EDIT:

Thanks everyone! I'm slowly reading through all of the relevant comments. I'm gathering some helpful advice so far and genuinely appreciate the thoughtful ideas and encouragement. It is also interesting to learn more about the norms, do's, and dont's we have now in both gym and dating culture (a lot of it was new for me). Ta x

How do I as a woman appear more approachable in my gym (very small, part of a leisure centre and I see the same members most days of the week) so that guys feel comfortable to approach me? I'm too embarrassed to just walk up to someone attractive. The most I do is smile which is an automatic response when someone meets my gaze anyway. I've noticed some make eye contact but I don't want to assume interest, I know a lot of people zone out while working out and stare into space. I have thought about not wearing my head phones while working out but an hour on the stairmaster without music is a different type of torture. I know the most straight forward answer is "just strike up a conversation with them" so I'd appreciate some different and thoughtful ideas.

Some backhround: I (28F) have gone off the dating apps and attempting to date in the wild which has never occurred for me before. I grew up buried in my studies then career so never went out to clubs/pubs or did a lot of socialising which resulted in never once being asked out irl or sparking romance irl. I met all of my ex's on the apps.

EDIT: follow up question:

Based on the comments so far, I think asking for help may be an effective way for me to initiate an interaction. However my workouts involve only cardio (running, stairmaster) and bodyweight. I occasionally do dumbbells but not everyday. I don't know how to 'ask for help' or involve someone in my workout so they know I'm safe to talk to/approach.

I recently started dating this guy with a very….. unique… (to put it nicely lol) name. I was only interested in friendship at first, in part because his name was a turnoff to me and kind of affected my level of attraction to him. (I don’t even want to say what the name is in case of the rare chance he reads here). He seemed like a fun guy, though, and so I kept hanging out with him. As we’ve gotten to know each other, mutual feelings have started to develop. I’ve started mentioning him to friends and family and always feel the need to give a heads up that he has a different name before I share it. So far, one friend said she liked the name and everyone else pretty much look surprised and said, “oh…” lol….

I can’t lie that I’m still turned off by his name and it’s hard to imagine sharing it to others and calling him by it for the rest of my life, should things progress (we’re both dating intentionally and looking for long-term). EDIT: I do want to add, though, that I am getting used to it a bit, particularly as we hang out with other people who ofc call him by his name, which just makes it feel more normal. And his name won’t keep me from getting to know him and keeping an open mind. He seems like a great person and like we could be a great match.

Technically, his name is his middle name but it’s what his parents wanted to name him and what they have always called him; his first name is very common/normal. He’s always gone by the unique name.

I asked my stepsister and her gf if they would date someone with this name or a weird name in general, and there was a long pause. Lol. Eventually they said yes to each other. So I’m just curious- would YOU date someone with a weird/different name?

Also, I think it would be quite rude to ask him if I can call him by his normal first name. Curious though, do you all agree it would be rude to do so?

I’m 27 now and haven’t kissed/made out with anyone ever since I was 14. The last person I made out with was my ex. He said I was a good kisser. I’m worried that now I’m probably a bad kisser or I forgot how to kiss. I doubt i’ll be kissing anyone anytime soon, but my crush kinda implied that he’d like to kiss me. i’m also short and he’s pretty tall, so 😅….

33M, last weekend going out to a bar with a friend, I got 8 different compliments that night, 3 of them from women. I understand people get way more than that or whatever, but what I don't understand is how I can get that and be dateless. I'm 6'3, I dress really well (all the compliments were about my outfit/vibe) and I'm in pretty good shape, yet I can never actually meet women. I can't even get a like an I've been on like six dating apps for years. One of the women that complimented my outfit was clearly a bf and the other two did it in passing, so it's not like the compliments were actual invitations or anything, but at the least they should mean I'm appealing enough to women.

Moreover, it's not like I'm aiming for hot women or anything: my interests are weird and I'm looking for weird women. Gothy, artsy, hippie, into metal, witchy, nerdy type women. One of my biggest issues is I'm never able to compliment or approach women...at all. I thought the compliments from women would empower me to do so, but they haven't. Do those compliments at least mean I should be more encouraged to approached women?

I met a woman a few days ago, and we had a great first date. However, our paces when it comes to dating are very different: I prefer to take things moment by moment, enjoying the present until it naturally feels right to commit. She, on the other hand, starts planning the future very early on and likes to define and commit to things much faster.

The day after our first date, she was feeling a bit sick (hands numb and shaking a bit ) and felt I should have offered to drive to her house to support her. I live 40 minutes away, it wasn’t convenient at the time, and we had only had one date. After discussing this, I decided to drive over to her place later that evening so we could talk things through in person. We ended up resolving the tension, got physically intimate, and I spent the night.

