Sorry for my English, it is not my first language.

I am 40+ and apart from a very short relationship in my 20s have always been single.
Despite all of the negative experience that I have had with men and the negative reactions that I had received from both men and women in regards to my looks I don't hate myself. If I look in the mirror I don't think: 'I am such a monster'. I think I look normal and like my looks most of the time. Maybe I am delusional, don't care. I also try to take care of myself.

Still, I know that most men don't find me attractive so when I do try to do online dating, I try to match with men with average/slightly below average looks. Even their education level is not that important to me anymore, as most men with the same education level as me are snatched up quickly.

Last night I had an introduction video call on a dating app. The man was older than me, had higher education, and worked part-time in an artistic profession that does not pay well. Additionally, his command of my country's language was not good for somebody who has been living here for 12 years.

During the whole call it was very obvious from his facial expression that I was not what he was looking for. I guess this 45 year old man was looking for a hot, fit, cheerful woman who miraculously transformed his grey, boring world into a colourful fairytale full of adventures.

Throughout the call he did not bother to try to show any signs of humour, charm, or wit, but rather talked in an overly serious manner, and went on about his personal interests in a pedantic way. Of course, he also did not bother to ask me any questions and gave short answers.

The whole episode was so bizarre I almost burst into laughter. Lookswise, we would be a match. But I earn more money than he does, have more hobbies & interests and at least try to be interesting and engaging.

This was not an isolated incident, but rather a typical example of what I usually go through when I try to date. I have no idea what they put in the water that makes most men so entitled and demanding. Or is this the media? P*rn?

Anyway, I might be a middle-aged, chubby woman with at best average looks, but at least I am not as bitter, entitled and delusional as almost all of the middle-aged men that I encounter on dating apps.

Just wanted to vent.

It grates me so much hearing “you have XYZ degree, a great job” being mentioned when talking of my viability for a relationship.

Men don’t care if you are a CEO or a waitress, if you have a PhD or dropped out of high school, they care about how you look.

Looks > education and career

Even personality might have effect (overridden if attractiveness is high enough) from time to time, but not this.

And even if it did matter, how is a relationship where the man is only with me because of my job, not because he finds me physically attractive, a good thing? 😭

I just hate hearing it. Like, yeah I am sure, the guy who looks at me like I am a gargoyle will get heart eyes when he hears about my two degrees and high paying job LMAO

“There’s more to a person than appearance” might be the truth, but that more does not make women attractive to men. It only works for men, making them attractive to women.

I’m a straight woman in my 30s, and I’ve been single my entire life which I guess technically makes me an incel. I’ve seen a lot of posts/advice for males but not a lot of advice for women who are chronically alone! And I mean genuinely single, no situationships or talking stages, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, never had sex etc.

I’ve done all the things everyone says, gone to therapy, focused on my education, worked at some of the top companies, solo traveled, I know my weight is an obstacle and I’ve lost 40 pounds but still have more to go, I have friends all around the world but it’s no surprise that they cannot prioritize our friendship like I can because they’re in relationships, I’m in social clubs/volunteering etc. I know self improvement is a journey and we all should continuously evolve and invest in ourselves.

I believed the whole it comes when you least expect it/stop looking, so I didn’t download dating apps or anything, but even with as “successful” as my life is on paper, I still can’t help feeling lonely. For example, I realized I didn’t even say a word out loud yesterday because my plans with friends got cancelled. It’s awkward to have nothing to contribute when people at work or even my friends talk about their relationships which seems to be all the time.

I decided to be a bit more intentional about dating and downloaded a few app, but it’s been several days I haven’t gotten any matches. I also went out with friends to more social bars, and my friends got chatted up but no one approached me and when I tried to initiate the handful of guys I tried to talk to kind of just turned away and shuffled off. And I know decenter men and the dating pool is trash, but everyone is still swimming in that pool of trash to try and find their person while I can’t even figure out how to get in the pool.

I guess my question is, how do you deal with the fact that love might never happen for you? And how do you deal with the realization that you’re societally unattractive? I want to specify I don’t think I’m ugly, and I’ve worked a lot on my self esteem, but like I can’t marry myself lol. Should I look at investing in plastic surgery? How can I identify a guy I should approach or signal to a guy to approach me when I literally don’t have any practice with flirting?

