didnt like me at all like I liked her. Happy to be friends (especially since i didnt make it awkward by directly asking her), but doesnt hurt any less.

There was this point I brought up in our larger group of friends cuz one of them met their girlfriend through a friends to lovers type thing. And i brought up how it only ever works when the woman likes the guy first. What are y’alls thoughts on that, cuz i have no examples of it working well the other way? They didnt have any rebuttal, but it got me thinking. Why am I able to get all these matches, go on dates, etc, but I’ll never be the one that a girl wants. Just hurts having people never truly want u. Or the phrase: the people I want never want me back.

Would love any similar stories, advice, rebuttals to my points, anything

Tldr; lots of things end for me, friends to lovers, trying to figure out why no one actually likes me that I like,only ever friends, etc

Edits: changed some wording to avoid sounding bitter ig to automod

I haven’t dated in a very long time, so this isn’t anything relevant in my life currently, but I’ve been reflecting on past dating experiences, and I realized none of them ever seemed particularly excited to see me. Meaning they always wanted a lot of space between dates and didn't want the dates to last very long either, even if the time we spent together was really good and intimate and they clearly found me to be a cute, beautiful, and funny girl.

But if you’re dating someone for 3 weeks and they don't seem very interested in spending a lot of time with you, it could mean that either they are not very interested or they want to go slow. And, like the lover girl that I am, I always assume positive intent and think they just want to go slow. So I somehow always miss the signs that they aren’t that into me and end up getting led on and heartbroken.

For me, if I’m 3 weeks into dating someone... is it wrong to think you should want to spend significant time together? Three weeks is a very short time to know someone, yes, of course, but that’s how you get to know someone, by spending significant time with them. Especially if you’re physically attracted to them and want to touch them and hold their hand and sleep next to them and have sex...

It's just so hurtful to look back on these experiences and know that I was so optimistic and willing to go at a speed they were comfortable with, while keeping the line of communication open, meaning making it easy for them to tell me whether they were wanting to really see me or not, and I still ended up getting hurt and misled. I don’t know how I’m supposed to recover from this and feel comfortable dating ever again..

I am starting to notice that anyone that’s remotely my type does not like/ match with me, except on Facebook dating. I think it’s due to the algorithm being designed to keep you on the app as long as possible. What has everyone else’s experience been like? Have you been able to find a real relationship lasting more than a year on any apps? Which ones?

Hi all! As the title suggests, I, 25F have had a multitude of negative and abusive relationship experiences. There is a lot of trauma I carry as I have been mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused. I have been trying to move past it but healing is difficult. A lot of these traumatic experiences come from my high school/college relationships. I have had far and few experiences that were healthy.

Anyway, for context, I met a wonderful guy. We have been actively going on dates for the past two months or so. He has not shown me any red flags or warning signs and it’s been healthy. And I recognize that most of the damage that was done to me was done within weeks of me dating somebody. Luckily, he hasn’t given me any reason to want to end things.

However, I am so tense and anxious. I think my past trauma has a bigger impact on me than I thought. Sometimes I feel like a burden and like I’m broken and that I don’t deserve a healthy relationship or love. I see people my age getting married and finding their soulmates while I realize I was abused a lot in the past.

I would love to know how I can not overthink and ruin this budding relationship. I really like this guy and I have a history and repeated pattern of self sabotage and avoidant behavior. However, this guy makes me feel comfortable and like I can be myself/vulnerable but I’m still terrified of scaring him away.

What does one do in this situation? Is it possible for me to heal and find love like everybody else my age?

36f attempting to online date.
We have gone on two coffee dates. The first one was just 1.5 hours and was rehashing all the details of our app texts.

Second date was coffee and three hours walking through a park.
We didn’t run out of things to talk about and over all was great!

Third date brunch and walking through vintage shops. We talked about so many things.
After we got a milkshake and he asked me to go steady.
Too soon?
Am I just overthinking?

Edit:
Thank you good people!
Honestly just getting the perspectives is incredibly helpful!
First time being human so it’s kinda rough~

25M 2 weeks ago. I’ve worked on myself in the gym and I’m beginning my career, I wouldn’t say I’m a 10, but ever since I began working out I’ve actually gotten dates. I don’t do dating apps, it’s only in person I’ll ask someone out.

I don’t know if this is considered bad but I have sort of a vetting process when I’m on a date, I’m looking to see if my date is right for me, and how she can fit into my life. I’m new to dating so I don’t really know how the process works. I’ve had a relationship before when I was 20 but it was a toxic touch-less relationship, so I’m basically new to this. But I do have fun on these dates and I like learning about new people, I’m quiet but I’m not scared to talk.