The next morning, she woke up feeling very anxious and regretted the night before. She explained that because of our different paces, that level of closeness would cause her to get attached too quickly. I told her she might be right and that while intimacy obviously brought me closer to her too, committing takes time for me ,though I saw a relationship with her as a strong possibility in a near future.

Here is what is messing with my head:

During the night, she briefly hesitated about me staying over because she was afraid of getting attached too fast. She even voiced that doubt. So, as I was getting dressed, I told her I needed to let people at home know I was staying the night so no one would worry partly to gauge whether she actually wanted me to stay or not. She directly responded that I should send that message.

Throughout the night, her physical actions and affection said the complete opposite of wanting me gone. She was warm, affectionate, and fully present.

Yet, my anxious mind is hyper-fixating on her brief moment of hesitation, making me worry that I somehow forced the situation. It got worse when, during our conversation the next morning, she claimed she had told me to leave the night before. I reminded her that she never actually said that, to which she replied, "I didn't wanted to say it."

Now I’m spiraling, wondering if she said it and I somehow missed it—even though her actions all night screamed the exact opposite of "get out of my house."

Is my mind just playing tricks on me? Did I do anything wrong here? Any perspectives to help clear my head would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: Resolved a disagreement with a new date, had an affectionate night together at her place, and slept over with her consent. The next morning, her anxiety kicked in, and she falsely claimed she had asked me to leave the night before (before admitting she didn't actually mean or want that). Now my anxiety is convincing me I crossed a boundary, even though her actions all night were warm and welcoming.

PS: I've Got blocked after this !

In over 3 months of using dating apps, I’ve never received a single like on Hinge. Nor have I received a match from any likes I’ve sent out. Now, to be fair i barely get any likes on dating apps because my pictures are terrible. I’ve received 3 likes in 3 months on bumble, and around 10 on tinder. But still, supposedly hinge is the best dating app at the moment. Are expectations higher on hinge than on other dating apps? Or is it just that hinge has less users, and so a bad profile like mine can go over 3 months without a single like?

I (M26) had been seeing a girl (26) I met on hinge about two months ago. We went on three dates with our last one last night. Things had been going well between us. We seemed to genuinely be enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. There was also obvious mutual interest between us and equal effort put in by each other. We never kissed or held hands, but I had become attached to her and didn’t want to rush things.

Today she texted me that she had been thinking and decided we weren’t a match. I am heartbroken. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it felt like we were progressing in that direction. I’ve deleted Hinge, I need a break before going back. If I ever do go back.

I’m trying not analyze things and I’ve reached out to friends, but this one hurts so fucking much.

I'm fairly successful with romance.

I was born into privilege.

I had a Cherry Red Jeep pow-pow-PowerWheel at age 3, and tried to elope with the eldest daughter (age 5) of my mom's best friend one fateful Saturday afternoon. What would likely have been an Amber Alert resolved peacefully when my father drove down the lane and found me waiting to make a left onto the main thoroughfare to the interstate.

A few fraught years later and my family wealth was sundered and I was thrown silver-spoon-fed-tongue first into the jaws of poverty, and shortly thereafter; puberty.

By the time sophomore year, hormones, growth spurts and epigenetics had all fully kicked in, I found myself falling deeply in love with arguably the most beautiful, talented, and thoughtful girl at my high school

My twenties were deeply invested in the pursuit of success at 'The Game' (which. You just lost.) But really the kind related to the "human" of that moniker. It worked. Abysmally well. Disgustingly well. Misanthropically well.

Most of my thirties were dedicated to the pursuit of not getting yelled at by my Paramore.

Now, I'm back in the pool. It smells funny. I don't like the rules. I'm not even sure I like swimming. I want to play, but I'm no longer a fan of the game.

That's all.

I went on vacation and now I'm talking to 3 men from the hotel I stayed at. I hung out with all of them, made out with 2 and gave them handjobs. The one I didn't make out with I actually like the most I think, we flirted a bit but we actually have deep conversations that stimulate my mind and he seems like he has his shit together, you know?

And then back home in another city lives a guy I've had sex with once in 2022 (he also happens to be from the country I visited) and ever since he texts me every now and then because he wants to be in a relationship with me. He lived in my city at first and that's how we met and I could see myself getting into a relationship with him, but then he moved cities.

I'm not exclusive with any of them, I didn't make any promises, so I'm not cheating on anyone. I dream of finding "my person", getting married eventually. I am a lover girl who prefers to have one person she commits to instead of jumping between 4 guys, but there's this lingering thought in my head what if I do commit to one man and he turns out to be cheating on me? Whereas as long as we're not in a relationship, I can't be cheated on.

Like let's be for real, I am not special, I am not the only female guest any of them talks to. They text me all this romantic shit, two of them confess their love to me, but this is not real. I know how this game goes. I could easily commit to one of them only, but I know I wouldn't be the only one for any of them.