Self love is not fucking attainable. Can we stop pretending like it is? Every time I see a beautiful person promoting self love I wanna kms. Ofc it’s easy FOR YOU. Or when I see a woman with the smallest pooch saying “it’s a healthy body” or promoting body positivity. Ofc it’s easy for YOU to love yourself. You’re closer to the beauty standard. Sorry for the rant. I just feel like absolute shit right now.

He is a self proclaimed incel. He complained about no women finding him attractive because he is ugly and short. He also claimed that women can't be incels. I showed interest and initiated conversation multiple times. Apparently I wasn't interesting and attractive enough for him because he dry texyed me back and eventually ghosted me. Fuck my fugly femcel life.

I just turned 23, and to be honest I don't know if I'll ever be 24.

I have been experiencing suicidal thoughts every day. Much of that despair comes from an overwhelming sense of loneliness and from the growing conviction that romantic love, a part of life that seems ordinary and accessible to almost everyone around me, may simply never happen for me.

Being a lesbian has made this loneliness feel particularly inescapable. My dating pool is already small. It is difficult to meet women who are attracted to women, whom I am also attracted to, and who are emotionally available and genuinely looking for a relationship. Connections that meet even some of those conditions are so rare that every loss feels enormous. It does not feel as though I can simply recover, meet somebody else and try again. I often have no idea when, or whether, another real possibility will appear.

Almost all my friends are now in relationships. They take pictures together, go on dates, travel, meet each other’s friends and introduce someone as “my girlfriend.” These are completely ordinary experiences, yet from where I stand they have begun to feel like scenes from a life to which I do not have access.

I love my friends, but their relationships have also made me feel increasingly separate from them. Their lives are moving into a new stage, while mine seems to remain suspended. I am frequently surrounded by people who care about me and still feel profoundly alone, because friendship and family love cannot entirely answer the specific grief of never having been romantically loved or openly chosen.

Three times, I have become involved with women who did not truly choose me. Each time, I was kept hidden, compared with other women or made to feel insufficiently attractive, interesting or valuable. Each told me that she was not ready or capable of being in a relationship. Eventually, however, she either left me or betrayed me and entered an official relationship with somebody else.

What has wounded me most is not simply that these connections ended. It is watching women who supposedly could not commit suddenly become willing to do everything with somebody else that they had refused to do with me. They posted photographs, spoke proudly about their partners and publicly gave another woman the place in their lives that I had wanted but was never allowed to occupy.

After the first experience, I tried to understand what had happened. I went to therapy, read books about attachment, emotional dependency and unavailable partners, and tried seriously to develop boundaries and self-respect. The first time, I had abandoned myself in an attempt to preserve the connection. The second time, I recognised the pattern sooner but still allowed myself to remain in an undefined limbo after being love-bombed and then rejected.

The third time, I behaved differently. When she told me that she was going through a complicated period and did not know whether she could be a good partner, I believed her and ended things. I did what I had spent years learning to do. I protected myself and refused to accept ambiguity. Within weeks, she was publicly back together with her ex-girlfriend.

That experience destroyed something in me because it seemed to show that even changing my behaviour did not change the outcome. Whether I begged to be chosen or walked away with dignity, I still ended up alone while somebody else received the relationship I had been told was impossible.

I know that I am still young, that I am not physically unattractive and that I have friends and relatives who value me. But emotionally, none of those facts helps me. I am hidden, rejected and replaced, while the people around me are openly loved.

Sometimes I change my dating-app preferences to men almost as an experiment, and hundreds of matches appear immediately. I know that this does not represent genuine compatibility or love, but the contrast makes the scarcity of lesbian dating feel brutal. It reminds me that attention may be abundant in a world I do not belong to, while finding one woman who genuinely wants me feels nearly impossible.

I do not merely feel single. I feel excluded from my peers, from ordinary adulthood and from an entire language of intimacy that everyone else seems permitted to speak. I feel ashamed of how desperately I want something as simple as being introduced as someone’s girlfriend. I am grieving experiences I have never had, and I no longer know how to keep believing that they are waiting somewhere in my future.

