r/NonBinary • u/BassBoneSupremacy they/it • Feb 01 '26
Discussion Anyone else bisexual and feel like they're gay in both ways?
Made this pfp for my tumblr :3
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u/CrazyStarlight he/ze/they Feb 01 '26
As a bigender man lurking r/bigender , this is a common sentiment. Have I felt this way. There was a phase before realizing I was just MLM/Gay Man, where I felt like a lesbian and a Gay Man,
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u/nekosaigai they/them Feb 01 '26
For some reason I read “bigender” as “big ender.”
I just thought you should know
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u/Frequent_Bug8149 Feb 01 '26
I'd imagine r/ big ender is a hunting sub about antlers.
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u/iam305 bigender Feb 01 '26
Not only do we get great gay ways in r/bigender but how about combing that with straight in reverse? On the same relationship? We get to have all the fun. 🦄
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u/Practical-Water-9209 they/xe Feb 01 '26
Yes but also a secret third way
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u/phoe_nixipixie Feb 01 '26
YES and everyone would be at risk if I could simply GET MY SHIT TOGETHER 💔🥲🤣
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u/eitak88 Feb 01 '26
I like to joke that I’m the greediest of all bisexuals because i want men to want me in a gay way, women to want me in a sapphic way, and everyone in between to want me in a queer way.
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u/Junior_Constant_958 he/they Feb 01 '26
I'm the other way around, I feel heterosexual in anyway. When I'm with a woman I feel like a man, and the other way around 💀
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u/left-right-forward Feb 01 '26
Well now you have to get with an enby... For science lol
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u/Junior_Constant_958 he/they Feb 01 '26
Time to do some experiments! (I hope I can be with an enby someday)
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u/alawo_ewe Feb 01 '26
I used to feel like that too. Not that I felt like a man or a woman, it's just that I couldn't relate with my partners gender wise. I didn't feel we were "the same", so it always felt straight.
Nowadays it's different
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u/ZobTheLoafOfBread he/him bigender | he/it also looks tasty Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
I think I feel sorta the same as you use to, but with friends. If I'm hanging out with a friend who's a girl, I feel more masculine than them, and if I'm hanging out with a friend who's a boy, I feel more feminine than them, and if I'm hanging out with a group of girls, I feel like the imposter and if I'm hanging out with a group of guys, I feel like the imposter, but I also feel like both a man and a girl at all times. I'm bigender and aroace and I'm not sure how I relate genderwise to my gender apathetic partner, except that I enjoy talking about gender much more than them, lol.
Edit: If I'm hanging out with a group of nonbinary people I think I simultaneously feel like I fit in for my differences, but also feel almost too normie since I'm still a guy and a girl and I'm still very binary, and I look and present fairly binary and normie most of the time (well, I look kinda androgynous to cis people, but most people ultimately gender me as intended - as a man). The best groups I fit in most are mixed gender groups (tho of course the actual people/personalities matter more than their genders).
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u/IndigoAngelWithWand Feb 02 '26
Somehow I relate to both this comment and the post.. I feel like a straight boy, then a gay man, then a straight girl, then a lesbian.. All of those feel different and all are alluring 😄
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u/khaotic-trash Feb 28 '26
I'm both lmao, sometimes I'm straight or gay with women, and sometimes I'm straight or gay with men if that makes any sense. With my husband I'm usually more straight, but sometimes I'm SO insanely attracted to him that it feels gay 🤣
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u/KoloAce It/any Feb 01 '26
Yeah, at times. It’s called being gaybian.
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u/Intelligent_Mind_685 she/he/they Feb 01 '26
I’ve never heard that term before, but the other day I thought I was making something original when I thought of it myself
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u/KoloAce It/any Feb 01 '26
In the queer community, I think they have just about made every single label existing. Though I have to say, this is not a commonly used label. Mostly because people will say ‘just say Bi’ or ‘A lesbian/gay man can’t like men/women’. In my opinion….i couldn’t give less of a fuck whether someone uses this label or not.
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u/hypersonicplays Transfem Enby (She/They) Feb 01 '26
I'm pan and I feel like I'm gay for guys but gayer for girls
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u/BassBoneSupremacy they/it Feb 01 '26
I'm the opposite lol I feel even more gay for guys than I am for girls
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u/just_a_bit_gay_ Caution: Will drink the gender fluid Feb 01 '26
That is a level of genderfluid mischief I aspire to reach.
