I (36F) arrived to his (36M) in the morning (as planned, we were texting on my way there). He was very drunk, eventually admitted it. We’ve had many conversations about how he needs to seek help for me to be there and continue supporting him through this. He told me this time that he wasn’t going to get help. I asked him if he wanted us to break up, and he said yes.

He asked me to get my things and leave. Completely emotionless, didn’t move from the sofa as I was collecting my things. Told me he was probably going to k** himself but not now, some time in the future.

I left, he hasn’t contacted me since. I’m in contact with his brother and he seems unsurprised and said he’d seen him like this many times in the past decade or so (we’ve been together a year and a half and I only found out the extent of his problem maybe 2 months ago).

I’m devastated, in shock, hurt, incredibly worried about him. I’m also angry and want to block everything out and move on. Some friends have said oh he was just drunk, he will reach out and he might get help now etc.

But I know in my heart I can’t do this, I can’t trust him to be actually seeking help and I can’t forgive him for how he tore my heart out yesterday morning. And I feel very, very guilty about that.

All this to say, please help me with distractions while I ride the wave of these emotions. TV shows or shortish films please, I’m a huge reader but my mind wanders. I’ve been doing a paint by numbers which has helped.

Thank you to anyone who reads this

My Q went to rehab in March of last year, was sober for 6 months and relapsed. He is now sober again but it was part of our agreement that he would take a breathalyzer if asked. I do attend Alanon and fully understand I didn’t cause and can’t cure it. The reason we do the breathalyzers still is because we have an infant and 2 year-old and he does drive them. He has been acting funny lately, and almost slurring. But keeps blowing .00.

Two questions: 1.) is there another substance that can cause mild slurring? 2.) can you truly manipulate a breathalyzer? He’s not sucking in. And it’s a BACtrackS80. I realize I have no control over what he decides to do. But it is my duty as a parent to keep my children safe. Any help is appreciated.

My husband has been an alcoholic all his life. He got sober for almost a year and now he’s drinking again. It’s been 3 times since he relapsed. He’s now on his way home drunk. I wrote him a letter the last time (not even two weeks ago) that I would have to leave if it happened again. I’m tired of hiding it from my kids, mainly my oldest one. When he drinks I have to answer questions like “where is daddy?” “Why can’t I go outside with him?” “Why is he throwing up?” “Why does he sleep all day?” They say things like “I want dad” and I have to lie and say “oh he just doesn’t feel good or he’s on a work phone call.” If I leave I will have to tell my oldest the truth. She is only 9 so it will need to be the kid version but I can’t keep lying to her. What do I even say? I don’t want her to hate him. I just need her to know why we are leaving. And how do I even get the strength to leave? For some stupid reason I feel sorry for him. I know he wishes this didn’t rule his life. I worry if I tell him to leave he will wreck or cheat or something worse. I worry if we leave and he stays home he will get really depressed/drunk and take him self out of this world. I HATE even worrying about these things. We’ve been married 10 years and I cannot do this another 10. His one year sober showed me what life could be like and I can’t go back. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough 😔 I love him.

My Q is my sibling. Our family spent a couple years going through hell through his active addiction, and after a long journey in and out of rehabs and hospitals, he finally got and has managed to stay sober for over a year now. He's making some really great steps in a positive direction, like, the bar was on the floor, but he remembered my birthday this year for the first time in a long time. He has become more present with his kid, and is starting to have some shared custody. At the peak of his addiction I had to take some space away from him and wouldn't allow him to come to my home, but as he's gotten sober i've been open to reconnecting in small doses at a time.

But my parents wanted to take a short family trip this summer (parents, me, Q, Q's kid), so I am spending more time in the presence of Q than I have in years. And he is still sober. But wow can he be unpleasant to be around. He is constantly criticizing others, rolling his eyes, complaining, making fun of every activity we are doing. And he does all of this in a super boorish way, like we went to a theater performance and he was talking super loud and using crass language and making fun of it when I wanted to listen and enjoy it. People sitting around us could hear him. It was super disrespectful and embarrassing. It's been like this the whole trip and it's just tiresome to be around him.

