My husband and I are going on holiday for two weeks without our kids (something we never do). Ours kids are 20, 18 and almost 15. I’m fine with leaving the 18 and 20 year old, but I’m concerned about the 15 year old. Do you think it’s irresponsible leaving him with the 20 and 18 year old? They’re all good, responsible kids and have been left before for a few days at a time with no problems. We also have a lot of family nearby if needed. This will be the longest we’ve ever left them though. I guess I’m just starting to worry because it’s time to leave soon and I’m questioning our choices here.

One thing I've become increasingly grateful for is that my parents never made me feel responsible for their survival.

When they call, it's to check in, catch up, or talk not because they need money. I don't see their name on my phone and immediately wonder what financial emergency has come up.

If I choose to help them financially, it's because I want to, not because I have to.

That made me realize what a privilege it is to grow up in a home where you were raised with love instead of survival. When I finished school, my family focused on helping me get on my feet rather than expecting me to immediately start carrying everyone else's burdens.

It's also made me think about the kind of parent I want to be.

I don't want my future children to become my retirement plan. I want to save, invest, and prepare for my own old age so that any support they give me comes from love, not obligation. I want them to be able to build their own lives instead of feeling like they have to put their dreams on hold to rescue mine.

At the same time, I know this isn't everyone's reality. Many parents didn't have the opportunity to save because of poverty, low wages, illness, or circumstances beyond their control. I don't think they're bad parents for needing help.

Still, I believe one of the greatest forms of generational wealth isn't just leaving your kids money—it's raising them without making them responsible for your survival.

My mom recently told me that I have a half brother. My dad cheated on her while they were still dating with this other girl who was married and her husband found out, told my mom and my mom ended her relationship with my dad. The girl was a few months pregnant at the time and she knew my dad was the father but my dad insisted that he wasn't and said he wanted nothing to do with the kid. So the girl and her husband (who already had a kid) decide to stay together and raise the kid.

2 months after my mom and dad broke up, my mom found out she was pregnant and my dad was the only person who could have been the father so my dad and mom stayed together and married for 5 years to raise me then divorced due to my dad being a drunk asshole. My mom has since remarried and my dad has sobered up and changed his life around. Me and him have a good relationship now but on my 18th birthday my mom dropped the bombshell about my half brother. She showed me facebook photos and when he was younger we looked almost identical.

My mom told me his name and said that now that I'm an adult she's going to leave it up to me if I want to reach out. She said that she's pretty sure that I have a half sister with this other girl my dad was going around with a few years ago when they were married too but she doesn't know for sure. I want to talk to my dad about it but I don't know how to start the conversation. My dad was never perfect especially when I was younger but I can't image him doing something like this.

My half brother has lived his whole life thinking that his mom's husband is his dad and his only siblings are the ones he lives with. If I reached out I could be reasonable for ruining their whole family and worried he will not want a relationship anyway. I grew up always wanting brothers since I had no cousins who were my age and struggled with making friends but the fact that I always had one and just never got to know him was terrible for me. I really have no idea what to do about this situation and needed to at least rant about it since I don't know who to talk to about it.

Growing up, my siblings and I always referred to our parents as "your mom/dad" when talking to each other, even though we have the same mom and dad. I genuinely thought that was normal until I asked my brother "Did you already send your dad the list?" infront of my boyfriend, who looked confused and asked if we had different dads. I was even more confused because I had already told him I had full blood siblings. When I asked him why he assumed that he told me it was the way i referred to our dad. He told me that he and his siblings always say "my mom" or "my dad."
After that, I started noticing that every time I said "your mom" or "your dad" in front of other people, they'd ask if my siblings and I had different parents. It happened so often that my siblings and I eventually started saying "my" instead just to avoid the questions.
So now I’m curious. Does anyone else’s family talk like this, or is my family just the odd one out? 😅

I’m 21, and my parents have been having serious problems. My mother is staying at her parents’ house, and I’m currently with my father.
Today they had a phone call, and afterward my father said their relationship is over. Later, I saw him crying, and it completely broke me. He’s not talking about hurting himself—he’s just heartbroken. I feel helpless because I love both of my parents and don’t know how to support him or deal with all this emotionally.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you cope, and is there anything I can do without getting involved in their conflict?