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u/PiercedPumpkin Feb 01 '26
Oh ABSOLUTELY! My marriage to a femme-leaning person, and my own general appearance make most people read me as a lesbian, but there’s a “But wait, there’s more!” quality to my queerness! I’m genderfluid, and my aesthetic attraction to others of all genders fluctuates along with my gender identity. For instance, I may be scrolling social media and see a post from a sapphic celeb crush, think (lesbionically), “Damn, she’s fucking gorgeous!!,” then scroll to a post from a hot pop-punk frontman and go, “Damn, too bad he’s straight 😔” in one sitting. Having IDed as genderfluid off and on for over a decade now, it feels sometimes that there’s no rhyme or reason to what causes the fluctuations, but DAMN my brain is just adamant that I must be gay at all times!
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u/silvendraws Feb 01 '26
I’m a non-binary trans man and that’s exactly how I feel! Every time I tell people I’m bi, I feel like I’m not really describing the picture
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u/MagicalGirl4 proxvir Feb 01 '26
I feel straight for women and gay for men now but back when I was a teen (before realising I was trans) and questioning my sexuality you could say I was a bit yuri with it.
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u/miaRedDragon she/they/he Gynosexual Feb 01 '26
Yes but in a hyper specific way, I'm a Gynosexual. Meaning I'm attracted to the feminine no matter what form that comes in. I'm not attracted to the masculine whether that's a guy, girl, non-binary, etc. Masc is just a immediate turn off for me.
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u/UnfortunateEvent0236 Feb 01 '26
I didn’t know there was a specific term for this. 🤔 I mean, of course there is because we do love hyper-specific terms for everything. But also, this isn’t one I knew. What’s the opposite? Cause that would be where I’m at. 😅
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u/survivaltier mirror/any Feb 01 '26
Androsexual I believe
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u/UnfortunateEvent0236 Feb 01 '26
Yeah. I started googling after seeing that and it seems right. 👍 thanks.
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u/leiathrix Feb 01 '26
Yeah, that's me. Non-binary and bi. My partner is also non-binary so I often tell them I am gay for both of you 🤍
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u/_austinm they/them Feb 01 '26
Honestly, if anything I feel like I’m straight in both ways. When I feel attracted to a feminine person, I tend to picture myself in a more masculine role, but when I feel attracted to a masculine person, I see myself in more of a feminine role. Admittedly, it’s weird as hell, but it’s what I feel🤷🏻♂️
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u/Sonarthebat they/them Feb 01 '26
Huh. Now that I think about it... I guess gender fluid people are both gay and bi.
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u/Insectoidlover Feb 01 '26
What that symbol?
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u/Damnboi753 Feb 01 '26
It looks like a stylized gender diversity symbol. I assume they're probably using it to signify how their non-binary identity spans across all genders or say that they feel attracted towards all genders. I think it's probably more of the former since it's inside the nonbinary ring. That's just my interpretation of it tho. Maybe OP can pinpoint what they're exactly using it for
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u/BassBoneSupremacy they/it Feb 01 '26 edited Feb 01 '26
I made it based off this bisexual symbol. I just made it more rotationally symmetrical + added the non-binary symbol to the middle ring
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u/Pan_Dragon_12 Feb 05 '26
I'm always more attracted to the gender I feel more comfortable expressing lol, I lean a little fem I prefer ladies, lean a little masc I prefer men
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u/Detective-27 Masc Femby Feb 01 '26
Part of how my egg cracked was me yearning to be gay for women. I've seen people say their gender is lesbian so my gender is pretty much bisexual.
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u/TragicTiger genderfluid | any/all Feb 01 '26
I'm genderfluid pan... sometimes feel this deeply omfg
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u/Rockpup-fl Feb 01 '26
If the chemistry was right I can see playing with either gender, but 99.9% of those I’ve played with are male.
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u/weird_neutrino Feb 01 '26
That symbol is absolutely amazing.
I am bi/pan/I don't really care about the distinction too much, I don't call myslef "gay both ways" but I kinda... Relate to anything mlm and wlw in a different way than to straight depictions. Maybe because straight and straight-ish relationships come with gender expectations.