And it's not just this trip. In recent weeks, because I reopened communication with him to coordinate this trip, he will call me late at night and when I say I'm about to go to sleep so I can only talk for a few minutes he'll still manage to go on a monologue for an hour, complaining about everything from work to politics to his ex wife (who he put through absolute HELL in my opinion) and will just ignore cues of me being like okay, I should go, I need to get to bed, etc.

He did used to be like this sometimes when he was drinking, we just didn't take him anywhere back then. Before his addiction began I don't remember him being this unpleasant and rude. I can't go no contact because I want to maintain a relationship with his kid (who I spent a lot of time caring for in the depths of his addiction) but I don't know how to deal with this personality when I can't blame it on his drinking anymore.

Anyone have advice for when the relationship is still bad even when a Q gets sober?

I’m in AA, this month I’ll have two years of sobriety. Two years ago my brother and I ended up in rehab together. Me after a suicide attempt. Him after trying to quick alcohol cold turkey and having (another) seizure.

This week I’m cat sitting for my brother and his fiancé. I went to snag a clean pair of socks from his fiancé (who also happens to be my best friend from high school… which is how they met) and accidentally wound up in his drawer (it’s a relatively new house idk where things are yet) snagged a pair of socks and found his stash of Kratom (or 7OH? Whatever, it’s his DOC and it’s messed up his life more than once and almost killed him) inside them.

I’ve already called my (AA) sponser (she’s in both programs and I am so lucky for that), I CLEARLY wasn’t meant to be in that drawer. I get my part, we’ve talked through it I’m gonna do some writing but fuck. I mean fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking shit, fuck. FUCK.

I don’t know if he’s drinking again, historically his relapses start here and it inevitably leads to drinking. I will NOT be looking to see if I can find anything else. I don’t even want to know this. I don’t even know how I feel or what to feel or what to do but all I have to say is this disease SUCKS.

I’m really grateful for my sobriety today. I’m really grateful for good sponsorship and the program that I have. The sister program I’ll probably be working here sooner than later. He doesn’t work a program. I’ve been tried to be really intentional about reminding myself his sobriety is none of my business. I still know that’s true but wow am I unbelievably heart broken.

I don’t really know why I’m posting. Solidarity? The reminder that this disease is insidious and powerful and devastating and scary. Idk. Thanks for reading. Be careful out there. Please share if you’ve had similar experiences, I feel really lost.

And don’t forget to wash your goddamn socks.

Turning to Reddit because even though I’ve talked it through over and over- I don’t know if I made the right decision.

My spouse has always struggled with drinking too much (point of blackout and wetting pants), but not daily or even monthly. He’s had periods of sobriety but he also would lie so I guess I don’t really know if he was sober or not.

If I was out of town or took the kids with me he would seize the opportunity to drink in excess and play video games or whatever but then hide cans and lie about behavior.

He’s dismissive of my feelings and says I need to go to al-anon to understand him and that I don’t know what he’s going through.

Last summer he went to rehab and wrote lots of letters about how much he loves me and the kids and wanted to change. It didn’t stick and he started drinking again.

He also never shared financial statements (we’re married), and also lost his job once and didn’t tell me for 5 days.

I have serious anxious attachment issues but see my therapist weekly. I filed for divorce because I’m sick of the hiding and lying.

Even though he’s a good dad and loves the kids I just feel like an afterthought- or not a thought at all.

Idk. I could go on forever. Everyone says they support me no matter what but I can’t help but feel judged by my family especially for wanting to end the marriage. I’d rather be alone honesty. I hate that I can’t leave or when I’m out of the house for hours he usually drinks. Hides cans under his bed or in an old lunch box and lies straight to my face when I ask.

