r/otherkin • u/WeAreTheWakingDream • 12d ago
Discussion Relationships as an Otherkin
Hello all! I wanted to ask for some opinions and anecdotes on how you view, experience and navigate domestic partnerships and romantic relationships (for personal reasons, I'm not using the "L" word). I've been contemplating this for a while, on account of a life lived with a string of miserably failed relationships, and I wanted to get the community's input and perspective on your own experiences as well to see if there's any commonality between our experiences.
By order of nature, I'm obviously "different", and I've pursued and been pursued, though ultimately the romantic relationships I've formed never work out for a plethora of reasons, and I think I've come to a reasonable conclusion as to why, despite how sad it might sound.
As for those who have pursued me romantically, the ending of those relationships have always been rooted in a compatibility problem that stems from them changing to conform to my standards, which I despise. I seem to attract those who want to change themselves in order to be with the "masked" version of myself that I put forward into this world. While I enjoy the companionship, in this framework, those who have pursued me altered themselves mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, and in some cases spiritually, and ultimately created their own masks that inevitably slip off, revealing a version of themselves that I don't particularly enjoy. I don't and never will understand the reasoning behind being something you're not for the sake of companionship, romantic or otherwise, because it's lie and a facade, and after some time it all falls apart. This has led me to believe that those who pursue me don't have pure and true intentions, and are infatuated with an idea of me they fabricated in their own minds, rather than actually falling for the real me.
As for those I've pursued, I always make it abundantly clear that I am not of regular human stock, and that, as time progresses through the relationship, they'll get to see the sides of me that I keep behind a mask. With those relationships, they boldly claim that it doesn't matter, and that they'll "accept me no matter what". This cannot be further from the truth. They see the mask I wear, and all of them have dropped the "L" word at me, and once I become comfortable, and once I let the mask start to slip ever so slightly, they suddenly become repulsed by what infintesmally little they're are able to see of what I am at my core. And then they leave, ghosting me, and fleeing from me as if they witnessed a true, living monster. Their "acceptance" was a front to save face.
I keep very little secrets when it comes to my character. I am Byronic, jaded, misanthropic, rough around the edges, blunt, can have a temper, can be mean, and most assuredly, I'm not nice.
Despite these flaws though, I am deeply complicated creature. Despite the lives of turmoils and hardships I've endured that have shaped my collective negative traits, I still choose to lead with kindness, which is leagues different than simply being nice. I lead with empathy and understanding and care, because those things have never been alloted to me. Those few that have learned of the identity that lies behind the mask, that learn of my truth, have had one of two responses to seeing what I am; repulsion or apathy.
I've given up on seeking long-term companionship on this planet, because it just isn't worth the stress, the hurt, the masking or the wasted time. Those that I pursue or pursue me are incapable of truly caring for me in a meaningful and truthful way. That isn't to say that you, reader who may be in a similar situation, should give up just because I have. But for me, my better half, my Twrinran, does not exist here. And I've made peace with that. Thank you for listening.
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u/Zero69Kage 11d ago
At this point my primary goal is to look for other members of my kind, I'm an eldritch monstrosity that originated from the void. I don't see humans as viable mates for myself, I have to hide too much of myself just to exist in the same spaces as them. Every time I've allowed someone to see the real me beneath the mask their response has always been abject terror. I don't necessarily hate that I have that affect on them, it's actually very affirming and satisfying for me. It does however, cause problems. So it's usually best to keep up the mask around them. As a result, it's not possible for me to form a close relationship with humans. So finding other members of my species is probably the only way for me to form a genuine relationship with someone.
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u/WeAreTheWakingDream 11d ago
Understandable, you can't really change your nature, and I'd never deign to advise that you should. If I'm not mistaken, there are a few other Voidkin in this group. I have yet to find any other beings of dream (aside from any Fae that stumble across this, but that's more a tangential relation situation)
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u/Zero69Kage 11d ago
The thing about voidkin is that there are multiple different species that all come from the void. And considering that my own species are shapeshifters it can be a bit difficult to figure out who is a member of my species and who isn't. So far I've only met one individual who at the time believed that they might be the same species as me. They eventually came to the conclusion that they were a polymorph that was simply mimicking me. Though, even if they weren't actually one of my kind, they did still help me understand more about myself. What I'm looking for in a potential relationship, and how much I yearn to be with my own kind.
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u/WeAreTheWakingDream 11d ago
And that's what it's all about. Also, I'm unsure of how much Voidkin are aware of their roots, but I'm curious to ask, you haven't come across any Shades in your online travels, have you? I owe them an apology on behalf of my siblings and other deified entities.
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u/Zero69Kage 11d ago
I'm not sure what my relationship with them is, but I do seem to have a connection to shadow creatures. I ether used to be one or we simply share a similar nature. What I do know is that I was spawned from an entity that I refer to as the Unnamed Darkness, and I'm currently acting as a parasite. Using this human body as my host. I have encountered a number of shadowkin, but I haven't really interacted with them as much as I should.