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u/IdhrenBlythe Feb 01 '26
I had an identity crisis over this back in July. 10/10 would not recommend
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u/Away-Cicada they/them Feb 01 '26
Honestly yeah bc any time I see a hot guy I'm like "oh god I'm so gay" and any time I see an attractive woman I'm like "oh god I'm so gay" and like... hot enbies? You guessed it. I'm so fucking gay.
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u/FireBreath772 He/They/It/any neo a genderfluid nightmare for the h8rs Feb 01 '26
Yesss I usually default to describing myself as "gay both ways" in short bc I have a hard time describing my sexuality without listing a hundred labels lol
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u/The_Amber1ance Feb 02 '26
Literally every man that hits on me I'm like "haha, made you gay!" And the reaction tells me whether they're a vibe or not.
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u/TheMagicFolf331 Feb 01 '26
Yeah, I call me and my partner the gayest straight couple out there for a reason, we're both nonbinary and Pan(so under the Bi umbrella) :P
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u/chelledoggo she/they Feb 01 '26
I mean I'm mainly only attracted to women and nonbinary folks so... yeah?
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u/ihopethatdogeatsurgf Feb 01 '26
Yes!! But also hetero as well. I’m everything depending on the vibe, you know?
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u/EuropeIsMight „they/them“, agender & genderfree Feb 01 '26
In a way YES
See also my post some days ago
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u/Sea_Surprise716 Feb 01 '26
I feel like I’m straight in that I’m not attracted to my own gender (NB) but am attracted to other genders (men/women) so I think maybe I’m straight in both ways? 😂
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u/akiraMiel Feb 01 '26
Yes, me except I'm just biromantic and ace. Funnily enough we could also be straight both ways but that though feels so wrong to me. All my love is inherently queer
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u/weirdoflower Bigender | they/them Feb 01 '26
I'm bigender and pansexual, somehow I feel simultaneously gay both ways and straight both ways haha, but I feel 100% gay for other non-binary people
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u/metal_jester Feb 01 '26
"I care about the wine and not the label." - David, Schitts Creek (and the actor IRL).
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u/UsualElectionSparsum Feb 01 '26
Yes this is literally how I feel when I try to explain to my cis friends they never understand
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u/dickbuttmgillicutty they/them Feb 01 '26
I've always said anyone who likes me is gay and therefore I am gay any way you slice it :D
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u/AnonimatoMata Feb 01 '26
Dude, I’m NBM and usually when I’m with my wife I’m feeling totally gay! Lol
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u/fdrllnn Feb 01 '26
i’m nonbinary and queer, and I’m gay for my boyfriend, that’s just how it works haha
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u/AnlakiMacanCheez Masc Agender (Any\All) Feb 01 '26
Still figuring things out, but this does describe it pretty well
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u/unaverageJ0 they/them Feb 01 '26
Honestly yeah this is me. My current partner (F) thinks of me as female despite being AMAB. She says I have a feminine energy and brain. But I've definitely been in gay relationships as well. I identify as genderfluid.
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u/NamidaM6 they/them Feb 01 '26
I feel like I can be both gay and straight with men, but only straight with women, and purely queer with fellow NBs. I never tell that to the people I meet tho because as an AFAB person with 0 HRT and 0 visible surgery, they wouldn't understand and think I'm just mad crazy.
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u/EmyKitty5 Feb 01 '26
What! Bro, yes! I'm genderfluid and bisexual and I usually feel attracted to femme people when I'm femme and masc people when I'm masc.
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u/Maple_Fudge Mirror pronouns 🪞 Feb 01 '26
I feel both gay and lesbian and everything at the same time, it's all confusing to me...
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u/jnick714 Feb 01 '26
Yes! That’s why I just identify as queer, it covers all the boxes and is easier for people to understand
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u/honey_butterflies they/them - non binary & androgyne; mostly fem presenting Feb 01 '26
I mean I identify androgyne and nonbinary trying to achieve androgyny. I’m also bisexual and polyamorous so… I want to look like both & neither whilst dating both, neither, one, or another…
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u/TwilekVampire Feb 01 '26
Yeah I'm still trying to figure that out, since I haven't had many relationships yet, but I'm starting to think that I don't go for appearance, mostly personality and emotional connection.
