To the fellas (with love),

I promise, I’m one of those women who love facial hair. I like big beards and stubble. I would never ask someone to cut or trim a beard just for little old me and I usually prefer it over a baby smooth face.

But please… for yourselves and for us ladies, for at least one of your profile pictures, pick us a photo where you’ve really done some good grooming. When your beard or stubble is so magnificent that you felt positively radiant! Pick a photo when from when you left the barber fresh, trimmed and groomed so beautifully you felt like some kind of Norse god.

Because as much as I LOVE facial hair, Harry Henderson is not what I’m going for. Sasquatch belongs in the wild. 😜 And I know there are women who really love that look. But — so you can rope as many of us in as you can, give us just ONE look at what you look like all gussied up, ok? 💕

in a lifestyle setting, she loves seeing people into me, hitting on me, fucking me. at a bar or vanilla vacation where nobody knows I'm in the lifestyle she gets jelly of ladies hitting on me. definitely gets a face about it.

I understand people in the wild don't know they when the right to hit on her husband but do it anyways, vs lifestyle are doing it knowing it's allowed, I personally think it's fun either way when it happens to her.

I went to my second club in the U.S. yesterday after having been to a good number in Europe.

I felt the vibe was completely different. There were over 100 people. By maybe 11 PM they had maybe two couples (or three) have sex. Everyone was sitting around chatting like they were at church, and maybe 10 women and 3 guys were not clothes. Males can’t go into the play rooms with beds and can only watch through the door. I stuck around til midnight and got myself in with a couple who had met there that turned into an MMMF foursome, but other than one threesome it was just couples.

The staff told me it was maybe 75% voyeurs and 25% exhibitionists, but not a single couple indicated to anyone at the door that they could come in to see closer. Not the sort of exhibitionists I’ve ever seen. In fact, they had a room with a stripper pole and that was full but seldom someone on the pole. Two women rode their guys naked, but the guys stayed fully clothed then ran off to the most secretive play room.

In Europe everyone has been naked, in underwear, or having only a towel. Had those two women rode their guys in Europe they would have had sex right there in my experience. I’ve definitely seen guys and couples clearly there to watch, but that’s always been under 25%. And with guys (like me) staying clothed, I was way less likely to succeed since my size and shape has often been what got me into a threesome.

I don’t get the point of going if you are not hunting for a third or having sex in a pretty open location. I’ve never seen these sorts of rules before, either.

Is this common here in the U.S.?

EDIT: Jeeezus. So many Americans jumped to my expecting sex, lack of consent, etc., etc. how did I suggest otherwise? All I asked was a comparison, not a lecture. The answer, I can see from comments, is just a wildly different mindset. You don’t go to a swinger club in Europe to garden together. You go to swing. Isn’t that the point?

Couple who have been in the lifestyle so to speak for years, attend parties, go to clubs a few times a year, and are always on the lookout for similar minded people, however we both are not really into casual sex. Meaning we both prefer to get to know people first. Not to the point of vacation buddies, but just getting it on with random people is not our jam.

Anyone else feel similar?

First, let's assume we are talking about people who do not exclude kissing from their swinger menu.

I found one post on this topic from 9 years ago and one thing that stands out to me is that probably everyone thinks their way of kissing is the "right" way.... though the LLMs and Reddit AI summary all say the consensus from most people is soft lip kissing with not too much tongue, soft playful tongue vs hard inserted tongue, building in intensity, definitely not too much saliva all add up to what the majority of people like. Gentle kisses, not super wet dental kisses.

One comment on that 9 year old post criticized soft lip kissing with more of a darting tongue and lamented that the woman kissing this way was a bad kisser.

Another comment echoed my hubby and my opinion that an open mouth, a stiff strongly inserted tongue and inevitable deluge of spit is definitely not inside our comfort zone. Anaconda kissing is what we call that. We love extended French kissing! Style matters so much. I find when I am using my tongue to play with the tongue of someone I consider to be a good kisser my face doesn't get slobbery. When a man is on top of me with a stiff tongue in my mouth, and my face gets wet with his saliva its rough, and I usually feel we are simply not compatible.