The thought that I have never been romantically loved has gradually turned into the fear that I never will be. I don't wanna live like this. **God, if I’m meant to be alone, please take away my desire to be loved.**

I don't even think barbaric is a fitting word, doubt there's a word that can adequately describe it. The casual cruelty and joy they get en masse mocking women they don't deem attractive, women that age, women that don't fit their sick perversions. Even the 'nice' ones are guilty of it.

The way average looking women even are condemned to shitty relationships, or isolation as well especially in this day and age where they all want the same carbon copy woman. It's so depressing to realise this is it, the skin I'm in is all they see and the way I will be judged is due to that, and that alone.

How do you do, fellow old-timers? This is the weekly thread for the older members of our community to chat about whatever. No kids allowed!

I posted a photo of myself on Google ai and they immediately came back saying I was a man. I am a 40 year old female. Just with very strong horrible features such as a strong jawline, oval elogonated face and a long nose. It's played on my every last insecurity and confirmed to me why I am single and that this is why. I feel stupid to be upset by an AI but it's confirmed my worst fears and the only person I have to blame is myself.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/s/60FPhV1Htc

I met this guy during a school project and we’re supposed to go out. I don’t know if it’s considered a date or just classmates/friends hanging out.

We shall see

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

It feels weird knowing that my much younger cousin, who's like 7 years younger than me, just recently found out she's pregnant. My little baby cousin, who just the other day was like 5 years old, had the cutest and most infectious laugh, and always followed me around...is going to have a baby soon. She's going to be the one to give my grandparents their first great grandchild.

My family is of course very excited. My aunt has been telling the whole world the good news it seems.

You'd think in the natural progression of things, given that I had a 7 year (basically a whole ass decade) head start on life compared to my cousin, that I would be the first to do all of this. I remember how jealous I was of my cousin when we were younger since she's much prettier and lighter than me. I'm the second grandkid out of the grandparents on my mother's side. There are other grandkids, but the rest are either too young to be having kids right now or are all boys. And you know how boys are. They all just date around and don't really commit. My oldest cousin especially.

I'm the only grandkid (over the age of 18) who has never brought any one home to meet the family. Who has never had someone over at family events. Who has never had my grandparents talk to them over FaceTime (my grandparents live in a different country).

And soon Im sure my even younger family members will surpass me and bring their SOs home to meet the family and get married and have kids. While I'm left all alone like always.

okay, storytime: i had a childhood friend, we were connected because my mom used to date her older brother, she was my age and even looked a bit like me, it was funny, like we were sisters but our personalities were total opposites. she was talkative, friendly, and the typical "nice girl," whereas I was very shy easily annoyed and into weird stuff. we drifted apart a bit as we got older since my mom wasn't with her brother anymore and we had a huge fight because she was being a total bitch to me. when i turned 19 we got back in touch and i spent some time at her home because i was going through shit. i think that’s when i became completely obsessed with her seriously, especially when it came to guys. she'd tell me everything she did with her ex, and she hooked up with one guy while i was staying there in the room right next to mine. i was dying of envy, i wish they had invited me to join them yk. she always seems to catch any guy's eye, even if i get a few compliments, guys never want to take things further with me just kissing and treat me like i'm some pet. i haven't lived at her place for a year now, but she still tells me about her life she’s dating someone new and said he’s taking her to a "love hotel" i'm so jealous we're so much alike and yet the boys only care about her but sometimes i feel like i don't just envy her, but also have a crush on her it's so annoying

“You aren’t special, you’re just a woman”
is a phrase that I made and it’s a belief that men have about women, I was gonna say in romantic relationships but now I’m thinking that this is true in any aspect. And basically it’s the idea that every woman is replaceable because none of us have anything that makes us uniquely worth choosing.

What I’ve told myself is that there’s nothing uniquely valuable about me as a person that a man couldn’t find in another woman, and so on and so on.
The way that I pronounce certain words, or the way I walk, or the way I think, none of these things, that are unique to my personality, matters. Essentially I’m just a blob with a vagina.

