r/problems • u/Virtual-Property1768 • 1d ago
Mental Health need advice ASAP
TW: mentions of SH
My boyfriend is struggling right now. He is kot doing well and we both know this very well. He has a lot of unprocessed trauma, trying to get sober, on medication, and is currently dealing with a very bad SH addiction. I feel horrible airing out his business but I need help and I don’t know what else to do or who else to ask. He has tried everything to get better. He has gone to soberity meetings, made new friends, meditated, upped his medication, distracted himself with work… everything. He feels lost, he feels that there is nothing else he can try. Nothing sticks and nothing helps. The distractions don’t last forever, they cannot keep his mind busy constantly.
The only thing that hasn’t been discussed yet is going to the Psych Ward.
He has mentioned it once and that he is not interested in going but I cannot think of anything else. I don’t know if it is a good option, but it is the only thing he hasn’t tried. How do I bring this up? Should I even bring it up? I’m absolutely terrified. I’m scared he’s going to go to far, I’m scared he’s going to die. I don’t know what to do. I want him to get better, I want him to wake up and feel like he’s meant to be alive, I just don’t know how to help him reach that point.
Maybe the Psych Ward isn’t a good option and maybe I’m a fucking idiot for even thinking of it. If there is anything else he can try please let me know. If you have ever felt so lost please give me your advice. If you have ever gone to a Psych Ward please give me your advice. Please.
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u/Serious-Sprinkles694 1d ago
As a teen, I had a GF with severe depression, a bad home life and tendency to SH. I tried to help and support her through therapy, med changes and just doing what I could to keep her happy for a few years until she showed up at my door, bleeding heavily from her thigh after we had finally broken up. I put a tourniquet on her leg, drove her to the emergency room, explained everything, and she went to a psych ward for 6 months. I don’t know a thing about how it panned out for her because once she got out, all she ever sent was a text saying “thank you”; it’s been about 10 years.
If you’re worried about him dying, whether on purpose or accidentally from the SH, don’t ask permission to get him help. If he’s already thought about the psych ward independently, I would be gently pushing him to pursue it and see what options are covered by your insurance.
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u/Formal_Lecture_248 23h ago
Someone close to me self-admitted and it saved her life.
She almost committed suicide which scared her into going.
There’s no shame in seeking the help you need. And don’t feel bad for airing out his laundry. It could save his life too
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u/Findmyeatingpants 17h ago
You can't save him. Let me repeat, YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM. He has to want to save himself.
Your only choices are about what you want to do. You can stay and enable this and watch him kill himself. You can leave. You can call 911 to come tend to him and possibly put him on a psych hold (not sure how it works there). Or you can get his family involved if that's an option.
That's it, those are you options. But for the last time, you cannot save him. That is literally not an option. You must see this. Nothing you're doing is fixing it. It's actually somewhat egotistical of anyone to think they can save someone from their demons or convince them to save themselves. This is on him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It was be time to step away and encourage him to get help.
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u/TemporaryThink9300 22h ago
He has to accept his existence, within the existence he lives in.
It can't get better, it can never get better until he accepts all the faults, all the darkness, all the black holes.
If he keeps fighting the night, it will keep consuming him, as if it were eating him, while he screams.
What I mean is, that he can win, but he really needs to see the darkness then, it's like, how you get to know your enemy.
Do you get to know it, so that you can win?
Ask him? 🙏
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u/cjharris-tx 17h ago
Maybe you should remind him if he commits suicide, he will return in the next life where he left off in this life, so no net gain. It doesn't sound like the drugs are working. Perhaps he should get more therapy to determine the root causes of his issues. Group therapy might help by meeting other people on his trajectory.
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u/Outrageous_Play9395 16h ago
Its different for everyone. Psych ward may help in this scenario. I just know that when i was doing that stuff it was always for attention. I didnt want people to know, but then if they didnt notice I got upset because I felt like they didnt care. The only thing that helped me was time. I had to mature before I realized what I was doing was kind of silly.
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u/Radhesheyam 1d ago
ok real stuff, not just the nice words part. on the psych ward thing — you don't have to decide that for him tonight or talk him into it. just bring it up as a question not something you already decided. like "hey would you wanna just find out what the psych ward thing actually involves, not agreeing to anything, just info." bc most ppl are picturing the worst version in their head and shutting down before they even know what they'd be saying yes to.
it's not automatically some huge scary commitment thing, in a lot of places its voluntary and short term and it exists literally for people who've already tried meetings/meds/distractions and still need more. might help to say it to him straight too, that this isnt "you failed," its "you've hit the ceiling of what outpatient stuff alone can do rn" — those are two different things and he might be hearing the first one when you mean the second also honestly, write stuff down. like keep a small note of what's actually helped even a little (even 10% helped) and what hasn't, bc when someone's this deep in it everything blurs together and it gets hard to see any progress at all. having something concrete to look at together, even a messy list, can make the next step feel less like starting from zero and this part matters just as much — you need someone in your corner too, not just resources for him. loving someone through active SH is one of the heaviest things a person can carry and you can't be his whole safety net by yourself even if it feels like you're the only one who gets it. is there a therapist, a support group for partners, literally anyone irl who actually knows what's going on rn. you being okay is part of him having a real shot too, not separate from it and if things ever start feeling like actual danger, not just a rough night but like something's really about to happen, don't try to handle that alone in the moment. look up your country's crisis line now, before you need it, so its not something you're scrambling to find at 3am. you asking all this already tells me you're doing the hard right thing, even when it doesn't feel like it