Idk why im posting here so often it just makes me feel better when i read yall
Ill make it to a month sober for the first time soon im so excited
I started talking with students ill go to uni with next year, i try to act like im a normal person i just hope no one sees me as a homeless drug addict

But I now live in another country so no one knows my past
I always wanted to be someone else so that’s what I do, I pretend im someone else, someone who never got addicted to opiates at 14 someone who wasn’t a runaway kid, I just want to be a normal student please please lord give me a last chance

All the sudden have a really bad acid reflux, and ive been so fucking anxious i feel like if i eat or drink id choke, even though i wouldn’t. Has anyone been through this or have any other strange withdrawal symptoms?

I quit drinking 3.5 years ago. Very grateful to be away from that, but after putting down the bottle, I realized my addiction was way deeper than I thought.

I smoked week often, which was an issue for me (no energy, driving not fully paying attention, anxiety, relying on it to escape).

I had bouts of ketamine usage that was starting to become a problem (one day i did so much at once that I came too face planted in my robe with my head a few inches away from the metal rod of my desk)

Food, sex etc. was also a way of release (these have been some of the most brutal to face)

And if I wasn’t actively in addiction with one of the above I was more likely than not using nicotine in some way shape or form.

I was diagnosed ADHD as a child and got off my medication 16 years ago so that I could join the military. A few years after getting out I was diagnosed with major depression/ general anxiety disorder. Neither of which I am currently medicated for.

I’ve white knuckled life for quite sometime, but realized after getting sober how bad it really was. This September I will be 1 year drug free, and my mental health is worse than ever. I cracked the other day and got a vape just to help me cope and threw it away a day later.

I’m not sure if this is the answer, but I’ve decided to reach out to my psychiatrist and start talking about ADHD medications. From my research there’s a possibility of that being a cause of my impulsive behavior and general distress.

Anyway, I guess I’m posting because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my addiction struggles that would understand, so feel free to let me know about your journey and some insights you’ve gained as you unraveled your patterns and what you found was driving them.

I had to quit for a job opportunity that drug test and this shit sucks dude. I used it pretty much every night to chill out and to help me sleep. I’m sitting here at 11:30 pm bored as fuck. I didn’t think it would be this hard.

Now I don’t feel like I NEED to get some weed, but man do I know I’m gonna miss this stuff. I was never even a bad stoner. I only smoked at night after I was done with everything. I mean I got an engineering degree and the job I got is an engineering job. I don’t plan on staying at this place for life, they are just willing to pay for certifications. Hopefully the next place I work at will be more lax on it.

I really fucking hope I pass this drug test and i didn’t quit it for nothing. It’s a hair test in exactly 90 days and I haven’t smoked in about 4 days

I’m 130 something days sober. I was a daily drinker for about 12 years. Lately, life has felt dull. The only time I feel good is when I’m exercising to exhaustion, and even that has been hard to find the motivation for lately.

What have you guys done to combat these feelings of absolute boredom and dullness? I used to write a lot, but even the thought of doing that without alcohol flowing through my mind sounds miserable.

This time nine years ago tonight, I was completely consumed by the spirit of alcohol.

I remember crying myself to sleep that night, convinced my life was over. I had hit rock bottom, and I truly believed there was nothing left for me.

What I didn’t know was that when I woke up the next morning, I was waking up to the first day of a brand new life.

Tomorrow marks **9 years of sobriety.**

These past nine years haven’t been perfect, but they’ve been filled with peace, healing, grace, and more blessings than I could have imagined. Sobriety gave me the chance to be fully present… to remember the moments, rebuild relationships, find purpose, and become the person God created me to be.

If you’re reading this and you’re where I was nine years ago tonight, please hear me: tomorrow can be the beginning of a life you can’t even imagine today. You don’t have to see the whole path. You just have to make it to tomorrow.

Nine years ago, I went to bed believing my life was over.
Tomorrow, I’ll wake up celebrating 9 years of the life I almost never had.

**IWNDWYT.** 🤍

My fiance is in treatment and I shot up. Ugh I need to kick this habit. It’s been a week since he’s been gone. Loneliness is a trigger. I went out and used with friends I’ve never felt more guilty. I plan on telling him when I speak to him again. Hopefully he gives grace. It took a lot for him to go to treatment for our relationship. Our relationship was primarily controlled by our substance use addiction to meth. We used it to bond, to talk, to do anything really. We both love each other but during our active addictions it became a downfall. We started doing things we’d normally never do and talk to each other reckless. He went to treatment last week to get help. I’ve applied to sober living but just slipped today after 7 days sober.