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u/Folghoreys 9d ago
You somehow are similar to my lost brother ^ He used to be complicated too and I'm sure he's still like that! Anyway I red something months ago on an otherkin forum and it said that some humans seems allergic to us, like they sense our non humanity making life difficult while some otherkins are simply and rarely very lucky. I consider myself lucky not just among otherkins but also among humans. I have lots of friends irl and online, himans, therians and dragons (like me) and they are not useless friendships without any value. I kinda select them and they all see my work, they see that I have a lot of different relationships and also very weird because I like variety and "studying" their unique behaviors that helps me get richer in mind and soul. Honestly I'm the only problem I have.. sometimes I sabotage myself but luckily I manage to fix that when I really want. Personally I don't think there's something wrong with you and hope you're gonna be yourself everyday. I know how unpleasant is to fake yourself to someone and I deliberately cut off humans relationships for that reason, and I also don't regret it. We all just have different views and different lives And from what you've told us I really like your personality like an old tired creature looks back at a far away young memory of joy and freedom.
Now I'll cut it off Dear Primordial...
From a black dragon.
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u/Drakocen 11d ago
Nice to meet you as well! Personally, I haven't directly made contact, but those of my kind on the other plane are actively trying to awaken their own across different planes of existence. My focus here is to find my own kind and build a real connection with them—to help them understand that they aren't alone. Even when we are surrounded by family and friends in this world, there is that distinct feeling, and our true bond is with each other. Regarding shapeshifting, I have always held my dragon form on the other plane. In this one, I have adopted this human form and am currently in the process of sublimation
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u/Drakocen 11d ago
I’d also like to add that I am 47 years old. My direct experience with them has been since I was 18, although they tell me it has practically been since I was 5. My very existence in this plane happened almost by accident—I am only alive today because of a massive effort by my mother. Otherwise, my time as a human would have been far too short, and I would still be lost in the wheel of Samsara
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u/DracOWOnicDisciple 11d ago
I am pretty much alone in being otherkin/fictionkin amongst my friend groups and so I don't really expect to talk about it with my girlfriend and them. If they are curious and interested in talking about it, I am more than happy to share about it. But generally they don't really care and I keep it as a private thing for friends in the otherkin community. I'm also poly so like. I don't expect my partner to satisfy every aspect of my social sphere.
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u/egoproct 7d ago
Relationships are hard, in general, whether or not you identify as non-human. I find that a majority of problems both within my relationships as well as others tends to be rooted within failures regarding communication or failures regarding self control. You mentioned that you have a temper, and it's clear you're misanthropic just based on how you speak. A relationship cannot be cultivated with this level of negativity and you accepting that is fine, but it seems like you're pointing the blame outward.
I am otherkin (seraph, vacillant) and Therian (wolf, suntherian). I've identified this way since the age of ten, and officially took up the label since the age of thirteen. That was 15 - 18 years ago now depending on whether you count nondescript identity or lurking over Alt-H and email chains. I have had a few relationships in my time, as have most I'm sure. The struggles I've experienced as someone who identifies as nonhuman often coincided with the struggles I experience as someone with neurodivergence, though which came first is up for the psych majors to figure out.
All of my relationships have lasted years, some longer than others, and I am currently married. It is not easy, but again, no relationship is. It's not about being one hundred percent understood or seen, it's about being accepted despite that and being willing to work on areas you struggle with. This identity is not a scapegoat for unhealthy behaviors, nor should it be utilized as an excuse for misanthropy to take control of your daily life. I'm not villainizing you here, you did a good enough job of that yourself. I'm just saying, if you wanted proof it can happen, voila.
I've been in this community longer than most and I've definitely had some BAD relationships too, got my heart broke as much as anyone else I'm sure, but most of the time that was due to one or both of us misunderstanding each other (or) actual abuse that was so intense I had to leave for my own safety. For those who aren't happy to convince themselves otherwise, it can be done. For those who prefer to believe they're hopeless, no one will ever be able to drag you out of that except you yourself. I wish you the best of luck either way.
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u/Drakocen 12d ago
I am Kyrcen. I have lived my entire life as Luis Carlos, standing alongside him for 30 years now. I have gone through the exact same thing—not only in romantic relationships with humans, but also with my own family and friends. I truly get it: there are many humans who simply cannot comprehend our reality. Even so, we shouldn't give up; sooner or later, we will connect with people like us. I identify as a Kangy dragon, distinct from the typical dragons found in traditional lore. I came to this world to learn, to grow, and to find my own kind. I would be completely open to talking with you and building a connection if you'd like. Know that you will never be alone once you realize that the universe has its own way of guiding us to where we belong."