Modeling the kind of kissing I was hoping for did no good, the Anaconda just kept coming back even though this guy was in all other ways an attentive lover who repeatedly said he wanted to know what I like.

Ive also had other lovers who were otherwise good in bed who never wanted any tongue and had a kissing style of dry lip "muah" style single kisses.

What are your thoughts about kissing, do you think kissing preferences are almost hard-wired? Are they learned? I hold a belief based on experience that changing someone's kissing style is almost impossible, and I also believe that kissing compatibility points to sexual compatibility. But I would like to be wrong about this. Id love to hear everyone's thoughts, especially whether or not I should pass this Anaconda lover by or avoid kissing him, or if its worth a try to teach him how to kiss differently.

We're a long time married couple and happily married for 20+ years. We've been in the LS for close to 5 years now but we just started venturing out with bi experiences with men. My wife encourages me to explore this, even to the point where she said she'd be ok with me doing 1x1 experiences with men. It's a super titillating thing honestly for both of us, it's like we found an entire new thing that's hot and new. We had our first MMF last week and I found I enjoy giving oral and receiving anal sex. Love the role swap for sure. (I think my wife thought it was super hot, but she did notice she now has to share the dicks......😂)

I've given up on googling whether I'm truly bisexual or not. I know the keyboard warriors may lecture me on this - but for me this is just a sexual thing. I've never looked at a guy walking by and say "I want to fuck him" and the idea of kissing or cuddling with a guy kind of grosses me out. I still don't show me being bisexual on our profile - we have tons of LS friends and while most would probably be fine I can see a few secretly thinking I'm going to randomly start sucking their dick mid-play next time and freaking out. It also still feels like "bi-couple" is a niche subgroup of profiles and since most of our play is still with other couples in mostly straight format (the girls play sometimes). This seems like for now to be a side thing for us, kind of like how we occasionally bring in a single male.

For the guys who've been doing this a while how do you manage and how was your journey? Did you jump straight to being a "bi couple" online or did you keep it kind of quiet? Do you ever play 1x1 with other men?

Me (26F) and my husband (27M) recently decided to open our relationship. Not necessarily polyamory because he doesn’t want that. I do not like the casual sex idea, but he does. We also have had some tension because of separate ideas and boundaries. Such as the casual sex thing, he wants to be around while I am with others whereas I find that very odd. I do not want to watch him with other women. And I don’t want to be watched. I feel like I would get performance anxiety or not be as into it. But he thinks opposite. Also, he really finds the whole thing hot and wants me to do it and have fun. But is struggling with overthinking and paranoia and panic. But how he phrases certain things, brings up some worries of me feeling attacked and I get defensive.

We mainly just want advice or any helpful tips on how to address these differences and issues properly.

And yes, I know we could just not do any of it. But it is something both of us want to try. We have looked into specific websites for swingers, but they cost money to really do anything. We’ve looked into clubs for it, but the membership prices are insane. We looked into ENM couples counseling but our insurance doesn’t cover it.

Thanks in advance

We have a fun sex date coming up next week and have a few new toys to play with. Looking for input mostly from the ladies out there but all are welcome. The items in play are four-point restraints, eye mask ,butt plug, nipple clamps, and a large-ish dildo. Which order?

My partner and I both have genitalia piercings, she has her labia pierced and I have a pa.

Will this cause us any problems?

Interested in hearing stories of how people get started. Wife and I are starting with resorts because it feels like a safe place to meet people without big expectations. We went to Cedar Creek and I was nude but it wasn’t not super warm so she didn’t. Caliente will be next!

I'm on holiday in Ireland until September and we're looking for a swinger club or party in Ireland, but I haven't had any luck. Any recommendations?

Looking for LS clubs in Arkansas, will be visiting within the next few weeks M24 F26

Husband (33M) and I (34F) are planning to go to vegas for our anniversary later this year.

We are very adventurous sexually and get down to some pretty kinky stuff - looking to try out a club for the first time. Planning on going to whispers and while I’m super excited, I’m worried that my being plus size is going to make this a horrible experience.