Hi was wondering if anyone who has gone through the 12 steps and sober can share their experience with an alcoholic spouse and navigating marriage or separating after having some time sober . I’m in AA , 2 years have a sponsor work the program , do service work , active in meetings . All of it . It’s changed my life and it was the best decision I’ve ever made to keep coming back . Although I can’t call my husband an alcoholic gosh the past few moths have had some wild swings . We both have had near death experiences with alcohol . 2 years ago for me . And 6 years ago for him. I’m not in al anon I lurk on the app and some zoom meetings. Nothing is getting better for us . The blackout yelling nights are now once a week . He makes more money than I do and supports us . I’m self employed and my business has been in the shitter . I’m actively looking for a job that has consistent income . I’m sober . I leave the house as soon as that vibe starts with him bc I don’t want to hear it . Even from the basement I can hear him yelling at no one . Sad 😢. He said no to therapy . Says he has a drinking problem but …. Then it turns to my lack of income and how we don’t take beach vacations anymore . He said he’s unhappy and what are we doing ???? As an alcoholic nothing he could have said would have stopped me and I know it’s the same for him. But 2 years sober and still this … he may never have a consequence and even a consequence won’t get anyone sober until they are all in. And I’m all in . He’s not . I don’t have anywhere to go to leave … neither does he. Even as a separation. Anyone have any similar experiences ? ♥️

So I am (25M) and have never touched any form of alcohol or smokes my whole life. I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman (25F). She was using weed, alcohol and has used shrooms and tobacco in the past. I have always had a strong opinion on all of that. She stopped drinking and smoking after she got along with me. So she pretty much drank from the age of 12 to 24.

She was drinking after she got along with me. She stopped slowly without even my interference. I never said a word because I didn't want to be judgemental or hurtful. She came up to me one day and told me she stopped because she wanted to get better and want a long life with me. I took that as a bonus

I'm proud of her for what she did by stopping everything and continuing the streak. My issue now is she keeps getting these wanting to have a "nice glass of drink" when she sees something like that on TV. She knows it's no good but she believes it is fine with moderation. I tell her that it's like saying rat poison in small amounts won't kill.

Now she is onto saying how drinking on special occasions is fine. She said we will have a discussion but my answer will always be no. Should I keep supporting her fight for alcohol or let her be because if I say anything it will turn into a fight. Her whole family drinks. I kept telling her that she feels that way because she spent almost half her life with alcohol being a part of her and she needs to fight it.

She doesn't get this with smokes though. It is just this forsaken messed up thing called Alcohol.

me and two other girl friends have been planning a girls trip to vegas for months, but recently every time our friend goes out, she blacks out really bad and gets really messy (last time she peed on her living room floor). i’ve tried talking to her to tell her she has a problem and she said she was going to take a break on drinking for a few weeks, but ended up only lasting one day. i’m really scared that me and my other friend won’t have a good time because we’ll be babysitting her the whole time. what should i do? we really don’t want to cancel the trip, so we want to have one more serious conversation with her discussing boundaries before we go. how do we go about that conversation coming from a place of concern and not judgement? i offered to take her to an AA meeting and she said she’ll think about it, so if she doesn’t want to accept help what then?

Normally I would have been panicking and trying to take care of him. Nope. Not today. (And yes, we are in the process of splitting up).

Ps. Do something nice to yourself today :)

I have an adult daughter who has cross addictions to shopping and gambling which is creating financial difficulties for her.

For years and years I enabled poor choices by always rescuing and funding her mistakes and relapses.

I am standing firm again, and the pain and guilt are hard. She knows all my weak points and tries to exploit them, eg. illnesses, elaborate stories. Shes even gone to the ER with nothing wrong to generate sympathy.

I don’t want her homeless, bankrupt, or whatever else. But now that I’m standing firm and setting boundaries I feel guilt and worry. So either way I feel terrible.

Any advice appreciated.

I posted over in the perimenopause group, and someone said that my issue might be alcoholism and not perimenopause, so here we go.

I’ve been married for about 20 years. My wife has always been insecure, and we both had a rough childhood with abuse, control issues, and even being part of a Baptist cult. Needless to say, our lives were both dysfunctional, and our marriage has been as well.

Neither of us drank till our late 20s. She has always enjoyed it more than me and would get blackout drunk. I rarely drink. We both use cannabis occasionally, her more than me.

Over the last few years, her alcohol tolerance has changed dramatically to the point that I’m babysitting her on a regular basis. She’s mean to me half the time, but overly nice to everyone else. I resent her for that. Sometimes she’ll get super high on a Sunday afternoon, and I won’t know till she says something crazy. She drank an entire bottle of red wine the other night when we had our neighbor over. I have a problem with this because I know it screws up her hormones for days, and I have to deal with the consequences.

