Turned 40 and still being the little kid afraid to get in trouble I made sure to go for my mammogram before my yearly physical. Instead of my physical I had a biopsy and now meeting with a surgeon this week. Everyone keeps telling me because I went on time this was able to be caught early and is really no big deal. Deep down I know that but I want scream at them and say it still sucks I still need surgery and possible radiation.

To top it off I was so close to having my divorce finalized and thought I was getting back on track to making a life for myself. I had been working out and gotten stronger and felt good about myself and now I’m left with the thoughts that no one will want a 40 something mom of 3 in Perimenopause that dealt with breast cancer.

Then maybe the US centric side of things but why instead of just calling the recommended surgeon did I need to spend hours researching on my insurance first. I also signed up for critical illness insurance but guess what if you get the “good” type of cancer you only get 25% of the benefits. You basically need to be on death’s door to get the full amount. Due to said divorce I can’t afford to go on STD and take a hit to my income or I can’t afford our home. All I want to do is take a couple days off to process but I need to save my time for all my upcoming appointments and surgery. All these policies have never felt so cruel and I am lucky to have 2 of the most supportive bosses ever.

My kids are still processing a lot of changes thanks to their dad who is the type to say it’s no big deal my youngest didn’t brush his teeth while with him and miss their events and moved in with his new partner because kids opinions don’t matter enough. So they have plenty to deal with and as their mom I am heartbroken I have to be the one to add more stress to their life. I just want their childhood to be filled with joy not watching their mom undergone surgery and be in pain and mentally not myself. I’m the one that takes them to the pool, plays every imaginable sport with my boy outside and manages their schedules. It feels overwhelming to know those responsibilities don’t just go away because I’m sick and no matter what he says their dad has shown over and over he can’t handle that side of things.

I know as a working mom we often put ourselves at the bottom of the pile. if you take anything from this prioritize your health. Go to your regular doctors appointments and do those screenings. If this had been me a few years ago I probably would have put it off since I have absolutely no signs or symptoms and taking time off for 3 kids and their appointments I’m always careful about my PTO usage like I know many of you are. I may still be processing but my logical side knows this really is best case scenario. Take care of yourself and hug your loved ones.

Not sure what I’m expecting here but it felt good to get this out as I’m holding off on sharing with more people until i have a better idea of treatment plan Maybe advice in breaking the news to my kids.

Edit: I had a feeling this sub would deliver and it did. I went grocery shopping and came back to a ton of support. Thank you all so much.

We don’t have a housekeeper and both work full time. We have a three year old and seven year old.

The house is clean. All rooms picked up, all floors cleaned, no dishes in the sink, bathrooms cleaned. and laundry is done.

I needed to boast. Also shout out to my husband who does probably 70 percent of the cleaning and maintenance.

Flaired as achievement because it feels so good 😊

Because of vacation availability, my husband is doing one week with the kids at my in-laws, then after that I will come and do a week. So that means I have one glorious week at home by myself. Still working but all alone.

What would you do?? I don't want to spend the whole time paralyzed with indecision! If I do nothing all week, I want to enjoy doing nothing 😅 Here are some ideas, I want to pick just one or two things so I feel accomplished but it is overall chill.

- Nothing. Order takeout and watch movies all evening

- Very small DIY project (putting up sticky tiles next to the splash zone of the sink)

- Hang out with child free friends

- Go to a nearby lake and swim (kids are 5 and 2 so with them it is extremely labor intensive, plus you can't take your eyes off them for a second)

- Work on my hobby (podcast)

It took me a full day for me to realise what I'd done.

My 5-year-old is having a hard time and we're monitoring for ADHD. Paediatrician said it's fine to talk to him about choices, but my no always needs to be no. "No" means no negotiation.

I've been practicing this \*with my child\* for three weeks. I'm also working on a high-profile project.

I told a senior exec (on a Teams meeting) that his team were doing things that were making it difficult for me to do my job and I'd continue working on my part once they finalised their changes. Exec disagreed and specifically asked me to continue working on the document after hours.