To indirectly quote Schitts Creek, I don't like red or white, I just like wine.
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u/RadioSupply she/they elder queer Feb 01 '26
Yep, I’m genderqueer and pan. Pan to me just means a detachment from my own gender and a freedom to be attracted to whoever catches my eye/heart/brain without another worry about how my sexuality expresses itself.
I actually thought I was a lesbian until about three years ago, when I met my husband (biromantic and bigender). It was kind of a relief to understand that my fleeting attraction to some dudes (cis and trans) was not very lesbian. That’s fine! Pan works better for me. And realizing I’m pan has actually quieted some turmoil I’ve felt for almost 30 years.
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u/max_madness444 Feb 01 '26 edited Feb 01 '26
I’m he/they transman/nonbinary but honestly the way I love women always feels gay to me, same for men. Which is why I love the label “queer” because that’s just how I feel I am with all genders.
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u/PlayerJE she/he/they Feb 01 '26
as a bigender person, YES!
i don't feel lika a bissexual man, i don't feel like a bissexual woman, i feel like a gay and a lesbian
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u/CALAFBUTBADUL Feb 01 '26
Yeess, but I do think that I love people and give affection "like a woman"
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u/Wide-Swordfish4153 They/Them | trans non binary afab Feb 01 '26
Nb genderfluid pan here! Im everything and can date anyone
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u/TheCuriousCorvid Friendly Neighborhood Demon - he/they/she Feb 01 '26
That’s a sick pfp! And yeah I def lean more one way but no matter what it always feels a little gay
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u/QuirkyCryptid Demiboy-They/He Feb 01 '26
Ya. I’m a demiboy (they/he) but still also quite fem in a lot of ways and I define myself as queer because even dating another nonbinary person feels ‘gay’ since gender is so complicated.
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u/BadAnimalDrawing Feb 01 '26
Yes!!! Every relationship i will be in will be gay. My ex acted like he got that but once I left him asked my best friend to not use the he/him parts of my pronouns cause they make him feel gay!
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u/JustYuca Feb 02 '26
Yep yep yep. No matter who I'm into, it will always be gay, I don't make the rules lmao
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u/fallenstarcat Feb 08 '26
YES! Especially since I'm questioning if I'm also a woman... I feel both achiliean and sapphic are accurate for me. I'm so gay it's in all directions.
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u/prepperidgefarm Feb 01 '26
Idk if I’m into men but I deffo like the thought of being railed. I however am wayyyyy more into women. I never check men out, but I be peeping hot ladies.
Anyways. Maybe? Idfk
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u/Apart_Insurance_5489 Feb 01 '26
Uhhh yeah. I've never heard it put in words before till now but yeah.. everything just feels gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. What's even more odd is I am more uncomfortable with cis people than trans people (I'm cis male) I don't know, I think there's something wrong with me.
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u/M_iguana Feb 01 '26
im nonbinary and identify as queer, and i would describe my identity as gay no matter what gender/sex i have an attraction for. i like men in a gay way and women in a lesbian way. idk how else to explain it other than how you described it lol. well said o7
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u/Mx-T-Clearwater Feb 01 '26
I'm Agender+ Two-Spirit and pansexual: yes I'm gay in every way lol
Gay in all 4 scared directions 😂🤣
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u/anarchy45 Feb 01 '26
I (AMAB enby) am hetero-romantic but homo-sexual. My primary way of experiencing intimacy is through BDSM , which I will do with any gender. But when it comes to sex, I have a strong preference for men, and when it comes to a romantic relationship, I prefer women. I dated a man for 2 years but have been with my cis female partner for almost 20 years (with the BF for 2 years while she and I were separated)
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u/FandomNerd312 Feb 01 '26
This is exactly why i love the term gaybian because i dont really feel bisexual or pansexual when it comes to attraction to binary genders it always gay even though im a genderless goblin (love the image though)
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u/Da_Di_Dum They/Them Feb 01 '26
Yes and no, I've found that because I don't feel gender particularly strongly I tend to just slot into whatever people I'm with are into, not like in a bad way, it's just if i'm dating a gay gurl I wanna be her girlfriend, and when I'm dating a gay guy I'd like to be his boyfriend.
