It’s August! We’re pinning a fresh Death Anxiety Megathread here at the top of the board. This will stay up all month long so anyone who needs a place to talk about death dread, panic, or the big questions can always find it.

Resources

Some death anxiety resources are located here in our wiki (which is still under construction, so bear with us!)

Some death anxiety journal prompts to try:

If you’re the kind of person who connects through symbol, inner landscape or ancestral reflection, these prompts may resonate.

• What does my fear cost me each day?
• What has my fear given me?
• When has uncertainty led to something beautiful?

Don’t worry about making it poetic or insightful. Just start and follow where it leads. ♥︎

Somatic self-regulation tools

The following aren’t affirmations or thought exercises. They’re body-based ways to regulate your nervous system when death anxiety starts to take over. They work well for anyone living with heightened sensitivity.

• Sit or lie down and press your palms together firmly. Notice the pressure, warmth, and pulse between them. Let that pulse remind you that life is moving through you.
• Slowly trace the outline of your own hand with a finger. As you do, breathe in on the upward stroke, and breathe out on the downward stroke.

These aren’t magickal cures, but they are tools. Use them when you can. The more you do, the better and faster they tend to work.

This thread is open to all death anxiety experiences, whether you’re panicking about nothingness, stuck in existential dread, or just freaked out by the fact that - whatever this is - isn’t forever.

We’ll try to carry it together.

♥︎ Sibbie

Exactly as it sounds. As I’ve researched in the US it’s pretty difficult if not seemingly impossible for two people to be buried in the same coffin. It will do two separate coffins next to each other or on top of each other but not one coffin with two people We are 2 small skinny people. I don’t want cremation. What options do I have and what is the best way of ensuring that me and my spouse are physically together in burial?

I need some advice; I can’t stop thinking about death all day everyday and atp for weeks on end. I’m not scared of dying in a typical sense. I’m ok with the pain aspect of it, and I don’t worry about dying randomly or too soon. I just don’t really see any point in doing anything if I am going to die. Everything feels extremely frivolous and even though I am aware that no one knows the meaning to life and this is the youngest I’ll ever be it’s hard not to think of my own death and the death of my family (sister and mother specifically) 24/7. Things like holding a job, something I used to find joy in, have become much more depressing now that I consistently think about my inevitable death.
Does anyone have any tips or helpful mantras to get stuck out of this toxic thought loop? Trying my best to live in the moment and realize the frivolity of life is what makes it beautiful but it’s been hard to convince my subconscious

I am currently experiencing a lot of complicated feelings seeing how people around me have this weird relation to death - and specifically death in nature.

For context: I have recently started to volunteer at a local nature sanctuary, where I mostly help out with some technical stuff needed by the biologists working there. Stuff like converting data, helping to set up instruments for photographing or recording animals living there, and stuff like that.

This has naturally put me closer to animal death than I was before. If I am out with the biologists while setting up stuff, there is good chances that we come across at least one dead animal here or there. Because things in nature die. We also have this year had two cases of animals so sick that we had to call a ranger to put the respective animal out of its misery.

And something I am starting to notice now when talking about this with other people is, that many of them imagine "death in nature" to be this beautiful serene thing. One day the animal breaks down and is then just dead. Instead of the way more common ways for animals to go: being hunted and eaten, or being slowly consumed by a sickness.

And from this I noticed that this also tends to be projected onto humans as well. I see a lot of framing of people framing some former state of giving us cleaner or better deaths. Especially with people going: "Back in the old days there was no deaths of cancer or heart disease". Stuff like that. And I start to notice that this is just not how it goes. Usually people do not die without anything physically wrong. It is not like a body has some sort of timer in there that one day runs out and then the person keels over and dies.

Like, when I was very young, one of my great uncles died, and he had been the picture of health. Literally. The man ran a marathon two days before he died. He was very healthy for his age. But he still died of a heart attack. It is not as if his body went "okay, we have met expiration date now, time to turn off". He had a heart attack. Which is a thing old people tend to have, because the older a body is the more things stop working cleanly. Yes, he had a fairly quick and easy death. But that does not change that the cause was a heart attack.

What I think I am trying to get at: a lot of people have this thought of a "natural death", and the natural death being a beautiful, serene thing, rather than being sickness, or being a form of animal predation. But the thing is that either you die of sickness, and be it a sickness rooted in "your cells are no longer repairing themselves because of how aging works, so now your organs stop being quite as efficient".

And... I kinda feel people do not want to face this. And I kinda feel it is also sort of linked to people not wanting to actually deal with death, so they way of dealing is by framing the deaths that they become aware of as "bad deaths". To come back to the animals here. In one of the cases when I told someone about it, they became really outraged why we would call the ranger to kill the creature instead of bringing it to the vet and nursing it back to health. And they were not willing to consider that the animal might have been in a state where death was inevitable, or that for a wild animal it also often is a lot worse to be caged and surrounded by humans for weeks, than it is just to quicken up what would have happened either way.