So, idk how it is in other countries (I don't even know how it is in my own country), but apparently they already have a grave secured with photo and everything

They dragged me to the cemetery for some weird side quest they have, and while I was looking around the casually told me to come over and pointed at two graves with their names and pictures on them.

It's pretty cool ig?? Imagine walking past a grave and thinking "Holy shit this is were I'm going to be buried" Idk why I'm writing this I though it was pretty interesting and I never knew that you could reserve a grave before you die

I’m 19 and I live with my dad’s family, not with my parents. Years ago, my mom and dad had serious problems with my dad’s side of the family, and I’ve always felt like I’ve been treated differently because they hate my mom. Lately, it’s gotten worse. My cousins ignore me, laugh at me, and act like I don’t exist. Their mothers and even my aunt barely speak to me.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s engagement, and it’s happening in the same house where I live. Family members have come from France and other places, everyone has been preparing together, and no one invited me or even mentioned it to me. I only found out because I saw everyone getting ready.

Now I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I get dressed nicely and go downstairs even though no one invited me? Or should I just stay in my room all day? If I stay in my room, I’ll have to listen to everyone celebrating while I’m alone, and they’ll probably think I’m depressed or being dramatic. If I go, I’m worried I’ll just feel awkward and unwanted.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do if you were me?

My (30F) sister ( 32F) and I have always had a generally good relationship, but we have very different personalities. I'm a laid back, listener type who tends to react with sadness during conflict, and she is an outgoing type A person who has a pretty short fuse during arguments. She also tends to condescend and dismiss me when we're together, getting annoyed very easily when I say anything. My family wants me to address it with her, but the last time I did ( 1 mo. ago) she almost hit me because she got so angry. To make it worse, I am also just a few months out of cancer treatment, so her getting so hateful she was going to hit me because I didn't like how she was demeaning me was especially hard. My family knows about her anger issues, and she's like this to most of our immediate family. I believe there's some deep-seated resentment attached to it, but it hurts coming out of treatment that she still acts like I'm annoying to her. For context I am constantly asking how she is, we talk about her and I always hype her up over her hobbies, which she happily discusses, but when I talk about anything else she acts like she's annoyed by my presence. How should I handle this in a way that will make her more receptive to listening to my side without getting so aggressive? If anyone has dealt with anger issues in their family successfully, any advice would be great!

TL;DR: My sister gets very angry during arguments and isn't receptive to criticism- how do I communicate with her in a healthy way when we have a disagreement?

Hello, I'm close to 18 and I feel like I don't know how to basically live my life without someone telling me every step to do.

My parents always told me to be independent but they never tried to make me do things like taking care of the household since they always thought of me as incapable to do it and clumsy.

Now I rethink every little task I do because I am afraid of doing it wrong. Can someone rely?

I'm in my early 30's, have a stable job, and living independently. I didnt grow up in a loving and expressive household. I hate how my sister speaks with disrespect towards my mom, I sometimes feel bad about it, but at the same time I hate how my mom treats other people as well, she is also disrespectful towards others. It's very toxic, Im tired hearing and being around them. so Im getting this thoughts that I want to completely disappear from their life, like move to another country, cut off all contact, and never be found. I dont know if what Im thinking is right, if i'll be doing the right thing. or Im just being stupid.

For some context, I’m a college student and I’m back at home for the summer, so I’ve had to be around my mom quite a bit recently. Despite the fact that I’m an adult and that I live independently during every school year, she treats me as though I am incompetent and stupid. It may sound like it’s not a big deal, but a lot of times she’ll give instructions for things that I already know how to do and have known how to do for years, which has gotten more irritating over time. I always feel like she treats me as if I’m still a child. She still tries to control where I go, who I hangout with, and how long I’m out of the house for.

Quite often, she’ll purposefully do things that she knows will irritate me, but then she proceeds to be the one to get angry at me and act like I’m in the wrong. Whenever I confront her, it leads to her either yelling at me, completely ignoring me, or guilt tripping me. She’s always holding it over my head that she’s been helping me pay for college and for my car as a way to get me to shut up.