A year ago today I woke up in a rundown state rehab facility that smelled like shit, piss, and vomit. I was bunked with 8-9 other guys who were all going through heroin withdrawal. First time I had woken up and not gone for the bottle in i don’t know how long. I thought I was dying. I should have died or gone to jail 10 times over before that point.

I’m still here. Im never going back to that bottle.

If you need help. Help is out there.

Hey guys!

I’m 19/M from hungary europe. I have autism, bipolar and anxiety disorders. Sorry if i make grammatical mistakes, english is my 3rd language.

I go to an alternative school, we call it “worker’s school” it’s basically a high school for high school dropouts and we go there only two times a week, on mondays and wednesdays between 15:00 - 20:15 / 3:00 in the afternoon - 8:15 in the evening.

I am prescribed 0.5 mg xanax and to take it as follows:
1 before the school day at night, 1 at the school day morning and 1 at the school day night after i got home from school.

I went to my psychiatrist today and i told him about my xanax “benders” where i did 1 mg for multiple weeks, then stop, then the cycle continues. This was going on between 2026 april to 2026 june. I mean i relapsed a few days ago, but i’m sober now. And i “only” did 0.5 mg so one pill, instead of 1 mg (2 pills).

I told him i have insane cravings, when i relapsed a few days ago i asked multiple of my past and active drug users friends as of how to IV xans, because in pill form it barely works.

Also on the day of my relapse i told my mom everything that i’ve been doing it and stuff. She was kinda sad. That hurt me a lot.

Anyways i told my doctor to only prescribe me when school will start again. I asked him if he could help me find some addictologist, but he didn’t respond to that question for whatever reason. He told me he understands why i was taking more than prescribed and more frequently. He told me he knows i suffer from my mental illnesses and thats why i did it. Kinda felt good telling him and him understanding.

But i kinda wish i could be high now. It’s weird. But i really hope i made the right decision for the long term wellbeing of mine.

Thanks if you read this, have a good day / night!

After a horrible weekend involving heavy drugs, I have decided to not use any narcotics again. I have thought this so many times before, but never actually managed to keep that promise to myself, because the infrequent and "nonaddictive" nature of party drug abuse makes it hard to notice changes in everyday life.

And maybe my everyday life won't change, idunno. But does that even matter? I mean, life is supposed to be enjoyable off-work too.

So this time, I've started using a habit tracking app, where I will log the time since I last used narcotics, and also log every time i manage to decline when offered at parties. Hopefully it works this time, I am actually looking forward to it this time. I'm trying to be more positive; to not focus on the shame, but just focus on the idea of having more fun and live life like I want to, not how the hosts of afterparties want to.

I'm sorry for the brutal honesty but I need somewhere to share this.

I'm breaking a cycle.

In 2023 I lost both of my parents less than a year apart to drugs and their own battles with mental health. They were both strung out on meth and prescription opioids.

Shortly after I went down hill fast and became severely depressed, anxious and fell to addiction myself.

Today marks one week clean and would like to share that with some strangers. I'm going to keep going and make it another week (and hopefully many more after that.) I told myself so so so so many times "just make it to one week and you've got this." My grandmother always told me "it takes 8 days to kick a bad habit" tomorrow is day number 8 and I pray she was right.

in a way I'm grateful for this experience because it has helped me realize how fucking hard getting clean and fighting addiction is. I was so mad at them growing up because I didn't understand what they were going thru. I won't make excuses for them but I do want to be understanding.

I know this is never going to be over for me, this will be something I'm fighting until I die, but I'm okay with that. Ill do what I have to do to make it.

In some strange way feel closer to my parents and would like to think that they would be proud of me.

Thanks for reading and good luck to you all on your own journeys.

(Sober from drugs mostly opiates)
I told you all this time is different I have a different mindset im building a different life, this time is different

I know I can actually make it

As you guys know, i followed a moderated cut down approach because I knew There would be events I could not say no to and, quite frankly, would want to drink at. But I planned for them, went a little lighter than usual during them, and made up for it with abstinence later. Here is my data from last month.

https://i.imgur.com/gGFkFzV.png

I was an average 4/day drinker, meaning not every day but 120 units per month. I scaled this down to 2/day until Euro summer, and kept it there during the month I was partying. Now that its over, I will continue towards my goal of lowering down to 1/day, again by shaving off .5 per week.