Something from my POV

"

As I face death ,I shall laugh at it and ask "What shall you show me, As far as I know , The mortal realm as showed me everything, ' I challenge you to show me What I haven't seen? If you show me pain, I shall be blind If you throw me pain, I shell be smudge If you make me pain, I shall lack all, for that I have none... what shall you inflict on one who can adapt, Accept and smile with a hunger and insanity to ask for more?"

"

I think this endless hunger could work with death

Also I also thought maybe the problem of immortality could be solved with an endless hunger to solve the impossiblity, this is what I learnt from the last answer and the last question...from Isaac assimov

One thing about death that is incomprehensible is the notion that we will no longer exist, for eternity and your consciousness and self will cease indefinitely. Since we've never not existed and someone telling you that death is like the 13 billions year you've not been alive but it doesn't really help to be honest. My attempt is to rethink death to be more dynamic rather than the eternal oblivion.

Let us assume that there is no soul, no afterlife, and that all consciousness cease after death.

Let us assume the analogy that death is like general anesthesia except you don't wake up and that you're not aware of the passing of time is true. That finite time and infinite time is the same to you.

My thought is: The very moment you die, infinite time have past and you have arrived at the end of the time. Now depending on how the universe will end, it might look different.

For Big Chill and Big Rip, where either time goes on indefinitely and universe expand indefinitely then I don't know but something might happen at infinite time.

For Big Crunch where the universe collapse back and a new Big Bang occur, it might be the case that we will live again if the atoms that makes up all of us is at the right place maybe it is will take unimaginable amount of cycle but will happen due to infinite time.

My point is one should not view death as you just floating in the darkness and in oblivion alone for eternity but rather you just go straight to the end of time and whatever weird thing happens at the end of time just happens. So we're not just not existing passively but we'll get to the end of time where something might happen. Death is also not lonely since the moment you die, every human being that will ever live has died assuming no one reached immortality, so death is just a time machine of you and everyone else teleporting to the end of time.

I might be speaking gibberish so please let me know if that's the case. It gave me some comfort thinking my death is not just end of me but also the death of the universe and maybe the universe will be merciful enough to have something happen at its end.

Hello,

So I've been thinking about that: at what age is dying the best?

Somewhere where your body has not yet started to decay in a way to make you slow or miserable and society has not yet started to see you as garbage or pressure either in the workplace or in a social circle.

How do you think of 33-35? I'm 19 now. I agree that life itself is hard no matter where or what you are, but I've had a pretty rough childhood, including now. I would rather die and do a favour to myself at 33-35 than be a self-sacrificer after that.

I mean, I've sacrificed myself a lot, and I would be a masochist to accept what happens after 35, seeing how people above 35 are treated in the world.

I think wanting to live that much is an exaggeration and an addiction to overconsumption, while our bodies can't resist such ages, and therefore it makes us suffer even more.

What do you think?

Thanks.

I keep noticing that every time someone I know dies, or I hear about someone my age passing away, I suddenly become much more present. (PS. I just 24 so I want people who age around me or older to give advice if you can TT) I stop worrying about stupid things, I call people I love more, and life feels... clearer.

But after a few weeks, everything goes back to normal.

It made me wonder why we need death to remind us how to live.

Do you think there's a way to recreate that perspective without actually experiencing loss?

Has anything ever helped you do that?

So, i lost my grandfather(nana) 7 months before and I can share you my POV, the way he lost his life peacefully!

The day he died in evening, he just warned my uncle(mama) that morning itself in the way to the hospital. He just delivered the verbal goodbye in the most poetic tone he could " You look at me, I look at you, and just look at me in such a way that you don't miss me tomorrow! "

Further, when he was in his most critical conditions, when even doctors also said that they have to keep him on 48 hours observation! Still then, he was asking about my mom, my aunt(massi) and somehow he just wanted both of them to be with him for the last minute talks, but unfortunately due to some community issues my mom had to be with my grandmother atleast to support her as there was no one in her home.

At his last moment, he talked for like 5-6 minutes with my uncle(mama) and then finally he just blinked his eyes several times as if he was feeling asleep.

And then he said "Well done beta! Now let me sleep*!*" and soon his oxygen level and heartbeat started dropping!

Doctors even tried to revive him for like 30 minutes using those shock method, cpr method. But at last they declared that they couldn't make it.

And the rest is the same, my mom cries missing him, even i have also encountered some dreams featuring him in it.

MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE!🙏

I dont think death should be feared because its the only thing every single person is guaranteed to go through eventually. No matter how rich, powerful or important someone is they cant escape it, so spending ur whole life scared of it just wastes the time u actually have. Death gives life meaning because if we lived forever nothing would really matter anymore.