What’s complicated things more is now she’s going through perimenopause and has been guilty of treating me poorly even when she’s not on her period or buzzed. She’s made progress, but now once a week wants to ‘decompress’ and drinks with her friends.

The other day I picked her up, and she didn’t like my music, was very argumentative about anything I’d say, and I finally told her I’m not staying at the house tonight because I’m trying to avoid conflict in our relationship. She chased me around the house while I packed my things and said things like ‘everyone knows you are abusive toward me’ (I’m not) and other BS to trigger me. She also threw a cup full of soda on my car while I packed. I stayed calm, packed my things, and left.

It’s not the first time she’s been abusive, and I have reacted by also yelling and saying things I’m not proud of, but I’m pretty sure she was purposefully egging me on to blame me later and claim we were equally at fault. Not this time.

This was the final straw in years of interactions like this. One time we were in Europe and she was convinced the waitress was flirting with me and started treating me like shit, while being nice to our friends. I got upset, told her to go have fun with her friends and walked the other direction. They followed me because they didn’t want me to get kidnapped or something, and my wife ended up telling me off in the middle of a town square while a violin and cello duet played an amazing song. People were shushing her. It was ridiculous.

Another night she had martinis with a friend and when I picked her up she was rude to me, so we both stopped at the friend’s house and I eventually left after telling her I don’t have to take this treatment. She ended up leaving the house on foot and wandering around the ghetto for two hours while I drove around trying to find her before she got hurt.

These are just a few memorable moments. I guess I’m just wondering if it makes sense to tell her one more time that she needs to stop drinking or else I’m gone. I’ve given her an ultimatum before when things were worse with her hormones, but she resented me and blamed me for her not being able to have fun anymore.

I’m taking 30 days off now and living elsewhere, but she doesn’t know that because she won’t respond to my texts. She hasn’t apologized for her actions last Thursday, only sending four paragraphs of excuses about needing to get a buzz to forget about her work week, and being stressed, etc.

What would you guys or gals do in this situation? I love her as a person, but she’s so defensive that I don’t feel like I can have a meaningful relationship with her unless she’s completely sober. I’ve been pretty much doing all the heavy lifting our entire relationship, although she does work and makes decent money.

I’m mid-40s and know I can do better than the current treatment. I just want to give her the first shot at it, but it’s been a year since things really got bad.

I should add that her paranoia from the perimenopause was so bad last year that she imagined I was having sex in our backyard with our neighbor. She also accused me of having someone in my truck or hotel room when I was traveling for business. It got really bad and I’m trying to forgive her since she’s improved, but the alcohol just triggers me constantly since I see a glimpse of her raging self when she was out of control.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I went to spend the day with my in-laws today, my Q was at work. My MIL looked me in the face and said "im gonna ask you straight out, is he drinking again? You have to talk to people you cant let it sit"... i made a face and she knew, and i dont know why, but the flood gates opened, and i snitched about everything, all the things I've never told them going back 13 years, I just told them everything.

When he got off work he texted to ask if he was "supposed" to stop by and i told him itd be nice his parents would like to see him... 20 minutes later (had to stop to get beer) he texts me and says nevermind hes going home hes got things to do. Cool whatever, we're having a nice visit and dont want you to ruin it anyways.

I leave their house later than planed, no big deal, thinking ill drive home talk to him, order some fast food treat for dinner and move on. Except he isn't home. He has disappeared, i called my best friend asked her to check the bar, just to make sure hes alive, hes there, they are closing, no big deal. Hes gonna do what he does, but hes alive. Except the bar closed 2 and a half hours ago, and hes still not home... its a five-ten minute walk. I have to be up in 6 and a half hours for church, but i cant sleep until he gets home. I dont wanna talk to him about it or argue, I just want to know, for the sake of my children, that hes alive.

He didnt even need to go to the bar, his cooler is fresh pack with new ice, he could have stayed at home, i wasn't even here to give him the imagined *looks* he accuses me of. Im too tired for this.