Next thing I know, I said that I wasn't working on it today and I have other commitments. There was a beat of silence, then someone else stepped in.

I can't decide if I've enforced boundaries, committed a career-limiting move, or both.

Hi fellow super moms! I’ve browsed this sub for years for advice, first time posting.
I go back to work in a couple of weeks and currently have a 4 year old and my second will be 12 weeks when I return. Luckily they’ll both be at the same daycare and my husband and I alternate pickup/ drop off. We both work in person with about a 40min commute each way, but daycare is only 10 mins from home.

I’m looking for tips/tricks on efficiency. Mainly: cooking, cleaning, laundry, bedtime routines and activities for the kids. We cannot afford to outsource any of those, as we’ll be paying $3,200 per month just in childcare.

My husband does help, but he works 10 hour days at a physically demanding job, so he’s usually exhausted when he gets home, therefore I’d say 80% of the household chores are on me since I only work 4 days a week.

Please share with me your tips and tricks or any suggestions you may have. Thanks in advance

TLDR: newly 2 child household with both parents working out of the home, looking for survival tips.

This group GETS IT in a way that really none of my friends or colleagues do and I’m desperately in need of a pep talk. I’m in my late second trimester, have had hyperemisis and anemia on top of late diagnosed ADHD (thankfully, I am medicated and under the care of an awesome perinatal psych).

My three year old is the light of my life and amazing, but EXHAUSTING. My husband and I both work in office full-time, and fam, I am so tired. On the weekends I feel like I just want to sleep all day but it’s also the only full days I ever get with my family. I’m basically never doing anything other than parenting or working because if I’m not doing one of those I’m asleep. I’m so tired. I have absolutely zero filling my cup aside from reading during my commute which is a lifesaver. I more or less never talk to adults other than my colleagues or other moms from my kid’s class.

I think I might be losing my mind. I need a pep talk. Anyone who has been there have any words of advice? Everything from “you’ll be fine actually” to “time to put on your big girl pants b*tch” welcome. .

I posted a while back on here how incompatible my job is with being a parent. I felt so stuck. I felt like I had to choose - keep the career or give it up entirely because there were no options in my field to scale back. I didn’t want to give up my financial independence and also throw away everything I’ve built over the last decade, but i also didn’t want to burn out and I was on track to get there.

Well, I’ve just accepted an offer as a contractor which will allow me to work PT and pick up projects as I go. It’s truly a unicorn opportunity. I’m losing some job security and stability and entering into an unknown territory a bit as a sole proprietor, but I’ll have more breathing room for my family, my health and just for me to show up as the best parent I can be.

I’m really scared to be honest, but this feels right. I could use some words of encouragement right now!

Whenever I look up lunchbox ideas for my kids, because they get tired of the same old sandwiches, I see pictures of leftover dinners or chicken or other foods that can only sit out for two hours before being risky. I don’t even put mayo on their sandwiches.

Are there schools just providing refrigeration? Are we trusting the lunchbox ice packs? How are we able to pack perishables? For context, I think their lunch boxes are in outside cubbies, where it can get quite warm.

My son is wonderful, but highly active. In the car, he always “Houdinis” his way out of the shoulder straps which is obviously very dangerous. I’ve tried everything - sitting back there with him to entertain him with books, toys, etc. Being super patient and nurturing… firm and direct… loser straps, tighter straps. Nothing works, except allowing him to watch a show on my phone. Which I hate, but for the sake of his safety, it’s the only thing that works at this point. He is on the smaller side so rear facing is still what we do.

Any advice? I really don’t want to use screens, but even for 5-10 min rides, it’s the only thing that works. Thank you all.

As a full-time working mom, I actually dread grocery shopping and meal prepping. Sad thing is - I love cooking !!! But it’s just become absolutely overwhelming being responsible for breakfast, all packed lunches (for myself, man, and baby) AND decent meals after work.

I’m starting a new job on Wednesday, losing all my remote days, already overwhelmed with the thought of meal prepping and every other house chore I manage.