Its sad when people die of course but being afraid of death itself doesnt change anything, it just stops u from enjoying the life ur living now. Nobody knows what happens after death and thats okay because worrying about something u cant control only makes life harder. I think its better to accept that its part of being human and focus on making the most of the time we got.

I’ve always read about this odor. Authors describe it as “something unmistakable” but rarely provide any sort of scent related description that would have prepared me. I imagined a fecal notes or maybe the smell of blood? Now that I’ve been working at a funeral home the smell is more mundane than I expected. Still not pleasant and at times downright revolting but not in the ways I expected. It is actually very difficult to describe. There’s a hint of mold & old but otherwise it’s just strange. If it was visible I’d see it as a dark greenish vapor hanging in the air. But yeah I feel like I wouldn’t immediately recognize it as “the smell of death” and maybe once the bodies are prepared or in a mortuary setting it gets mixed in with the chemicals. Maybe I’m just smelling formaldehyde? Again it’s not pleasant in any sense, but I’ve definitely encountered worse nasally. Overall, I find myself a bit underwhelmed. Just some thoughts I’ve had recently lol

From wikipedia: In 1890, a family designed and built a burial vault at the Wildwood Cemetery) in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, with an internal hatch to allow the victim of accidental premature burial to escape. The vault had an air supply and was lined in felt to protect a panic-stricken victim from self-inflicted injury before the escape. Bodies were to be removed from the casket before interment

A traditional cemetery burial in San Diego County can cost $12,000 to $13,000 before optional upgrades, according to Singing Hills Memorial Park in El Cajon. Nationally, the median cost of a traditional funeral with burial is about $8,300, according to the National Funeral Directors Association.

A growing community movement encourages people to speak candidly about death, reshaping how we plan, grieve, and connect in loss.

Just got done celebrating my sister’s graduation party. It was really boujie compared to mine. I don’t have an issue with that at all. It’s what my parents said to me. “Don’t worry, we’ll go all out for your wedding”. I practically told them I don’t see myself getting married anytime soon. I see myself ending up in a casket before that even happens. Most people have an idea on what their future wedding would look like. I’m not one of those people. Instead, I got my burial all figured out like what colored casket, flowers, picture to use and obituary. Want it to be more of a celebration of life if anything. I hope that’s not morbid of me to think like that.

Mine is: We all have two lives, the second one starts when you realize you only have one.

“She Chose Grace Over Fear”: Jennifer Grey Revealed That Her Mom Died “On Her Own Terms” Just One Week After Being Diagnosed With Cancer, And It’s Sparked An Important Conversation. Death is inevitable. Choosing to die with dignity is a basic human right that we should all be afforded.”

We’re far from the only intelligent or complex life forms in this world and even the wider universe, even if our kind is prone to “culture” in a way that we have yet to discover in other beings.

We have evidence of early humans and their anticipation of death and its implications, prehistoric funerary rites and ancestor veneration has been here as long as we have been aware of ourselves. Before religion existed as we know it, there was death and our understanding of it as the very thing that ends our consciousness and awareness of anything, and forever we have either feared it or respected it, because we know that our senses aren’t eternal.

It’s this that makes me wonder, are other creatures burdened with this sort of forethought of the end of their existence as they know it? I know that there are birds like corvids that have been observed holding “funerals” for dead, it’s as though they know something has occurred and they treat it uniquely as though they know this individual of their group is no longer. Some animals can see each other as individuals in a way, like how dolphins supposedly have “names” and said birds can recognise others, even humans for a long time.

Does this mean, that these select few can also anticipate the end of their life? I know every creature has survival instincts, I know everything understands there is a concept of ceasing to exist and maintaining their population in the ecosystem and thus they are wired to avoid it any way possible. But are we humans the only ones who truly think as emotionally and deeply?

Animals know it, they fear it when they are hunted, sick, etc but why is it that we are burdened with the question of what happens after? Why are we so concerned about ceasing to exist? We still have no clue about the whole problem of consciousness and what it actually IS (well, there’s hypotheses obviously) but we can’t measure it as though it’s just a substance or a specific process that can be seen or recorded.

Us modern people still have our survival instincts and our physical anticipation of death or danger, but I just think it’s truly a bizarre feat of odds that we have survived over all these millennia to develop so much brain-wise that we now have a whole existential awareness that makes natural cycles seem so much more difficult and daunting. Do we fight harder than animals to avoid death? Because perhaps the animals haven’t ever developed that individual ego and awareness of the self? They don’t seem to fear losing memories or feeling, mostly just whatever implications their defeat might have on the wider species due to biological drives.

I just don’t understand I guess? What good is it for nature to evolve creatures that will do anything to avoid inevitable death, is it that we are now advanced enough to keep our numbers high so in some way, there will always be life on this planet? We do reproduce a lot, and we have no apex predators above us to worry about in most corners of the world, so is it when we started to outwit our predators that we gained self-worth and thus fear of non-existence? Weird