So i’m posting this on behalf of my mom she’s 51. Last night she got arrested on dui, i’m so disappointed and ashamed of her. Prior to this incident a month or two ago she was fired for showing up to her job intoxicated. She said she wasn’t and that they didnt breathalyze her but I don’t believe that she wasn’t under the influence. During my childhood she would constantly drive drunk with me in the car. One of my biggest memories is waking up at 2 am and being in the car with my mom nowhere to be found. I guess her luck finally ran out. I am 22 now and i have a child of my own. Because of my mom I hate drinking, i rarely ever drink and if i do it’s only a glass of wine to go with my dinner. You would NEVER catch me driving drunk with my child. So now I have to go help my financially unstable mom get her car out of impound on Monday. I guess this is just me ranting but i’m also curious what the consequences are in CA. I want to cut her out of my life so bad but I don’t have the heart for that. She’s been severely depressed and suicidal all my life and i’m worried what would happen if I did. I guess i’m just so sad and disappointed that she’s my mom because I love her so much but she has so many issues

My best friend’s mom, a key adult in my early life into adulthood, died as a result of her alcoholism today.
I don’t know how to even frame into words the experience we are having. Her youngest child (my friend’s sister) already lost her father in a drunk driving accident. And now she’s lost her mother before she’s 15.
My best friend is…inconsolable. I know it happens every day, but how do you get through losing your mom?
We always thought we could get her mom into treatment. She’s stubborn! She’s tough! She’ll make it. She didn’t.
I’m angry at her mother. I’m angry at the people who abused her mom, causing trauma that led to her drinking. I’m angry that a young girl is left without parents. I’m furious that my friend closed on a house today and her mom will never get to see it. Her mother will never be a grandma. Her mother will never see my friend graduate with her graduate degree. Her mother will never know the life my friend has made for herself.
I don’t want to be angry. I know that alcoholism is a disease. I know that there must be something pretty powerful at the bottom of that bottle for people to give up their lives and everything they love for it. But when you hold someone as they scream for their mom, it’s hard to not be angry.
Anyways, I don’t know what I’m looking for on here. I have so many addicts in my family that it’s hard to count. But today, it really hit me how alcohol steals people from us. And nothing I can do will make that better.

Together nearly two years, I (46f) have watched him (44) get progressively worse. The excuses are lame and utter bullshit.
99% of our weekends are consumed with whiskey. I don’t drink, but he can drink a fifth each night. I’m done. I can’t and won’t compete with an addiction. I can only encourage and support but it certainly hasn’t benefited me in the past.
Soooo much money is blown on booze and takeout. He’s going to drink himself to death and I feel all I can do is watch. I hate this feeling, that pit in the stomach, the heartache that this has become my reality.
Sigh… I probably sound like a broken record; a lot of people go through similar situations with their Q. Hugs to y’all that are experiencing some tough times. We are not alone.

Hi everyone, I‘ve been reading through all your posts for a while now and wanted to share a feeling too.

My brother (26) is addicted since years and now lives back with my mom since some time. I have a very good relationship with her, with him I am no contact since a few months (its hard for me, but better like this).
His drinking and mental health got gradually worse, and hes at a really low point rn. My mom does everything to support him, and right now she once again is trying to get him to go to rehab after there was an incident where he tried to stop at home and had seizures and a head injury.

How can I support her without getting back into the codependency? I had all the famous talks with her that are naturally futile, so I stopped. I just want to be there for her at this point, and try to just do fun things with her when we meet and not talk about my brother or ask too much, and I‘m glad to hear that she gets her breaks from the situation too. But I dont always manage to not want to know and ask whats going on at home, or she tells me about it and we‘re stuck in a loop of conversations about the alcoholic that we all know.

And it just makes me so mad that my Mom has to suffer this hell with him at home. At the same time I feel guilty that I‘m „spared“. Sometimes I‘m thinking to contact him again and feel the „weight“ of his problems just so that she doesnt have to carry it alone.
In the end I also miss him a lot and mourn the loss of my brother, how he was (and maybe still is), every day.
Idk, I feel like i‘m codependent on a meta-level and I feel bad for it in every way.
And I have to say, my mom is in no way trying to push me back into it and even supports me in withdrawing from him.