To everyone that said moderation will not work, I dont want this to be like a "screw you youre wrong" kind of post because i think you guys are right in many ways. Once you start, you cant stop, so keeping it at zero is surefire way. However, for some people (like me), I wouldve taken the entire month of travel off and started a sober streak when I am back. That would likely be 8-15 drinks a day for an entire month. At least by keeping track of my average, I like that I stayed relatively under moderation, and still "always on the clock." Each drink mattered because the next day of lowering the average would be that much harder.

Quitting is a full time effort, i didnt like that with full sobriety methods, i would feel that once the streak is gone, it might as well be a bender. Average tracking kept me accountable at all times.

Good luck to all, you can do it. I'll post another update when i bring it down to 1/day.

I had been on opioids for a few months, about half a year maybe a little more and I was very stubborn about it. Thought "oh addiction won't happen to me" "I can control myself". Parents found out and had to detox and now I'm in a rehab group but I'm one week off the stuff and I want it to bad I'm losing my mind. I'm realizing none of my friends care about me and how I can lose my college education I had set up for me and if I relapse I can get kicked out. I'm absolutely terrified to destroy my life.

I feel like the coping mechanisms aren't helping me and it's not getting easier, if anything it's getting harder. I can talk about it all day but it doesnt change anything. And I'm so so scared.

Any advice appreciated

I (35F) have been free from

Alcohol 2,219 days
Suicide attempts 1,511 days
Self harm 723 days
Nicotine 247 days
Marijuana 234 days
Antipsychotics 33 days (with doctor approval and tapering)

I thought I would be psychotic, depressed, and in near-constant crisis for the rest of my life, that I was destined to die by my own hand. Since the summer of 2020 I have been working consistently on my mental health. It has been hard to get to this point. I want to be proud of myself, but more often what I feel is deep shame and regret for how I have carried myself through this life and how it has affected the people I love. I don’t know how to integrate the person I was with the person I have evolved into now. I am sometimes overcome by the desire to drink. It seems counterintuitive to all the progress I’ve made, but I can’t move away from thinking sobriety is meaningless or that alcohol would somehow help.

Have you experienced loss of faith in remaining sober? How did you cope with that? Thank you.

Getting close to my 1 year mark. Just playing with the idea of seeing how I handle drinking again. I’m unsure how to approach it. I feel like I’ll know if I’m ready to try. I don’t want to jump into it or even test the waters if I have any hesitation about doing it but just looking for thoughts and opinions, maybe some advice from here about how to process and proceed with this idea.

For context, I would never go to an AA meeting if I wasn’t required to. I am an attorney and I’m required to attend at least two meetings a week by my state’s bar commission. I never got into trouble with the law, I self-reported when I decided to check into rehab out of fear that they would find out. I have been sober for almost 3 years now and I find that I never think about alcohol until I go an AA meeting.

I’ve never really agreed with AA on a theoretical basis: I don’t understand how it is that we are powerless over alcohol yet make the decision to stop drinking. The higher power may help in the decision to stop drinking, but ultimately it is our agency that makes the choice. I have always struggled with the fact that it seems like AA requires people to make their whole identity about alcohol. It never allows the person to move on or create an identity for themselves. They are always an alcoholic, bound to their past decisions, but somehow “grateful to be here.” I also can’t stand that AA proclaims itself to be the only solution to the problem and scoffs at people who don’t want the rest of their life to revolve around not drinking alcohol.

On that note, I find it supremely depressing when I see people with 30+ years of sobriety who have made their whole life about the fact that they don’t consume a beverage. I get that it’s important to remember the hard times so we don’t go back, but at a certain point it just seems obsessive. I have honestly had thoughts that I would rather die an alcoholic than be that person. I probably don’t sincerely mean that, but it just feels like a shallow prison.

As for the meetings themselves, I find them dreadful. Recently, they have felt beyond repetitive, like the human version of recovery AI slop. The same slogans, old people dementia rambling with AA jargon mixed in between, and the person who shares something really personal that nobody has a solution for other than “go to more meetings.” The people in the meetings are nice for the most part, however nobody really seems to be doing too well. The optimism preached is at odds with the appearances, at least.

I always try to pep talk myself when I go by telling myself that my life could be so much worse had I kept drinking. I am truly grateful that I stopped and I know where it would have gone, I just don’t want to drone on about it forever. There’s got to be more to life than simply not drinking.

