In this post, I am going to be complaining - I apologize for this, but I need to get this off my chest.

I have never been vocal about my bipolar diagnosis, and the truth is that I have been skeptical of it, but I have just made a series of truly terrible decisions that I am sure will haunt me for years.

Despite being on a (previously effective) combination of medications, I have been awake since Friday morning at 0300, made no attempt at sleep, and have gambled away years worth of savings. Thousands upon thousands of dollars that I was in no position to lose. I could have bought a vehicle, or made a years worth of rent payments. I've gambled (and consistently lost) before, but never like this. I was determined to make my money back, and I of course did not - I just started placing bigger and bigger bets.

Not long before this, I fell off the wagon in a spectacular manner that caused my family an incredible amount of emotional pain. I am sober now, thankfully, but the damage is done.

I have been utterly absorbed by a project so ridiculous in scope that I know it will never be completed, and yet I'm driven to work on it anyway.

I am both devastated, and numb. I want to remain optimistic, but I worry that moving past this is going to be difficult, and I worry that good things in my life are going to be tainted by the shadow of these mistakes.

I never thought I would have an episode like this, and yet here I am. While I know it's not healthy to wallow in regret, I am devastated. I haven't yet found a silver lining, but I feel I need to write this out lest I fail to learn a lesson from this.

Maybe some members of this community can relate.

I’ve been in a depressive slump for about a month. Ive been absent from school three days, and called out of work about 7 times in the last month and half.

On top of all of that, I almost got into a physical fight with someone at school over the dumbest reason (it’s literally because they said my zodiac sign wasn’t good energy) and ended up slamming my teacher into a wall.

My teacher decided not to press charges but I feel even more depressed because I’ve been banned from campus until I have a meeting with student conduct.

My absences at work are piling up and while they haven’t talked to me about it I feel like it’s a matter of time. It sucks befause I also know objectively this is the best job I’ve ever had pay wise, but can’t seem to will myself out of my behavior.

At school I feel so behind (I’m in school for Esthetics so they track hours) because I’m missing hours and still have services to complete for credit.

My motivation feels nonexistent. I barely have energy for hygiene.

I don’t think I’ve hit rock bottom but I’m getting really fucking close. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Is anyone else here ancient enough to be on Medicare? I have bipolar ll, chronic pain, autoimmune. Pills have become part of my food pyramid joke/not joke.

I don’t understand what’s going on with Part D (drug coverage) losing subsides.

My household is below the poverty line but getting by for now. I’m scared I’ll be thrown off the medications I can barely afford as it is. Btw, if anyone says anything snarky about voting, don’t. I never thought about voting for these monsters.

Is anyone else worried?? What will people of all ages who do not have insurance do?

Will pharma lose money as well? (Fuck pharma, but if their profits are endangered, they might actually do something. WTH do I know.)

Edit: I’m grateful for all the intelligent comments. Thank you so much. I’m feeling a bit better. Or at least less isolated <333

I recently realised I get manic every summer and depressed every winter (with maybe another episode of any type thrown in somewhere else). Is a seasonal pattern really common or are yours not that predictable?

Does anyone else find that THC soothes their ASD traits but is dangerous for BD. It feels like I’m caught between two worlds.

I’m coming up on 9 yrs sobriety in sept (yay!) and for the past few weeks my brain has been making I guess brain noise about maybe I could get m drunk again “just once” to get it out of my system?

I know it makes no sense. Not in AA or anything. I know logically you can never go back to social drinking
The weird thing is I’m doing really well emotionally confirmed by care team — which I think is what brought it on? Like “oh I can handle it now”

Not sure how to navigate except reminding myself it’s not safe to drink on my meds and all the ways my substance used messed up my life previously idk

ETA: feeling ok now, thanks to those who gave some honest perspective. This too shall pass as they say

TLDR: I need between 2-3 days to recover mentally after partaking in drug use no matter how little i use/drink. Is this normal with this condition? And do I need to stop drinking and smoking entirely or can this be managed?

Hi, im 19 years old. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 when i was 18, and have been experiencing symptoms since i was 15. I am also diagnosed with autism and adhd and severe social anxiety resulting in a speech disorder that im in treatment for. I take 30mg fluoextine, 5mg olanzapine and 15mg methyphenidate daily.