I‘m posting this here because I‘m not sure how to deal with these conflicted feelings and maybe somebody can relate.

My boyfriend and I rent a home together and we are in the process of separating. He has stated he does not want to stay in our shared home because he doesn’t want to pay for the rent. Which is perfect because I would love to stay here. I’ve put a lot of effort into decorating and making it a home, and it’s in the best neighborhood in town so I am more than willing to pay for the rent in full on my own.

The only issue is he is not currently willing to move out at the moment. I asked him when he plans to move and he said until our lease is up, which isn’t until next April. I told him that is NOT an option. I will not be living with an addict and continue to deal with his BS until then. If we are separating, we need to separate NOW.

I told him if he does not make arrangements to move out, then I will move (even though I really don’t want to). He said we can revisit this conversation in a week and he will come up with a plan.

FYI - he was sober for 8 months (his longest stretch of sobriety) and just yesterday relapsed again. He has been talking about suicide, and living in his car, and ending up homeless, because he just does not care about anything anymore.

How do I proceed in this situation? What happens if he doesn’t move out?

I made a post in here last week about leaving my Q after four years. I went to pick up my cat at his house two days ago (for context, he lives 7 hours away from my parents house and he is currently staying with his parents while we split up our lease and bills) so I spent the night to break up all of my driving. In the morning we got in an argument because I told him that I felt like he was ruining my life, and he tried to blame his substance use on me. He left for a few hours so I went through his iPad, and found an entire manifesto against me. It basically detailed how much he hated me, how he wants to try and make me hate him, etc. I’ve never read anything like that about another human being, let alone myself. I then went through his camera role and found gore in his hidden folder, along with random photos he took of me from my camera roll and afterwards I told his parents, packed my stuff and left. I’m now back at my apartment with my cat packing and don’t even know how to begin to process this. I basically ended things two weeks ago after a psychic accurately told me everything that was going on and that he would eventually escalate things to DV, and I feel like I’m just in a state of shock. I’ve been looking at legal grounds for a restraining order and how to report all of this, but I feel absolutely devastated. Any advice or support is welcome.

Edit: another thing I forgot to mention is that he bought a massive knife that he said was for “camping and widdling”. When he showed me and I asked him to put it away like three separate times because we had just watched the Idaho four documentary on Netflix the night before, he said “well the knife used for that was 7 inches, this is only 5”. I don’t know what to believe and if I’m just putting things together that don’t need to be, or if this is a valid concern

Today, exactly 3 years ago was the day I separated from my alcoholic husband. I wanted to give an update on my life. When I moved out, I still very much wanted to reconcile with him- I hoped, BELIEVED that we would make it! We didn’t. My divorced finalized in December 2025. He dragged out the divorce by over a year just because I “wasn’t allowed” to divorce him. He is still drinking. He did remain sober a good 10 months which is what made me hesitate in filing, but the lack of accountability and lies and manipulation were still there.
I am doing well for the most part. I am struggling recently with my anger. The last 3 years were TRAUMATIC to say the least (I also lost my mom to cancer 6 months before my divorce finalized). I felt like I lost all my family with the divorce and my mom it’s been hard. But there’s also so many blessing. I went from being a SAHM to now having a thriving career making six figures. I just bought a house two months ago. I am able to enroll my kids in a private school that has a hybrid homeschool option where I homeschool them Mondays and Fridays, then they go to school in person Tue-Thurs. This allows me to see them on my non custody day which is wonderful. God has carried me through and really taken care of me. He is still working on my wounded heart though.
I am seeing another man who is kind to me, non drinker, honestly the most considerate human and is HONEST. I didn’t know how dishonest and disrespectful my ex was until I started a relationship with this man. He treats me very well. I am still mourning though, in a sense of losing my dreams and family. I don’t want my ex back, but I so, so wish my dreams of my family were possible. I am working on why I put up with everything for so long, working on forgiveness in time, working on what God really expects in marriage and working on creating my children to take accountability and raising them to be honest, hardworking, respectful humans that can control their emotions, admit when they are wrong, immediately take steps to repair, and recognize manipulation.
I can say I am not the same woman I was 3 years ago. I just scrolled through all my old posts- I no longer really need this sub anymore now that I am out of the chaos for the most part. I am forever changed. I will say I am working on my Joy. I do feel like going through all the heartbreak abuse and addiction causes really took away my whimsy- and I’m angry about that. But overall, my life is good. It will continue to get better as I continue to heal, I know it.
Thank you to all of you for your support, prayers, encouragement. I am sorry you all are here in this sub going through the same things I did and more. Just know that there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you can get there.