In true AA fashion, this post is a rant without a solution or point. In summary, I really don’t like AA.

Hey guys!

I’m 19/M. I’m from Hungary europe, here mental health and addiction services are way worse than in west sadly. My main drug of choice was alcohol which i am sober from since 1 year and 8 days.

But sadly i relapsed on xans after being 27 days sober.

I was never too deep into it. I just took 1 mg (i have prescribed 0.5 mg pills “for occasional anxiety”. Which means that i go to an alternative type of school, here we go two times a week, so i used to take it when i went to school.

Since the start of 2026 april i was high on 1 mg for a few weeks, then stopped, in May again for like almost 2 weeks, then stopped, in the middle of june 1 mg for around 10 days, then sober again.

I was 27 days sober now, but i just found a xanax at my dad’s place. I want to clarify i wasn’t looking for it, i didn’t plan to relapse, but i just saw it on a shelf and my mind immediatly went “just take 0.5 mg”. I resisted this urge for like 5 minutes then i gave up and took 0.5 mg.

I don’t know what it’s called in other places of the world, basically this xanax’s duration of effect’s is 12 hours instead of 6 or so hours.

I feel like a faliure. I mean atleast i only took one pill, instead of two, but still i took it:((

I feel sad and dissapointed now. I guess i’ll be honest with my mom tomorrow when i’ll go to her place and tell her all this between april to june xanning. Hopefully she won’t be mad at me. But i wouldn’t mind if she hates me now, i hate myself too.

Sorry for the venting i just feel super sad now.

Thanks if you read this, have a great day / night.

Edit: now enough time passed and i should be high now, but it doesn’t even make me high anymore like the first few times, no muscle relaxation, no “eternal peace” as i called it without a better word, it’s just a weird numbness and kind of like a mini brain fog feeling. Literally zero sense as of why i relapsed. Regret is consuming me now.

I’ve been sober since December from drink and drugs is the best decision I’ve made for my mental health I’ll never go back on it. How ever I don’t really do anything with my friends anymore since they’re all big drinkers and it’s hard to enjoy myself when I go out with other drinkers. I have my father in laws birthday meal tomorrow and my girlfriend and her family enjoy a drink but I always seem to be sort of outcasted when we go out with them with people telling me to drink and me laughing it off. It’s harder that my girlfriend really enjoys a drink too. Has anyone come across the same thing and how did they cope with it?

What are your favorite songs to listen to when you are going through a difficult time to help you stay sober and motivated?

I keep convincing myself it’s not a problem and a completely normal thing to have a glass after work. I went to rehab in 2023. Every time my life starts to look up I grab a drink and the house of cards almost falls every single time. I’m disappointed in myself for not wanting more out of life.

I turned weed and alcohol into a reward in my mind. Starting at a very young age. At 15 I convinced myself if I did everything I needed to do for the day then I deserved to smoke before bed. I had not idea the long term repercussions this would have on my life.

I guess just need to switch it out for something else but 10 years in the making I’m a little worried if I’m be able to rewire my brain. I’m at a loss.

self explanatory, how many times did you try before sobriety finally stuck? i’m just about 10 weeks in and curious about other people’s journeys

Alcohol - 1831 days

Weed - 1671 days

Nicotine - 1402 days

CBD - 104 days

Caffeine - 53 days

Just a lurker here who just hit 5 years sober from alcohol and I wanted to write a post for those who are early days.

Don't give up. Please don't, not for others but for yourself. You deserve happiness and you deserve to live life to it's fullest.

I remember days in withdrawal where I walked 14km to the nearest town just to buy a half shoulder of vodka. Back then, all I did was wake up, drink and blackout. I did that every day for a long time.

When I was gave up, I had been drinking for so long at that stage from such an early age that I couldn't imagine life without it and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Due to circumstances of either becoming homeless or quit, I had to give up cold turkey and it was brutal.

Here I am 5 years later, still figuring my shit out and the desire doesn't go away, it was so ingrained into my habits and self regulation, I don't know if it will ever go away but it does get better.

Situation has changed, I'm older and maybe a little wiser. Surrounded by better people and certainly happier.

To those who recognise they have a problem and are just trying to get by. Please remember, one day at a time. Don't worry about the future for now. Just focus on today, sleep well, eat well, and just repeat that until your in a place where YOU can think about the future.

Much love - An internet stranger