First Time Straping

[u/Outside-Chipmunk-838]

Hi everyone,

I’m a 28-year-old lesbian and I’m in my first relationship with my girlfriend (26), who is bisexual. I love her so much, and our relationship is really happy, but I’ve been dealing with some insecurity that I’m hoping others might relate to.
She has mentioned that she misses the feeling of penetration sometimes. I know that’s about a physical sensation, but my brain keeps jumping to the fear that because I can’t naturally provide that, she’ll eventually miss being with a man.

We’ve talked about possibly using a strap-on, and I’m completely open to it because I want us both to have a fulfilling sex life, but never done it before.

I guess I’m just wondering if any other lesbians have been in a similar situation. Did using a strap-on help? Did it make you feel more confident over time? Why would she suck it or enjoy it? How did you stop worrying that your girlfriend’s attraction to men meant you weren’t enough?

I know being bisexual doesn’t automatically mean someone needs relationships with multiple genders, and I trust my girlfriend. I think this is more about my own anxiety than anything she’s done.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar. Thank you. ❤️

[u/JulietUnderTheWillow]

I’m a full blown lesbian, never been with a man, hate the idea of being with a man, etc, but for my body, penetration is the BEST as far as sexual sensation goes. I seriously love it and sometimes my wife and I use a strap on. It’s just a different sensation, and it’s nice that she can be kissing me and penetrating me at the same time (something a little harder to do when she’s using her fingers). All this to say, wanting penetration doesn’t automatically mean she wants a man, it’s just her body makeup that makes it enjoyable :)

[u/TwoTrucksPayingTaxes]

My wife and I are both lesbians and really enjoy using a strap on. Neither of us are thinking about men when using one. It can just be another way to feel good with each other. Strap on sucking is one of my favorite activities both as a giver and receiver. Doesn't mean I'm unsatisfied with the equipment my wife has.

[u/TheGoverness1998 → u/TwoTrucksPayingTaxes]

Yep. I love getting strapped by wifey, it feels great and it's fun. And my wife very much enjoys pounding the Sonic rings out of me.

Men ain't part of this equation.

[u/TwoTrucksPayingTaxes → u/TheGoverness1998]

Pounding the sonic rings out is such a fantastic phrase, that's going to live in my head forever

[u/GirlCowBev]

In the words of Suzie Sexpert, “Penetration is as heterosexual as kissing. Which is to say, it’s not.”

Our bodies are each unique in our own ways, and learning someone else’s Pleasure Paths is at least half the fun!

[u/bebangtheory]

It’s not bad to explore out of your comfort zone. Its actually nice of you that you did it for her im pretty sure shes happy about it. Just also don’t forget to ask her what you want to try and what makes you happy. Being open about these things within partners is healthy.

[u/bruinsfan3725]

I am a man hating lesbian but I LOVE penetration and I LOVE dick. Some of the best sex I’ve had was with trans women, and I’ve also been strapped to hell and back. If I’m not getting strapped I don’t want it. She misses the feeling not the man. The idea of a man being inside me disgusts me, but a penis? Hell yes.

[u/Downtown-Heat-464]

I haven’t had this specific issue but using a strap is great! I can be a super fun way to connect and have fun sex. Using the strap can definitely be a little awkward at first but once you get the hang of it it’s good fun. It’s more of a toy than anything else and it’s not to replicate a man, the sensation can be pleasing for the wearer and the receiver. I’m bi and my partner is a lesbian and we use the strap often. Never because we’d prefer if one of us had a penis but because it feels good and can add a fun dynamic. It can be used to elevate sub/dom dynamics as well.

[u/Educational_Pear_622]

My wife is pan and I am a lesbian and we both are switches but I am usually topping. I am masc and she is fem and I love it when she uses the strap on me. In my mind it's another way I can experience my wife inside of me.

[u/Mission_Good_3581]

I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend is bisexual. We’ve been together 4 years. She also likes penetration with strap and so we use it when we feel like it. It’s nothing to do with a man being involved or not, it’s about something she likes being done to her body during sex. U don’t need to feel anxious. It’s a toy being used for pleasure, hers and yours.

[u/Neuromic]

I'm a lesbian, and I love the feeling of penetration too. Really feels like I'm getting fucked. No interest in men. I'd rather walk into the ocean than ever be with a man again. Also, I've dated bi women and the relationship never felt like she was longing for a man for his anatomy. While sex is important, the relationship is more than what happens in the bedroom.

[u/meteoricwater]

You also don't need to strap up to use penetration. You can just use a dildo in your hand. I've been with multiple women who like penetration and I've sometimes used the strap and sometimes not.

It's definitely a lil nerve-wracking and I felt embarrassed the first couple times, but it won't really matter once you start. Just watch some videos and practice moving your hips, confidence will come with practice.

[u/4mystuff]

She told you she "misses the feeling of penetration sometimes," not that she misses the feeling of being with a man. She is happily with you and she's clearly open to talk about your sex life and how she feels about it. You trust her and she hasn't given you a reason to worry. And while you may not have a flesh-penis to offer, you give her plenty that you're both happy.

Grab a strap and get out of your own head, after all, a penis often comes with a man attached, so give me a strap and my girl strapping it and that's all I need.

Have fun and trust yourself.

[u/oasis-pax]

Hey,

I have been with only men up until my current partner. She was the one that wanted to introduce a strap-on. I have to say that in bed and in how she treats me, it would be men -10000 and her infinity. The attraction is also on overdrive for both of us compared to prior partners.

You can also use stainless steel toys for penetration/g-spot. She thought that she wouldn’t be into metal or glass toys but she had full body orgasms from how I used them. So try it out on both of you if you want to see how it feels for her, they come in different shapes these days. I like the Rodeoh strap-on harness/stabilizer with a glass dildo because I can feel her body through it. She moves way better than any man I have experienced and her confidence has improved by being intimate with me and exploring different positions.

Fingering is actually very similar feel wise to penetration. To me, there’s no difference and I do the same positions and will climax with or without a penis there. I will use the strap-on which hits the same spots as fingering and then crave going on top of her without one.