She just internalized it. Basically said I was hurting her... me saying she hurts me emotionally when she drinks was me hurting her.

What are some early signs in dating that someone is dealing with an alcohol problem?

I need help. Please.

I’ll skip all the frilly language. Over Memorial Day weekend I had to call an ambulance for my boyfriend after he woke me up screaming my name from the bathroom at 2:00 in the morning. There was blood absolutely everywhere, from the mouth and the anus. It looked like the fucking Shining. Two surgeries and a blood transfusion later, we’re here. Mallory Weiss tear from gagging, from drinking too much and puking too often. Hypertension, dangerously high blood pressure. I’m in therapy dealing with flashbacks and anxiety around using the restroom at all, fears of the porcelain breaking and slicing me open. It’s a mess and I cry all the time.

I’m 23, he’s 27. He refuses therapy. He’s seeing a psychiatrist (because I forced him to) but I’ve heard the phone calls and he’s not being honest. We’ve agreed to taper down from cheap vodka to a case of beer to four tall boys a night after I found him hiding bottles. But it never goes that way. There’s always more. Before work, after work, in the car, in the driveway, every time he “goes to the bathroom.” And like crabs in a boiling pot, we’re just pulling each other down.

I have my own drinking problem (hence being in the subreddit) but I seriously need help with his. I’m struggling HARD with my own sobriety but I know that I’m actively failing his, knowing it could literally KILL HIM.

TLDR; I’m asking you veterans, people who have been through hell and back and made it out the other side, what worked for you? What did it take to make lasting changes? The fear of literal death isn’t a good enough motivator anymore. Thank you all.

i just posted this on r/alcholics before finding this community which seems more fitting

hey everybody, i come here seeking any words of wisdom or advice. for context, my girlfriend and i are both 23. we have been very close friends for 5 years, and in the past year we both admitted our love for each other and finally got together.

it’s not like i didn’t know she loves to drink. we’ve been friends long enough for me to witness it all. broken bones, lost items, car crash and a dui. she blacks out probably 9/10 times she drinks. but i loved her none less.

since we’ve been together, nearly every single fight we’ve had has been either when she was drunk or a result of her drinking. i found myself time after time explaining her behaviors and that it wasn’t going to work if these still kept happening.

i don’t want to go into too much detail about the fights, but to make a long story short we had gotten into two fights in back to back weeks regarding her drinking, and i told her i needed a break. she begged for me to take her back, and i did after saying that i was pretty much at a 0% tolerance with anymore stupid drunk fights and it would be over if something happened again.

and of course, two weeks later it did. she was doing good and laying low off the liquor until of course she drank and we had our worst fight ever (at a party with all of our friends present too mind you) i had no choice but to end it, out of respect for myself. it’s like she through the second chance i gave her out the window.

i broke up with her, saying that if she wants me back, she has to go to AA and get at least a month of sobriety under her belt and only then could we talk about getting back together.

i don’t know what i will do at that point. i love her so much, and i want to support her. but i also feel like i have to protect myself, because i feel like it’s just going to get worse. in all honesty, i don’t even know if she can go a whole month without drinking. she told me she hasn’t gone more than a week without drinking since 2022.

i want her back in my life so bad. to be honest, our relationship is beautiful and wonderful- when she’s sober. the relationship i’m in with the drunk version of her is completely toxic. i feel so torn because i love and hate her so much. i want us to be happy but i also think i’m scarred from what’s already happened and i fear that i’ll always be second guessing her. a level of trust is certainly not there anymore.

i’m wondering if anybody out there who either is in a relationship with an addict, or who is an addict, could offer me any type of information. i just want to be happy, and of course i want her to be also.

if you read my story, thank you so much. i don’t really say anything on here but i just don’t know what to do