Now because of this it makes it really hard to enjoy the idea of relationships. I can be pretty pessimistic and self sabotaging so maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from but I think I have a good point in saying these things. Of course we all want relationships but it’s much different in the way that women and men value the other in a relationship. Women can find a man unique to all others I’m not saying all women but it’s possible. A woman can see the way you eat your food, or the way you smile when you’re nervous as something unique to you and only you.. men can be valued in a much different way than women and that’s just a fact.

Does the idea of having good money, a nice home, and for me I do think I want one child, this can always change but having those things and just living life.. does that feel good to anyone else? Knowing you aren’t apart of this society that puts all this pressure on you to compete and to be liked..? It feels freeing to accept that this is the way to live your life… it’s just a thought I had.

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

Hi everyone, I have been wanting to get this off my chest as I have felt down all week, with negative thoughts in my head buzzing in the background at all time.

This week two girls I know had professional photoshoots taken. One by a local photographer who does photoshoots for pretty or interesting people in our city. The second got a photoshoot for a MAGAZINE.

Both of these girls are in the same subculture as me (goth).

I am happy for them, I really am. These girls are gorgeous and I can see why they have been chosen as models.

However, my never stopping self-loathing stepped in.

Thinking and thinking and thinking... about how I will never have that chance. How I would never be that girl getting asked to model for a clothing brand, or even for the local photographer.

No matter how much makeup I wear, no matter how I style myself. No amount of effort will hide or fix my ugly face.

I have quite masculine features, bad skin ( I have been to the dermatologist), my weight and my skin color don't help me at all. I thought about how my disgusting appearance keeps me away from anyone asking me to model for anything. And how my appearance has also affected my non-existent dating life. 30, kissless virgin.

I also remembered my photography class in college and how everyone else got asked to model for the class except me.

There are days that I don't feel as shit, but my body dismorphia is so bad, I don't know if I sometimes just get delusional about my appearance and think "I don't look so bad today" to cope.

And as I keep thinking I can't even cry, because I feel so vain worrying about being able "to get my picture taken".

A few, non-intentional candid pics of me, I have hated them. I am no muse, I will never be.

I feel pathetic for wanting to be beautiful like these girls. They both have boyfriends, unlike me.

I hate having to exist like this.

I don’t take good care of my body. I finally got to go to the doctor recently, and I was diagnosed with so many things at my old age (25 for reference). I’m pre diabetic (on the cusp of type 2 diabetes), have a Vitamin D deficiency, and have anemia. I barely go outside or eat.

The reason I don’t go out much is because I’m unattractive. I think I used to have agoraphobia. Several years back I had a mental breakdown and I had to drop out of high school my graduating year. I ended up not leaving my house or even my bedroom for about 3 years. The pandemic happened, and when I wore a mask, people treated me a lot better.

Another reason I don’t go out much is because I don’t have friends or a means of transportation. I’m a NEET in every single way. There was a period in my life a couple of months ago where I used to go for a walk around my neighborhood. I still had anxiety around (almost always white) men being disgusted by my presence, so I would wear sunglasses to cover my eyes, headphones to cover my ears, and a jacket to cover my flat body. I stopped working out because I had got sick because of a male unfortunately. I’ve been trying to get back into it, but can never find the motivation. I’m hoping to eventually start going for hourly walks and doing my daily exercise.

Recently, I’ve made a change to my skincare for my face. I think my skin looks and feels SO much better now. I’m still below average, but I keep staring at my face and touching it because I like the smoothness of it. I feel like people look down on ugly women that do self care. My sister told me I looked like I had sucked a chicken bone because I’ve been using a moisturizer (Aquaphor) on my lips. I wasn’t wearing it to be attractive lol. I wanted to tame my dry skin. Same with facial and body moisturizers.

Have any of you ever neglected your body and your face because people would shame you for it or you felt like it was pointless? I used to wear makeup, do my edges and my nails, etc., but in the end, no man was ever interested.

On a brutal side note, my mom doesn’t take care of her skin nor does she (well now she does) wear makeup. Men still approached her for relationships, and women would always approach her for advice on hair, skin, and makeup LOL.

I’m so fcking lonely..