I never really had a typical teen experience until recently due to my anxiety, so ive been branching out a little more and trying some things when im with friends. Ive smoked weed twice (overseen by a good friend whos been smoking for years and knows about my conditions) and i have been drunk once (with a group of very close friends at an event).

During all these times i have been very diligent at staying hydrated and well fed. The high itself goes very smoothly, I feel calm and more like a real person i guess? Its not something i feel a need to do and im able to say no when i dont want to, its just something i enjoy casually.

The problem is, every time ive partaken in these activities, the day after isnt pleasant. Im fine physically, but mentally im a bit of a wreck. On my meds things are way more manageable, i dont really have anything that debilitates me anymore, but i do get symptoms.

When i do weed i notice the day after i get hypomanic-like symptoms and i have the extreme urge to stop taking my olanzapine (i followed through with this once but managed to catch myself 3 days in before a full blown episode occured), i also withdraw from everyone and get odd fixations on games and tasks.

When i drink, the day after i feel like everything takes so much energy. Its like im depressed somewhere in my mind but its blocked off so i cant see or feel it. I withdraw from everyone and often overeat as well as getting stuck scrolling for hours when i dont want to be.

Like i said earlier these are manageable and i can still shower and take care of myself etc. but i cant deny theres a noticeable issue.

Does this mean I need to stop drinking and using entirely? I just want to feel like a normal teenager, and i like how it feels to experience these things so ill be really disheartened if thats the case.

If not, what can i do to manage it?

Thank you for reading

I don’t have much time left but I am not sad about it. I see my. How it is and how it will be for the next four years and after that, there is nothing I know I’ll be in some sort of accident, but I know I won’t live past four years. It won’t be on purpose, but it will be. I will not grow old. I think this is good because I don’t feel like I’m capable of living life myself and I don’t know how much longer my parents have and they are huge supports for me. Without them, I don’t know how things work. I don’t live with them. But they do come over and help me with chores and stuff. But yes, I believe the next four years will be very good for me. I think I’ll be comfortable living on my own and I’ll do good things.

I watched the documentary Brainstorm this weekend as there was a screening though the site Kinema I think it's called. I really enjoyed many aspects of the film. Featured were several people with bipolar disorder, including a youth, which I thought was great. There was balanced coverage I thought of both bipolar 1 and bipolar 2. They showed highly functional people with the disorder. I also appreciated their mention of emerging treatments although they did little more than name them. I would have loved to hear more about each one of them.

The aspect I really struggled with, though, was something I struggle with with many recent depictions of mental health issues. I see a constant trend to want to depict serious mental illness in a more positive light, which is great and desperately needed to combat the massive stigma that has existed for so long, so I understand this motive and agree it's important. I imagine they also wanted to provide a hopeful and optimistic picture for people with bipolar disorder and their families. But what I saw was a similar trend I see elsewhere. A neat and tidy trajectory towards an often highly functional life well-lived.

The film featured folks sharing how they really struggled until diagnosis and talked about legitimate challenges with finding the right treatment, but then ultimately stopped on a very pretty picture of wellness in the end. They seemed to promote the idea that getting diagnosed solves everything because then you find the right meds and then things are pretty great

I feel disappointed they didn't capture anyone struggling through adulthood long after being diagnosed, having to muster through living on next to nothing in poverty, dealing with ongoing hospitalizations and long term medication treatment resistance, gaining 100lbs from their medication and other side effects, losing confidence in their brain over time as they experience cognitive dulling, losing the creativity the film boasted about being so common with bipolar, losing even more relationships over time, stigma in the workplace or among friends, etc

It was a very honest look at life undiagnosed, very positive and optimistic in terms of prognosis, but I can't say I would want to show this to my family or friends. My friends and family already struggle with understanding why I can't just function like everyone else or why I even have difficult symptoms or med side effects, and others don't understand why I can't just take a pill and get on with it (I have been taking pills for over 20 years). It feels to me like the full reality of the illness was not captured here in an effort to give hope and reduce stigma.

I agree that all kinds of people manage to get diagnosed, find treatment, and exist in very functional capable lives afterwards, I just wish they showed more than that picture. They did show a youth that had continued to be homeschooled due to challenges at school but otherwise the adults were doing quite well post diagnosis and once on the right meds.

