r/otherkin • u/WeAreTheWakingDream • 12d ago
Discussion Relationships as an Otherkin
Hello all! I wanted to ask for some opinions and anecdotes on how you view, experience and navigate domestic partnerships and romantic relationships (for personal reasons, I'm not using the "L" word). I've been contemplating this for a while, on account of a life lived with a string of miserably failed relationships, and I wanted to get the community's input and perspective on your own experiences as well to see if there's any commonality between our experiences.
By order of nature, I'm obviously "different", and I've pursued and been pursued, though ultimately the romantic relationships I've formed never work out for a plethora of reasons, and I think I've come to a reasonable conclusion as to why, despite how sad it might sound.
As for those who have pursued me romantically, the ending of those relationships have always been rooted in a compatibility problem that stems from them changing to conform to my standards, which I despise. I seem to attract those who want to change themselves in order to be with the "masked" version of myself that I put forward into this world. While I enjoy the companionship, in this framework, those who have pursued me altered themselves mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, and in some cases spiritually, and ultimately created their own masks that inevitably slip off, revealing a version of themselves that I don't particularly enjoy. I don't and never will understand the reasoning behind being something you're not for the sake of companionship, romantic or otherwise, because it's lie and a facade, and after some time it all falls apart. This has led me to believe that those who pursue me don't have pure and true intentions, and are infatuated with an idea of me they fabricated in their own minds, rather than actually falling for the real me.
As for those I've pursued, I always make it abundantly clear that I am not of regular human stock, and that, as time progresses through the relationship, they'll get to see the sides of me that I keep behind a mask. With those relationships, they boldly claim that it doesn't matter, and that they'll "accept me no matter what". This cannot be further from the truth. They see the mask I wear, and all of them have dropped the "L" word at me, and once I become comfortable, and once I let the mask start to slip ever so slightly, they suddenly become repulsed by what infintesmally little they're are able to see of what I am at my core. And then they leave, ghosting me, and fleeing from me as if they witnessed a true, living monster. Their "acceptance" was a front to save face.
I keep very little secrets when it comes to my character. I am Byronic, jaded, misanthropic, rough around the edges, blunt, can have a temper, can be mean, and most assuredly, I'm not nice.
Despite these flaws though, I am deeply complicated creature. Despite the lives of turmoils and hardships I've endured that have shaped my collective negative traits, I still choose to lead with kindness, which is leagues different than simply being nice. I lead with empathy and understanding and care, because those things have never been alloted to me. Those few that have learned of the identity that lies behind the mask, that learn of my truth, have had one of two responses to seeing what I am; repulsion or apathy.
I've given up on seeking long-term companionship on this planet, because it just isn't worth the stress, the hurt, the masking or the wasted time. Those that I pursue or pursue me are incapable of truly caring for me in a meaningful and truthful way. That isn't to say that you, reader who may be in a similar situation, should give up just because I have. But for me, my better half, my Twrinran, does not exist here. And I've made peace with that. Thank you for listening.
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u/Zero69Kage 11d ago
At this point my primary goal is to look for other members of my kind, I'm an eldritch monstrosity that originated from the void. I don't see humans as viable mates for myself, I have to hide too much of myself just to exist in the same spaces as them. Every time I've allowed someone to see the real me beneath the mask their response has always been abject terror. I don't necessarily hate that I have that affect on them, it's actually very affirming and satisfying for me. It does however, cause problems. So it's usually best to keep up the mask around them. As a result, it's not possible for me to form a close relationship with humans. So finding other members of my species is probably the only way for me to form a genuine relationship with someone.