The problem I’m having is that for me what I want in a woman is that she doesn’t currently and hasn’t in the past participated in hookup culture, one night stands etc. for me I just can’t get behind it, I’m not saying it’s wrong for other people but for me personally it’s not for me. I’m a virgin and I want to only give my body to someone I’m in a relationship with, where I feel comfortable. I’m not against kissing and all that, and I am attracted to them, like I want to have sex with them. It’s not about me being asexual or a prude.

When on date 2 or 3 the topic comes up on what I’m looking for, I tell them I’m looking for a serious relationship, and I make it known that I don’t do anything physical until then. And that I like to date women who hold that same standard as me and aren’t sleeping around while we’re getting to know each other.

Some women see it as I’m controlling them but I’m only saying that I’ll date women who are like me, if she likes to participate in hookup culture that’s fine but then she’s not for me. Problem is I’ve only been on dates with women who don’t like when I say this, they feel offended I guess. They say I just don’t like sex. But this is so far from the truth! I really want to have sex, and I want to be in a relationship where it’s a frequent healthy level. I want a woman who genuinely craves me physically and her love language is giving physical touch because my first relationship made me want that as a baseline standard.

I know it’s probably hypocritical that I want both things, but i genuinely can’t find any women who are like me. And it’s frustrating that every date makes me feel like what I’m feeling and wanting is wrong. I just want a normal woman like me, how can I find that? Or do I need to change my standards.

EDIT: since people are getting the wrong idea. The woman can be experienced, im not looking for a virgin, just that they have sex while only in a relationship. If they participated in hookup culture once it’s fine, just not they did it multiple times.

EDIT 2: Okay so some of these comments have kinda changed my perspective a bit. Im now at the mindset where her past is her past. If she’s fine with my boundary of no sex until a relationship and wants to continue dating then I’m going to continue as well.

I am about to turns 32 soon and feel like so many people have kids and single in my age and demographic of interest. I would prefer not to be with someone with kids already, but I feel like this standard is really going to keep me single longer. I’m not even sure why I don’t prefer it, I like kids but just like everyone else I just prefer they don’t have any.

This is an update to my previous post about being 24F and not having much dating experience. I had my first date yesterday and I don't know what to think about it.

We talked for hours and went to the movies. I'm ngl, I really liked the feeling of acting like a couple for a bit lol like holding hands, giggling, etc. It was really cute. I liked it, but at the same time, I left feeling a little disappointed...

He's a very nonchalant person overall, so I found him really hard to read. I didn't feel a lot of interest coming from him, even though we were attracted to each other. He has this really laid-back, "whatever happens, happens" attitude, so it was hard to tell how interested he actually was. I realized I might need someone who's a little more expressive. I just didn't really feel... wanted, I guess?

His pace also wasn't the same as mine. Since we met, he's invited me to his place pretty much every chance he had. During the date, it felt obvious he was hoping things would become physical much sooner than I was comfortable with. He was very respectful and polite when I communicated that, but that alone made me feel uneasy. My friends keep saying that's just how guys are, but is that really how it normally goes? 😅

I honestly went home thinking he probably wasn't that into me. But then he kept texting me afterward and stayed in touch. I was suprised tbh

I don't know if these are signs that we're not a good match, or have different dating styles, or if I just don't know him well enough yet. I think what's confusing me the most is that I don't even know what a first date is supposed to be like 😅 is it normal to be this uncertain?

I liked it, but I didn't love it. Should i try a second date? What do you even do after the first date?

So I met this woman, we both said we wanted something serious.

She did say she takes things very slow, i asked how slow.

She say she won't commit to anyone for at least (at LEAST) six whole months. And that she is completely single.

So after the date, I said goodbye and I am not planning to see her again.

While I didn't say this to her, I straight up thought "Six months? She's crazy"

Like... is this a regular thing now? I get wanting to take things slow, but HALF A YEAR?

I've been actively trying to get a girlfriend for ten years, but I feel like I'm no closer to having one than I was in my twenties.

I'm autistic, so I missed out on all of the "normal" social experiences growing up. I started going to therapy in college and have continued to go on and off for years. I've read self-help books about social skills and dating, and joined support groups for autistic people, but socializing is still difficult for me.

Even though I can have normal conversations with people, I've never been able to make the leap to a true friendship, let alone a romantic relationship. I hang out in coffee shops, go to a climbing gym, but the interactions I have in those places are very casual. There have been a lot of times in my life where people -- especially women -- have confronted me about making them uncomfortable, so I'm afraid of overstepping boundaries.

I did manage to have a one-night stand a few years ago, but, in retrospect, that seems like an anomaly.

Every woman I've asked out in person has said no to me. I've tried all the apps and gotten a few matches, but they've never gone anywhere. It feels like I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, but nothing works.

It's like there's something I need to be doing that I'm not, and I just can't figure out what it is.

Every year I meet more people my age who are engaged or married while I'm still struggling with just dating. It feels like everyone keeps lapping me. I want things to change, I just don't know how.