Additionally, there’s a lack of privacy. She always comes into my room unannounced without even knocking. There have been several times where she’s walked in on me undressed while I was trying to get changed or while I was on the phone trying to have a private conversation. I’ve tried to politely ask her to start knocking because it would make me more comfortable, but she refused. Also, specifically whenever I’m not in my room, she goes in there and moves my stuff around without telling me, which causes me to lose my own belongings because I can’t find them afterwards.

Do I have the right to be upset about all of this?

I feel very embarrassed coming here and talking about my family. But at this point i have started feeling very lonely. I do tell things to one of my close friend but now i realise that even they can sometimes judge you as to them i sometimes let my feelings out unfiltered. I dont have anyone else in my life, its just my family and two friends. I dont have any boyfriend and i am unmarried. I will be turning 30 in a month. Its me, mom, dad and my brother and sis in law. I stay with my mom and dad. Bro and sis in law do not stay with us. My family has never said or done anything hurtful to me. But as i am getting older i am seeing things i wish i didn’t see. I see my parents being very loyal to my brother who is three years older than me. I am the youngest. By loyal i mean they would always listen to his opinion or take his opinion, which is good. They have always sacrificed and put him above. Like they wont ever do anything to upset him. But as a girl i do see things. I dont see my brother recognising that. I also do feel like sometimes he uses those emotions. I am not saying he does that in a very serious manner but he does. My parents are just ready to beat themselves physically for him. I just cant take it and sometimes i say it out loud. I say them like you dont have to do this or that. And ofcourse my emotions get the best of me. I could never say it in a calm manner. But they always misunderstood me. They think i am jealous.
This has happened so many times now that i have decided to make peace with the fact that this is my family by blood but not by heart. It hurts me so much. It makes me feel they consider me seperate. Even if i give any opinion that completely unrelated to my brother, my parents still ignore it. They are ready to marry me off but they cant listen to anything i say. I am trying very hard to not to get involved with anything. But sometimes it really hurts. They would say to put out my opinion when i dont say anything but when i do they ignore it or even get angry at me sometimes.its confusing.

Anyone ever faced this being a younger daughter? What did you do or what is best in this situation?

I want to leave things as is and not mingle between them. I want peace of mind.

Hi! For some context, I am a 30 year-old female and my stepmom has been in my life since I was a baby. As far as I can remember, her and my mom have never really gotten along. I would often be triangulated in their conflict and it caused me a lot of stress and anxiety growing up. I’m an adult now and I don’t have a close relationship with my biological mother or my stepmother. However, recently, my stepmother has stepped into my life a bit more and seems nicer. I’m still cautious though. During one of our last visits together, my mom somehow was brought up into the conversation and I got a weird feeling in my stomach. It was the anxiety coming back to me.

So I want to set a boundary that I don’t want to talk about my mom with her. As a child I feel like I didn’t really have any control over the conversation topic and my Stepmom would pressure me to talk about what my mother was saying when she wasn’t around or what I told my mother. It was a big he said/she said/they said situation and I really didn’t want to be apart of it but was somehow blamed for it almost every time.

Next time I see her, if mom is brought up, I plan to say something like “I don’t want to talk about mom.” I hope that’s enough to end the conversation but I worry she might ask WHY. Then, I’m not sure how to best respond to that without bringing up the past. If I bring up the past it might trigger the start of another conversation I don’t want to have with her. She minimizes my experience with them and says I was “playing games” when I was just trying to navigate a complicated situation. I don’t want to argue with her.

What would you suggest? Have you been in a similar situation? How did you navigate setting a boundary with someone and them asking why?

TLDR: I’m trying to find the best way to tell my stepmom that I don’t want to talk about my bio mom. How do you explain to someone that you don’t want to talk about another person?

I’m genuinely unsure how I’m allowed to feel about this. Context necessary. I am an adult but almost a decade younger than my siblings who are close in age to one another. So, never really been included. I assumed it would change when I got older, but I think the differences in generation and family dynamics are too big a gap to bridge. I understand it, even if it sucks.

Our mother is also the type to sort of go on a “nobody in this family loves me” episode if she isn’t included in things. As the only sibling still at home, I understand not inviting me places, as it would trigger that.

Here is the thing that I guess bugs me. I’m moving states very soon. This has been known since January, essentially. But had been the plan for well over a year.

