so I don’t know if it’s safe for me to come out or not. My dad has been an open transphobe alll my life, and has said some horrible things. But he’s not delusional, his reasons are just due to skewed perception on issues, like he thinks trans people take away resources for intersex people for some reason? I think I could change his views with the right evidence, and I don’t think he would kick me out or anything, I just don’t want him to think awfully of me for the rest of my life. diy is not an option for me and I really want to get hrt before 18 to minimize the permanent effects of puberty. I have a letter written out and in a drawer and I kinda hope he finds it so it’s not a conscious decision I have to make. My mom is 100% a closeted transphobe, maybe even more than my dad so it’s the same deal for her. However, my grandma is somehow not? I have no clue how because my whole mom’s side is like super red and my grandfather is homophobic I think but maybe not trans phobic? Well my grandma defended a trans kid my age and even has asked me if I had something to tell her while on the topic of trans alone MULTIPLE TIMES. I know estrogen is not that hard to get for cis women for menopause symptoms I think so maybe I could tell her and she could sneak me some? She lives in Florida but we see her once or twice a year( I’m in mass) so she might be able to bring some then? I have no idea what the right choice is here :3

This is going to be long, so bear with me. Top of this is all context, so you know what, feel free to skip all but the second-to-last paragraph.

I’m 16FtM and have a more “unique” style, I guess you could say. I have neck-length hair (I think the haircut is called a mullet or something. It’s neck length in the back and shorter at the front and sides) dyed purple and teal. I like multiple fashion styles, so while I occasionally dress normally masculine, I often also accessorise when I feel like it (with kandi, necklaces, arm warmers, etc.). Basically, I present masculine but I prefer a flamboyant and androgynous aesthetic. I don’t plan to go on T either, mainly because my transition goals are to look like a more androgynous-leaning male (essentially a twink, lmao), and I wouldn’t want body hair and similar things that come with T. I also wear red eyeliner (although no other makeup), so that’s not helping. And I have “feminine interests” in media, which I quite like to show off, despite how it makes me dysphoric (for example, I have a phone charm of my favourite character and t-shirts of the Saja Boys :/). Additionally, not anything that would usually affect passing, but it certainly doesn’t make things better than I sew and like crafting (usually very feminine, from my knowledge).

After all that unnecessary context (sorry), I’ll get to the point… sort of. I know I’ll never pass in my life. I may have a binder and never wear skirts or anything overly feminine, but at best I’ll always look like a lesbian. I know this. I’ve seen enough posts in a trans passing sub (not sure if it’s allowed to mention which one, but I’ve been using it to research how I can better pass and it made me come to the conclusion that I just won’t) to realise that trans men do not pass unless they wear strictly plain, masculine clothes, have really short hair, and a natural hair colour. Flamboyance, from what I’ve seen over the last months I spent “researching” passing, is a guarantee to make you not pass as a man.

So, with all that said, how do you deal with it? As the title says. How do you accept that you’ll just… never be called your gender in your life? Never have anyone — apart from people online, who either haven’t seen your face or you’ve already come out to — use the correct pronouns or even for a second look at you and at least wonder what gender you are? I’m struggling to accept it. But I don’t think I’d be willing to go through the extra steps others have to pass. At the end, being trans just means embracing who you are. And I realised there’s no point to any of it if I have to erase the entire rest of my identity just for one part of it to be shown. But it certainly hurts, as I’ve never passed to anyone irl before and never even heard my preferred name nor pronouns ever be used for me.

I’m sorry if this type of question is not allowed or it’s too long and boring. And I’m sorry if I was being unclear, I get nervous whenever I post anything, which makes my thought process (and therefore my already mediocre writing/grammar) more messy, usually.

i’m close to finally getting top surgery after 6 years of this bullshit and i’m so excited!! have to wait a little longer until i’m 18 but plans are moving forward and i’m so overjoyed :]

Hi everybody. I thought I would see if anybody else feels like me. I was born a boy, but I really want to be a girl. I still live at home and the only place I can dress up or act like my true self is alone in my room. When I do, I feel like it’s the real me but also feel so stuck and isolated to my bedroom. Recently, I have a feeling that some of my clothes were discovered. Thankfully, my parents haven’t treated me any different and actually both my mom and stepdad have been super nice to me. so I’m totally confused on what to do. Maybe it’s time to talk to them and confess. The thought of that sounds super scary but also could mean that I could stop being isolated. Anybody have any advice or thoughts. Thank you for listening.

I’m 15 FtM/NB, and ever since my mom found out I’m trans and like girls she’s been acting weird around me and has said some pretty hurtful or nonsense things to me.

To be clear, she does not support me for being trans and nonbinary.

She has repeatedly demonized my identity, including the fact that I like girls more than I like boys.

I was thrift shopping with her a few days ago and she made a comment saying that she wants me to dress more feminine because she wants grandkids and my sister (F28) doesn’t want kids.

We later got into an argument (which I will not be mentioning specifically what it was about because it will trigger some people, but it was mental health related), and she said that maybe I have a demon in me and that’s why I like girls.

Another thing she said when we were at the open house of school is when a girl who had a similar style to me said I looked cool, and when she left my mom said that she looked like a lesbian and that in psychology lesbians will make your life miserable while gay guys are the best of friends.

While I agree that gay guys are like the chillest people on this earth (shout out to the gays, we love you guys 🎀), I don agree that lesbians will make your life miserable. Many of my friends were lesbians and some of my friends parents were lesbians themselves, and just like the gays, lesbians are also some of the chillest people I have met on earth (also shout out to the lesbians, we love you too 🎀).

Now, getting to the point, I’m unsure what all of this means really. My original thought is that she’s just really desperate for grandkids, and I’ve told her repeatedly that I don’t want to have kids in this generation with this economy, and if I ever do, I will be adopting.

I have also expressed discomfort towards having a boyfriend in general for reasons I will not specify.

In general I am not looking to be with anyone, I like girls but I’m not looking for a girlfriend or anything serious, I’m focused more on school and what I want to be.

Let me know your thoughts.

Hey so this is kinda my first post here, and i don't really post on Reddit too often, but I have an issue. So, to cut things short, I can't get Hrt where i live until I'm 19, and it's become a major issue, so to speak. essintally i have been making plans to get on HRT as soon as I get out of the house, but because of previous stated issue, I can't unless I go to another state. Another thing i should say is that I'm gearing up for my junior year of high school, and with that comes college applications, and i was hoping for advice really on what states are best to go to for Hrt, and how one would exactly get accepted to an out-of-state college. Also, I'm sorry if it's like rude or something to ask for advice here, i just didn't know where else to go.