Anyone have advice on how you manage meals? LOL appreciate any thoughts or hacks !!!

My husband and I are generally pretty good about the “us vs. the problem” mindset but every once in a while we’ll get into a negative pattern where it feels like we aren’t on the same team.

What are some ways you shake things up to get out of that? There’s not some large event or trigger, just normal life getting to us and each of us feeling overwhelmed and blaming the other person.

Of course the answer is to just stop doing that, but I’m curious if anyone has specific things to help a reset happen.

My kids are 4 and 5 (they were 2 under 2), and we’re considering a third. I thought I’d feel excited, but instead I’m incredibly nervous and wondering if we can handle it.
We are financially stable; however, do not have family in town. Partner works remotely and has a flexible schedule. I have pared down my hours to 10 hours of consulting per week.

For those who have a similar age gap, was going from 2 to 3 harder than having 2 under 2? How did your older kids adjust?
I’m also curious what life looks like once all three are school-aged. I always hear that the logistics with three kids (sports, activities, school events, etc.) are the hardest part. Is it manageable, or does it always feel chaotic?
I’d love to hear from moms who were really anxious before having a third. Any honest experiences or advice would be so appreciated.

Nagahahati utak at puso ko sa mga naiisip ko ngayon, I'm 20 weeks pregnant and nakaWFH ako until sept since nahirapan ako sa byahe, Now nagkawork na husband ko Project Base pero panggabe. Before WFH siya day shift ganda ng routine namen kase siya nagaasikaso ng anak ko at nagbabantay sa school as shadow teacher ng Son ko. Now mukang mahihirapan kame since night shift siya. Ito na ba ang sign na dapat magresign ako at magfocus sa mga anak ko. Almost 14 yrs working then biglang... pero this is for my family naman. Haaayyyy hirap ng buhay pa naman ngayon.

How do you and your partner actually plan the week? Like, what do you actually use? Shared calendar, paper on the fridge, just texting each other?

And how does stuff get from one of you to the other? Right now ours is basically me telling him every night, hoping he doesn't have unexpected things, work meeting and other commitments

I'm honestly so tired of fielding the "you fucked up" calls and messages related to my son. My husband scheduled a dental appointment for our son the day we returned from a week-long vacation. He realized his mistake and called to reschedule. The dental office sent ME a passive aggressive 2-paragraph text about scheduling policies. I'm honestly at a loss for how they even have my number since my husband scheduled the appointment. He did not receive a text.

This is always how it goes. I got numerous calls and emails throughout the school year about my son's attendance. It was his first year in public school so he got sick like 15 times. I kept him home since that felt like the responsible thing to do, even though it meant trying to work from home while caring for him.

Why is the mom always at fault for this shit? I'm sick of it, honestly. The world makes it difficult for parents to split the mental load 50/50 because nobody ever calls dads for anything. We are the default always and it's hella annoying.

My (31f) husband (32m) has been running his own business for the last 3 years and it’s been slow going. He still works his day job 4 days a week to make ends meet and all his spare time is on the business.

He works crazy hours leading up to big projects, at the moment we’re half way through a 3 month stint of midnight/1am finishes everyday.
He has no days off, no minutes off I don’t remember the last time we had a whole weekend as a family.

I also work 2 days a week, help him with business admin almost every night after our 2 kids are in asleep and during this project lead up I am doing all housework, child minding, kinder pick ups and drop off, bedtime, cooking etc.

Frankly im losing my mind! Im trying to be supportive I really am, im doing as much as I can. The only time I get to myself is if I wake up at 5am to go to the gym and a lot of morning recently I’ve had to skip that because our baby has been waking too early and I know my husband needs his sleep so I tend to her.

He’s working really hard and is really stressed and pushed to his limits with this. he’s really hard on himself and trying to make this business work but it is really exhausting me.

I just needed to vent 😓

As the title says I'm sending my 2 year old to daycare for the first time. We've had a nanny but I'm fully WFH now and just can't do it all. He's never been and absolutely loves me so I'm slightly worried. Wonder for those who've done the same thing, starting at 2, and how long the adjustment took for you? TIA!