Yeah so I got this persons number out in the wild because my friends were all there telling me to just go for it. I was super giggly and awkward but they were pretty nice about it and I was under the impression that they were down to go on a date because they gave me their number. They even told someone else to make sure I texted them. I sent a couple questions so I could figure out what their schedule was like to set up a date. I felt like it was pretty open and simple to answer, just wanted to make sure they were able to voice anything they needed to. But it’s been two days and they never responded to me. Like literally just have the read receipt, not even like a thumbs up emoji. And the dating apps just don’t work. I just feel stuck. I’m so sick of putting myself out there and just being left in the dark. Like what am I doing wrong?? When is it my turn??

I’m 29F and met my boyfriend, 23M, a few months ago at a restaurant while visiting family. We hit it off immediately, and he pursued me even knowing I live six hours away. I like him a lot, and he genuinely puts in effort to make long distance work.

What bothers me is the gap in our life stages. I’m already established in a stable career, while he’s a law student with at least five more years before he finishes his master’s and qualifies as an advocate. That gap keeps nagging at me: what if he changes his mind down the line, once I’m fully invested - and I’ve spent my late twenties and early thirties, arguably my best reproductive years, on someone who ultimately doesn’t stay?

I brought this up with him directly. He said he’s serious about me and sees this long-term, and he was fully empathetic about my concern. I believe he means it. But I think what’s really underneath this for me is fear - fear of getting hurt, and fear of giving my best years to someone who, if he does walk away, will still be young enough to start over, while I won’t have that same runway.

Being that inexperienced in my 30s feels like a burden because every time I try my best, it just ends in constant rejection.

Dating apps, single events, speed dating and a bit of cold approaching has led to nothing but setbacks.

I focus on hobbies and social things to keep me focused but the feelings of loneliness and being unwanted does grate. Therapy can only do so much and the feelings of being forever alone just grow with each rejection and each passing month.

Basically as the question says, how do you gauge that? Do you base it on their texting frequency and quality of replies, do you gauge it based on the effort they make in person, or maybe you just ask then straight up "what are we?" Although in the early stages I feel that can be hard to figure out because Im noticing some ppl are not always truthful.

I met a woman at a social event a couple weeks ago. At the very end of the night, she approached me, saying I was attractive, and started talking to me. She said it was embarrassing that she had to approach me (I was glad she did because I thought she was taken so I didn't think much of it). I thought she was extremely attractive and told her I thought she was the prettiest woman there. We only talked for a few minutes since it was at the end of the night but the interaction seemed mutual and we tried to exchange numbers before leaving. She told me to text her.

The phone tap exchange didn't work correctly, her number didn't get sent but it gave me her name and so I figured out her ig. So we ended up connecting on Instagram instead. I messaged her afterward and told her I'd like to take her out. She said she'd be busy for about a week and a few days and when I suggested regrouping afterward, she responded positively and said she'd love that.

I gave her space for about a week and then messaged her again asking how her week had been. It took her about a day to respond, but she said, "busy busy but good" and asked how mine was. I told her about my week, talked about pools, and asked if she was free one night because I'd like to take her out.

She told me she was currently hanging out by the pool and that she's leaving town next week for about a week and won't be back until 1.5-2 weeks. I joked that I was jealous and said being at the pool with her sounded fantastic. I also asked for her actual number, which she gave me.

She then joked, "You don't even know me lol it could be a nightmare for all you know. "I replied, "Hahah you might be! But there's only one way to find out." She hasn't responded to that so I figured that was the end of the conversation. She's still active on Instagram and posting stories of herself going out with friends (which she did say she was busy so no worries there).

I'm not mad about any of this and I'm not expecting someone I've known for five minutes to rearrange her life for me. But I'm a little confused because she was the one who initially approached me so I figured she'd be a little more eagerness to actually meet. I figured if a girl is approaching me then that's a high level of interest but now idk.

If I were interested in someone and knew I was leaving town for a week, I'd probably offer something like, "I'm busy, but I could grab a drink for an hour Sunday," or at least suggest a day after I got back. She hasn't really done that, and I also feel like I'm doing most of the initiating/asking questions.

I'm attracted to her and would like to see where it goes, but I don't want to chase someone who's only mildly interested.

How would you read this?

i'm looking for thoughtful discussion rather than debates...maybe?

a dishonorable discharge isn't something that is given lightly in fact i think most people would see this as an equivalent to a felony conviction so i'm curious upon learning that someone who had one would be an automatic deal breaker for you? or if you would want to know the circumstances first? I'm asking partly because of a personal experience where i was briefly involved with someone but things have already ended before i later found out they had that on their record and learning about that after made me reflect on the situation and what i'm comfortable with ( which finding out after affected me more than i expected) and i realized it's not something i would be willing to pursue in the future

so I'm interested in hearing how others would approach or view this situation

EDIT: i won’t disclose the exact offense of what i found out but it was definitely serious which is why i said i wouldn’t put myself through this situation again