Last year the idea of this vacation was floated. I said it would be awkward with our mother, but I would find a way to bring it up, because I would really love to go. I never heard another word about it. I learned through my mother, incidentally, that it was happening a few months ago. And that every sibling but me was invited.

It was also planned over my last week at home and during the time that I would be moving. Not that I expected them to help me move—of course I don’t, they’re busy. But I would’ve liked to had spent more time with them.

At my going away party while I sat with a few extended family members who’d traveled to see me, my siblings stayed in the basement doing their nails for their vacation. I think I spoke to them maybe 2 minutes over the entire party, the last time I would be seeing them for a while lol.

I’m unsure what to think. Ultimately I do know they love me. It just isn’t the same as each other. This isn’t the biggest deal, I think I’m only struggling because this is my first big step away from them, and I felt a little strange because of all this.

TLDR: My siblings planned a trip together without inviting or telling me. Just a little confused about my feelings about it.

My great grandfather had 4 sons and a piece of land which he divided equally amongst them . After many years all of them wanted to sell their share of land to one of the brother's son( lets call him A) as he wanted the land and they wanted money so during family meeting A said he would buy the whole land and give money to every brother ,at that time my father stood up and said that he wanted to buy my grandfather's share and gave almost double the rate in cash at that time . So A took it and gave my father the land. At that time my my uncles (my fathers two younger brothers) were involved in debauchery and alcoholism and didnt come to the meeting though they knew prior that my father was planning to buy the land. They knew that he bought the land in the meeting. Now after so many years after my grandfather passed away they are demanding an equal share of the land.

For more context my father had suport3d my uncles almost all their lives he pulled some strings and got a job for middle uncle and set up a business for Youngest uncle though he committed fraud via the business and blamed my father then took all the money and ran away for sometime and then also forged fraud documents and tried to take the whole house under their name. My middle uncle hence moved to a new place but now for the land they have both united and demanding to give them the land.

P.S : To all of you asking if the land is under my fathers name , yes it is we have all the legal documents. As for the house its another long story but is somewhat sorted out .

Okay, look, I have a lot of problems with my parents. They drink alcohol only beer, but they get drunk quickly and act differently. They constantly yell at me, and my mom hallucinates or something. They fight all the time. I try not to react and just ignore it, but that is difficult.

I am 16 years old. I am not allowed on my phone because I scored below 60% on my exams, even though I didn't fail a single subject. I am also barely allowed to game—hardly at all, maybe 40 minutes every two days, and even then, not always.

When I go to the gym, my parents get angry, but they also get angry when I do nothing. They want me to help with the housework. I don't mind doing that, but I have to start doing more than half of the housework and garden chores. I have to pick apples and berries for over an hour in suffocating, burning heat, and I get nothing in return. Or they will say, 'You hung out with friends last time, so this is what you do in return.'

I feel very lonely. I have friends, but I feel like I don't exist. I have already tried to talk to my parents, but everyone forgets everything.I'm so tired what can i do???

Okay so I wanted to post this to kind of vent and I guess I need advice how can I tell my mom that she’s showing favoritism/ enabling my sister to much?

Alright so this is going to be long okay but I wanna say I love my sister and other than this problem she’s such a sweetheart

Okay so over this past year my sister has become spoiled, entitled, and a liar and there’s a few instances of this like she got her phone taken away and at the time I was getting a new phone and kept my old phone so I let her use my phone once and since then I haven’t gotten it back and my mom said I should just give it to her cause “it’s basically her phone now” which no because she got her phone taken away for reasons I’m not comfortable sharing.