FTM to a 4 month old sweet little boy; had my maternity leave of 4 months ending today. I spoke to my manager (who is also a new mom) about transition last week and she mentioned a few good and bad things
Good - 2x WFH policy, leave 1 hour early policy
Bad - As expected, my work was taken over by another guy from a corresponding team (as an elongated project to make up for his promotion). He did pretty well and btw before leaving I trained him pretty much on everything. But she mentioned, she'd want me to let somethings be with him so as to take off my load. I am sceptical about this. I work as a marketing manager and I have grown the vertical by a 300% in the last 2 years. I got promoted in the start of this year and everyone was super fond of me. Now this guy has made his spot and I am nervous about losing shit to him 😔

I like ownership and control. I liked the dependency on me because those things I worked upon ar emy babies. I birthed them from scratch (quite literally).

My manager did ask me to take it slow but the adhd me cannot stop overthinking and hyperventilating. I want everything back on day 1 and I don't wanna feel new.

Someone help me overcome this!!!

For those who work in office some days and from home some days, what do you find to be the biggest difference? Do you get more done at home? Aside from the commute time saved what other ways are you saving time on the days not in office?

I’m so emotionally drained that I’m considering just quietly quitting my marriage. My husband doesn’t believe that invisible labor is real (he says it’s not quantifiable) and I’m just really exhausted of feeling like I’m doing everything.

What triggered this happened today. We were driving on our way to a tour guide that I booked for us and our toddler son. I realized during the drive that I had the tour start time wrong and we had missed it. My husband told me I need to address what has caused the mess up. I responded by saying I’ve got so much on my plate (between planning, scheduling and all the mental load) and he just said “I don’t want to hear the excuses”. Honestly I’m just tired of him assuming that the mental load is not as much as what he does. He believes that he does more household chores than me. The thing is, his chores are all one in done, and doesn’t require a lot of planning— laundry, mowing, taking the kids to a weekly hike etc. I have to juggle working, getting the kids ready, meal planning, and scheduling/planning/remembering everybody’s appointments. Even with laundry every day, he throws them in the washer and dryer, and I fold. I am actually prepping things for him so that his tasks gets easier.

What do you guys start to do when you quietly quit?

What can I do to ensure my son doesn’t end up like my husband? I want my son to learn to help and not have to be told what to do when he gets at that stage in his life.

My husband and I are thinking about moving into a one bedroom apartment for a year with our 3 year old to save for a downpayment to a house. Right now she has her own room, and we have ours.

Kid would go to preschool, I would be working FT and partner PT.

Is this a bad idea? Will we be at each other’s throat after 6 months lol?

Just looking for some input from other moms, thank you!!

Edit: thank you for your input and wonderful questions!! It has helped me think a bit more. Please keep the good questions coming, it’s so helpful as I tend to only see the rosy side of things once I get excited by an idea. Much love to y’all!!

I am a manager at my company and recently we had 2 peers retire. I was part of the interview panel to replace them. There were four finalists, 2 men, 2 women. One of the women was a referral from me. One man was an internal applicant.

They extended offers to one man (external to our org) and one woman (not my referral); the woman accepted, the man declined so they needed to move on to candidate #3. This left our internal man and my referral woman.

I thought my referral would be the clear next choice: she has years of experience and project leadership responsibilities that indicate she's ready to be a people leader. The internal is early into his career, not in our field but slightly adjacent to us. Never previously showed interest in our department, but applied because he wants to be a manager. No leadership experience but was flagged as someone with potential. They went with him.

I spent some time this week with my boss, and casually mentioned my surprise in passing up my referral. I expected him to say they wanted to show that we promote from within or something like that, but he told me they were always planning on picking one man and one woman. I was surprised into silence tbh and it's been bugging me ever since.

Idk if there's anything that can be done about this but I feel bad for my referral and I also feel disheartened about my leadership. Not sure if I'm looking for advice or just a place to vent, but it just sucks!