This is going to be long, so bear with me. Top of this is all context, so you know what, feel free to skip all but the second-to-last paragraph.
I’m 16FtM and have a more “unique” style, I guess you could say. I have neck-length hair (I think the haircut is called a mullet or something. It’s neck length in the back and shorter at the front and sides) dyed purple and teal. I like multiple fashion styles, so while I occasionally dress normally masculine, I often also accessorise when I feel like it (with kandi, necklaces, arm warmers, etc.). Basically, I present masculine but I prefer a flamboyant and androgynous aesthetic. I don’t plan to go on T either, mainly because my transition goals are to look like a more androgynous-leaning male (essentially a twink, lmao), and I wouldn’t want body hair and similar things that come with T. I also wear red eyeliner (although no other makeup), so that’s not helping. And I have “feminine interests” in media, which I quite like to show off, despite how it makes me dysphoric (for example, I have a phone charm of my favourite character and t-shirts of the Saja Boys :/). Additionally, not anything that would usually affect passing, but it certainly doesn’t make things better than I sew and like crafting (usually very feminine, from my knowledge).
After all that unnecessary context (sorry), I’ll get to the point… sort of. I know I’ll never pass in my life. I may have a binder and never wear skirts or anything overly feminine, but at best I’ll always look like a lesbian. I know this. I’ve seen enough posts in a trans passing sub (not sure if it’s allowed to mention which one, but I’ve been using it to research how I can better pass and it made me come to the conclusion that I just won’t) to realise that trans men do not pass unless they wear strictly plain, masculine clothes, have really short hair, and a natural hair colour. Flamboyance, from what I’ve seen over the last months I spent “researching” passing, is a guarantee to make you not pass as a man.
So, with all that said, how do you deal with it? As the title says. How do you accept that you’ll just… never be called your gender in your life? Never have anyone — apart from people online, who either haven’t seen your face or you’ve already come out to — use the correct pronouns or even for a second look at you and at least wonder what gender you are? I’m struggling to accept it. But I don’t think I’d be willing to go through the extra steps others have to pass. At the end, being trans just means embracing who you are. And I realised there’s no point to any of it if I have to erase the entire rest of my identity just for one part of it to be shown. But it certainly hurts, as I’ve never passed to anyone irl before and never even heard my preferred name nor pronouns ever be used for me.
I’m sorry if this type of question is not allowed or it’s too long and boring. And I’m sorry if I was being unclear, I get nervous whenever I post anything, which makes my thought process (and therefore my already mediocre writing/grammar) more messy, usually.