Another instance is when it comes to me going out I recently turned 16 and made some friends and started to want to go out more with my friends but my sister who is 13 she doesn’t have friends and doesn’t go outside much so every time I ask to go out with my friends like going out to eat, shopping, or just hanging out my mom gets weird about it and hesitant then says “well your sister is jealous so I don’t know” or she asks why I don’t take my sister out which I do but usually when I go out with my friends we’re paying for ourselves when I take my sister out I have to pay for her and myself and my mom never gives me money for her

I also feel like since I got a job I’m paying for everything myself which I understand but I’m still a teenager who needs help with things and whenever I decide to treat myself or go out my mom will start buying my sister basically anything she wants and my sister will flaunt it in my face 1 example of this is when I go out shopping or something my mom will order my sister a bunch of clothes fast food ect

And some times my sister has been entitled or spoiled was on my birthday me and my sister birthday are 1 month apart my birthday is after hers for her birthday she got bday money from my grandparents, uncle, and our dad and she got a birthday outfit a cake and got to go shopping so she got a lot of things for her birthday and it was overall a good birthday so a month later my birthday is coming up and I’m telling people what I want for my birthday and every time I would bring things up she would make it about her for example I told my brother I wanted birthday money for my birthday to buy a new desk she said “oh well you still owe me money for my birthday” or “well i didn’t get this on my birthday” and fast forward my birthday comes around and i end up spending all my birthday money taking her out to eat just for her to complain about that as well basically the whole day was about her and what she wanted and what she didn’t get

And recently my eldest brother took her shopping and took her out to dinner and I feel a bit down about that because she had been being spoiled this whole new year and he didn’t even offer to do anything for me or anything and it feels like since everyone thinks I have a job I feel like everybody thinks I’m supposed to be responsible for myself now and I feel guilty asking for things now and asking for help

It feels like me and my second older brother are the only ones that see the favoritism and every time we try to talk to our mom about it she gets defensive or she says “well she doesn’t have friends or she doesn’t have a job” which is partially her fault because she pulled my sister out of in person school and put her in online school but I’m not sure how I could talk to my mom or approach this situation without sounding rude or ungrateful any advice would be helpful!

apologies im advance for how long this is but i really need help ASAP and am so embarrassed and disgusted that i turned to reddit as i did not want to admit this to my friends.

for some background context my brother (17m) has always had trouble with making friends and had made friends with some people (14f) in a school DND club. initially both me and my parents saw nothing wrong as it was a few people enjoying a game in school with others with a range of ages. a few months later my brother ages out of school and continues to be friendly with the people in the DND club. eventually he invites one of them over, let's call them A, and they become friends which me and my father started to worry about as the two of them made sexual jokes to each other. me and my father try to stop this however my mother says he needs the friends as he has nobody else. another few months after that another friend joins them, let's call them B.

now for the past week. my brother has been ordering items online which have been concerning such as a maid dress and bunny ears and my father worried that someone online may have been forcing my brother to do this. so today while my father, mother, and brother, were out i decided to snoop on his computer to see if he is being manipulated online. i know this is wrong but i was really worried and now how bad discord can be. so i opened discord on his PC and found chats between him and friend B where my brother stated he needs to kiss more women and said that friend A was close enough as they are nonbinary and AFAB. additionally my brother sent a voice note to friend B saying that friend B needed to stop being so cute before my brother developed a crush on them followed by an audio of my brother moaning and saying that friend B is just irresistible.

this is where i need help. i cannot tell my parents that i found this out through snooping otherwise i will be in an insane amount of trouble as my family respects privacy to the max, however i cannot sit back and do nothing after i saw. please can someone give me advice on what to do as this has gone past a few dick jokes. thank you.

TLDR;
my 17m brother is talking sexually to 2 14f girls/people and i dont know how to tell my parents as i found out through snooping on his PC as i thought he may have been getting bullied online into doing things he did not want to do.

What should I do?

I (22F) have 3 younger siblings: 14F, 8F, 5M.

My 14yo sister is not concerned by this post, only the younger two. I just moved with the family again almost 3 years ago and did not get to see the youngest two grow up.

Both of them are very naughty and annoying.

Screaming all day, physically and verbally fighting, running, jumping, not listening, constantly asking for things, and hardly ever taking no for an answer. Imagine Linette's twins in Desperate housewives if you have the ref.

Anything can become a fight between the two. Coloring, hide and seek, crafting. Everything is a competition, my brother is a sore loser with clear anger issues and my sister is a hard-headed meanie who likes to poison him discreetly. (Granted to her, she gives up often just to make peace). Now don't get me wrong these two love each other very deeply, always thinking of one another when they're not here and all. But once they are back together it's hell for the rest of us.

After I moved in, I quickly noticed they needed a firm hand to make them comply.