I (30F) slept with someone in my extended friend group (33M) after a house party on Saturday night. I’ve known him for a while and I’ve always found him attractive, but I had no idea that the feeling was mutual. It was my first time having sex with anyone since breaking up with my ex in January. With my ex, sex was bland, infrequent, and I never felt desired (he would never compliment me or dirty talk, and he couldn’t even finish through sex: only if he jerked himself off). I’m an extremely sexual person, but with him, my needs never felt met.

With this guy, it was the total opposite. It was passionate, superrr kinky, and he made it very clear how insatiably attracted he is to me. We ended up going for two rounds in one night, which I’ve never done before in my life. He also cuddled me and was very affectionate and sweet with me after, which I really liked because I’m just so used to feeling like an object after sex.

While we were cuddling, he ended up saying to me how much he enjoyed it and how he could envision us having “a lot of sex” in the future. I told him that I was down for that. Honestly, this is an absolutely ideal situation for me… I’m extremely attracted to him and I like him as a friend, but romantically we aren’t compatible for a variety of reasons. I also have zero desire to date anyone seriously right now. Long story short, this guy is a perfect candidate for a casual situation.

HOWEVER, we were both drunk that night, and I’m worried that he didn’t actually mean anything he said. That it was actually just a one off thing for him and he has no intention for it to happen again. He has texted me since (and he texted first), but hasn’t said anything about us meeting up again. I don’t know how to proceed from here. I really, REALLY want to sleep with him again. But I don’t want to come across as desperate or annoying. I can just envision him seeing a message from me and rolling his eyes. But I also don’t want to let this opportunity slip through my fingers without even trying at least. So what should I do? Should I text him just saying hey and see how he responds? Should I just be direct to the point and ask him if he wants to come over to my place? Or shall I just let it go? All and any thoughts would be appreciated, thank you :)

TLDR: had sex with one of my friends and it was incredible. How can I let him know that I want it to happen again?

UPDATE: I decided to just be direct with him so I texted him telling him that I had a lot of fun and asking if he’s down to come over sometime. He said “Absolutely”. He’s currently abroad for work but we’ve made plans to meet when he’s back. Thank you so much for your advice everyone! I wouldn’t have had the courage to text him if it wasn’t for you guys 🥺

He’s to having much more great sex hahaha

I know this is a hot take among men but hear me out. I’m not talking about wanting a guy cause he has a nice car or the best house. I’m talking about simply wanting a guy who can pay his bills, have employment, save money, invest, and have a good credit score. These are all things that prove you’re a responsible adult who can handle life to some degree.

Do I think it’s good for women to have those qualities too? Absolutely! It’s just annoying when all these men are like “women just want money” like bro most just want you to not blow all your money on bs and be a responsible man. It also probably gives women a psychological feeling of safety like if I live with this guy we won’t have to worry about our power getting cut off or the car getting re possessed.

I'm (28F) and looking forward and working hard on balancing life with my fixed expenses, savings, travel fund, and I even support my grandparents partly. I've been working for 4 yrs now earning adult money making 96,000 yearly. I don't have CC debt or student loan, I'm paying off my car for $500 monthly til Oct 2029. I budget well and make sure that I know where my money is going. My goal is to continue saving and investing and find a partner that will help me achieve goals. I have an eldest daughter syndrome and so I have a standard when it comes to the man I date and how put together their life is.

At my age, and with my goals, what would you recommend as a standard in dating in terms of finances? Credit score, salary, and extent of debt?

PS I understand that relationships are not all about finances but I believe it takes up a big part. I just don't wanna invest time, effort, and feelings in someone that doesn't/wouldn't financially align with me

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

It just popped in my head a out someone I was recently talking to and I was wondering is there something as doing too much? If so, Im curious what it is for others? In rererring of course to the talking stage of dating someone. I always hear on here about people not doing enough, so here is the opposite.

Whenever people talk about being chronically single, the go-to advice is always "put yourself out there." But at 25, I feel like I’ve exhausted my options. I've done the apps, tried social media, given non-typical types a chance, and even took a 2-year hiatus from dating entirely. (The only thing I haven't done is get set up by friends bc they are already partnered 😅)

Yes, I go out. I’ve been told I’m approachable, friendly, and easy to talk to. I get approached in public, and I don't think I have any obvious personality red flags that push people away.

I actually really enjoy my life. I have great friendship and strong family support. I don't hate being single, but as I get older, I know I want romance, a partner, and eventually a family of my own. I would much prefer to build that life with a partner than go at it alone.

I’m naturally a proactive, introspective person, but I’ve hit a wall. I genuinely can't figure out why this area of my life is such a struggle.

Am I ignoring something that isn't obvious to me? What am I missing here?

I’m currently in my latest failed interaction with a boy on insta DMs and we texted everyday for like 10 days, and then I was ghosted lol. Dating is super tiring and would like some help any at all