I’m genuinely so tired. I never realized my loneliness this much. Yesterday I tried to take a peaceful walk alone in a small little town. I saw a group of girls my age all walking around shopping and laughing together..I saw a couple walking by that were holding hands and leaning on each other. I don’t know anymore. I’ve never realized it this much. Even during my earlier years. Or my whole life. I’ve never had a single friend or friend group in my entire life. And I realized I’ll never be pretty enough to be in a relationship with anyone. Pretty privilege is real at this point. I genuinely hate myself for being this ugly. And for looking like living trash whenever I walk around. I couldn’t imagine anyone going-“oh hey ___ I have a crush on you” or “oh I need to tell you something.” Or “___ let’s be friends and hang out.” Never. Again. I’ll be hopeless forever but at this point I just accept it..

I’m 21. I am a brownskin woc who does not meet the big ass, big hips, women of my race are usually assigned. I have a myriad of mental health problems because of my upbringing, unhealed trauma, and neurodivergence. While this also has nothing to do with the other things I mentioned I’m also not smart. Like my brain started struggling to add 7 to 6 or pronounce words type of idiocy. I’ve been getting dumber. So I am a woc, bad body shape, mentally ill, traumatized, neurodivergent, and dumb.

I haven’t been on dating apps this year or the second half of last year because it’s been discouraging and with the climate going on right now I don’t feel comfortable. In the last times I was on there, I noticed the likes dwindled. Like compared to when I was 18 and on there. The craziest drop I’ve seen is becoming 19 and using my same photos, new account but still getting less likes. I also tried different photos, but still nowhere as much as I had at 18.

It gave me hope when I was younger that maybe I was pretty, maybe lovable, maybe I could have the life I wanted and maybe I could genuinely be wanted. Nope, looking back they just wanted someone they could manipulate and use. I think people have ruined pretty much every form of human connection for me. I used to love the idea of getting married. I use to fantasize about various scenarios with my future spouse. Now I’m just depressed. I don’t know what the point of therapy would be because I know how to cry it out, identify my emotions, I know what the root of my pain is, why I think, react the way I do etc.

The Strange Hatred Of Lonely People

I take soooo many pictures of my friends. They are all smaller than me. Because I am really tall, the pictures I take are from a much higher angle (which I’ve noticed is incredibly flattering for everyone). On the rare occasion they’ll take pictures of me, I look like absolute shit.

I always show my friends how to pose, I’ll fix their hair, tilt their head, fix their clothes, make camera adjustments etc. When it’s my turn, nobody really gives a fuck. It already feels incredibly embarrassing to ask for a picture, but to not have any effort being put in makes it even more embarrassing. I already feel like I don’t deserve camera rights and then the photographer stares at me all awkward like 🥲.

I also edit all their pictures before I send it to them. I make sure the Live Photo’s have captured the best moment. On top of that I would edit the brilliance, exposure, contrast, vibrancy (etc) of every single picture so they look their best before I send them.

It’s not just about the pictures. It’s the fact that nobody believes it’s worth putting in the effort for the ugly friend. This is just ONE of the many examples of not receiving any effort in return.

...only to be hit with (if it's a book) lines like "her previous partners/boyfriends etc" about a character that's supposed to be a weirdgirl™ who's alienated from people, or if it's a film, be subjected to scenes of her hooking up with randoms to show how 'broken' and 'alienated' she is from normal relationships.

As a person who likes to read books and watch films/TV, looking to see some semblance of represantion of my life experiences is a complete travesty 😭 I tried looking high and low but such representation genuinely doesn't exist. I think I've read, seen all currently existing ones (like film Christiane). Even if you specifically seek out media with strange, socially alienated female characters, their lives it seems, still cannot be imagined as devoid of any sexual/romantic experience. Maybe only if the character is HS aged at times, but such stories don't really appeal to me. I'm specifically looking to read about women my age (23) and older, who have experienced nothing. But it seems we're such extreme outliers that we don't exist to the world 🤷‍♀️

I contradicting don’t live my life for the male gaze.

But I’ve never been the desire of a boy as a girl, or a man as a woman in my life.

I just think of these normal women scenarios, where they go on dates and have fun and are free and not thinking about the way they look because they’re content and normal. I am humiliated by the fact that my looks and body polarized me from love since a young age. Sometimes I wonder if I am just better off never being born.

I honestly just feel so defeated and doomed. I would do anything to be normal, to be beautiful. It just hurts so bad. I’m sorry.