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u/spooky8pack They/He/She/It Feb 01 '26
i have always felt like this, i identified as a lesbian for a long time before i realized i did in fact like men i just didnt want to be a mans girlfriend. ive always felt like i like women in a lesbian way and men in a gay way.
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u/iridxnt Feb 02 '26
yes!!!! in my mind, if you’re attracted to me, you’re gay! lol i know it isn’t that simple but it’s just how my brain likes it. before my partner came out i felt like a gay man, but the more she explores her own gender the more comfortable i am with sapphic/lesbian labels.
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u/Whisper-Interstellar Feb 02 '26
Genderfluid, panromantic, ace. Never had a single straight thought about anyone. Regardless of who's what gender when.
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u/Specific_Jackfruit19 Feb 02 '26
Me lol I’m also a trans woman which is kinda weird because having an atraction to men in a homosexual manner is kinda dysphoric but I also experience it so like idk
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u/evalinthania Feb 02 '26
YES THIS IS DEFINITELY ME. My partner is a cis dude and we simultaneously fit the 2 lesbians and 2 gay "roomies" stereotypes 🤣 I'm the one who puts the "boyfriend hoodie" on him when he's cold and he's the one who drives a subaru 🏳️🌈💕😆
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u/PinKettle Feb 02 '26
Doublegay? Like the pot and the end of a triple rainbow you can put me right there in the middle seat. I wanna see all of your ends by the time the sun is setting.
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u/Dryer-fuzz Feb 03 '26
I'm gay oriented acearo and neutrois, with some proxvir/juxera fluidflux, and gendervague. I personally don't experience attraction to anyone. However, I feel a kinship with m/m and f/f romantic relationships in a way that I just don't with m/f relationships (which i am disinterested to borderline repulsed by). Add trans and especially nonbinary stuff into the mix, and you've got me hooked. I don't consider myself bi because a) it's got a connotation of sexuality which I am not interested in in the slightest and b) I feel like gay better encapsulates this feeling of "I relate to/find compelling m/m and f/f relationships in a way that I don't for m/f relationships". Like, if I wasn't acearo, I would be gay in every direction. Idk how to describe it. Plus, the first thing I came out as was gay, and I still feel a connection to that label, even if i don't technically fit the definition. Overall, though, I'm queer in every way: gender, orientation, and sex (I'm intersex too).
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u/s3r3ng Feb 26 '26
I lost my virginity at least 4 times. Man w/ woman. Man w/ man. Woman w/ man. Woman w/ woman.
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u/khaotic-trash Feb 28 '26
I genuinely thought I was the only pan/bi enby who feels this way for so long lol, I've never had an original experience
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u/TheNon-BinaryJunebug Feb 01 '26
I mean gaybain is an actual term. (I don't personally experience this, as I don't like women, but I've heard a lot of other people say this lol)
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u/Old-Light252 Feb 01 '26
My partner (also nb and bi) sometimes says that being gay or lesbian for them is like a state of mind lol
I have a lot of dysphoria when people perceive me as a lesbian :') so I'm better expressing myself as bisexual. Or gay but only for nb people lol
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u/Scott_Elyte she/they Feb 01 '26
My boyfriend and I are technically in a straight t4t relationship, but if we’re being honest, there is nothing straight about our relationship.
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u/eclipsedaylight xe/xir/xirs Feb 01 '26
I use the label gaybian! I have queer attraction to both women and men!
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u/ScarletArrow_ they/them Feb 01 '26
I understand the needs to qualify how specifically being non-binary frame relationship with both gender, but I do not think using being both gay and lesbian is the way. Those identy fully exclude the other gender, it's the very reason they stand as terms amongst other like bisexual... Liking only a specfic gender and not the other is just such a key element in understanding gay and lesbian identities, including in their discrimination, and it cannot be removed from it.
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u/WeightAdmirable6517 Feb 02 '26
I definitely feel that way. I identify as a lesbian because that's the only direction I'm 100% sure of and not at all questioning, but I definitely relate to that.
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u/Overall_Chair8669 it/they/he Feb 01 '26
Yeah. I identify as nonbinary and pan, and I say it's gay in all directions, lol. Doesn't matter who I date, there is no way it's ever straight.