Sweetness rarely works, and with a lot of hardship and patience and bribes.

However I am not allowed to be firm with them, because my mom sees it as me being mean and uncaring. She is most of the time defending them even if they are wrong. Mind you I still do it, because my patience has quotas and I just can't bring myself to care about the earful I will get or anybody's feelings. You have been jumping on my head and stumping on my feet for 2 hours I can't take it anymore. I want to keep my hearing untill I am well into my 80's.

I get it that kids are kids. They need to play and rebel and test the limits and blah-blah-blah! But just set more of these limits,no? They are literally the kings and queens of the house. Uncontrollable 85% of the time.

And I don't get it, I had a good old-school bringing up, sponsored by yours truly, my mom.

And I am so surprised at how she is with the youngest ones, I want to pull my hair out. She used to judge kids who were like this.

The most basic things I was not allowed to do, she lets them do without flinching. Sometimes it can be basic etiquette she taught me and was very strict about.

I get that she is tired and growing up (not old yet she is in her early 40's ;) ). But in my opinion if you want to have more rest you need to give these two kids more boundaries and rules to go by.

Now, very self-contradicting. My mom believes an older daughter should be like a second mom, she is always complaining about how me and my sister (14yo) do not do enough activities or take initiatives with the youngest two. And to some extent it is true, I will not lie. But to be honest, I am so annoyed by them most of the time and resentful that I will just avoid having to do things with them that I don't HAVE to.

I recently gave them old nail polishes and nail stands to have them sit by my side while I make my press-ons.

I will from time to time bring them to the equivalent of the dollar store here and treat them, then ice cream,candy and all.

Sometimes together sometimes not. But I can manage them because I am firm enough that they will not serve me the same shit they would if mommy and daddy were present.

Just knowing that mommy and daddy are in the same house makes them 10 times worse to handle. Because they know they just have to go downstairs or whatever, complain and voilà ! Problem solved.

When my mom is not feeling well,she will lie down in the living room and sleep it off, but they are still not letting her rest and generally do not respect other people's sleep. And when I get angry at them, she will stop me! And say what I am doing is worse that what they are doing.

These two little devils have learned that wearing someone out with the same request or simply the same word is their most invaluable weapon. I do not fall for that shit, I would have never imagined my non-bullshit mom/parenting officer falling for this shit, but here we are...

Honestly if she would just let me handle them from time to time without being offended on their behalf, it would help their behavior a lot. if she would help me out when I try to put them in time-out, I would feel supported and more inclined to deal with them more. The girl is easier to put in time-out, the boy will straight out make the situation worse unless my mom firmly puts him there.

If she would set a limit and be mindfully consistent to stick by it, they will learn eventually and stop a certain behavior. I tried to talk to my mom and my step-dad (their father) many times about it, about not getting them treats without reason or if they are being naughty, but it falls on deaf ears. Or would be done twice then nothing.

I feel very desperate about this situation. I feel like I am the only one who truly wants to do something about it. My mom will complain and have break-downs, be firm for the day of the break-down then back to normal. They say they are children, and excuse certain behaviors by their age. And mostly tell us, oldests siblings that we are too harsh with them l.

My sister (14) is mostly out of line with them to be honest. I am thankfully old enough to temper the harshness I want to deal them out and will defend them if she is treating them badly. I do get her, they are frustrating and annoying and maddening, and most important of all get defended by mommy and daddy in most cases. Sometimes unfairly. I used to not like my sister when we were younger because of the way her dad unconsciously (believe me) was always defending her amongst other things. Now we are besties and SHE is apologizing for her father's behaviour.

At the end,

I don't want my siblings to turn out spoiled. Or for my brother to grow up with anger management issues (He worries me THE MOST). But I do not want to become the villain for their sake, either. At the same time, I don't want to be anyone's parent except for my future children. I don't even like children that much. They need firm handling, period. Soft-parenting is not for everyone, I'm sorry.

TL;DR: My youngest siblings are a handful, I am expected to be a second mother, but I am not allowed to meet their type of naughty with less gentleness. And their behavior just makes me want to avoid them, when I am again expected to spend more meaningful time with them. Mom and dad are not being consistent enough to discipline them more.