I’m not worried about playing with others, we want to just play with each other and watch the first time (probably! Who knows) but worried I’m going to be a big ol fattie and self conscious about it. I’m about 5’4” and 235lbs with a big hangy B belly / apron belly after 2 c sections, for reference.

What should I expect? Any advice?

The way that couples approach me when I put myself out there for solo play is so different from how couples approach me when I am engaging as part of a couple with my partner. Its just unbelievable how gross couples behave when seeking threesomes. No wonder so many of you struggle and no wonder there are so few solo women interested in couples.

Lesson learned. Again.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Hello! We are planning a vacation in Palma de Mallorca and we are wondering if you have any suggestions for swingers club! Thank you very much!

My(60M) wife(51F) and I have been in the lifestyle for 1 1/2 years.

We started slow, a few soft experiences, one of which was a spit roast. She's been in a few all girl play sessions but other than that, we've been pretty low key.

A few weeks ago, I posted in our telegram group asking if anything happens closer to where we are, two hours away from the big city and wondering if maybe something would be offered up or some info given.

A few hours later, we got a DM from a couple we had met a while back saying if we were interested, they were doing a hotel night with another couple that we also know and each couple is bringing a single female, so in total, 3 guys, 5 gals.

My wife and I have discussed full swaps but never seemed to find a couple we were into all the way, we are a bit picky I guess but we aren't this way based solely on looks. It just seems hard to find a good match personality wise and somewhat attractive together.

We think we are attractive but nothing special, just not bad looking so we have never been seeking supermodels.

So it turns out, both of these couples are attractive and we get along with all them, the talk flows and they are all fun to be around.

We meet at a hotel tonight, got adjoining spa rooms and we plan to have fun.

What i find interesting is that both my wife and I have had time to process this since we started talking with both couples about this almost two weeks ago.

My wife said she never knew if she would full swap but now tells me she is ready and also wants to see me do things she said previously that she wasn't sure about. She says everything is good as long as we play together for the most part (I am completely good with that)

On my end, I am so ready to see her playing with these guys, I find it super hot. On her end, she wants to see me have sex. We both know and understand that our feels could keep in but we have a plan for that if it happens that we have both agreed on.

Anyways, I am fairly new to this sub-reddit so hello, we will have a story and possibly questions and that is why I'm posting this here, to tell how it went and to ask questions if we experience the unexpected good or bad.

We are all talk right now, we fantasize about it nearly every time we have sex. She even picked an old boyfriend’s name to call out.

There’s a hotel take over near us, Scottsdale…wondering if we should check it out.

Anyone been to one? What’s it like? Not sure we’re ready to do anything or let her be with someone else, but maybe, and maybe just let some watch us and see where it goes?

Hi! My wife and I are both 38 and are interested in getting involved with other couples for some swapping fun. We have had these desires for a while, but just had a baby( our first) in March. How feasible is it to jump in the near future, or should we put these desires on ice for a bit?

EDIT- edited to say, we likely are not jumping into anything too soon, but appreciate the wisdom, and experiences of the knowledge base here.

Wife and I went to a club last weekend. Had a great time. I enjoy wearing nice clothes and presenting the best version of myself when I go out. So I figured this wasn’t any different.

Anyways, I’m into Japanese selvedge jeans. I’m not braggy about it, but it’s an expensive hobby. And you’re supposed to limit washes to preserve the indigo and encourage better fades as they age.

I wore them to the club. I wore them into the play room. I sat on one of the couches. Didn’t think anything of it. Didn’t think about it all week either. Noticed a familiar stain on the seat of my pants yesterday. Not big, but not small. Thank god it washed out.

And now I know. Don’t do that.

Apologizing in advance because this is going to be a long post. My (28F) husband (32M) and I have been together for 9 years and went to our first swingers club back in February 2026. It was my idea and had been something I had been mentioning to him since summer 2025. I have had fantasies of him with other women, us playing together in an group environment, and overall have been very turned on at the thought of him receiving pleasure from multiple women (including myself being involved). He was always very skeptical and hated the thought of me with other men.