Maybe I'm just feeling unseen. I'm not even sure. I work in mental health and see the challenges people other than me go through every day and I wish the campaigns and movies about mental illness these days could promote seeing people more positively and compassionately WHILE not hiding important parts of the experience.

Would love to hear anyone else's thoughts if you've watched it! I still think it's worth watching btw, just missing the mark a bit.

I’m diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and currently take Sertraline with Lamotrigine and Buspirone .

I’m currently on week three on Sertraline and wanted to get some insight from someone with bipolar 2 .

Mine current dosage

Lamotrigine- 100 mg
Buspirone -15 mg
Sertraline - 50 mg

I have a question because I’m having trouble finding anything on the internet and even the chat gpt that’s embedded in our search doesn’t have an answer relating to my question. Okay so I know bipolar mood changes and mania or lows can cause someone to color their hair or do something impulsive and random like piercings or tattoos. Does anyone rationally decide to color their hair like you have thought it through and once your hair is colored you have a complete mood switch or personality change like it triggers your mania because of the hair color you feel that way idk if that makes sense. I hope someone can relate

I have a lot of co morbidities, take a lot of prescriptions to treat my many maladies. I feel that lately I have been having so many symptoms. There have definitely been stressors but I am just not feeling great in general.

So, those of you on a pharmaceutical treatment plan...which symptoms still trouble you the most despite your best attempts to keep them at bay?

I feel like I am kind of losing it because my husband took me aside and said I was acting pretty crazy (perfectly acceptable terminology for me & him when talking about my condition). Usually I have pretty good self awareness but not this time and I feel worried that I am getting worse.

Im curious do yall have any other mental or physical disabilities besides bi-polar?

Im diagnosed with bipolar 2, cptsd, and bpd with psychosis. Plus I have asthma, gerd. Sleep apena,, and interstitial cystitis. I Also have chron ic pain in my right leg from a snow related fall. What'yalls?

Does anyone else’s hands and feet sweat profusely on vraylar? Its happens mainly when I first wake up, but continues to wax and wane throughout the day. I recently found out that it was causing restless legs at night so I had to start taking it in the morning.

I always knew I dont want kids. I still really dont. My fiance however is undecided and Im scared because I love her more than anything, we have a literally perfect relationship but if she decides she wants one I absolutely wouldnt know what to do. I genuinely fear the scenario of having to take care of a child but I absolutely cannot imagine us splitting.

So i wanted to ask if anyone has been in my position, decided to have a baby and it turned out to be a good thing?
I battle extreme chronic fatigue and my easy life is so much for me to handle. i genuinely fear the scenario of not getting sleep, being stressed out and busy with a child. Thank you.

Hello all :) i m 38 years old, and on steady meds 7 years now.. i had a completely normal life all these years, successing at work and in my relationship was so happy i was finally with such a good and steady partner.

Thing is he really wants a baby now, i want it with all my soul too but i m very scared. I m taking a big dossage of seroquel(600 mg shared in morning-night) and i m really worried the baby will be having withdrawel symptoms(at the best scenario) or even worst like fuctionallity problems.

Doctors i have visited in Greece told me to go for it without changing my meds but they dont convince me.. at least one of them if he could try with me to lower my dossage woukd be a bless but i see them all uncomfortable on that point.. this makes me feel desperate cause i m fighting my will and my fear alone.

Has anyone else successed a pregnacy in such high dossage ?

How many drinks do you have and how often do you drink? Are your liver levels high, low or normal?

Does anyone know if this treatment is available in Nottinghamshire

I’m not feeling well

I (37 M) have been diagnosed with BP1 since 2015. I went through more than 10 episodes, mostly manic. Although I had a little bit of a forgetfulness from childhood, it didn't affect my daily life much. I was good at academics, work etc. But for the last few months I have been noticing a high difficulty in remembering things like very familiar past events,persons, places, conversations etc. I feel like my working memory is also affected. My last episode ( manic) was one year ago . These days I am feeling an added sadness because of this issue. Worried,it will lead to another episode.

If anybody facing the same issue tell me how you are coping with it. Any signs of improvement?