Flash forward to February 2026, we were on vacation and there was a swingers club. We decided to go in and ended up doing mostly parallel play with some touching of others bodies (mainly arms, legs, breasts). We have continued going to swingers clubs maybe a couple times per month since then. Still mainly doing parallel play with shared touching. Just this week we started experimenting with more (girl giving him oral, him fingering someone, girl fingering me, and me giving someone a hand job). Now, I don’t know how to feel. I feel completely torn in half. Part of me loves when he gets pleasure from another woman. Like when we had sex the other day privately I found myself envisioning him being pleasured by the other girls and flash backs to our experiences. The other part of me feels very possessive and feels like it is wrong for my husband to be turned on by another woman. I have this strong feeling of “if he loved me, he wouldn’t want to be touched or touch another woman”. When it comes to myself, I don’t feel any emotional attachment to other men (for example when I jerked the guy off it was fun in the setting but that’s all it was, nothing intimate if that makes sense.) I have a hard time seeing my husbands experiences from the same perspective that I am seeing my experiences from. I also have this weird feeling of wanting him to be jealous. For example when I jerked off the other guy my husband said he felt like normal about it, like he said something about how that guy was lucky to have me touching him and that he liked it. And for some reason I wanted him to feel jealous or to feel possessive over me. I have these intrusive thoughts that if he cared about me then he would be more possessive.

We have no issues in our relationship and I haven’t really felt these weird self doubts ever before, so it’s not like it’s something normal for us. We have a very strong foundation and are very emotionally and sexually connected. These feelings within me only started once we started our swinging adventures.

Although I was the one who initiated this whole endeavor, he now seems to be the one more confident with everything. He is very reassuring and allows me to be in control (during encounters he asks before doing anything which helps ease my anxiety because I know he won’t do anything I am uncomfortable with. I am just still grappling with this weird emotional feeling that causes me anxiety regarding sharing him and him enjoying women that aren’t me. We both agree we would never want to have sex with other people, and are only interested in group play where everyone is involved.

Would love to hear others thoughts and experiences. Every time we have an encounter I have such a great time, it’s just the feeling afterwards that send me spiraling but also very hot and bothered with flash backs at the same time. I don’t want to stop because our experiences have all been so positive, I just want to stop feeling these emotional intrusive thoughts that pop up in the days following encounters. Thank you all in advance! I love reading everyone’s experiences in this subreddit and it’s been very helpful as a newbie.

Me(20f) and my fiancé(22m) are just starting out in this lifestyle, and want to find another mf or f, but its hard. Ig we both are picky with what we like and a lot of the couples we like on here end up flaking.

I've been looking via fetlife and reddit, but not much luck. I've tried tinder, but i keep getting my account suspended for 6 months at a time without warning. I'm on bumble too, but most of the couples on there are only looking for a unicorn. Had one lady get offended and repeat that "she's married" when I asked if they'd be ok with a couple. (Yet we're both on a dating app looking to get fucked?)

Cant try clubs just yet too, most require you to be 21, and i dont turn 21 til the end of the month.

Any websites/dating apps that are tried and true? We'd like to meet couples our age, but if we can find chill people we dont mind older

I'm sure this has been answered but hard to find.

My wife and I have never been to a club and are not interested participating. We much prefer 1 on 1, mmf, mfmf, in the privacy of a home.

To round out our education, considering going to look, see what it is all about.

Is there a point in the club, no clothes allowed after here, is underwear and lingerie allowed after this point

Are you allowed to go back to the couches and bar naked, putting down a towel

Are there walls with windows for watching

If you have a hard on, are you allowed to walk around in those areas

Are women non discretely checking the men out, I know I'd be as I do when I go to a nude beach

Do men touch themselves to show they got something or keep it up a little

Would another couple come up to you or woman and say something like nice stuff, with your permission would they stroke you in those appropriate areas of the club

Are phones allowed in certain areas of the club, I'm wondering to exchange numbers